


(Not) The End of the World

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alien Culture, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Blood and Violence, Characters Updated as They Appear, Emotionally Repressed, Gen, Language Barrier, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Quadrant Confusion, Revolution, Self-Hatred, Tags May Change, The Author Regrets Everything, Unwilling Martyr, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2020-12-28 01:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 107,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21128606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Karkat Vantas had given up hope of ever seeing his friends again after they risked it all to get him off-world before his ninth sweep and guaranteed death sentence. Even if they could overthrow the Condesce and reform Alternian thought away from"cull mutants on sight,"he would be long dead before they could get to him.He had been so convinced that they wouldn't come for him that he had no idea how to handle it when theydid.[Loose continuation of "Don't Forget the Sun" by Weevilo707.No association.]





	1. It's Time

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Don't Forget the Sun](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4121041) by [Weevilo707](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weevilo707/pseuds/Weevilo707). 
**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So this is what you meant_   
_when you said that you were spent._   
_And now it's time to build_   
_from the bottom of the pit, right to the top._   
_Don't hold back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **DISCLAIMER:** As it says in the summary, I am continuing a fanfic that is _NOT MINE._ I did try asking Weevilo for permission over Tumblr, but did not get a response. I'm posting this anyway because I'm passionate about it. I love Dave and Karkat, and the original fic, _"Don't Forget the Sun,"_ is my favorite Homestuck fic ever. I've wanted to write my own continuation for two years now, since Weevilo stopped writing for Homestuck. That being said, if Weevilo ever feels the need to ask me to take this down, I will, of course, do so _IMMEDIATELY._ I considered "gifting" this fic, to Weevilo, but it seemed weird to do that for someone I've never spoken to. But, again, if I'm asked, I will make the necessary changes. 
> 
> If you haven't read _"Don't Forget the Sun,"_ which you definitely should, it's essentially a no game AU where Karkat is sent off-world by his friends to survive being culled for being a mutant when he reaches adulthood. Dave finds his crashed ship and takes Karkat in, which results in them learning to work around the language barrier and lots of quadrant/sexuality confusion.
> 
> Anyway, it's really good. I highly suggest reading it before this, but this "continuation" is probably understandable on its own if you understand the premise. If you happen upon something that you don't understand, well, maybe you should have read the original fic first.

Karkat Vantas woke to the sleeping mat shaking. 

Wait, scratch that. As he raised his head and blinked blearily around, it became painfully fucking _ obvious _ that it wasn't just the bed that was shaking. Everything was. Sleep still tinged his thoughts, leaving everything fuzzy and not nearly as alarming as it should be. It felt like he had only been asleep for a few hours, so why was everything so _ bright _ and _ loud_?

The lamp on Dave's desk tettered alarmingly close to the edge. With one final quiver of the human hive, it fell off and the glass bulb shattered over the carpet. 

The sound jarred Karkat out of his calm. Thoughts of routine drone flights were long gone as he remembered that he wasn't on Alternia and whatever was happening was _ not _ normal for Earth. He scrambled off of the sleep mat, tangling his legs in the blanket in the process. He'd been getting better at sleeping the "human way" recently, even laying vertically at eye-level to Dave despite how _ mind-numbingly pale _that sort of position was, but in his panic had apparently forgotten how blankets worked. 

He clawed at it with a frustrated snarl, easily shredding the fabric square. Adrenaline was pounding and all Karkat could think was that he _ needed to be on his feet already _and _oh god, where was his sickle?_

"Hey." Dave's voice snapped him from his frenzy in a way that should have been paler than it was. The quadrant confusion was shoved aside long enough for Karkat to lift his head. "I'm as freaked as you are, dude, but can you not use those fucking raptor claws on my personal property? Not that I mind losing a blanket, that thing's scratchy as fuck anyway, but we don't need to make this a habit." 

Karkat blinked. Everything was still shaking, more violently than before. Somehow, Dave had climbed out of bed without disturbing Karkat because he was already on his feet and standing by the window. The blinds were closed, but his slender fingers were pulling them open to let in a blindingly bright white glow. Framed against the light, Karkat couldn't tell if Dave was worried or scared; if he was trembling because of the shaking or because he was terrified. He had his shades on, voice kept carefully monotonous, so Karkat couldn't tell. He crushed the inappropriate desire to ask. 

Instead, he squinted up at the silhouette of his friend, still on the ground and covered in blanket tatters. "What?" He asked eloquently. 

Dave swallowed hard. Definitely the "terrified" option, then, though his expression didn't so much as twitch. "Forget it. I think you should come over here and see this." 

Carefully, bloodpusher pounding, Karkat pushed himself up onto unsteady legs. He didn’t bother putting his shades on, knowing that they wouldn’t have done much against the discomfort. Even Dave, diurnal and used to the light of his sun, wasn’t having an easy time looking outside. 

He crossed the few steps to Dave's window, wincing against the brightness as he peered out to what _ should _ have been generic human desert scenery. Instead, there was a formless, rounded mass practically radiating light. Even without being able to see many details, Karkat knew immediately that was a spaceship. And a powerful, large one if the roar of its engines was enough to shake Dave’s hive and the floodlights were practically blinding. 

For a moment, Karkat forgot how to breathe. “Spaceship,” he managed, choking on his tongue. 

“Yeah. Pretty fucking obvious,” Dave muttered. He sounded just as shaken as Karkat was, despite the snappy word choice. He turned away from the window and the blinds snapped back into place, not that it lessened the brightness level of the room at all. “Is it…?” Dave gestured toward the light, a clusterfuck of so many emotions on his face that Karkat couldn’t even begin to list them all. “Is it, y’know. Your planet? Your species? Do you think, maybe?” 

It took Karkat a moment to quell the urge to laugh or cry or both. He was glad that the hive was shaking so that Dave didn’t have to see that _ he _was. “Hope not,” Karkat hissed, voice cracking. 

He knew it. They had finally come for him. No one ever escaped the Condesce, not really. She had probably found out about what his friends had done and slaughtered all of them as an example. She would finish the job with him, not because he was worth it, but because _ no one _ was allowed to crawl out from beneath her boot. 

Just as Karkat had finally started to believe that he could have _some _sort of life again, his death sentence arrived in full force. It was over. He could only hope she would be merciful and make it quick. 

But Dave…

There were red-tinted tears in his eyes, Karkat knew. He could tell just by the stricken way that Dave was looking at him. If all of his other friends were already dead (_Terezi, Sollux, Kanaya, Gamzee, fuck fuck fuck, don’t think about it, don’t—_) and Karkat had a target on his back, then there was no reason that Dave needed to die as well. The Condesce would probably conquer their world, but if the humans were good, she wouldn’t slaughter their entire race. She might see some value in the planet and keep it as a penal colony or labor camp.

It wasn’t much of a life — barely a life at all — but it was still _something_. And, goddamnit, if that was all that he was going to be able to give Dave, he would settle for it. It was more than Karkat would be getting. 

He lurched into motion, startling Dave in the process, and clutched the human by the sides of his face. Karkat had never been so forwardly physical before and it made Dave immediately freeze. Eyes blown wide, mere shadows behind his shades, he stayed still and focused as Karkat struggled to get out his intention with his limited vocabulary. 

“You stay here,” he ground out. “Be… _good_.” Fuck, it pained Karkat to say that. Like Dave was some sort of animal. “I’m going outside. I have to give myself up. You'll be safe if you keep quiet here and obey.” 

That was the only advice that Karkat could give. The Condesce had hundreds of planets under her thumb. She either controlled or destroyed. There would be no compromise or stopping her. And Karkat couldn’t give himself up, no matter how much easier it would be in the end, until he knew that Dave understood that — that he would at least _ try _to keep himself alive and taken care of. 

He was all that Karkat had left to hope for. 

As soon as he finished though, Dave was shaking his head. Karkat had to resist the urge to growl and repeat himself until the message sank into Dave’s_ thick fucking skull_. They didn’t have the time for that. “What? No way, dude. You’ve gotta be fucking crazy if you think I’m letting you give yourself up to the alien overlords. We’ll— we can think of something, fuck. We can hide you and kiss their butt flaps until they leave but I’m _not_ letting anyone drag you off to a government facility or giant fucking disco ball to kill you. You’re _ staying_, alright?”

All that Karkat really gathered was the beginning and the end of that little spiel, but it was enough for him to understand that Dave's answer was "no." He could hear the ship's engines slowing to a quieter whir, which meant that they were landing and preparing to disembark. He was a little amazed that the Condesce hadn’t just burnt the entire area to the ground as soon as she knew where he was, but hey, maybe she wanted to do it with her own hands. String him up and gut him and make a real fucking show out of it. 

Frustratingly, Karkat still didn’t have the words to explain to Dave just how bad their situation was and how few options there were. He had lived eight sweeps of his life understanding and accepting that he would one day end up as a bright-red puddle. He refused to accept the same thing for Dave. 

His reply was cut off when the door to Dave’s block was slammed open. Karkat stiffened and snarled, removing his hands from his friend only because he didn’t want his claws digging into Dave and drawing blood. If the Condesce saw that they bled bright red, there was no hope. 

Instead of any threshecutioners or archeradicators or laughsassins or ruffiannihilators or drones or, fuck, even Her Imperious Condescension herself, Dave’s guardian was standing in the doorway with a sword drawn and his expression tight. Karkat had never been relieved to see Bro before, but _ goddamn_, if it wasn’t chalking up to be one of _ those days_. 

“Dave,” he said plainly, with a tone that made Karkat recoil. “We’ve got something of a massive fucking problem on our hands.”

That earned him a scoff. “What, you mean the alien warlords parking in our backyard or are you talking about some celebrity no one gives a shit about wearing the same dress twice? I mean, _ no shit _we’ve got a fucking problem here!” Dave snapped, gesturing wildly at the window. 

He kept using angry words, but Karkat had never seen Dave so upset before. He blinked back his own threatening tears and had to resist the urge to shush Dave. It _so _wasn’t the time. 

Bro pressed his lips into a thin line, the only indication he gave that he had heard Dave at all. “Yeah,” he agreed almost hollowly. “We don’t exactly have a protocol for alien invasions.” He glanced at Karkat. “What’s he think we should do?”

Pretty certain that Bro would agree to the “hand over Karkat to the world conquerers and carry on with your lives under Alternian rule” plan, Karkat opened his mouth to suggest just that. However, Dave must have known exactly what he was going to say, because he slapped a hand over Karkat’s mouth and said, irritably, “He wants to hand himself over.”

A pause. Bro’s expression didn’t change. “That a fact?” 

Karkat wasn’t sure if that was approval or not, but Dave must have taken it as such because he exploded. “If we give him up, all they’re going to do is kill him! I’m not letting that happen, Bro! I’ll—” His expression steeled itself. “I’ll fight you on this if I have to.”

Considering the fact that he wasn’t holding a weapon and Bro was much more skilled in a fight than either of them could ever be, Karkat was tempted to tell Dave how unreasonable he was being. They were wasting precious time with their petty argument!

He might have said as much. But then, outside, the engine cut off. 

The sudden silence drew a whimper from Karkat. He moved closer to Dave, unconsciously grabbing the human by the arm. He was trying not to dig his claws in too hard but probably didn’t do a very good job. The sleeve of Dave’s shirt tore and caused him to wince, though he didn’t try to pull away. 

“Karkat—” He started, only to be cut off. 

“_Shut the fuck up,_” Karkat hissed in his own language. He hadn’t used Alternian in a while. The harsh, inhuman sound had the intended effect. Dave snapped his jaw shut, holding his breath as he finally began to hear what had Karkat ready to break down. 

Footsteps. Voices. _ Oh, he was fucked. _

They were too far away for Karkat to make out the words being said but that was going to change very quickly. He recognized that they were speaking Alternian and the sound of someone besides himself using his language brought a fresh wave of tears to his eyes. At least when he was sentenced to death, it would be with words that he understood.

“My language,” he muttered fervently to Dave. “I— they— here for _ me_.” To kill him. To make him pay for his insolence. He squeezed his eyes shut, lips parting around a hitching sob. Why had he expected his life to end any other way?

Dave made a strangled noise. He didn’t try to comfort Karkat, which was a relief. “_Bro_. What do we do? Fuck, what do we _ do_? You don’t have an underground bunker in the desert we can squat in for a few months? You don’t have any convoluted, totally impractical contingency plan for something like this? I thought that was the sort of ridiculously and needlessly complex shit that you got off on!”

“I’ve got better things to do than sit around dreaming of plans to keep your alien bug boyfriend safe, Dave,” Bro said in the closest thing to a shout Karkat had ever heard from him. “There’s no bunker in the desert, there’s just here and now. So you can either grab a proper fucking sword instead of the cheap shit we use in strifes and help me send some heads rolling, or you can stay here and cry like a bitch instead of doing anything useful. What’ll it be, Dave? I didn't think that I raised a _coward_.”

Karkat had no idea what any of that meant — he was much better at English than when he first arrived, it was just that they were talking so fast and using convoluted words and long sentences and ridiculous metaphors — but it seemed to make sense to Dave. He felt the human go absolutely rigid against him, then let out a controlled breath. “Yeah. I know, Bro.” He reached over, placing a hand over the one Karkat still had on his arm. There was a faint squeeze before Dave dropped his hand. “Can I just…? With Karkat?” 

The sound of his name made him look up, startled briefly from his mindless panic. He looked between Dave and Bro with confusion. Some sort of conclusion had been reached but Karkat had no idea what. 

Bro made a noise of irritation. “You’ve got fifteen seconds, Dave. After that, I don’t think we’ll have much of a choice.” And just like that, he was gone. Assumedly having gone to the front room of the house to await their “guests.” 

As soon as they were alone, Dave turned to face him. Karkat didn’t let go of his hold on the human’s arm. If anything, he only tightened it. He had a horrible, sinking feeling that he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear. Anything but a “goodbye.” He could handle anything aside from that. 

“We’re going to fight them,” was all Dave said. He didn’t elaborate, searching Karkat’s face for… something. 

And as terrifying as it was, Karkat knew that he was going to be dead anyway. He was an awful fighter, but better to be cut down quickly than tortured by the Condesce. He knew that there was nothing that he could do or say to stop Dave, so at least when they died, it would be together. 

Which was an awful, pale thing for Karkat to think. Awful, because despite the need to pap Dave until that concern melted from his face, all Karkat wanted to do was kiss him. 

He ended up doing neither. 

“I’ll join,” Karkat replied after a moment’s pause. He wanted to say more — so much more — but even if he’d had the words for all that he was feeling, he wouldn’t have had the courage to voice it. Besides, it was probably better that Dave never know the very non-platonic feelings that Karkat harbored for him. 

He got a smile from Dave for his statement, though it was a sad, strained thing. “Figured you’d say that. Grab your sickle. I’ll keep you safe, Karkat. I promised, didn’t I?” 

And yeah, he had. So many times that Karkat didn’t need a repeat, no matter how much he wanted to ask for the reassurance. He peeled his hands away from Dave, slowly, as though the human might up and vanish as soon as they were no longer touching. 

Without any of Karkat’s hesitation, Dave was already over at the closet. He dug Karkat’s sickle out and, further back, removed a long, narrow sword sheathe that Karkat had never seen before even after practically claiming that space for himself when he first arrived. It was plain and unassuming, so he must have simply overlooked it.

Pressing the sickle into Karkat’s hands, Dave drew his sword. It didn’t look any different from the others lying all over the apartment, but when he slashed the air with it, the blade practically _ sang_. And Dave was going to kill a troll with that. Or try to, anyway. 

Karkat wondered what colors would be splattered over the front porch by sunrise. 

Nothing more was said. Dave took Karkat by the wrist, tugging him out of the block and into the main area of the hive. It was a good thing that he had because Karkat had forgotten how his legs were supposed to work. Hopefully, he would remember before the door was broken down and he was either culled on the spot or dragged off kicking and screaming. 

Bro was already there by the front door, legs bent and sword poised in front of him. He didn’t spare either of them a glance when they walked in. Based on the look on his face, he wasn’t very happy with their current situation. But he wasn’t as stupid or suicidal as Dave, apparently, because even if protecting Karkat wasn’t ideal for Bro, he seemed to understand that the aliens couldn’t be after anything good. 

Dave dropped Karkat’s wrist, steadying his grip on his sword hilt. 

The voices drew closer, muted words that Karkat strained to hear over heavy footsteps. 

They were out of time.

Everything stopped. Karkat could _ hear them_, just beyond the few inches of wood that made up that door. The footsteps had paused but the whispering didn’t. He squeezed his eyes shut, struggling not to let himself cry. Why were they dragging it out? To torture him?

There was a knock on the door. An actual fucking _ knock_. 

Hesitant and terrified and worried and trying _ way too fucking hard to sound pissed_, came the words, “I swear to _ fuck_, KK, if you’re not being held captive in there you’d better come out _ right fucking now _ before I beat the door down! I did not spend all that damn time on the ship just to terrorize the locals!”

For a second, Karkat did nothing at all. Doubts in the back of his mind whispered that it could be a trap or a voice recording and that as soon as he opened the door a drone would take his head off. But why would a drone bother with the pretense? The sound of Sollux’s nasally voice, long after Karkat had convinced himself that he would never hear it again, nearly sent him to his knees. 

So he did what Sollux ordered him to and swung the door open. 

A few things registered — Dave reaching to stop him, Bro’s hissed curse, several trolls, a set of twin pointed horns, _ holy shit was that Kanaya? _ — but then none of it mattered. Karkat had only a split-second before he suddenly had an armful of Sollux’s bony frame and a faceful of Terezi’s unkempt hair. 

He went down hard, spilled out over the threshold of Dave’s hive as two of his closest friends practically squeezed the breath out of him and rendered their arrival moot. 

Holy shit. Fucking hell. He had to be dreaming.

One of Terezi’s horns caught him in the cheek, drawing a reflex yelp of pain and a warning growl from his throat. No, definitely not a dream. She was only that irritating in real life.

“Sollux? Terezi?” Karkat wheezed. The sound of his voice did something funny for them. He felt Sollux shake with near-silent laughter (definitely not tears, Karkat tried to convince himself) and Terezi squeezed him tighter. “What…? How are you both _ here_?” 

They didn’t give him an answer. A shadow loomed over their pile of tangled limbs and short horns. Dave, looking like he was trying very hard to cover up an impending breakdown, peered down at Karkat. He had set the sword down somewhere, thank fuck. That was probably a smart choice. 

“Hey, Karkat?” Dave began, not noticing or not caring about the way that Sollux and Terezi both went rigid at the sound of his alien language. “What, uh… what’s going on? Mind filling me in? In English, preferably.” 

Yeah. That seemed fair. Karkat nodded absently but made no move to get up. “Yes,” he agreed, just to reassure Dave that he hadn’t been forgotten. “In a few minutes, please?” He hoped that he didn’t have to elaborate on why he wanted alone time. Sollux and Terezi had sat up by that point, but Karkat very much doubted that they were going anywhere. He had a lot to answer for if the looks of surprise on their faces meant anything. Learning an alien language was nothing to scoff at, especially when humans sounded so vastly different. 

Thankfully, Dave seemed to understand. His expression softened in a way that was only noticeable because Karkat had been looking for it. “Yeah, sure. Take as long as you need, Karkat.” He shot the other trolls a look and added, “Just be safe.” He stepped back, shutting the door behind him gently. 

As soon as they were alone, Terezi grabbed him by the sides of the face and gave him a nice, long lick. Karkat squawked indignantly, flailing about as he attempted to shove her off. It didn't go as well as he would have liked. 

"Terezi, what the _ fuck_? Of all the vastly inappropriate and _ unnecessary _ways to greet somebody you haven't seen in fuck knows how long, shoving your mouthmuscle up—" It felt so good to be talking in Alternian again that Karkat didn't notice Terezi was moving until she cut him off. Thankfully, she didn't shush him, instead placing a hand over his mouth. 

"Two sweeps," she muttered and his eyes grew wide. "It's been almost two sweeps since you left. You fucking _ idiot_." Terezi threw her arms around him, crushing Karkat close, and

And, wow. That was certainly something. Probably something flushed if the way she held him meant anything. They had never settled into a quadrant on Alternia but if they had _ two fucking sweeps _ apart, had she finally figured out how she felt? Or, had it reinforced, Karkat supposed, because _ he _was the asshole who kept vacillating. 

Holy shit, did she _ seriously _ still feel that way about him when they hadn't seen each other in near _ sweeps_? That was the only plausible explanation. Terezi Pyrope didn't hug casually. Karkat wasn't even sure why he was allowing it, because

Because Dave was still _ very much _a thing. And so were Karkat's knotted feelings for him. Some of which, he was sure, were red if the desire to brush Dave's bangs back and kiss him sometimes meant anything. So he shouldn't be letting another potential quadrant partner hug him, even if it was stupid because his chances with Dave were approximately zero and they weren't in a quadrant anyway and trying to seduce an alien who'd saved his life was probably tacky. 

But it just felt really fucking good to be hugging someone. Someone who ran colder than him for a change. Without all that delicate human skin to make Karkat have to tread carefully. Who happened to be one of Karkat's nearest and dearest friends and someone he had missed very much. 

He wrapped his arms around Terezi in turn, holding her loosely. Sollux seemed to have finally forced himself to calm down and looked rightfully embarrassed with the whole "let's make Karkat think the Condesce has come for his worthless ass and then tackle hug him" stunt. 

Despite whatever complex mess of pale and black that had been _their _friendship, Sollux was smiling. Fuck, Karkat had missed him _so much _that it was hard to breathe. 

He started to say something, just wanting to speak, but the last troll of their group walked forward and crouched down and Karkat nearly choked. He had been right before, then. It was _ Kanaya_, looking as elegant as always in standard space travel attire and trying very hard not to cry by forcing a smile instead. 

"Hello again, Karkat," she said in her smooth voice. The familiar ring of it made Karkat's bloodpusher twist in his chest. "Long time no see, yes?"

Caught off guard, Karkat laughed sharply. “I can’t believe I missed you assholes,” he said, his voice strained and wobbling and, yeah, those were definitely tears in his eyes. He was grateful that Kanaya didn’t try to console him. That would have only earned a negative reaction and Karkat did _ not _ need to explain at the moment why he was so against being hit on in all quadrants. “How are you all here? Uh, _ alive_? And doing well, apparently.” 

The three of them shared a look. It must have been a hell of a story because no one scrambled to answer him. Although, Terezi did seem to finally get that the hug was going on for too long when they weren’t even in a quadrant so she shifted back. 

“We promised that we would come for you,” was all Kanaya said after a moment and, yeah. Yeah, that was certainly the sort of excessive amount of caring that made Karkat choke as though he’d been punched in the gut. 

Sollux snorted, punching him in the shoulder. “Don’t be so fucking overdramatic, KK. Did you think we’d go through all that trouble to get you off of Alternia in the first place if we were planning to forget about you as soon as you were gone?” He shook his head. “I swear, you get some sort of bulge-fondling pleasure from hating yourself this much. It’s on levels so pathetic that pale porn can’t begin to emulate it.” 

Wow. Karkat hadn’t realized how much he’d missed innuendo relating to his own genitalia and romantic system. 

Still, he didn’t laugh. His face creased into a frown as he looked carefully at his three friends, each in turn. They looked… so fucking happy to see him. So relieved. Strung-out, like they’d been preparing for a corpse or worse. But they were _ there_, all of them very much real, and very much having dragged their sorry asses all the way to the edge of the Empire for _him_. 

“I thought…” Karkat squirmed. “I assumed that you would all go on with your own lives once you reached maturity and… leave me in whatever sewer of a planet I fell ass-backward into. I didn’t think that I was… going to be nearly as important after a sweep or two away.”

Maybe Sollux had a point about Karkat being so fucking pitiable. There _ had _to be a reason that half of his friend group was angling for one of his quadrants. 

Thankfully, he was saved from having to deal with their reactions to that when the door to Dave’s hive was yanked open again. His friends immediately tensed, going for weapons as the telltale hum of Sollux’s psionics started up. He wasn’t sparking yet but Karkat was _ very _worried for Dave’s safety when they did.

Before he could snap at them all to calm the fuck down, Dave was kneeling down next to him. Considering that Karkat had nearly toppled over when the door he had been using as a back support was moved out of the way, he appreciated the pale, human hand on his shoulder to steady him. 

“Karkat, dude, not to interrupt whatever alien feelings orgy you’re no doubt having in here but, uh—” He cut himself off, seeing to realize that he’d lost Karkat somewhere in there. However long Karkat had been living with Dave, it was not enough to make him understand the very human concepts he often spoke with. “Come see this,” was all he said, tugging pointedly to get Karkat to stand. 

He let himself be led into the mainblock. It looked like Dave’s Bro was gone, which was probably for the best. Not to doubt his friends, but there was no way they would hold that guy off for very long. 

The ceiling lights were all still off, but the television was on, casting the room in a flickering blue-tinted glow. The images playing on the screen just looked like a series of humans talking to Karkat. No one that he recognized or cared about, unsurprisingly. He recognized the news though and, unlike when he first picked up the habit of watching Earth TV, he could understand what they were talking about. 

It didn’t take a long time to pick up that this was _very fucking bad,_ though the live footage of the giant spaceship parked in Dave’s backyard certainly drove that point home. Karkat hadn’t noticed any human flying devices with cameras outside, but then again, the ship was pretty damn loud and he was sort of distracted. 

“I think you’ve been found out, dude,” Dave said with a sort of light-heartedness that was so clearly faked. He cleared his throat. “What do you wanna do about it? I don’t think hiding in the attic or my closet is gonna work with three other chucklefucks crammed in there.” 

Yeah, that was a good point. Karkat hadn’t even thought about what a fucking spectacle his friends were making by landing their ship there. Had it been Alternian airspace, they would have been knocked out of the fucking sky before they could even breach the atmosphere. What had they been _ thinking? _

He snarled in frustration. “I don’t know, start with killing them for this?” He snapped at Dave, resisting the urge to tug his hair. There was no reason to be cliché about his frustration.

That made Dave smile, which was absolutely not making Karkat’s bloodpusher do flips because he had so many more important things to be worrying about than his pan-rotted feelings for some hornless alien. “Good start,” he joked, “but it’s not gonna really get the U.S. government off your ass. Like, don’t get me wrong, Earth’s pretty great but my country isn’t really known for subtlety.” He cocked his head thoughtfully. “Actually, you know what? This is probably a tame reaction. At least no one’s launched the fucking nukes yet.” 

“_Dave_,” Karkat said irritably. “This is a _ problem_. It’s your planet. Fix it!” 

His eyebrows shot up above his shades — a pretty comical sight, maybe, if it weren’t for their current situation. “Oh, yeah, dude, lemme get right on that. Uh, hello, Mr. President?” He mimed speaking into a palmhusk. “This is your close friend and personal confidant, Dave motherfucking Strider. You know that alien ship that may or may not be interested in wiping out humanity and using the leftover rock of our planet for chemical processing or some freaky alien shit for all you know? You mind _ not _blowing it out of the sky or even trying to get in contact with it, actually? I know that first contact is pretty damn exciting but hey, I’m sure there will be other chances, don’t get your panties in a wad, Mr. President, sir.” 

Fuck, Karkat wanted to laugh. He scowled, snapping his teeth instead of doing something stupid like punching Dave in the arm. Their current distance was fine as it was. "Then what do we do?"

He didn’t get an answer from the human, which was fine. Apparently, his friends had gotten over their trepidation of alien hives by that point because Terezi stuck her head inside. He couldn’t see her lower body from his angle, but easily pictured the death-grip she must have on her sword. 

“Karkat?” She stepped further inside, grinning. Had he not known her for so long, he wouldn’t have been able to see the unease flashing behind her tightly clenched teeth. The fact that he could still read her expressions nearly punched the air from his lungs. Again. “I didn’t picture you as the type to make friends with an alien! Is it intelligent?” 

Teasingly, Karkat almost answered with “that’s debatable,” but held his tongue. There wasn’t much point in making fun of Dave if he didn’t understand that the conversation was about him. “Yes, fairly intelligent,” he said instead, nodding. “They haven’t advanced as far as the Alternian Empire, in terms of scientific achievements, obviously. As far as I can tell, they’ve never had contact with alien life before.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “Which means that you shouldn’t have just landed without surveying the planet first! They _ do _have explosives, both inside and outside of movies!” 

If Terezi cared about any of that, she didn’t comment. She tilted her head toward Dave, who had stirred at the sound of his name, even if it came with Karkat’s clipped chirps and humming. Great, now he knew they were talking about him. 

Sollux had walked in behind Terezi, followed by Kanaya. He was eyeing the television, probably try to figure out how advanced it was compared to theirs, whereas Kanaya seemed to be soaking in the architecture. Or perhaps she was just wondering how the hell that brown stain had gotten on the ceiling. 

It was so bizarre to see his friends in the homey setting of Dave’s hive. It was like he had cut them out from another photo and stuck them in — they didn’t fit the scene at all.

“Its name is _ Dave_?” Terezi drew the name out slowly like she was having trouble with it. And, yeah, Karkat couldn’t exactly blame her for it. He had taken a while to get Dave’s name down, too. He tried not to be too upset with her calling Dave an “it,” either. He’d done that at first as well, just… in his head. It felt different to hear it out loud. 

Karkat had been an “it,” once. He didn’t want Dave to deal with that too. 

He definitely had Dave’s attention by that point, mirror shades reflecting Karkat’s stricken expression as the human faced him. The sharp, downward tug at the bottom corners of his lips did something funny to Karkat. Like he couldn’t tell if he wanted to smooth that frown away in between shushes or kiss it until Dave couldn’t help but smile instead. Not that it mattered, because Karkat would not be doing either of those things. 

“Dave,” Karkat repeated with an affirming nod. He’d said their names for the human before, but only once, and that was a while ago. He doubted that the names had been remembered. He gestured to her, switching to English for Dave’s benefit. “Terezi. Remember, my book? She is one of my friends.” He mimed opening a book the way he had seen Dave do a few times before. It had been a while since he’d shown off Nepeta’s parting gift for the first time, but he was hoping that Dave still remembered and would recognize his friends. 

That seemed to help it click, thank fuck. Dave relaxed, losing the “on the verge of attack” stance to send Terezi a curious look. “Cool,” he said after a moment, quirking an eyebrow as he smiled. “If we didn’t have the government about ten seconds from blowing up everything in a twenty-mile radius, I’d say that I’m… really happy for you, Karkat. I know how much you missed your friends.” 

And he did seem happy. Not jealous or downtrodden or untrusting. Dave was just really, genuinely pleased that Karkat was getting something that he had agonized over since his first day in Dave’s hive. The realization made Karkat’s bloodpusher squeeze and his squeal pipette tighten. Damn, he had it bad, didn’t he?

He started to reply, but Terezi was apparently abandoning all pretenses of hesitation because she was suddenly right up in Dave’s face. She hadn’t licked him yet, thank god, but she was sniffing an awful lot. “Uh…” Dave made an uncomfortable sound as Terezi set her hands on top of his head, apparently feeling for horns. Through the unease, he let out a huff of laughter. “Pretty sure that drowning in alien pussy is the American dream, but I think I’ll pass, T. No offense to you, there’s just a bunch of other shit on my plate and between the heaping pile of “what the fuck” and a sizeable serving of “fearing for my life,” I can’t squeeze in “interspecies sloppy make-outs” without shit touching, and damn, that’s nasty as fuck. Just about the saddest thing I ever heard,” he babbled away. 

Despite himself, Karkat snorted, muffling a laugh. The combination of terrified, curious, intrigued, and worried on Dave’s face was pretty goddamn comical. “She’s blind,” he explained. “And also very obnoxious. She’s “looking” at you—” air quotes included, of course “—but she won’t hurt you. Be still.” 

Taken aback at first by the word “blind,” Dave nonetheless nodded and calmed down some. He still didn’t seem too pleased about being touched but was mostly amused.

On the television, footage of the starship outside was being displayed again. Sollux, who was watching it, didn’t understand English but was smart enough to get the gist. Ignoring Terezi and the alien she was content to poke and prod, he walked over to Karkat. “You speak their language pretty well, KK,” he remarked, almost sounding… impressed? Uh. Okay. That was new. “They don’t want to attack, do they? The crew we left on board isn’t going to take that up the spinal crevice like a bunch of wigglers. And I’d really prefer to avoid a war right now.” 

Karkat glanced at the screen but shook his head. “No. They’re a fairly non-aggressive species. Right now I think they want to try and make contact. Probably at gunpoint, but, uh…” It was still far kinder than any sort of welcoming party that would have been waiting on Alternia. 

Somehow, that upset Sollux. His expression tightened and he shot a look over his shoulder at Dave. “We need to talk,” he said finally. “There’s a lot you’ve missed, KK. A bunch of shit’s changed. I just don’t want you to flip your fucking shit by dumping it on you all at once. So do you think you can manage to keep your ass calm back on the ship?”

He stiffened at the thought. “We’re leaving? _ Now_?” He didn’t understand why he wasn’t excited. Hadn’t he dreamed about going back to Alternia every day since he left? Bitched and moaned and worked himself into a frenzy over how badly he wanted to be home? He shouldn’t have been surprised either though, yet there he was. Being fucking shocked because his friends wanted to do what they had told him they were going to do. 

To his relief, Sollux shook his head. “No, it’s… not really safe on Alternia for you yet,” he admitted. “We were going to hang around on the ship for a while, until FF gives the okay from homeworld. But if we can stay here without getting shot at, that’d work out way better. It might be beneficial, actually. We’re having trouble convincing the colonies that Alternia doesn’t want to enslave or kill them all anymore, so this planet might be good for diplomacy practice.” He cringed a little. “Obviously, our group of fuckheads isn’t very good at that.” 

Stunned, all Karkat did was blink. He had so many questions, but after a moment he settled on, “We really do need to talk.” He took in Sollux’s unkempt appearance, only then noticing his friend’s matted hair, the bags under his eyes, and the weariness hidden behind his enthusiasm. Then Karkat’s eyes flicked downward and his breath caught. 

All trolls who went into space, for whatever reason they were servicing the expansion of the Empire, wore a uniform that designated blood color and rank. Sollux was clearly marked as a helmsman, which was… worrying, but that wasn’t what had Karkat panicking. He was fairly certain that _ his symbol _was not a part of the Alternian Empire’s uniform but there it was all the same, a silver pin stuck right over Sollux’s bloodpusher. 

Confused, there was a moment where Sollux said nothing and stared at Karkat. Then his gaze dropped down, fixing on the offending pin, and his mouth opened into a small, comical “o.” 

“What…” Karkat muttered, far calmer than he felt, “...is _ that_?” 

It was a rare thing to make Sollux uneasy. Karkat wished that he was able to enjoy it. “Like I said, a lot of shit happened, KK. We’ve been busy. Look, can we talk about this on the ship? Not that I don’t trust your hornless blockmate or anything, but I’d prefer to talk about this somewhere… safe,” he insisted. 

Karkat almost argued that he was perfectly safe in Dave’s hive, but stopped himself at the last moment. Even to him, that sounded ridiculous. The hive had no security measures and paper-thin walls and no real value to him. As silly as it was, though, it felt like more of a hive than where he lived on Alternia ever had been. There was no paranoia with his neighbors discovering his blood color and turning him in, no constantly checking the skies for culling drones, and Dave—

The human was more of a home than the stupid hive, as much as Karkat loathed to admit it. He was past denying whatever-the-fuck he was feeling for Dave. It was a fact that Karkat was incapable of keeping his quadrants separate and neat and, apparently, it applied to aliens too. Okay. Fine. He had accepted that and also, that Dave could never know how he felt because he would probably hate Karkat for it or, at the very least, be pretty thoroughly disgusted. Why wouldn’t he be? But that didn’t change the fact that Dave was still really important to Karkat. And if he was going back to Alternia (he had to keep reminding himself that that was a good thing) then he was going to selfishly hog the rest of the limited time that he had with Dave. 

As far as Karkat was concerned, he was already a useless piece of shit, so why deny that any more than he denied his crush on Dave? They would probably never see each other again anyway, which was… Yeah. Certainly a thought that he was going to do his best to not think about. 

He pursed his lips. “Fine,” Karkat agreed. He waited for Sollux to start saying something and then added, “But if we’re staying on this planet, I want to bring Dave with me.”

* * *

So there were aliens on his doorstep. Yeah. That was cool. And definitely a real thing that was happening and not a bizarre fever dream. He nudged Karkat’s dropped sickle away from the door when he shut it behind the alien reunion just… happening in his front yard.

It wasn’t like Dave hadn’t expected something like that. Okay, well, he hadn’t, actually, but he’d entertained the thought before. Usually with a feeling of happiness for Karkat and something less pleasant that felt a bit like jealousy and fear. He ignored that part of his feelings as well as he possibly could and tried to picture the drawings of aliens Karkat had shown him a while back as real people. People who cared about Karkat a hell of a lot and would probably come back for him, if they had any sense. 

Had it been Dave, he wondered if he would have been able to let Karkat go like that. And standing in his entryway, staring blankly at the closed front door, he wondered if that even mattered. It didn’t seem like he would be getting a choice. There was no way Karkat would choose to stay in a shitty house on a planet full of people he had to hide from over… 

Over the only thing that the little guy ever seemed to care about: his friends. 

It was just that, after about two and a half years living with him, Dave wasn’t sure how easy it would be to let go and… move on. After all that they had been through together. _ Two and a half years_, he’d had Karkat in his home. The guy was practically fluent in English by then and had finally seemed to be able to grasp Dave’s long-winded metaphors at least half of the time. If he didn’t speak too quickly. 

Wow. Two and a half years. Maybe the time should have surprised Dave more than it did, but it felt sort of… right? Kinda. In a way, it almost felt like he’d never _ not _had Karkat around. Like everything before Karkat was a tiny fraction of his life, blurry and viewed through someone else’s eyes, and everything after was so much more important. 

That was pretty fucking gay, Dave had to admit. But, hey, what Rose didn’t know, she couldn’t psycho-analyze. 

He ducked just in time to avoid a smuppet to the side of the face, hand snapping up a second after to catch the remote that Bro chucked in his direction. At some point, the fucker had moved away from the door and turned the TV on. It was muted, because of course it was, but Dave didn’t need to be able to hear it to tell by the video feed on screen that it was the _ exact opposite _ of good news. 

God, what the fuck. An alien space ship had just touched down about fifty miles from Area 51. _ Of course, _the government was going to notice that shit. They had a bunch of satellites monitoring the atmosphere and close space for things like meteors or just monitoring their neighboring planets. They would have been freaking out since that ship first entered the solar system, though Dave doubted that there would have been much time to react given how fucking fast that thing probably was. 

Bro looked far from pleased when Dave finally gave him his attention. “This,” he said, gesturing to the TV, “is an even bigger _ fucking problem_.” 

Whatever that was supposed to mean, Dave didn’t get to ask. The next thing he knew, the guy was gone without a sound. Not even a door closing somewhere else in their house. But, whatever, he didn’t have time for Bro’s ninja bullshit. He unmuted the TV to listen to the panicked announcer before pulling his phone out of his pocket to send a quick text to John. 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EG] at 3:24 am --

TG: hey man   
TG: dont have long but i just thought id let you know that my house is on the news right now   
TG: id tell you what channel but probably any channel would work tbh theres no way this shit isnt getting international coverage   
TG: also a bunch of karkats alien buddies left their giant fucking ship in my back yard probably knocked down the white picket fence in the process   
TG: no respect for the american dream i swear   
TG: anyway gotta go handle an impending alien invasion ill keep you posted maybe but you might wanna get rose and jade in on this deal cause like fuck am i texting all of you the same info   
EG: wait, what?

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EG] at 3:26 am --

EG: dave, come on!

He should probably get Karkat inside to look at the news. Interrupting with all of those claws and fangs out there wasn’t a good idea, but he didn’t really want to let them idle around until the SWAT rolled up and probably shot everyone full of holes. 

Yeah. That was why Dave opened the front door. Not because he wanted to make sure that Karkat was still, well, _ there_, or anything like that. 

He knelt down to his friend’s level, setting a hand on his shoulder because it looked like Karkat was about to fall over or something. Not that Dave blamed him. He looked overwhelmed and stunned, like some part of him still thought he was dreaming. Which was pretty fucking reasonable to Dave.

“Karkat, dude, not to interrupt whatever alien feelings orgy you’re no doubt having in here but, uh—” Dave might have continued that amazing innuendo but it soon became clear that Karkat didn’t have the patience for that. And, yeah, things were definitely kind of dire. He settled on, “Come see this,” and tugged on Karkat’s shoulder to signal for him to stand. 

Surprisingly, Karkat went without any question or protest or trying to coax his friends along with him. But, hey, he thought that being nice was Dave flirting, so… how nice could his “friends” really be, then? That was unfair, though. Dave had seen how torn up Karkat was over leaving them so he crushed that thought and crushed it _ hard_. He had no fucking business judging Karkat’s friends like that. 

He led Karkat to the TV, which was displaying helicopter footage of the ship. It sure was kicking up a lot of sand and dust, which thankfully did a good enough job at covering the view of Dave’s front porch. He really didn’t need to see what Karkat’s species did when they felt pinned.

“I think you’ve been found out, dude,” remarked Dave once Karkat finally seemed to grasp what he was looking at. “What do you wanna do about it? I don’t think hiding in the attic or my closet is gonna work with three other chucklefucks crammed in there.” The thought was pretty amusing, though. If Dave ignored how he was currently two seconds from freaking the fuck out. He made a mental note to make a joke about that to John later, once an intergalactic war had been successfully avoided. Perhaps with a quip about clown cars thrown in for good measure. Gotta love the classics. 

Karkat made a noise like a click and a growl. He definitely wasn’t pleased, then. “I don’t know, start with killing them for this?” He snapped, far cuter than it had any right to be. Maybe it was because Karkat was no taller than he had been when he’d first arrived, but damn, it was too funny to see him getting all worked up like that. 

Despite himself, Dave smiled. “Good start,” he said, deader than dust, “but it’s not gonna really get the U.S. government off your ass. Like, don’t get me wrong, Earth’s pretty great but my country isn’t really known for subtlety.” Not like any countries really were, though. Why signal out someone specific when the human species as a whole was hopeless? “Actually, you know what? This is probably a tame reaction. At least no one’s launched the fucking nukes yet.” 

“_Dave_,” Karkat said in that voice that meant it was time for shorter sentences. “This is a _ problem_. It’s your planet. Fix it!” 

Scratch that — no way could Dave _ not _ go on about how fucking stupid that sounded. “Oh, yeah, dude, lemme get right on that. Uh, hello, Mr. President?” He held a hand next to his ear, sticking out his thumb and pinky. “This is your close friend and personal confidant, Dave motherfucking Strider. You know that alien ship that may or may not be interested in wiping out humanity and using the leftover rock of our planet for chemical processing or some freaky alien shit for all you know? You mind _ not _blowing it out of the sky or even trying to get in contact with it, actually? I know that first contact is pretty damn exciting but hey, I’m sure there will be other chances, don’t get your panties in a wad, Mr. President, sir.” 

There was a look on Karkat’s face like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to punch Dave or laugh. That seemed to become more common the more English he was able to understand. "Then what do we do?" He groaned.

Unfortunately, Dave’s awesome plan would go forever unheard. One of Karkat’s alien buddies (a girl, apparently, though it would have been hard to tell if it wasn’t for the tits and the wide hips) shambled in through the still-open door, knocking things with a gnarly looking walking-cane. Was she blind? Her eyes behind her pointed glasses — which were rad _ as fuck _— looked bright crimson. No pupils or irises, just red sclera. Which was pretty cool, in a freaky sort of way that Dave found himself quickly becoming used to. 

She said something in the weird clicking language that Dave still couldn’t understand for the life of him. Karkat replied smoothly, making a sound like a swarm of cicadas was just making itself at home in Dave’s living room. It was funny to him, mostly because the clicking and buzzing became almost white noise until it was broken by the very obviously human name of “Dave.” And then Karkat continued with his sentence as if nothing had happened. It made him wish, not for the first time, that he spoke insect.

He ignored their conversation to spare a glance at the two other trolls. Seemed like Karkat’s greeting party was only three, compared to the eleven that Dave had seen in that sketchbook he was so protective of. But, hey, maybe they were busy auditing taxes or some shit. Dave didn’t know what aliens did that kept them busy. 

It was pretty interesting to soak them in, though. He noticed them both giving him not-so-subtle glances as well. The guy was skinny and scrunched up, kind of like Karkat, but way taller. The dual horns and red-and-blue eyes to match his 3D glasses (wow, who knew aliens had such stylish eyewear?) made him pretty easy to recognize. He was the guy who was always drawn with some sort of bug-like computer in Karkat’s sketchbook. Or, at the very least, looked perpetually upset about something. 

The second girl gave off a nicer vibe than the other two, mostly because Dave quickly linked her to that serene drawing of her knitting something. It gave her a feeling like some mom from 50s black-and-white sitcoms that sewed Christmas sweaters by hand every year and handed little Jimmy his brown sack lunch before waving him out the door for school in the morning. Except that she was nothing like that, actually, because she held herself like she could cut him in half and Dave didn’t doubt for a moment that she could. She had more normal eyes like Karkat did, only with deep green irises instead of crimson, and overall looked the most friendly. 

They all had a pin on their spacesuits that looked a lot like the symbol Karkat had on all of his uniform sweaters. Dave wondered if that meant Karkat was important or related to someone important. But, if he was, then why had he been forced to leave his planet for something like “blood” in the first place? 

Two and a half years hadn’t changed one thing — Karkat still hated to talk about himself.

He heard the red-shades girl say his name again, which made him frown. Yeah, they were definitely talking about him. He wanted to ask Karkat what about but figured that if it was important, he would be told. Not that it didn’t make him curious as fuck in the meantime, though. 

“Dave,” Karkat said again, clearly intended to address the human that time. He made a waving gesture toward the grinning alien. “Terezi. Remember, my book? She is one of my friends.” He mimed opening a book, which was endearing, but also unnecessary. Dave wasn’t an idiot or anything. The name Terezi was vaguely familiar, which confirmed that Karkat had probably told him about her at some point.

But it did confirm what he was already pretty sure about, which was nice. And it was good to be up-to-date on their conversation and what name he was supposed to use for her. He relaxed. “Cool.” That was a pretty controlled reaction if Dave said so himself. “If we didn’t have the government about ten seconds from blowing up everything in a twenty-mile radius, I’d say that I’m… really happy for you, Karkat. I know how much you missed your friends.” 

He felt like shit, saying that. Not that Dave wasn’t happy for Karkat, because of course he was, but… It felt dishonest. He wasn’t being entirely truthful and he knew it. He wanted Karkat to be happy, had accepted that a long time ago, but some small, selfish part of him ached at the knowledge that Karkat was going to leave.

They would probably never see each other again. 

He was sort of curious to hear what Karkat had to say to that, but instead of a response from his bro, what Dave got was a face-full of sniffing alien girl. He recoiled automatically, skin crawling to have his personal space back, but Terezi only shuffled a little closer to follow him. 

“Uh…” Dave forced himself to laugh as she started running her claws through his hair. Because knowing how thin the skin on his scalp was didn’t make that as unnerving as _ fuck _at all. “Pretty sure that drowning in alien pussy is the American dream, but I think I’ll pass, T. No offense to you, there’s just a bunch of other shit on my plate and between the heaping pile of “what the fuck” and a sizeable serving of “fearing for my life,” I can’t squeeze in “interspecies sloppy make-outs” without shit touching, and damn, that’s nasty as fuck. Just about the saddest thing I ever heard.” 

He was hoping that the talking would piss her off and make her back up like it had for Karkat whenever he was first learning English, but no dice. She just continued to grin and ignore him. Damn, she was good. 

Tolerating the complete lack of common decency was worth it when Karkat laughed. Just a small chuckle, one corner of his mouth quirking up, but it made Dave soften all the same. “She’s blind,” Karkat explained. Ah, yes. Well, that explained at least one thing. Although it left Dave with about a dozen other questions, all of which were related to _ why the fuck she was sniffing him_. “And also very obnoxious. She’s “looking” at you but she won’t hurt you. Be still.” 

Dave still couldn’t say that he was overly fond of having her face up in his and those razor teeth really goddamn close to his neck, but… Hell, interspecies friendships had to start somewhere, right? Right. Befriending just one alien wasn’t great evidence that they were a friendly species. So Dave would work with this. He would make it happen. The friendship thing. Which was apparently initiated with lots of sniffing from the blind on Karkat’s planet. Okay. Sure. Whatever. Fuck, Bro had done weirder things. At least Terezi wasn’t touching him, so Dave could handle it for a little while, at least. For friendship. 

It was going pretty well for a minute or two. Sure, Dave was still kind of worried about possibly being blown off the face of Nevada, but the news hadn’t alerted him to any upcoming nuclear strikes so he tried to be still and let Terezi be as thorough as possible. That way, he figured, they would _ never _have to do this again. 

They were interrupted by angry, insect yelling. For once, it wasn’t Karkat. Instead, when Dave looked up, the tall guy with the dual horns was the one raising his voice. He looked personally affronted by something Karkat had said, though Dave couldn’t begin to guess what. He was weighing the pros and cons of getting between those claws and fangs to break up the argument, but Karkat wasn’t a pushover. He cut off the 3D glasses guy with an indignant screech of his own and then they were both going at it at the same time. It sounded like an angry wasp nest. That might have been funny, had they not looked like they were seconds from ripping each other’s throats out. Fuck, was 3D glasses guy _ sparking_?

Apparently, Dave’s alarm was shared. The taller, elegant girl approached them. She didn’t look at Glasses over there at all, but set a hand on Karkat’s shoulder and made a soft shushing sound. She started saying something else too, but cut herself off when Karkat absolutely fucking _ recoiled _ and immediately shrank away from her, snapping his jaw shut like it had never been opened at all. 

Yeah, okay. Getting in between those claws was totally worth the risk. 

He wasn’t great at soothing Karkat or anything, mostly because Karkat didn’t particularly seem to _like _when Dave soothed him so he was out of practice, but he was grateful when his friend only eyed his approach and didn’t try to stop Dave. 

He was a little unsure, what with the other grey people with horns watching their exchange, but set a hand on Karkat’s shoulder anyway. For whatever reason, Dave’s touch was allowed to stay whereas the girl’s had not been. 

… Alright. There were all sorts of implications there that Dave didn’t want to think about. 

“You okay?” He asked, keeping his voice as gentle as his touch. Just so that Karkat knew he could shove Dave off if he wanted to. Except that he didn’t seem to want to. 

Karkat nodded, sucking in a long, slow breath. “Yeah,” he said when he sighed it out. “Yes, Dave, fine. I’m… okay. This is all just…” He gestured around him at everything, it seemed like. Dave couldn’t help but hope that he wasn’t included in that. “It’s overwhelming.” 

The guy alien made a noise like he’d just been punched in the solar plexus. Surprised, Dave turned to him and was taken aback to see Glasses glaring at _ him _ when he’d practically been locking horns with Karkat a second ago. He was snapping something in his own language, not that Dave needed a pocket alien-to-human dictionary to understand that the dude was _pissed._

Of course, Karkat jumped right back in, exactly as angry as he had been before Dave tried to calm him down. Great. They had to do all of _ that _again. 

Except… something weird happened. Karkat said something and, instead of shouting him down, Glasses paused. He looked incredulous, eyeing Dave with a sneer that screamed, _ “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” _ But Karkat was, evidently, _ not_ fucking kidding him because he said something much calmer than before and the low, throaty growling cut out like one of them had flipped a switch.

Fucking aliens. What was Dave signing himself up for? 

They went back and forth a few more times, the alien girls apparently content to stay out of it. Then Glasses snapped in frustration and threw his hands up in defeat, having begrudgingly reached some sort of compromise. Karkat was seemingly the winner of their spat, though he didn't look too pleased when he turned to Dave. Actually, he looked very nervous. But in a sort of red-faced, embarrassed way that was more adorable than it was concerning. 

"Dave?" Karkat hesitated, though not because of his friends. They all stayed silent, Dave included, as Karkat worked out what he wanted to say. "They want to go to the ship. Not to leave," he reassured when Dave automatically tensed, and _ fuck _ if that didn't make him relax all over again, "but to be… safer than here. We will stay a little longer. Maybe try talking to your leaders?" He suggested, looking very much like he _ never _wanted to do that. "I… Do you want to come? On the ship?" He pointed to the door then added, still uncertain, "With me?"

As if Dave wasn't going to follow him there anyway. As if there was even the _ faintest _ chance of him saying no.

"Of course, dude," he blurted out. Then, more controlled, "I mean, uh, yeah. Sounds cool. Every human ever has wanted to see the inside of an alien spaceship. It'd be an insult to my entire species if I let this chance slip by." 

That made Karkat relax, which was kind of funny because did he seriously think that Dave's answer would be anything else? He must have if the relief on his face meant anything. 

Before they could get sidetracked with more alien bug talk, Dave jumped in one more time. "Um, hey, Karkat. If you're going back to the ship, do you wanna grab your shit?" He made a carrying gesture with his arms. "Don't think we can get all those fucking bike horns, but they're old as shit anyway, dude, you might wanna invest in new ones. Fuck, maybe your clown friend is waiting on board with a whole bunch of the suckers."

The words "clown friend" seemed to resonate because Karkat jerked up out of his slouch and nodded hard. "Yes, good idea. Wait here." He waved for Dave to stay, parroting cricket noises back to his friends. It was short, though, so he was probably saying exactly what he'd said to Dave. Most of his shit was in the attic, where Karkat had taken permanent residence. He left the room and, sure enough, Dave heard the ceiling hatch being pried open. 

Then there was quiet, just Karkat stomping around above their heads. And no offense to aliens as a whole or anything, but Karkat's friends were creeping him the fuck out. They just… stared. It wasn't demeaning or disgusting or anything, but they eyed Dave like they didn't know _ what _ they were looking at. Not in a physical sense, but whatever Karkat snapped at them must have been _ quite_ the tale. Dave did his best to keep his poker face on straight and not make any sudden moves. Maybe if they couldn't read his emotions, he would assert some sort of alien dominance. Hopefully. At least none of them were tearing him to ribbons. 

Glasses made a noise that Dave vaguely recognized as a laugh. It was deeper than Karkat's and a lot rougher, laced with chirps. He said something to the other two and they all seemed to immediately lose interest in Dave, finally looking away from him. It was a bigger relief than Dave wanted to admit. They were probably still talking about him, but no one sounded angry. 

As soon as they were alone again, Dave was demanding that Karkat tell him what the _ fuck_ was going on.

When Karkat got back, he wasn't holding a lot which was surprising to Dave. He had figured that everything would be going, but the idea that Karkat didn't bring it all implied that he was expecting to return at some point. Which was… reassuring, actually. 

In his arms, Karkat had his stuffed dragon doll, his picture book with all of his friends, the busted language translator, and something that looked like a tablet and Dave had assumed a while ago was used for reading. He never saw Karkat tap on it much, like he was playing games. He soaked in the screen with roving, lazy eyes. Maybe the literature on his planet was boring. 

He looked embarrassed, and it quickly became clear why as Terezi made a trilling noise like a squeal and started running her claws over the felt prongs running along the length of the doll's spine and tail. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was teasing Karkat, based on the way his face turned red and he snapped impatiently at her. Dave couldn't help but chuckle. He must have been heard because Karkat somehow managed to flush deeper still and jerked the doll away from Terezi's reach. 

The broken translator was shoved haphazardly at Glasses, who looked less than amused. He must have made the translator, then. In the same way that Terezi probably made that dragon doll. Damn, he was probably smart as fuck if that was the case. He definitely wasn't pleased though, annoyed as he waved the broken device in Karkat's face. Thankfully, neither of them seemed genuinely upset. Karkat, assumedly, explained how the damn thing broke to begin with and that was good enough because Glasses smirked and laughed. The sketchbook and tablet and stuffed dragon were coaxed out of Karkat's hands by the taller alien girl, who placed them into a small pack she carried with her, probably for the sake of convenience. 

Seeing an opportunity before Karkat started snapping again, Dave slid in and tugged gently on his friend’s sleeve to get his attention. It was sort of nice how all of that impatience and upset faded whenever Karkat looked at him. He still had that forever downward tilt of his lips, but Dave couldn’t help but feel a little special that it was so easy for him to calm Karkat down when it seemed like few other people were allowed to even get close. 

Or maybe he was overthinking it and Karkat only quieted so he could hear Dave. Yeah.

“Can I get the names of your other friends, dude? Not to be pushy or anything, but it’s been a while since you showed me your sketchbook and I would kinda like to know what to call them all,” he said. Using “alien guy” and “alien chick” in his head was going to get annoying. 

Karkat nodded, looking faintly surprised. Like it had completely slipped his mind that Dave didn’t know any of these people. “Oh. Yes. Um, Dave, this is Sollux.” He pointed to the tall dude, drawing the name out and carefully pronouncing every syllable. Dave ran it over in his head a few times just to be safe. No sense in getting the name wrong and having his ass electrocuted for it. Gesturing to the second girl, Karkat continued, “This is Kanaya. They are all…” Karkat searched from the right words. “...important to me. Yes. Very important.” 

He was talking about his alien pals, of course, but Dave couldn’t shake the feeling that the look in Karkat’s eyes was to let Dave know that he was included on the list of people who were “important” to Karkat. Or, at least, Dave really fucking hoped that was what he meant. 

His eyes flickered over to the two previously unnamed aliens. Dave inclined his head slightly, looking as cool as possible. Which was pretty _ fucking _cool. “‘Sup.” 

Nothing. Not even cricket noises. Harsh. 

It did get an eye roll from Karkat though, who shoved at Dave’s shoulder impatiently and stalked past him to the door. It was still open from before, not that Dave really cared. The desert breeze during a summer night was kind of nice. Plus, he was fairly certain that opening it would have instantly grabbed the attention of all those news helicopters making a racket above them. Not that walking toward the giant alien ship wouldn’t be enough to do that.

In the door’s threshold, Karkat hesitated. He turned to glance at Dave, then his friends over the human’s shoulder, and asked, “What about your Bro? Will he be okay with you coming to the ship?”

Dave arched an eyebrow. Was Karkat stalling? Why would he do something like that? DIdn’t he _ want _to be around his friends more? Both of them knew perfectly well that Bro gave fuck all about whether or not Dave was in the house. Actually, he might in this instance, since he never really trusted Karkat and definitely wouldn’t trust all of these new aliens, but… 

As a compromise, and also to buy Karkat a few extra seconds, Dave sighed and said, “I dunno where he is, so if this upsets him, he’ll just have to deal with it. If it’ll make you feel better though, I can bring my actual sword with me. Not the shitty katana bought from an anime con, but the proper sword. The one for killing people.” Dave made a sweeping gesture with his hand, dragging it across his neck. 

For whatever reason, Karkat was not as upset with Dave so casually talking about killing people as he probably should have him. He actually looked relieved, nodding once. "Okay. Great. Bringing your sword will make you look less like an easy target." 

Uh, okay. That wasn't concerning in the slightest.

A little more worried than he had been before, Dave quickly darted away and grabbed his sword from where he had left it shoved under the couch. No sense in scaring the dude's friends, right? Even if they were the ones with claws and fangs, Karkat sure scared easily and Dave wasn't going to take any chances. 

He couldn't help but feel like he was imposing, though. Sure, Karkat waited by the door for Dave to come back with his sword, but there were three other people who wanted to be on the ship with Karkat. Three other people who had known the guy for far longer than Dave had. They had risked their lives to help get Karkat off of a shitty planet that wanted to kill him just for bleeding the color red. And Dave... wasn't all of that. They knew it, too. Glasses — or, uh, _ Sollux _— especially, if the scowl he shot at Dave said anything.

He hadn't even been an ambassador of humanity for more than ten minutes and he was already worried that he was going to be offed in his sleep. Fuck, he was so glad that Bro taught him to master keeping a straight face.

Karkat hung back from the door, gesturing for Sollux to step forward instead. He muttered something just loud enough for Karkat to hear as he did so, earning himself a bony elbow to the gut, though both of them were suppressing smiles. It sort of reminded Dave of his relationship with John, sans the yelling. He knew that Karkat had explained his species’ ideas of romance (multiple times actually, each time somehow more excited and exasperated than the last) and he racked his brain for that “best friend” romance thing. 

Which didn’t make any sense at all, because Karkat literally called it “platonic,” which meant that it wasn’t romantic in the slightest, but _ whatever_. It wasn’t Dave’s weird bug mating ritual, so he supposed that his input wasn’t being considered. 

Did that mean that Karkat had Sollux in that platonic quadrant? Dave was pretty sure that it was called "moirails." But Karkat had said that he hadn't had any relationships when he left his planet, so... was it just a crush? Between both of them, by the looks of it. But left unsaid, for some reason. 

Not that Dave was the arbiter of relationships or even very good at them himself, but regardless... The idea didn't sit well with him. He didn't know why, though. Sure, Karkat was his bro, but if anything, he was interested in the romantic part of alien romance. Assuming that Dave was interested in romance at all, of course. But, hypothetically, if he was, that seemed the most similar to what he felt for Karkat. Maybe. Kissing and fist bumps were both pretty sweet. Dave didn't have a strong preference. Whatever Karkat wanted was fine, so long as it meant that he wouldn’t _ leave_.

Ugh. Inner rambling was getting him nowhere. Maybe Dave should be paying attention.

With Sollux leading the charge, apparently, they were finally getting somewhere. He stuck his head out the door, eyeing the sky. Dave could still hear helicopters buzzing but he wasn't that worried. From what he saw on the news, they were just camera crews right now, not the military. And even if it was, Karkat and the others looked human enough from a distance. He doubted that anyone was expecting first contact to be with such normal-looking aliens. From a subjective standpoint, at least.

But with no way to tell Sollux that himself and no real desire to have Karkat facilitate interspecies communication for however long Dave was tagging along with them, he kept his thoughts in his head for once and let Sollux wave all of them out of the house as soon as the coast was clear. Luckily, the ship wasn't actually that far. Karkat could basically see in the dark and Dave knew the desert really well so it became a mad dash for the docking platform. It was sort of hard to see with the damn thing still radiating light like a star, but Dave squinted behind his shades and aimed for the slightly blurry, darker area in the middle.

That was probably the wrong strategy for their situation though, because it took approximately 0.087 seconds for lights to flood their group, coming from all directions instead of just directly in front of them. The aliens didn't so much as twitch. If anything, the cameras and spotlights trying to take a gander only made them run harder. Which meant that, by process of elimination, Dave was the only one who froze.

Yeah, he probably shouldn't have. It was pretty fucking stupid in retrospect. He was seen on camera with aliens. The government was going to know every intimate detail of his life within the hour, right down to what _actually_ caused that brown stain on the ceiling of his living room. 

Fuck. _ Fuck_. 

But a part of Dave also sort of wanted to make some sort of gesture. To help illustrate that he wasn't being kidnapped or something and that the aliens were really nice. Uh, probably. There was a good chance, at any rate. If they could turn out people like Karkat, they couldn't be all_ that _bad. 

He probably looked ridiculous: lopsided mirror shades despite the fact that it was four in the morning, fuzzy plaid pajama bottoms, bare feet, a katana in one hand, and hair that was no doubt everywhere without the chance to brush it. Regardless, Dave lifted his head to meet the glare of the lights. 

He had maybe three seconds to get his message across. He'd better make it good.

Dave raised his free hand and made a fist, lifting his pointer and middle finger into the "peace" sign. And he threw in a wink behind his shades. Fuck yeah. Who was the chump that said being an ambassador was difficult? He was doing a goddamn stellar job.

That was the moment where Karkat, having turned around at some point, decided to grab Dave by the wrist and yank him away, _ hard_. "I swear the only thing in your head is _ rocks_," he snarled without any venom as he insistently tugged Dave forward.

Unable to help himself as he stumbled over his feet, Dave laughed. "I'm so fucking glad you speak English, Karkat. I can't believe I ever lived happily when I was missing out on these incredible fucking zingers the whole time." 

He didn't get an answer, but Dave saw a smile on Karkat's face before he abruptly turned his head away. Regardless, Dave had a funny feeling that he wasn't in trouble anymore. At least, not with Karkat. The other aliens didn't seem nearly as pleased when the two of them caught up, but fuck them, they weren't the ones making Karkat bite back a grin and shake his head in mock disappointment.

The docking platform on the giant ship was already lowered, so Dave was pulled on impatiently after Karkat. The jarring shift from the desert floor to cool metal beneath his bare feet caught him off guard. Craning his neck back, Dave tried to get a good look at the details of the ship but he couldn't make out anything concrete with all the light it was radiating. There were dark bumps lining the ship's hull that could have been spikes for aesthetic or row after row of guns, for all Dave knew. 

The inside of the ship was visible, though. In sharp contrast to the outside, the interior was lit only dimly. Dave thought about removing his shades but was too taken with marveling at all of the _ cool alien shit_. It sort of looked how sci-fi television had always portrayed it in some ways and completely different in others. Whatever metal they were using looked a lot like bug chitin but felt like steel against Dave's skin. They had levers and buttons and blinking dials, as required of any science-y object worth its salt, all proportioned for humans. Or, whatever Karkat's species was. Maybe he should ask sometime. 

The entry point didn't seem to be important, for all its keypads and exposed wiring. It wasn't spared a glance on their _ tour de force_. Dave noticed that Karkat was looking around just as much as he was, which seemed odd. Shouldn't he be familiar with his own species' scientific accomplishments? The ship was pretty impressive. It seemed unlikely that Karkat hadn't known about all this, seeing as how he'd arrived in a ship himself. 

One of the doors was opened at their approach, sliding down instead of sideways as Dave had expected, and they entered a hallway mysteriously devoid of life. Not that Dave was really eager to be surrounded by a species perfectly capable of killing him on a dime, but he was kind of curious. He doubted that the whole thing was run by only three people. 

Karkat chirred something that sounded like a question, giving Dave's wrist a squeeze. Oh. They were still touching. How had that managed to slip under Dave's radar? 

He waited for the other aliens to seemingly answer before directing his curiosity to Karkat. "So, uh, where are we going? And why? I didn't know your friends could pilot a ship."

The grimace on Karkat's face likely meant that he was as in the dark as Dave was. Great. "They can't. But they won't tell me how else they got here. Nevermind how they found me in the first place," he huffed. He finally seemed to notice Dave's wrist still clasped in his hold. Startled, Karkat shot a glance at him before abruptly letting go, as though he had been holding something particularly distasteful. Ouch. "They keep saying that it's complicated and they will explain soon. Right now, I don't know any more than you do." He snorted. "Some friends." Even as he chastised and mocked them though, Dave could hear the fondness in his voice. He didn't need light to see the slight upturn to Karkat's lips.

He had never felt so insecure before. Dave normally thought of himself as having pretty average self-esteem, but the slimy feeling in his gut was unpleasant as hell. 

They stopped at the end of the long hallway by a heavy-looking door. Kanaya was the one to speak, though she had been the quietest of all of them. She said something to Karkat, a placating expression in between furrowed brows and tightly-pursed black lips. Whatever she said, it made Karkat scowl. He didn't snap at her like he might have for Sollux, though. Instead, he set a hand on Dave's shoulder and spoke slowly, as though trying to really hammer his words home. His efforts didn't seem to have much effect, but the aliens weren't fighting him on it, either. The whole exchange was tinged with exasperation.

Dave couldn't help it — he was curious. He tugged on Karkat's sleeve. "Did I do something to piss your friends off? Is there a way I can apologize without using you as a mouthpiece or making cricket noises?" 

"You didn't do anything wrong," Karkat said before Dave had even finished his question. "There's no reason to apologize. They just…" he sighed. "You're an alien. They distrust you, obviously. They don't want you to be here, but they're not going to force you to leave." His eyes narrowed with uncharacteristic determination. Dave tried and failed not to find it attractive. "Not as long as I have a say in it."

It didn't seem like Karkat was telling the whole truth but Dave nodded anyway. He wanted to see what was on the other side of that door. And not because the sooner they finished up with whatever his friends wanted to show him, the sooner he could get Karkat alone and talk. "Cool. Maybe I'll paint myself grey later, see if that helps."

His comment went ignored. If the other three aliens could have understood him though, Dave was sure they would be beside themselves with laughter. He was certain of it.

The door was finally opened. As soon as it was, Dave recoiled from the _ noise_. It sounded like he’d just stepped into a giant wood chipper. He thought at first that Terezi had opened the door to the engine room, or perhaps the Gates of Hell, but Dave quickly realized what the problem was. 

They had been led into what was probably the bridge of the ship. There was a chair near the far wall, which was set with an enormous window, no doubt reserved for the captain. Every other wall was lined with screen monitors and control panels and keyboards and all sorts of levers and buttons and dials and readers and cranks and valves and whatever the fuck else. The best way Dave could describe it was a steampunk fan’s wet dream. It was very “busy” and unpleasant to try and pick apart, like one of those 1990s “I Spy” books that just crowded the page and the more you looked, there more there was to see. Which was fine with Dave, because he wasn’t interested in critiquing the interior designer so much as he was interested in what was going on with the people in the room. 

It was packed wall-to-wall with grey skin and candy-corn horns. And every last person looked absolutely fucking _ euphoric _to see Karkat. The noise that had nearly deafened Dave was their clapping and cheering. 

Stunned, all Dave could do was look on and try to soak in as much as he could before he gave himself some kind of sensory overload. He had no idea that Karkat was so, well, _ loved _ on his planet. The way he acted and what little he had told about his life before they met made it sound like Karkat was _ hated_. Despised. Considered lower than garbage. All because of something as stupid as his blood color. 

Why did Karkat leave in the first place if they were so happy to have him back?

But then, based on the look on Karkat’s face, the applause had been the last thing that he expected. Actually, his expression held a mix of fear, confusion, shock, and horror. There was nothing even remotely positive to be found in those panic-stricken eyes. Not even the faintest glimmer of hope or relief. 

In fact, had it not been for the hold Sollux had on his wrist as he led the way into the room, Karkat probably would have turned right back around and ran. He certainly looked like he was considering it. 

Dave started after him (To do what? Provide comfort? Convince Karkat to leave if he was so upset?) but was stopped by a hand on his chest. For whatever reason, while Sollux pulled Karkat further into the room, Terezi and Kanaya were standing with Dave by the door. To keep an eye on him, maybe. Or maybe because they didn’t want to interrupt… whatever was happening. It sure looked important. Kanaya gave Dave a pointed, though not unfriendly, look before dropping her hand away from him. At least she hadn’t dug her claws in. The alien ladies were being courteous, probably for Karkat’s sake, but their intention was clear: _ stay put_.

Fine. Dave would watch. It wasn’t like he had any chance of fighting off so many aliens if he accidentally pissed them off, no matter how cool his sword was. 

Somehow, the crowd managed to get louder. He grimaced, wishing for earplugs, but Kanaya and Terezi didn’t seem bothered. Either their species didn’t hear as well or they were used to the noise and couldn’t be bothered. Huh. What a funny thought. A species being _ worse _at something than humans. Maybe he should take that to sci-fi writers and tell them to get some fucking original ideas for once. 

That would have to wait, though. Karkat was busy and, by extension, so was Dave. 

By that point, Sollux had gotten Karkat far closer to the center of the room. Dave could see them hissing at each other, having a near-silent argument that would be invisible to all except those able to see their lips moving. He had that itch to grab Karkat and get him the fuck out of there again but got the feeling that Kanaya and Terezi would object if he were to try something like that. He wasn’t in the mood for getting stabbed by aliens. 

Finally, they stopped walking and the crowd quieted somewhat. Sollux must have decided that their current position was good enough. He took his free hand and grabbed something off of his space uniform. Dave saw a glint of silver as he held it up and started shouting something — though he doubted that anyone could hear it over the renewed vigor of, assumedly, the ship's crew. The very enthusiastic crew. He was pretty sure that Sollux was holding up that symbol that Kanaya and Terezi were wearing, though. The one that looked a lot like the design on all of Karkat's clothes.

As uncomfortable as he obviously was, Karkat seemed mostly fine. He was just sort of standing there, looking like he'd much rather be in the middle of a house fire than in front of so many happy people. He was gripping Sollux's hand so tightly that it looked painful even from Dave's distance, though Karkat didn't protest when Sollux lifted their conjoined hands above their heads. It looked celebratory. Dave wished that he knew what the fuck they were saying.

Then Karkat winced. He tried to draw away from Sollux but didn't get anywhere. It took Dave a second to figure out what had happened, but then he saw Sollux's claws digging into Karkat's hand. Blood welled up, bubbling between their clasped fingers and running in watery rivets down both of their arms. 

Dave had only seen Karkat's blood twice. Once, when he first took the strange alien he'd found in his backyard home and cleaned his head injury, and the second time when Karkat ran off and busted his hands in the middle of a breakdown and needed help wrapping them. He knew that it was bright red, brighter than human blood, but it looked fucking scorchingwhen it splattered onto Karkat's cheek and dripped around his terrified eyes like tears.

He didn’t realize that he had started forward until Terezi was there to meet him. "_Blind_," his ass. She moved like she knew where Dave was going to be seconds before he did. Her walking cane, white and polished with a dragon head as the handle, met his sword before Dave could make the conscious move to raise it. 

He really didn't care if every alien in that place wanted to kill him. The crowd had damn near explodedat the sight of Karkat's blood but the desperate look that he'd shot at Dave over his shoulder had been anything but gratified. There was no hesitation. No second-thoughts. Just the pounding, driving thought that Karkat needed him and they had to get somewhere else. 

Another sound joined the fray, in between Dave's sword grating against Terezi's cane and the hum of the ship's engines and the frenzied crowd. Dave turned his head just an inch and ducked a second before Kanaya clipped the tips of his hair with a _ fucking chainsaw_. Where the hell did she even keep that?

Automatically, Dave fell into a fighting stance as he took a step back. He needed room to work. Sure, these aliens may have been fast, but Bro was fucking invisible when he wanted to be and Dave had managed to hit him at least once. He could handle two crazy alien chicks with intent to kill. Probably. Hopefully. 

And to think, just an hour ago he had been warm and snug in bed with Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So because this is self-indulgent as shit, updates (if there are any) are going to come as I write chapters instead of regularly. It mostly depends on my schedule and any feedback, I suppose. Positive responses are always encouraging. Right now, though, I'm mostly posting this to see how it goes. Obviously, if no one likes it, I'll probably delete this.
> 
> I'm hoping that this won't be discontinued, but my relationship with Homestuck is... complicated right now. I don't call myself a fan anymore, but I will always love Dave and Karkat and their relationship. And that's what most of this fic is going to be. Anyway, I hope that this first chapter was good. If you have any questions about the plot thus far, fret not, for they will be answered. Possibly. Maybe I'll see you all in a future update. 
> 
> _Again, I'm not trying to take credit for the original story._ You should all definitely check that out, obviously. It's so good, I promise.
> 
> _Chapter title and summary from “It’s Time” by Imagine Dragons._


	2. Nothing Changed At All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I was left to my own devices._   
_Many days fell away with nothing to show._   
_We were caught up and lost in all of our vices._   
_In your pose as the dust settled around us._

The inside of one of the Condesce's scouting ships was exactly as horrible as Karkat always imagined it would be. Granted, there wasn't a veritable rainbow dripping from the walls or the screams of the soon-to-be diseased echoing through the corridor, but that didn't lessen the ominous chill that crept down his spine with every step further into the beast's gaping maw.

He was still holding onto Dave's wrist, which was really comforting. And probably not helping his case, if Kanaya's side-eye was any indication. He had only introduced Dave to his friends fifteen minutes ago and they already thought that he was pale for an alien. He really needed to work on his subtlety. Karkat had vehemently disagreed with their conclusion, but only because it was just _sort of_ right. Not that he was about to admit something as disgusting as a four-way quadrant vacillation. Seriously. He wanted Dave to step between him and Sollux the next time they argued and Karkat had never _had _an ashen crush before, but apparently he was simply that goddamn hopeless!

He had gotten into a fight about Dave with Sollux by wanting the human to join them, which was only made worse when he rejected Kanaya's attempt to shush him yet allowed Dave to set a consoling hand on his shoulder. He could tell that none of them were pleased, Sollux especially, but they weren't chewing him out for being so fucking stupid yet. Apparently, they had somewhere else to be.

"Where are we going?" He asked, giving Dave's wrist a nervous squeeze. His friends wouldn't hurt him but Karkat didn't exactly trust being led down long, darkened corridors. He was curious that was all. "And you know, while we're at it, how the _fuck _did you panchafed bunch of douchebags find me in the first place? Nevermind how you even _got _here! If Sollux has resorted to being a helmsman I don't want to know what the rest of our insipid little grubfisted group is up to."

Sollux laughed, a sound that succeeded in both pissing Karkat off and making him dizzyingly happy. Wow. That duality theme Sollux had really needed to be toned down a few notches. "What if I promise to answer you later, KK?" He asked, shooting Karkat a look over his shoulder. Somehow, he managed to keep from frowning when he noticed that Karkat was still hanging onto Dave. "We just gotta do something real quick, then we can get everything settled in and update you on what you missed and where the others are. Fuck, maybe we can even get in contact with them if the satellite reach extends this far out of the Empire."

He might have said more but was cut off when Terezi jammed her elbow into his side, causing Sollux to grunt in pain. "_Boring_," she drawled, muffling a fake yawn. Then, to Karkat, "Mr. Appleberry Blast is right, though. As much as I've missed your word vomit, we have "responsibilities" now. This will be quick."

"And not nearly as bad as you may be thinking," Kanaya chimed in with what was probably supposed to be a supportive smile had it not looked so strained. Damnit. He had known that she had a pale crush on him, but there Karkat went, making things awkward.

Thankfully, Dave was there to serve as a distraction. Karkat relaxed slightly at the sound of his voice. "So, uh, where are we going? And why? I didn't know your friends could pilot a ship," he said.

Grimacing, Karkat nonetheless answered, "They can't. But they won't tell me how else they got here. Nevermind how they found me in the first place." Glancing down, Karkat noticed Dave's wrist still in his grip. He dropped his hold almost immediately, thankful for the dim lights that hid the flush to his face. "They keep saying that it's complicated and they will explain soon. Right now, I don't know any more than you do. Some friends," he said lightly, unable to keep himself from smiling.

Even if nothing ever made sense again, it was nice to finally be bitching about his friends again. Karkat would give just about anything to keep things that way.

When they finally reached the end of the hallway and stopped, Kanaya turned to him after only a moment's hesitation. Like back on Alternia, she seemed to be saddled with "keep Karkat from killing himself or attempting to kill anyone else" duty. He might have felt annoyed, had she not been so damn good at it.

"I think it's best that we leave the alien here," Kanaya said, almost coaxing. "We have something very important to do next, Karkat. I'm not sure that it will understand the significance without background knowledge of our culture and may try to intervene."

Karkat had to take a deep breath, unable to keep himself from scowling. He set a hand on Dave's shoulder for emphasis. "Firstly, his species is called "humans" and they are not "it"s. Dave is a he — which brings me neatly to my second point. Dave is _Dave_. He is not a goddamn object or going to be referred to as "the alien" for however long you are all here." He paused, then added, "And he is staying with me."

He could tell by the looks on his friend's faces that they weren't pleased, but none of the three tried to argue with Karkat. Even if Sollux was rolling his eyes so hard that it almost seemed like he had pupils.

Again, Karkat's frustrations were forgotten thanks to Dave. His friend tugged on Karkat's sleeve and he turned to Dave automatically, without thinking about it. "Did I do something to piss your friends off? Is there a way I can apologize without using you as a mouthpiece or making cricket noises?" He looked so insecure, even if the only difference in expression was a twitch of his eyebrows.

It would have been so satisfying to shush and kiss that frown away, but Karkat poured all of his energy into tamping down a smile. Which wasn't all that difficult, with his indignation reignited. "You didn't do anything wrong," he insisted. "There's no reason to apologize. They just… You're an alien." It was a lame excuse, but Karkat truly had no idea what their _actual _hangup with Dave was. Hopefully, that answer was convincing. "They distrust you, obviously. They don't want you to be here, but they're not going to force you to leave." He narrowed his eyes, lips curling back to reveal the barest hint of his fangs. "Not as long as I have a say in it," he promised.

Appearing convinced, Dave nodded. His expression remained frustratingly schooled. Apparently, an alien invasion was enough to make him forget his shoes, but not his shades. "Cool. Maybe I'll paint myself grey later, see if that helps."

The urge to laugh was violently crushed. Karkat was pretty sure that laughing too much, no matter how funny Dave was, would send the wrong impression. Almost as though Karkat had a thing for him. Wouldn't that be a ridiculous case of miscommunication?

_Finally_, Terezi reached over and pressed the button that opened the door. At first, he thought that the resulting noise was a result of the mechanisms for the door needing to be cleaned or some shit, but then Sollux took his wrist and dragged him forward, revealing the entire, horrible truth.

The bridge was completely _crammed full _of trolls, packed in to fit nearly every inch of space from either side of the room to the next. For a moment, it wasn't so bad. Sure, they were clapping and cheering, but Karkat assumed that it was for his friends or perhaps supposed to be mocking him.

Then he realized that everyone was staring at _him _and he froze. There were happy tears of all different colors, looks of wonderment, so many euphoric expressions, for _Karkat_.

It had to be a joke. Some sort of sick, twisted joke. Nearly every stranger in that room was wearing Karkat's sign, be it as a pin or necklace or _fuck, was that a tattoo_? But why? What was _happening_? He had been forced to leave his planet because of his hideous blood color not even two sweeps ago, yet here they were, clapping for a mutant. Was Karkat supposed to believe that they had _changed_?

A tiny whimper made it past his lips and Karkat steadfastly choked down any repeat performance. He turned back toward the exit, attempting to free himself from Sollux's grasp, but was instead tugged forward by his friend. He was practically being dragged and Karkat was about two seconds from sinking his claws into Sollux's bony wrist.

He spared a glance at Dave, which only made things worse. He was no longer a comforting presence at Karkat's side but instead had been held back by the door thanks to Kanaya and Terezi. A part of Karkat had expected that, not that it made it somehow less alarming for him. _Stupid pale crush_.

He clenched his jaw, then forced himself to relax it. It was from experience (guilty, accidental experience) that Karkat knew just how soft and easily injured humans were. So he would play nice, but only because if he pissed off every troll in the room and they tore him apart, Dave would probably be caught in the frenzy and Karkat wanted to avoid getting him killed.

His resolve faded the closer they got to the center of the room, however. The cheering kept getting louder and more frantic, and Karkat _knew _that they weren't practically foaming at the mouth for _Sollux_. He could feel the urge to run becoming stronger and subconsciously tugged against the iron-clad hold that Sollux still had on his wrist.

"Jesus, KK, would you stop fucking squirming?" Sollux muttered to him. There was a sharp look in his eye, deadly serious, but that only served to piss Karkat off all over again because he didn't understand _why_.

"What's happening?" He hissed back, stubbornly tugging again on his friend's hold. "What the _fuck _is all of this? Sollux, you had better start explaining yourself _now_, or I _swear_—"

Sollux scoffed. "Throw a tantrum like a wiggler and spasm in your own bodily waste for all I care, KK. Just trust me that right now, this is _important_. We'll have time for answering all of your insistently whiny questions later," he promised, tone almost soothing.

Before Karkat could snap at Sollux for trying to soothe him as though they were moirails (which they _weren't_), they reached the center of the room. With his free hand, Sollux removed the pin on his chest — the one that was clearly Karkat's sign — and raised it high above their heads. The crowd was near-deafening, but Karkat still heard what his friend was shouting over the roar.

"Our efforts have not been in vain!" Sollux was saying, ignoring Karkat's squirming at his side. "The spirit of the Signless has been carried on, and his teachings will be inherited and adopted by his descendant!"

Karkat squeezed Sollux's hand tighter, dread sinking in his gut. Oh, he did _not _like the sound of anything being said at the moment. He started to demand answers again, only for Sollux to suddenly raise their conjoined hands above their heads. Okay, fine. Whatever. Obviously, their audience thought that something was worth celebrating, so Karkat could tolerate this for a few more minutes.

There was a sharp pain in his hand, Sollux's claws digging in hard. Instinctively, Karkat tried to pull away, but it was too late. Apparently, the theme of the day was "try to give Karkat a panic attack every two minutes" because he was _bleeding_. Most jarringly, Sollux had _made _him bleed, holding their hands high as Karkat's bright, mutant red was left in full view as though it was some kind of accomplishment. The crowd went wild. To Karkat, they looked savage.

His impending mental breakdown was narrowly avoided when the familiar sound of Kanaya's chainsaw pricked his ears. Karkat wasn't sure how he heard it over all the other noise in the room, but he craned his neck to look back at where he had left his friends with Dave and nearly had a heart attack. It didn't matter what Sollux was saying or why he was expected to bleed in front of a bunch of strangers. Whatever they all wanted, it meant fuck all to Karkat.

He watched Dave neatly twist himself around a slice from Kanaya's chainsaw, dropping to his knees to avoid a slash coming from Terezi. She had dropped the sheath that turned her sword into a walking stick and jammed forward, aiming for Dave's throat while he was down. He rolled forward, taking a cut to the back of his shirt and slamming one foot into her gut before jumping back to his feet in time to pay attention to Kanaya again. And as fascinating as it was to watch how well Dave handled himself in a real fight, what with his human techniques and clear skill, Karkat was _not _about to risk Dave stumbling or making a slight mistake and getting his head taken off for it.

Someone shouted. It took Karkat a few seconds to realize that it was him, but by then he had already torn his hand from Sollux's grasp. He tore himself up in the process, but Karkat didn't care about the stinging pain or the blood he was dripping all over the floor.

He shoved himself in front of Terezi before she could jam her sword forward, aiming it in the middle of Dave's back while he was stuck holding back Kanaya's chainsaw. Terezi stopped the sword tip inches from Karkat's chest, nostrils flaring. Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "_Karkat_? What are you doing? I could have _stabbed _you!"

The sound of his name got Kanaya's attention too, and Karkat spared her a look only once he heard her chainsaw motor turn off. She looked caught between anger and disbelief. He was going to get an earful for that stunt later, as though she was his moirail.

"What does it look like? I'm stopping you!" Karkat snapped. He let his flung-out arms fall to his sides. "What do you think _you're _doing? Both of you! I _said _that Dave is staying, and the implication should be "alive"! _Holy shit_, how do any of you make any fucking friends _at all _if this is how you handle people?"

He could tell that Dave was looking at him, that _everyone in the room _was staring at him. His face burned but Karkat didn't acknowledge them.

Terezi stared blankly at him for a moment before giving an annoyed huff. She slid her sword back into its walking cane sheathe, leaning on it idly. "Fuck, fine. _Sorry_. We weren't going to _kill _him, just subdue him. He was trying to interrupt."

"Interrupt _what_, exactly?" Karkat demanded, furious for an entirely different reason. He waved his mangled hand around pointedly, still dripping blood. "Did you fly all the way out here for a sacrificial murder? I thought that Sollux was about to lay me on an altar and slit my throat and paint a pentagram in blood to appease the Eldritch Gods! And another thing, humans are _fragile_! You can't stab one of them for shits and giggles, _Terezi_, and expect them to be fine. I've cut Dave by swatting at him with my claws!"

There was more than Karkat wanted to rant about, but there was a tug on his wrist. He turned, fuming, and his snarl evaporated at the look on Dave's face.

Saying nothing, the human sheathed his katana and tucked it under one arm. He took Karkat's bloodied hand and pressed it close to his stomach, trying to stem the bleeding with the bottom half of his shirt. "Dude," Dave muttered, staring at Karkat's hand, "you gotta calm down. If you keep shouting, you're gonna scare the fish away, then how will gramps teach us the sacred art of gutting and filleting? Ain't nothing as wholesome as catching and killing something with nothing but a wooden pole and string you got at the Dollar Store."

Karkat was quiet for a moment. He sighed, curling his fingers in his friend's shirt. Red bloomed across the white fabric. "Dave. I have no idea what you're talking about."

Looking away from his makeshift attempts at first aid, Dave shot Karkat a smile over the top rim of his shades. "Yeah, but it got you to calm down, didn't it?"

It definitely wasn't the time for pale flirting. Karkat knew that. His friends were already getting on him for "pitying an alien" before, not to mention all of the strangers who seemed unhealthily invested in his blood color, and yet Karkat couldn't help the way he relaxed, complexion darkening as he flushed and averted his gaze.

Their hands were still touching, Dave's resting over his and keeping Karkat's near his stomach. True, it was for the point of drying his blood, but there was an acute sense of intimacy to it, too. Dave probably had no idea how fragile he was, how vulnerable he was being by letting Karkat's claws near. It would be beyond easy to twist his wrist and jam his hand forward, sinking his claws into Dave's stomach and killing him by yanking his insides out. Not that Karkat ever would do something so abhorrent, but he _could_. And Dave trusted him not to. Did he not understand how hopelessly pathetic he was being?

The moment was ruined by a scoff. "Get a pile!" Sollux shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth from where he stayed at the center of the room. There was no reason to raise his voice when the onlookers had gone quiet and begun whispering among themselves, which meant that he was doing it only to be an asshole.

Yanking his hand away from Dave, Karkat whirled around to start bitching right back, _twice _as loud, when Kanaya put a hand on his shoulder and tugged him back a step. "How about we settle this matter in private?" She spoke softly into his ear.

In all fairness, Karkat did allow her touch for a few moments before pointedly shrugging it off. Fuck it all — he was making it clear that he wasn't interested in _any _quadrants. "Sure," he grunted. "Then you and the rest of the blithering shitheads that I call my "friends" can tell me why you thought that a goddamn audience was necessary in the slightest."

Surprisingly, the look on Kanaya's face remained fond as she gazed at him. They stared at each other for a minute before, uncomfortable, Karkat shifted and looked away.

She sighed, still smiling. "I missed your constant complaining about the people you care about," Kanaya said gently.

"Yeah, well—!" Karkat sputtered, struggling for a comeback as he heard Terezi breaking out into giggles behind him. His face had to be glowing by that point and his hand was still throbbing in pain. Deflating, he shot back, "Well, shut up. And don't get used to it." Which only made Terezi laugh harder and Karkat curl up in mortification because, fuck, that was the _opposite _of the message that he wanted to send.

By then, Sollux had caught up with them. He set a hand on Karkat's arm and was immediately batted away. He had learned his lesson — no more allowing Sollux to drag him to strange places.

Unfortunately, the intent was apparently lost on Sollux. He gave Karkat a funny look, then scowled. "Jeez, KK. How did I ever survive almost two sweeps without your constant overreactions and bulge-stroking displays of pitiful hypersensitivity?"

Karkat bristled, baring his teeth in warning. It was only Dave's presence at his side that kept him from snarling. "_Overreaction_? _Hypersensitivity_?" He was practically shrieking. "You just _spilled my blood _in front of a room of complete strangers! I have _every right _to strangle you for this!" And oh, was it tempting. He had a mild hate crush on Sollux in the past, but it was only the most platonic of burning fury that was drawing Karkat's attention to Sollux's slender neck and how easy it would be to just get his hands around it and—

Frustratingly enough, Sollux didn't seem to see the problem. He shrugged, forcing casualness. "Like they were gonna hurt you. They're _way _too busy clawing to be first in line to suck the bulge of their messiah to hurt _anyone_, let alone—" He was cut off by Terezi jamming an elbow in his gut, silencing him with a pained grunt.

"Messiah…?" He echoed blankly. For a moment, nothing clicked. Then Karkat's eyes widened and the blood drained from his face. "Oh, God. _Fuck me, _please tell me that this isn't what I think it is. _Please _tell me you guys are just distastefully fucking with me as a big "gotcha" to welcome me back to the misery of Alternian life and everyone on this ship is in on it."

None of his friends felt inclined to answer, but the looks on their faces said it all. Karkat wasn't sure if he was going to scream or cry or punch someone, but he could feel the precipice of his mental breakdown fast approaching. _No_. They _had _to be joking.

Someone clapped their hand down on his shoulder and, instinctively, Karkat almost tore into whoever it was. He caught himself at the last second and was glad that he had because then he glanced pale skin out of the corner of his eye and Dave's scent moved closer.

He hated how relaxing it was. Karkat didn't _want _to be comforted, but he didn't want to push Dave away, either. The human just wouldn't understand. Even if Karkat screamed and clawed at him, Dave wouldn't and couldn't understand or return the desperate bid for pitch flirtation. And knowing that only pissed Karkat off further and made him want it more. He was too angry to deal with his pale crush, dammit.

"Uh, dude, I don't really speak alien cockroach or have any idea what's going on, but I think that you need to relax," Dave said. "You seriously look like you're about to burst a vein. What even happened up there? Some kind of blood sacrifice ritual?"

It was a close thing, but Karkat managed to choke back the need to yell at Dave. The urge was strong, but he swallowed it, the feelings burning like bile all the way down. He was being unreasonable and that wasn't fair to Dave. _He _was the one being thrust into an entirely different (and very hostile) culture because Karkat couldn't stand having to go through this without him.

So he calmed down. Deflated, more aptly, as guilt and regret washed away his anger. "You're right," Karkat muttered. He set a hand over Dave's on his shoulder and squeezed gently. His pitch feelings didn't feel enthralling anymore — it felt bitter. "Blood ritual is a good term for it. But to be honest, I don't _know _what they were doing because no one is telling me anything." He couldn't muster up the energy to be offended by it.

Dave looked like he didn't really know how to answer that, which was fine. Karkat wasn't sure what to say, either. After a moment, Dave awkwardly raised his other arm and made a sort of grabbing motion at the air. "Do you think a hug would help?" He asked.

No, it wouldn't. Karkat could count the number of times they had hugged on one hand and still have fingers left over. He couldn't see how letting Dave press up against him was _ever _going to help Karkat calm down. Not to mention, if he did that in front of his friends, they would be all but convinced that his thinkpan had leaked out his ears and he was dating an alien.

"Yes," he sighed anyway, ignoring the selfish tinge at the back of his mind. Karkat lifted Dave's hand off of his shoulder, resisting the urge to give a squeeze before dropping the appendage. "But not right now. It isn't a good place for… that."

The cult assembly or whatever the audience was supposed to be was starting to get impatient. Their mutterings were growing louder and every shuffling step toward Karkat made him want to put another mile between him and the sick freaks who were cheering for his blood.

For once, he was glad that Dave kept such a good poker face. Had his expression looked even slightly hurt by Karkat's rejection, he probably would have received the papping of a lifetime. As it was, Dave nodded and shrugged one shoulder. "Sure, man. Do whatever you gotta do to keep these assclowns from trying to kill you again. Or me, while you're at it."

Karkat didn't get the chance to answer. Apparently, Sollux was fed up. He brushed by Karkat with a snort, purposely knocking his shoulder against Dave on his way to the door. "Keep chattering with the human then, KK. I've got better things to do." He paused at the door to give Karkat a sneer and a mock salute. Once, it might have sent his bloodpusher pounding, but all that Karkat could muster up was a faint annoyance. "See you around, if you're lucky." He opened the door and slipped out, gone just like that.

Blankly, Karkat stared after him. He turned to Terezi, asking, "What was _that _about?"

She gave him an odd look. Well, as odd as she could manage without pupils. "You're such a fucking idiot," Terezi sighed. "You know what? Never mind. Let's just go. We need to find somewhere private to talk." She jammed a thumb toward Dave. "And find somewhere safe to leave your sweet-smelling friend, unless he wants to sit there for an hour and not understand a thing we're saying."

That was a good point, loathed though Karkat was to admit it. He figured that he could just ask Dave what he would prefer, though. He wasn't going to treat his friend like a burden because he was physically incapable of understanding or speaking Alternian.

He nodded instead of answering Terezi, taking Dave's wrist and giving a pointed tug. "We're leaving," he said impatiently, leading the way toward the door. "We have a lot to talk about, Dave. Not me and you, but me and these sorry excuses for functioning individuals that I am ashamed to call my friends. I'm going to demand answers and, since you can't understand a single word in Alternian, you can either stick around while I spend an hour screaming at them, or you can fuck around somewhere else until I'm done."

Outside of the bridge, Karkat relaxed. The door closed behind himself and his friends, and he paused, turning to Dave with a sigh. Kanaya and Terezi were over his shoulder, watching with expressions that Karkat couldn't fully describe.

Dave tugged on his wrist so Karkat let him go, feeling a longing twist in his throat. "Hey, I'm not that hopeless," Dave retorted. "I paid attention enough to learn what I'm pretty sure are curse words." To illustrate his point, he made a garbled chirring noise. It came out as a horrible mix of "motherfucker" and "shitting."

Despite himself, Karkat snorted with laughter. He muffled it, forcing his expression to be serious again. "Well, it _is _a curse word. I'll give you that," he said with the most unimpressed voice that he could muster. The effect was probably ruined by the grin on his face. He soon turned somber though. "I'm sorry for dragging you here, Dave. This probably isn't your idea of a good night."

"Are you kidding?" Dave snorted, nudging Karkat affectionately with his shoulder. "I've always wanted to fuck around an alien space ship. The fact that it's four in the morning and I can't magically understand every word you guys say doesn't even factor in. Look." He set his hands on Karkat's shoulders, turning the troll to face him so that he would understand the severity of that statement that was about to follow. "You've more than earned an hour or two alone with your friends, Karkat. I'll wait wherever you want me to." Uncertainty flickered across his expression. "Do you want me to… leave? Like, go back to my house?"

Panic swelled in his chest, but Karkat kept from shouting by biting down on his tongue. He managed a slow shake of the head instead. "No. I… I really want you here, Dave. I'm glad that you're around." He resisted the urge to squeeze Dave's hands, shrugging them off entirely as he turned to look at Kanaya. To her, he switched back to Alternia and said, "These ships have blocks, don't they? Is there a spare one that I can use?" Dave's inclusion in that didn't need to be spoken for. Back at his house, Karkat either slept in the attic or in Dave's bed. And before his friends arrived, the latter had far outnumbered the former.

Kanaya smirked — Karkat wasn't sure why, since he hadn't said anything funny. "I'm sure we can find something," she said. Next to her, Terezi was giggling into her hand like a maniac. Neither of those could be good signs.

But, whatever. He could ignore their cackling bullshit for one day. He let them lead the way and started after them, Dave automatically falling into step next to him. "I hope that you don't mind sharing a block," Karkat spoke up nervously, directing his statement to Dave. "I'm not sure how long we'll need it, but these ships often bunk blocks together to save on space so I doubt it would be possible for us to have separate spaces regardless unless you want to share it with a stranger instead of me." Or Dave could always go back to his nice, warm human bed in his nice, warm human house and leave Karkat to flounder around pathetically all on his own. That was always an option, too.

Weirdly enough, Dave _still _wanted to stick around. He did that little tilt of his head that meant he was rolling his eyes behind his shades. "Wow. Y'know, you have a point, Karkat. After living with you for more than two years, I've suddenly had my eyes opened to how repulsive it is to sleep within twenty feet of you. You are _so _right. Do you have space in the engine room of this place? I think I'd rather sleep there than with my best fucking friend, actually."

The mental image of Dave sleeping among the working psionics that powered the ship was both hilarious and terrifying. Karkat snorted. "Fine, be an ass about it, Dave. Fuck me for trying to be considerate," he shot back, crossing his arms.

Dave laughed, which was absolutely not adorable and definitely didn't make Karkat's mouth go dry. "Woah, touchy! Got it. I guess I have no other option than to bunk with you, huh? Since sleeping in the engine room is a no-no and all. I'd hate to be culturally insensitive, Karkat. You know what a thoughtful and considerate guy I am."

How did he do it so easily? Just erase Karkat's thoughts of self-doubt by making him laugh instead. He'd never laughed more in his life than he did with Dave. "I thought the definition of those words required thinking about someone besides yourself," he teased.

Sometimes, it really did hurt. Karkat wished he could kiss Dave without ruining their relationship. Just once.

"Here we are," Kanaya spoke up suddenly, cutting off Dave's reply. She stopped in front of a door that had Karkat's sign on it. Because why not, right? They had already put it everywhere else. "This will be your block for however long we are on this ship, Karkat. Dave is welcome to share it with you."

Terezi snickered, elbowing Karkat in the side. "I think you're going to love it," she joked, grinning so hard that it had to sting.

That couldn't mean anything good. Karkat swallowed hard, shouldering past her to reach by Kanaya and open the door himself. As soon as he did, his jaw dropped.

Beyond the door was not, as Karkat had expected, the common barrack set up that the crew on spaceships contented themselves with. No, instead he got a block that was probably bigger than the entirety of his old hive. It had plush carpeting, brightly painted walls, and a curtain on the far wall that revealed the presence of a window view. To his left was the biggest recuperacoon he had ever laid eyes upon. To his right was a second door that likely led to the private ablutionblock. Everything looked stupidly expensive. It even had a private desk, complete with a new husktop. There was a seating area tucked into the corner, next to a bookshelf that Karkat would bet his left shameglobe was filled with his favorites.

Apparently tired of watching him stand there like an idiot, Dave squeezed by Karkat and into the room. He reached out and placed two fingers under the troll's jaw, gently pushing up and clicking his mouth shut. Karkat bristled with indignation, snapping his head toward Dave in time to catch the quirk of a smile on his friend's lips before it was forced away.

"Try not to look too excited, Karkat. They might take it the wrong way." Dave turned toward the recuperacoon, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "Is that supposed to be a bed?"

Ignoring Dave's stupid question, Karkat whirled on Kanaya and Terezi. They both still idled in the hall, looking unquestionably smug. "What the bulge-suckling _fuck _is all of _this_?" He all but shrieked, red-faced and flailing his arms wildly toward the room. "This is _not _a standard block! I am putting my foot down right shitting now! Why is my sign everywhere? Why is _everyone_ acting like I'm suddenly the best thing since sopor? What is _happening_?"

Kanaya's expression melted into a sympathetic smile. "It's… a long story," she muttered. Her gaze slid over to Dave and the intention was clear. "There is somewhere more private that we can go to speak about this. And bandage your hand while we get something to eat, as well. I imagine that you're hungry by now."

He wasn't, but Karkat would eat whatever she put in front of him if it would get her to start talking. His hand wasn't bleeding anymore, but the cut was bright red and angry-looking and would probably benefit from being wrapped. He still felt guilty about leaving Dave alone but, Karkat figured, it wouldn't be for long and he doubted that the human would be very interested in hearing them speak in a language that he didn't understand. It would take even longer if he had to stop every sentence to translate for Dave. After Karkat got all the information that they were willing to give, he would have a lot to tell Dave later.

After a moment of thought, Karkat turned to Dave and set a hand on his shoulder. "I'll be back soon," he said, eyes softening. "I'm going to figure out what's going on. I promise to tell you everything once I get back."

To his surprise, Dave shook his head, brushing Karkat's hand off and taking hold of his wrist instead. "What? No way, dude. You're obviously not okay right now. I wanna be there, even if it's just to keep you from tearing your hair out," he insisted.

That sounded so nice. It sounded amazing, actually. Far better than it had any right to. And that was why Karkat couldn't allow it. He wasn't going to cram Dave into the role of a moirail when he didn't understand the concept. That would be taking advantage of his kindness and unconditional support. If Dave had understood what moirails were, if he grabbed Karkat and shoved him into a pile and papped him good and proper, then obviously he wasn't going to reject that. But, sharply, Karkat had to remind himself that Dave was an alien and he would be abusing that innocent ignorance. And that wasn't even to _mention_ all the other confusing, quadrant-twisting things he felt for Dave.

Frankly, none of it was making the whole situation any easier for Karkat.

His exasperation made itself known in the form of barred teeth and a growl, something that Karkat hadn't done to Dave since their time together was still new. He jerked his hand from Dave's hold impatiently. "Can you listen to me for once and stay still?" He snapped. Karkat regretted it as soon as it was out of his mouth but it was too late to take it back. For better or worse, Dave's expression didn't crumble — there was a comical look of surprise on his face, eyebrows brushing his hairline and mouth forming a small "o." And it was a good thing too, because otherwise Karkat would have given in and begged Dave to forgive him. "Stay right here, Dave. Right in this room. I'll be _fine _and I'll be _back_. For once, please just stop worrying about me!" He couldn't ask Dave to stop "flirting" — not when humans didn't have a concept of moirails — so he did the next best thing and slammed the door shut in Dave's face.

Panting with frustration, Karkat stared at the closed door for about ten seconds before he realized that Dave wasn't going to be coming back out. Immediately, he slumped.

He nearly smacked face-first into the wall when, out of nowhere, Terezi slugged him hard in the shoulder. "Good job," she snorted, arms crossed over her chest. "You went and upset your moirail. What did he even do wrong?"

Karkat scowled, rubbing his shoulder where he was sure it was going to bruise. "He's not my moirail," he growled. "And even if Dave _was _— which, if you will allow me to reiterate one final time, he is _not _— I'm not going to stand here and be insulted by this pathetic attempt to distract me through a conversation about quadrants! I asked for answers about what the fuck is happening around here, and I'm dammed determined to get them."

All that got from Terezi was a raised eyebrow. "Really? If _he's _not your moirail, then who was it that you were pathetically fawning all over back there, practically begging him to tend to your injuries and pap you into a submissive puddle?" She shot back.

The accusation made Karkat flush, looking anywhere but at Terezi as he tried (and failed) not to picture it. He knew how gentle Dave could be when they were alone, and he could imagine that same tenderness would apply to handling injuries. All those soft smiles and shushing him, coddling Karkat in a pile afterward, like… like—

Like he was something to be protected.

"Speaking of..." Kanaya cut in, clearing her throat politely as she stepped in front of Terezi. And it was a good thing that she did because it seemed like Terezi was about to call Karkat out for having pale comfort fantasies right in front of them and he _refused _to justify such an obscene claim with a response. "Karkat, we should go to the infirmary to treat your hand properly. It's not currently in use so we will have plenty of time alone to… discuss whatever you want. In-depth," she assured him.

The argument that he had been about to make died on his tongue. Karkat looked between his two friends and sighed, deflating. Alright. Yeah, maybe he was being a bit of an ass. It had been so long since he last saw them. He should be enjoying it.

Why did it feel like he wasn't?

"Okay," Karkat muttered, running a hand through his hair. He glanced up at Kanaya through his bangs. "I fucked up with Sollux, didn't I?"

The smile that she gave him was bittersweet and it made Karkat wince. Maybe he should have turned down her pale advances properly before asking her for emotional support. Or maybe he shouldn't have asked her for it at all. "No," she promised with a shake of the head. "It's been… hard on him since you left, Karkat. He needs time. Sollux will be ready to talk eventually. It isn't the fault of anything that you did."

He wasn't sure how much he believed that last part, but Karkat nodded anyway. He managed a smile. "I really missed you guys."

Stepping toward them, he let himself be dragged into a hug, pressed between Kanaya and Terezi. He felt like he was going to cry again. Somehow, he managed to resist the urge, though he clung to them both for longer than he probably should have.

When he finally pulled back, Kanaya tugged on his wrist and gestured in the direction that they were going before respectfully letting go of him and beginning to walk. "We have a lot to tell you. So much as happened…" She said with a searching sigh.

Falling into step next to her, Karkat fixed a scowl on his face in his best attempt to look intimidating. "Start _somewhere_. At this point, anything to go off of would be a miracle."

On his other side, there was a huffing laugh from Terezi. She adjusted her glasses and turned her head towards him pointedly, and there was such an intense look in her eyes that Karkat momentarily forgot that she couldn't see him. "Fine. To start, I guess we should probably tell you about The Signless."

* * *

Of all the things that Dave had expected when he'd agreed to share a room with Karkat, a million-dollar suite wasn't one of them. He didn't know what the bug-pod looking thing was for or have a great concept of the sense of lavishness for aliens, but he knew immediately that the room was _nice_. Like, really nice. And none of it made any sense.

Karkat had said before, begrudgingly and obviously torn up about it, that he had been forced to leave his planet when he did or else be killed. So what was with the princely treatment, the adoration, the putting his weird symbol everywhere? Was Dave missing something? Did Karkat's society just treat people that they hated really nicely? He wanted to be there to help Karkat out when he was so obviously stressed about the entire thing, but how could Dave even start at that when he didn't understand what was upsetting in the first place?

Something about the room made Karkat lose the ability to function. Dave squeezed around him, into the plush comforts of the suite, and reached out to push Karkat's mouth shut. He had been staring, open-mouthed, at the display for far too long already.

There was a flicker of amusement when Karkat stiffened and shot him a glare, but Dave's smile quickly faded. He scrambled for something to say that might help break the tension. "Try not to look too excited, Karkat. They might take it the wrong way." He gestured to the purple-pod pressed against one of the far walls. "Is that supposed to be a bed?"

Maybe he said something that upset Karkat because he immediately turned to his friends and started yelling at them. Neither of them seemed all that impressed, calm and almost smug while Karkat ranted and raved. Dave watched quietly, lips pressed into an unhappy line. He wanted to try and get Karkat to calm down but, considering that those girls had both been willing to stab him a few minutes ago, he wasn't all that eager to interrupt.

They talked for a few moments before the girl — Dave was pretty sure that that one was Kanaya — said something that made Karkat turn thoughtful. He had a sinking feeling that he wasn't going to like what was said next, which was confirmed when Karkat turned to Dave, placed a hand on his shoulder, and said, "I'll be back soon. I'm going to figure out what's going on. I promise to tell you everything once I get back."

Oh, hell no. Absolutely not. Maybe if Karkat had been happy-go-lucky about the whole thing from the beginning or if he hadn't looked on the verge of a panic attack earlier, but after all of that, there was no way that Dave was letting his dumb ass go anywhere alone. That was the whole reason that he was even on the alien ship at all — to support Karkat. Like bros should.

Dave shook his head and took hold of Karkat's wrist, pulling it off of his shoulder in some attempt to drive home how serious he was. "What? No way, dude. You're obviously not okay right now. I wanna be there, even if it's just to keep you from tearing your hair out." At the rate things were going, Dave was pretty sure that he was going to be the one going bald. On the plus side, he was already whiter than the Michelin Man so it wasn't like his hair could lose any pigment from all the stress that Karkat was no doubt going to be causing them both.

He was such an idiot. What was wrong with letting himself be taken care of? Not that Dave _wanted _to take care of him, per se, he just wished that Karkat could take care of himself because someone clearly had to and it couldn't always be Dave. Unless Karkat wanted him to.

To Dave's surprise, instead of bowing to his reasonable points as it had seemed Karkat was about to, he suddenly barred teeth and growled. Actually _growled_, like he was looking at a threat. Karkat yanked his hand free and, stunned, Dave let him. "Can you listen to me for once and stay still? Stay right here, Dave. Right in this room." He jutted his finger toward the ground for emphasis, but all Dave heard was the frustration in his words. It didn't feel like Karkat was only mad at him for something so inconsequential. "I'll be fine and I'll be back. For once, please just stop worrying about me!"

And then he slammed the door shut in Dave's face.

Shocked, he didn't react as quickly as he should have. When he eventually managed to gather his thoughts, Dave grabbed for the door handle… and paused. Biting his lip, he pressed his ear against the door and strained. Growing up as a light sleeper, learning to anticipate Bro's feather-light steps around every corner, Dave closed his eyes and tried to listen in. He didn't understand a good chunk of whatever Karkat was talking to his friends about, but he heard his name in there at least once and that didn't bode well. Fuck. Did he do something wrong? Was that why Karkat was mad at him?

He bit his lip and let his hand fall away from the handle as footsteps receded. There wasn't a point in going after them. Dave's goal was to comfort Karkat but he knew that it wouldn't go well if he was just inserting himself into a situation that Karkat had already decided would be easier without him. The stubbornness of both of them would clash and make things way more difficult than it needed to be.

It would be easier to do the comforting shit when Karkat was back and they were hopefully alone. Something about Dave's usually platonic bro gestures seemed to really piss off Karkat's friends. Maybe it was a cultural thing.

Plus, he was tired. And Dave could only juggle other people's bullshit for so long on three hours of sleep without wanting to beat himself over the head with a brick.

He looked around the room with resignation, grimacing at the purple pod. He was becoming more and more convinced that that was supposed to be how Karkat's species slept but he wasn't anywhere near desperate enough to try it. The thing was oozing green slime and pulsing, like it had a heartbeat. Dave was content to settle for the uncomfortable-looking chair.

He flopped down into the one closest to the bookshelf and, sure enough, it was harder than plastic and murder on his spine. Perfect. He set his katana down and let it lean against the bookshelf before rifling in his pocket for his phone. All good pajama bottoms had pockets, in his obviously correct opinion. Although, considering the split in his shirt from that sword fight earlier, he was probably going to need to ask Karkat about proper clothes at some point. Or at the very least, get some jeans from his house without getting locked out of the ship or taken in by the U.S. government.

Unlocking his phone, Dave thought over his options of who to pester for about two seconds before deciding to follow up with John. He did leave the guy hanging earlier after all, and he didn't want to fuss with Rose or Jade at the moment. Bro was also an option since he would probably want an update that Dave was still alive, but he was okay with putting that off for as long as possible.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EG] at 4:27 am --

TG: hey broski i hope youre still awake  
TG: like i know its assfuck o'clock in the morning but i think that alien invasion is as good a reason as any to be up past your bedtime  
TG: actually wait what were you doing up before  
TG: you know what nvm i dont want to know  
TG: anyway i guess youre asleep which is pretty damn disappointing im gonna level with ya  
TG: but being the kind and merciful churchgoer that i am ill fill you in on how things are going with karkat so you have something to look forward to when you wake up i think thats what my man the j-dogg would have wanted  
TG: j is for jesus  
TG: dogg is for dogg  
TG: anyway  
TG: uh  
TG: ive got no idea whats going on ngl  
TG: i think that karkat is jesus now or some shit it wasnt made super clear  
TG: yeah but all of these weird alien guys were just clapping because he was bleeding on the floor  
TG: like i know ive mentioned it to you before that blood color is for some reason important in their society like so important that karkat was going to be killed for it  
TG: which is still complete BULLSHIT but yeah  
TG: oh shit does this mean that karkats friends are gonna bleed something other than red thats so freaky cool  
TG: i hope the 3d glasses guy bleeds red and blue haha that would be fuckin incredible  
TG: no but like i guess theyre all cool with karkat not having the right blood color now for some reason  
TG: which i thought would be good but karkat seems pretty upset about it and theyre super creepy with the whole thing tbh like im 87% sure these guys have shrines of karkat that they pray to as their blood messiah  
TG: still nothing huh  
TG: fine i see how it is guess ill just show myself out  
TG: see if rose or jade want to chew the fat because that is a real thing that people say  
TG: later nerd

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EG] at 4:38 am --

At the very least, Dave had killed eleven minutes. Karkat wasn't back yet, though, so he wasn't very soothed by that. It wasn't altogether weird for John to just drop unconscious during some of their late-night/early-morning conversations, but Dave was a little stunned that he could sleep at all when there was a possible alien invasion upon them. He shrugged it off. The dude was probably tired.

Still needing to pass the time, though, Dave decided to try Rose next. She was the most likely to be awake unless Jade was fucking over her sleep schedule again. Neither of them seemed to be online, but Dave was pretty sure that Rose would jump at the opportunity to ask him about aliens. Assuming that John had told them, of course. Which he probably hadn't.

Dave was right about to text her when a knock on the door startled him from his thoughts. He frowned. It was Karkat's room, so he probably wouldn't knock, and it felt way too soon for him to be back. The possibility of an alien being on the other side of that door was approximately one-hundred-percent and, given that they didn't seem to like him and were pretty aggressive and built with fangs and claws, Dave wasn't stupid enough to think that opening the door would be a good idea.

He had settled in to ignore it, cursing himself for forgetting his earbuds, when the knock sounded again, louder. But it seemed pretty polite, all things considered, so Dave sighed and got to his feet. As a second thought, he grabbed his katana, but left it sheathed. No need to make a habit out of answering the door holding readied weapons.

When he slid open the door, an unfamiliar troll girl had her hand poised ready to knock again. She seemed surprised to see him, brow drawn tightly into what Dave hoped was a sign of confusion and not a threat in Karkat's species. She looked pretty much like the other members of her species — the same uniform, with Karkat's symbol pinned above an embroidered, wavy shoe-looking sign that was probably hers, hair pulled back into a tight braid, mismatched horns longer than Dave's hand — but it was what she was holding that really got Dave's attention.

It was a sickle. Really elegant, too. The blade had a wide curve and was paper-thin all the way through, sharpened to the point that it would be stupid to even touch it. The handle looked like dark wood, definitely hand-carved. Dave automatically tensed at the sight of it, but the alien girl wasn't threatening him with it. Her olive-green eyes darted around the room behind Dave and, dejected, she nonetheless lowered her head and offered him the sickle.

"Um… thank you?" Dave tried. She started a little at his words, like she hadn't expected him to speak, but didn't move until he carefully took the sickle by the handle and took it from her.

Once he had it, she muttered something in her own language and left. Bewildered, Dave watched her go for a few seconds before closing the door behind him. He turned to sickle over in his hands a few times, leaving his katana leaning against the wall near the door. He wasn't very familiar with alien blacksmithing, but he could tell that a lot of care had gone into the blade. It was inscribed with what was probably Karkat's home language, some short phrase. The bottom of the handle had Karkat's sign carved into it.

Thoughtful, Dave ran his thumb over the design. Clearly, what he had been given was a gift. A gift for Karkat, more aptly. That was a lot different from wanting to kill him.

He shook his head, walking over to the chair by the bookshelf where he had been sitting before. Uncertain what to do with the present, he set it on a mostly-empty shelf and decided that he would tell Karkat about it when he got back. It was a lot nicer than the dingy little sickle Karkat had had with him since he arrived. Damn, why hadn't Dave ever thought of getting him a replacement?

Whatever. It was time to text Rose. Maybe she could help him puzzle out the species' sharp change in attitude toward Karkat.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 4:42 am --

TG: guess whos back (back)  
TG: back again (gain)  
TG: this shitty rap (rap)  
TG: tell a friend  
TG: rose pls dont make me resort to parodying that whole song from memory until you answer me because we both know that i can and will  
TG: ill never get my rap career off the ground if i only exist to copy eminem lyrics  
TG: seriously it's like almost eight in the morning for you over there i thought that was a time when reasonable people woke up  
TG: ugh whatever i'll just spam you the update and when you find your eyes straining at the sight of paragraph after paragraph of red text just know that you have no one to blame but yourself  
TG: so  
TG: uh  
TG: i dunno if you saw the news or if against all odds of probability john actually texted you and let you know but  
TG: weve officially made first contact yeah it turns out that the mothership came back for karkat which i thought was a good thing but  
TG: i dont know karkat doesnt seem super happy  
TG: im kinda worried about the lil guy  
TG: it doesnt feel like he knows whats happening or what hes supposed to do which is cool because same i feel that  
TG: but also it feels like karkat should know those things which is whats worrying me  
TG: his friends came and got him which was cool of them but theres also a bunch of other members of his species and they just sorta seem to be here on the ship doing ship maintenance stuff i think  
TG: also they worship karkat  
TG: did i mention that because that is apparently a thing thats happening now  
TG: its so weird rose  
TG: he told me some stories about what life was like on his planet and why he had to leave but this is all just so different  
TG: its like weve run into a separate planet altogether  
TG: none of it lines up is what i'm saying  
TG: and one of them knocked on the door while karkat was gone and left me i gift that i think is for him like it's got his symbol carved in it and everything  
TG: they put his symbol everywhere btw  
TG: pretty sure that i saw some random chad with it tattooed on his neck like who fucking does that  
TG: oh fuck hold on  
TG: someones knocking on the door and i think its another offering to our lord and savior karkat everyone  
TG: i better go get that before whoever it is breaks down the door and claws my eyes out or however karkats species greets people because nothing else here makes any goddamn sense so why not  
TG: if i dont come back just assume they broke out the probes

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 4:53 am --

Unfortunately, Dave hadn't been lying to get out of his awkwardly one-sided conversation with Rose. There actually was someone knocking on the door again. Dave considered, again, not answering it but since he had already gone and acknowledged the first person, his excuses felt flimsy. He hefted himself up with a sigh and went to answer the door.

The second time, there was a group of three. They looked more nervous than the first girl and smaller too, with heavy-looking horns and dull red eyes. Had Dave not grown used to Karkat's over the year since they'd changed from black to blood-red, he probably would have been freaked out. And he still kind of was, just not by the eyes. He wasn't sure what the right thing to do was.

Clearly, none of the visitors were there for Dave. Was he being rude by taking the shit that was meant for Karkat? What if one of them just stabbed him, for no reason? He didn't know if they did that on Karkat's planet and he was really beginning to regret not asking for pointers.

The three of them all did the bowing thing that the first girl did, thrusting out what looked like a gift basket. Which, alright, was kind of adorable. Dave knew that his childhood wasn't exactly the norm for American kids, but even he was pretty sure that weapons and what looked like a sex toy weren't supposed to go into gift baskets. Or maybe the oblong object was a tube of meat? He couldn't read what was printed on the packaging so he had no fucking idea. Come to think of it, what would alien sex toys be like? Did they _have _sex toys? Did they have _sex_? What sort of, uh, "parts" did they have?

Dave cleared his throat, face inflamed and muttered something that he hoped was polite-sounding before gingerly taking the basket. He waited for them to leave before shutting the door behind them and setting the basket down like it was going to blow up. Yeah. Okay. He really shouldn't be going down that line of thought. It felt… disrespectful to Karkat, somehow.

He turned back to the uncomfortable chair, ready to sit back down and round off his friend circle by blabbering to Jade, but just as he sat down there was another knock at the door. Dave was beginning to think that gift-giving would be a pattern and he was really starting to dread it. He could just as easily _not _open the door, but what if the aliens started talking and some had their presents received and some didn't? Killing him was still pretty likely. Or, if they were supposed to be Karkat's followers, they could turn on him and kill _him _instead. And that was exactly the opposite of what Dave considered to be a favorable outcome. Which meant that he had trapped himself into answering the door until people stopped knocking.

Again, it was opened, and again, aliens seemed disappointed to see him instead of Karkat but offered their gifts anyway. It was two, that time, with some food that actually looked good. Meaning that Dave was either sleep-drunk or starving or both. Frankly, he didn't care.

He took what looked like a square loaf of bread and some sort of chocolate that buzzed like a cicada from them and closed the door. After a moment of thought, Dave piled up the food-looking items in the chair opposite of the one where he had been sitting. It seemed like the most sanitary way to store them without a fridge or any plates. The sickle from before was propped up against the chair and he set the gift basket next to it. It looked pretty picturesque, actually. Hopefully, Karkat liked it and didn't have another panic attack or something.

There was a pause where Dave stood there with his hand in his pocket, listening. He wasn't about to try sitting down again if someone was just going to knock two seconds after.

Sure enough, a fourth rap of knuckles against the door sounded and Dave swallowed a groan. Maybe he should have gone after Karkat and his friends anyway. Listening to the alien bug chatter for a few hours couldn't have been any worse than this, could it?

So he kept answering the door for about twenty minutes and the stack of shit around the designated Offering Chair continued to grow. Because, as Dave realized some ten minutes in, that was really what it was. Offerings. He had been making religious comparisons for ironic purposes before but the aliens on the ship really were treating Karkat's arrival on board like the second coming of Christ.

There was even a little Bible-looking thing that was hand-written and embroidered with Karkat's sign on the cover. It was really thoughtful, but even if Dave couldn't read the writing inside, he was pretty sure that the girl who gave it to him hadn't handed over a fanfiction or personal diary. It was definitely some sort of religious text. Some of the aliens even gave him paintings as offerings for Karkat and while a lot of the work was pretty nice, Dave was losing his goddamn mind. Seriously. He could feel his brain leaking out of his ears.

It was just so… _bizarre_. Why was Karkat being drawn as a God and given the framed canvas? Dave had no idea. He was still hung up on the idea that these people were supposed to hate Karkat for his blood, and yet some of them seemed like they were reverently in love with the guy. It was pretty off-putting.

He kept track of some of the shit he got, of course. There was a lot of food, enough that he eventually had to start a new pile on the other chair which effectively meant that he had nowhere to sit except on the floor. But that was fine because Karkat kept getting a lot of blankets and pillows. Like, a lot of them. Dave wasn't sure what Karkat's species did with them, since putting them in the alien bug-pod bed seemed monumentally stupid, but he made a huge pile out of them and there was enough felt and plush for him to drown in. Literally. It was a lot more tempting than it had any right to be.

He gathered jewelry, money, alien plants, small altars, clothing, and some stuff that seemed miscellaneous, like candles and what he was pretty sure was a hairbrush or possibly a nail file. All of it was sort of gently kicked into a pile around the same chair. It was getting kind of hard to see any furniture between all the mounds of bullshit.

Dave took his phone out to finally text Jade. He was sort of freaking out, in the most chill way possible, and needed the reprieve. Those three hours of sleep were starting to feel like a bad idea.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 5:17 am --

TG: jade  
TG: jade help  
TG: i sure as shit hope that john and/or rose filled you in on whats been going on over here at casa la strider but  
TG: i think the aliens worship karkat  
TG: i am up to my dick in religious offerings that are only getting piled higher by the minute and i think theyre going to run out of stuff to keep giving him and start busting out the sacrificial candles  
TG: do aliens even do that like do they have a satan or hell or did they just decide overnight that karkat is now the god of everything and everyone  
TG: fuck i feel like im about to find out  
TG: if i dont come back just know that i died how i lived  
TG: absolutely drowning in alien pussy

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 5:20 am --

Oh, fuck, when was Karkat supposed to be back? If Dave ever heard anyone knock on a door again after that experience, he was going to flip his shit.

It was weird that none of his friends were answering him, though. John and Jade, sure, it was pretty late for them, but Rose was usually up by that point and it wasn't like her to ignore Dave. Much as they both liked to bitch about each other, their relationship was built upon snarky remarks. Rose wasn't one to miss an opportunity.

But, in the end, there wasn't much that Dave could do about it other than pester them all some more, which was so uncool that the thought nearly made him gag. He was sure that they were fine, probably just asleep or some shit. Which was fine. Dave would probably be asleep himself if people would stop knocking on the fucking door but, well, didn't life just suck like that? He couldn't really make them go away.

Muffling yawns, he accepted two more religious offerings before giving in and deciding to get in touch with Bro. Dave had tried everyone else. Much as he disliked the idea of having to deal with Bro when he was in one of his "moods," Dave figured that he ought to at least tell the guy that he was alive.

Their relationship was complicated, but while Dave didn't see Bro as a father figure, there was a familiarity and almost begrudging fondness between them anyway. He didn't _hate _Bro, it just felt like one of those relationships that would be better if they didn't live together. It wasn't very traditional, though Dave wasn't sure if that even mattered. He was nineteen, so he should move out anyway and put his non-existent daddy issues behind him. The only reason Dave hadn't was because he didn't have the money, but to get money required a job, which required leaving Karkat alone for hours on end every day, which was also why he had never tried applying for college once he got his G.E.D., and…

Yeah. It was complicated. Bro's overwhelming dislike of their extraterrestrial houseguest hadn't helped matters. Regardless, the guy had still raised Dave, so he could spare Bro a few minutes and a handful of texts.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:29 am --

TG: hey so everyone else is busy sleeping or doing respectable-member-of-society type shit so whats up did you get hauled in by the government or what  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: damn fine asshole  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: turn your phone off if you want like i care  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: just thought youd want to know that your pride and joy is alright and escaped the first evening on an alien mothershit unscathed and unprobbed  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: also im alright too i guess  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: for clarification i was talking about your fuckin katana  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: wait  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: wait did you deactivate your pesterchum  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: holy shit bro seriously  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: fine i guess theres no point in continuing a permanently one sided conversation  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: later i guess  
ERROR: Message failed to send.  
TG: fuck  
ERROR: Message failed to send.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] stopped pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:33 am --

Okay, maybe Dave was just done texting for the night. It seemed like a sign from God that he ought to give it up already. He let out a frustrated huff and dropped his phone into the blanket pile before following after it in a full-body slam that was lost in mounds and mounds of fluffy plush. Not exactly Dave's ideal way to go, but he would take it.

He wiggled around and got comfortable, staring at the door. Any second, someone was going to knock again. Any second. Dave wondered what sort of offerings the next creepy alien worshippers would have to hand over. Maybe they would skip the pleasantries and simply stab him. When Karkat got back, Dave was going to have to ask him if the people on his planet still did blood sacrifices. Just to be sure.

Frowning, Dave picked at the nearest blanket idly. What was happening with Bro? It wasn't like the guy to go AWOL like that. If he was going to be gone for a while, he bought a bunch of frozen meals ahead of time and left Dave a note so he didn't freak out. Deactivating his Pesterchum made it seem like he was going really out of his way to avoid being contacted. It almost made Dave wish that they had a phone plan that covered texting and calls, but the cell service was so spotty in the middle of ass-crack Nevada that Bro hadn't bothered with it when they'd first moved. Maybe they should have. Or maybe it would have been irrelevant, anyway. If Bro didn't want to be found, then he wouldn't be. It was as simple as that.

So Dave was probably freaking out over nothing. Okay. Fine. Cool. It was just a stressful day. Nothing to concern himself with. Dave almost convinced himself that it would be better in the morning, but it was _already _morning. The downside to not going to sleep, apparently.

He sank down further into the blanket pile, really trying to nestle himself in there. If he didn't hear the knock at the door, he couldn't be held accountable for not answering it, right?

It was sort of tempting to ask Karkat if he was allowed to leave, but much as Dave would prefer a blanket pile on his own bed and in his own room, he knew that he wasn't going to be leaving Karkat to handle it all alone. Fuck, he wasn't even the one being spontaneously worshipped. He could only imagine how stressed Karkat had to be.

That was probably why he had snapped at Dave earlier, for trying to follow him. Or at least, that was all that he hoped was the problem. If it was something more, Dave wasn't really sure what he could do. It was quickly becoming clear that he knew fuck all about Karkat's culture. That had gotten him into trouble more than once with Karkat before, except this time, Dave was surrounded by a bunch of nutjobs who worshipped the guy to make cultural understanding even more ridiculous and difficult.

Still, being worshipped was a lot better than being hunted down and slaughtered for literally nothing. And Karkat seemed happy around his friends, if nothing else. Dave was happy for him. Of course he was.

Why wouldn't he be?

A knock on the door got Dave's attention. Shocker. He was in the middle of getting up to open it when, taking him by surprise, it was swung open anyway. Dave hadn't even decided whether or not he was upset before it was just as quickly slammed shut, Karkat pressing himself against it like he could sink into the metal. He stared at Dave with his pupils slit and small.

Alarmed and on his feet, all Dave did was stand there was Karkat turned from him and punched something furiously into the door's keypad. Literally — Dave was worried that Karkat would break the door release and lock them in the room.

He stumbled over to Karkat, fumbling to grab his hand and wrench it out of the way. For a moment, it looked like Karkat was going to hit him or yell. But then his expression crumbled and he slumped, fingers curling weakly around Dave's.

"Sorry," he muttered, not sounding apologetic in the slightest. "I was going to lock the door, but… I don't actually know the password."

Dave frowned. "It's… fine, dude. Karkat, don't worry about it. Seriously. I don't think that anyone is gonna be barging in on you, anyway. What happened with that explanation from your friends? You seem even more stressed than before you went off with them and that's seriously a fucking accomplishment."

Clearly, Dave's usual brand of bullshit wasn't helping. Karkat pushed away from him and the door both, rubbing his temples and shaking his head. "I don't… _Ugh_, where do I even begin?" He froze, having apparently just noticed all of the additional items stacked over the room. It took a long moment for the reality of it to sink in. "What…" Karkat muttered, "...is all of _this _supposed to be?"

Oh, that wasn't a good tone. Dave hovered over his shoulder, torn between setting a hand on Karkat or not. It seemed like it might make him angrier. "It's, uh, people just kept giving them to me and I kept answering the door. I think they're… religious sacrifices?" He cleared his throat awkwardly. "So, uh, congrats dude. You're a god to them now. I think. I'm still not entirely sure what they're for."

Apparently, Karkat did, though. And he was far from pleased. He didn't acknowledge that Dave had spoken or that he was even there — he marched right over to the stack of offerings and drove his foot into it hard, sending the carefully assorted items scattering.

"Woah! Karkat, hey!" Dave rushed over to him, grabbing his friend by the shoulder before he could land another kick. "What's wrong? This is… better than before, right?"

"_Before" _being when these people would have killed Karkat for getting a papercut in public, no questions asked. Dave still wasn't over that. He couldn't imagine anyone wanting Karkat dead for something so insignificant.

"I don't know!" Karkat wailed, looking caught between crying or breaking something else. "Dave, they want me to be their _god_! They made me into a martyr! I didn't ask for any of this and I don't _want _it either!" He didn't try to lash out again, though. He went limp, staring blankly at the ground. "What do I do, Dave?" He whispered. "This isn't what I wanted."

Carefully, not wanting to startle Karkat, Dave wrapped his arms around his friend's shoulders and pulled him into a loose hug. It was touch-and-go with hugs, sometimes, but Karkat was in a mood to accept it because he relaxed and didn't try to push Dave away. Against him, Karkat was all hard plates and strangely malleable, easy to maneuver into a more comfortable position. Karkat didn't hug back, just shifted his head to rest on Dave's shoulder so that he could look out over the room.

"What do you want, then?" Dave asked hesitantly. He still wasn't sure what was happening, but he was doing his best to be supportive anyway.

That made Karkat laugh, loud and bitter. He twisted in Dave's arms, finally giving in and weakly clutching him back as he tucked his face against the crook of Dave's neck. It automatically made him stiffen, wary of all those sharp teeth, but Dave just as quickly relaxed. It was different when it was Karkat.

"I don't know," he repeated, voice muffled. "I didn't even think I would ever see these assholes again, let alone be unwillingly shouldered with the responsibility of leading my entire planet to a complete overhaul of our social structure!" Karkat knotted his fingers in Dave's shirt, tight enough to rip the fabric. Maybe that was why he didn't seem so eager to cling back.

"Uh…" Dave fumbled for a smart thing to say. What came out instead was, "Let's pretend for a moment that I have no idea what's going on or what you're talking about. Just out of curiosity, what's going on and what are you talking about?"

Karkat groaned, though he didn't sound upset. He untangled himself from Dave and gave a weak glare at the offering pile before taking three steps and collapsing into the blanket mound. Dave wanted to make a joke about how uncomfortable it probably was compared to bike horns, but it didn't seem like the time. Heedless of the lack of circus clown paraphernalia, Karkat squirmed until he had pretty much been swallowed by the blanket pile, dim eyes peering back out at Dave.

He hesitated, holding himself still, then asked, "Dave, I, um… Do you want to sit in the pile with me? On the pile, I mean. Just next to me. Not touching. That's not what this is."

Somehow, Karkat had gone from making an awkward request to firmly insisting. Insisting on _what_, that Dave wasn't clear on, but he didn't really care, either. "Sure, dude." He shrugged one shoulder and sat down on the corner of the pile. If he wanted to, he could reach over and prod the lump in the blankets that was Karkat's foot. But he had asked not to be touched so Dave didn't touch him. Once he was situated, Karkat relaxed marginally.

"Okay." He took a deep breath, fixing Dave with a serious look. "I'm going to describe this story as vaguely as possible because I don't have the fucking energy to get into it for the second time tonight, alright? Don't ask questions or make any dumbass comments until I've finished." Karkat paused but, when Dave didn't try to add anything, sighed and begrudgingly continued. "Trolls — that's my species in your language, by the way — don't have close "families" as your planet does. The closest thing I can consider a "relative" is my ancestor, who lived over two thousand years ago. Before today, I didn't even think that I had one. Letting a mutant reproduce is suicidally stupid." He snorted, then sobered. "His name was The Signless. He preached love and tolerance and equality. He was executed for it."

Dave moved his mouth a few times but nothing came out. He swallowed and tried again. "So… your friends want you to continue what he taught?" He guessed. "Hopefully without the execution part. But aren't those all good things?"

Frustrated, Karkat grabbed a pillow and hit Dave weakly in the chest with it. Which was better than being clawed to death, so he didn't protest. "Yes, Dave! Love and tolerance and equality are all good things! But I don't— I'm not _him_. As much as the Empire tried to erase his teachings from the history books, most of it survived by word of mouth and sparse, personal journals from his followers. These people — everyone on the ship — follow his word like it's gospel, which it practically is. That's not who I am, Dave. I'm not…" He gestured at himself loosely. "I'm not a god o-or a martyr or whatever it is they want me to be. This morning I didn't have even the faintest expectation of hearing my planet's name again and now they want me to _save _it. What am I supposed to do, Dave?"

He sounded so lost and confused. Frankly, Dave was, too. He thought that he got the gist of it, though, and it was definitely a shitty situation to be in. He wouldn't want to wake up and be told that he was expected to continue whatever nonsense his great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was preaching however many hundreds of years ago. And to reform an entire planet… It made Dave's head spin and he wasn't even the one dealing with it.

"Look." Dave sucked in a sharp breath. "It's, like, six in the morning. Which in Earth time, is _way _too goddamn early for anyone to be capable of productive thought. This is all pretty heavy. I support you one-hundred-percent, Karkat, and I'm here whenever you need it, but maybe we should put this conversation off until morning. You know, that way we've both had at least some semblance of sleep and a little bit of time to think about it all. That's… a lot to take in at once. And you're clearly exhausted, dude, I swear those bags under your eyes are tattoos and each separate hair on your head has found a different direction to point. You can crawl into your slimy bug pod bed, I'll curl up all snug like a cocoon in these blankets, and tomorrow we'll have a convo so heart-felt and intimate that squires are going to sing gay little diddies about it for a millennium. How does that sound?"

Karkat scoffed, shoving Dave playfully, but at least he was smiling behind his glower. "It sounds like a whole lot of word vomit, but I got the important parts. Not that there was a lot of them." He straightened up, coming at least partly out of the blankets. Dave considered that progress. "Fine. We'll sleep. I'm… Sorry. For dumping that all on you." He frowned thoughtfully. "And, Dave? Thanks for being here. This would all be a lot more difficult if I had to do it alone."

Taken aback, Dave didn't answer right away. When he did, it was with a strained smile. "Yeah, um, sure. Don't mention it, Karkat." He shifted nervously. They still weren't touching each other. "Before you get up, ah… Do you want a hug? I mean, if you need it, obviously. I could take it or leave it," Dave babbled.

He shut his mouth when Karkat moved, only to sit up on his knees and sling both arms around Dave's neck. It wasn't so much a hug as it was both of them hanging onto each other, but it felt good.

"Thanks," Karkat muttered again. "I mean it."

Dave rolled his eyes, arms draped around Karkat's shoulders. He pulled his friend closer with a subtle squeeze. "Stop thanking me every time I act like a half-way decent friend before I kick your ass. I mean it."

There was a knock on the door. Neither of them moved to answer it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I decided to update after all. Lucky for you guys, huh? I also have something of a plot planned now, though it's just a bunch of loose ideas right now. I'm not expecting a slow build, with how long these chapters are, so the next chapter should have something plot-based to look forward to. 
> 
> _Chapter title and summary from “Pompeii” by Bastille._


	3. This Whole Damn City Thinks it Needs You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I will protect you._   
_Just tell me, tell me, tell me, I—_   
_I am the only one._   
_Even if it's not true._

With a groan, Karkat pulled himself out of the nicest recuperacoon he had ever seen — including that gaudy shit they used for highbloods in movies — and wiped the slime from his face. He grimaced. After nearly two sweeps of sleeping without sopor, he probably shouldn't have jumped head-first into a 'coon filled with the most expensive brand known to trollkind. It was _strong_. If it was the kind of shit that highbloods had regularly, Karkat could see why Gamzee would want to eat it.

The kind that Karkat was raised on — when he could afford the luxury of it — was bottom-of-the-barrel and had a grainy texture, leaving a lingering taste of unwashed, rotting feet that had been left in the sun for a perigee even before Karkat recycled it for two more wipes than he should have. The little amount of sleep that he got from it almost rendered the entire experience pointless. _Almost_.

The sopor that had been stocked in his 'coon, though? It was clearly made of liquid magic. There could be no other explanation for how good it felt on his skin and how _perfectly _he had slept. It was so good that it actually freaked Karkat out.

He shook his head, spraying sopor everywhere. It didn't matter. Karkat detested the fancy room and, given the way things had been going, he probably had a maid to clean it for him, too. Or, hell, maybe the damn sopor was self-cleaning! God, all of it disgusted him. If someone tried to give him anything fancier than a package of grubloaf for breakfast, he was going to shit himself. Literally. Maybe that would make everyone drop the "we now worship you like a god despite having wanted you and others like you dead for over a thousand sweeps" bullshit that he was expected to buy into.

Karkat propped himself up on the lip of the recuperacoon and hefted himself out with a grunt, swinging his legs over the edge. He purposefully ignored the helpful steps carved into the side and slid down the rough bumps like he used to back at his hive. His wet feet made the carpet squelch uncomfortably beneath him and Karkat found something cathartic in leaving stains in such a big, expensive room. But then he felt bad for wasting money when his friends had come so far for him and clearly pulled out all the stops to make him feel comfortable, in their own twisted ways, and then Karkat felt pissed at them for guilting him into tolerating their frilly lifestyle that was probably warming him up to the idea of being worshipped as a god when they got back to Alternia, but _that _made him feel terrible for expecting the worst when they had obviously missed him so much, and…

Goddamnit. He had only been awake for two minutes and it was already an awful day.

There were probably towels by the recuperacoon for Karkat to use but he honestly, sincerely, _genuinely _couldn't be fucked to look for them. He brushed his hair back, using the sopor like gel to hold it out of his eyes. He hadn't noticed how long and unmanageable it had gotten until he compared it to his friends' neat haircuts. Maybe he ought to cut it.

He muffled a yawn and knelt down next to the blanket pile that Dave had claimed as his bed. Unlike Karkat, who had stripped down to get into the 'coon while his friend politely looked literally anywhere else, Dave hadn't bothered to change. He was already in pajamas, after all, and not submerging himself in slime. Apparently, that was weird to humans. He was still wearing his shades, though, so Karkat couldn't tell if he was asleep or awake.

Touching a sleeping troll was just asking to get a hand bitten off, but Karkat wasn't worried. He had long gotten over worrying about Dave hurting him. The other way around, however… He bit back those guilty thoughts and, careful not to drip slime onto the blanket pile, reached out to grab Dave's forearm and shake him.

"Dave, are you awake?" He asked quietly. When that didn't get a response, Karkat shook a little harder and Dave groaned. Behind his shades, his eyelashes fluttered. It really shouldn't have been as pretty as it was. "Get up. Dave, you had your sleep. Don't waste the whole day."

That got Dave to snort, which meant that Karkat had gotten his attention. Good, that was what he had wanted. "Kinda hypocritical comin' from you," he mumbled. Dave reached up to rub the sleep from his eyes, pushing his shades up on top of his head to squint up at Karkat. It was a lot dimmer on the ship than it ever was in Dave's hive, so he likely wanted to enjoy not needing to protect his sensitive eyes.

It was so amazing when Dave was calm and quiet like that, his guard down and all defenses lowered. The tired way he looked at Karkat, unhurried and unconcerned, wasn't something that anyone else had ever seen. And it wasn't something that Karkat thought _he _would ever see, even if he had somehow made it to adulthood without being culled. The very idea that someone could trust him that much, to let Karkat witness such a vulnerable moment, was enough to make his heart pound, throat tight with affection.

And then Dave ruined it by opening his mouth.

"Dude, you look like a group of Shreks ambushed you with a goddamn bukkake." He snorted with laughter, placing a hand on Karkat's chest and pushing him back. He made a noise of disgust as he looked at the sopor stuck to his hand, nose wrinkling. "Wow, it even feels like cum. You _sleep _in that shit?" Dave sat up, reaching down to wipe his hand clean on the carpet.

"And you sleep on some of the softest piles I've ever witnessed," Karkat shot back. He ran both hands through Dave's hair, ignoring the protests as he smeared sopor over his face and neck. It was supposed to end there, but Karkat found himself grinning as he climbed into the blanket pile. It was immediately filthy and definitely wouldn't be serviceable for sleep once night fell again, but Karkat didn't care. He straddled one of Dave's legs to keep him from kicking and bent down, rubbing his sopor-matted hair all over Dave's chest. "No support to be found, Dave! It's on the same level of degeneracy as goddamn war crimes. I don't know how your species can get a good night's sleep on such flat, mushy piles. Maybe it's specific to you, another one of your many useless and nonsensical talents! It fits right in with "able to vomit words about nothing for five hours straight" and "knowing every last piece of trivia about _The Golden Girls_"!"

Dave was wheezing, covering his sides where Karkat knew he was ticklish. He threw his body weight to the side, knocking them both off of the pile and to the ground where Dave managed to get the upper hand. He pinned one of Karkat's wrists, simply holding him back to keep his clothes from getting any greener than he already was. "Fuck you, you love _The Golden Girls_," he said, breathless with laughter. Looking down at the state of his clothes, Dave made a big show out of looking disgusted. "Ugh, bro, this is sick. And not in an ironic way. I look like Ms. Piggy after a crazy night with Kermit. Too much to drink will do that to anyone. One minute you're enjoying a successful, lucrative career as the biggest director in Hollywood and the next, you've passed out in an alley in a puddle of your own vomit with a twenty-dollar bill in your thong and your skin is green for the next week, no matter how hard you scrub."

For a moment, Karkat paused, then narrowed his eyes and snapped, "Does anything you say ever have _any _fucking substance to it?"

Karkat got his other arm up and wrapped it around Dave's neck, yanking him down against his chest. Their play fight became a grapple for control, flailing limbs and panting breaths when they weren't laughing. Sopor was sticking to both of them by that point, so there was no point in continuing, but Karkat wasn't about to admit defeat. He knew that Dave was going easy on him because he was the better fighter (which was true) and wanted desperately to prove him wrong.

It didn't help that it was so much fun to fight with Dave. It was _legitimately _fun and Karkat didn't know what to do about it. He shouldn't want to fight Dave, ever, but he couldn't help the guilty clench of longing in his gut when he thought about how much better it would be if Dave was spitting angry curses and trying to pull Karkat closer instead of pushing him away.

They both froze to the sound of a knock on the door, scrambling apart from each other as it was slid open without waiting for a response. Karkat was got an elbow in his gut and Dave took a knee to the shin, but they were several feet apart when the door was opened and Kanaya stepped inside.

She surveyed the mess for a moment without expression or comment. Kanaya took in their heaving chests, flushed faces, and the sopor soaking their skin, the carpet, and the pile of blankets. She looked like she wanted to sigh, but couldn't even be bothered with that level of exasperation and settled for a fond smile instead. Much as she liked to pretend otherwise, she wasn't Karkat's moirail or, of all things, his _lusus_. It wasn't her place to lecture him about making a mess.

Kanaya nodded politely at them both. "I see you're finally awake, Karkat. Hello, Dave."

Even without understanding Alternian, Dave never missed an opportunity to cut in when his name had been specifically mentioned. He fixed his lopsided shades and, trying to look as nonchalant as possible, lifted his hand for a casual wave. "What's up, Kan? Got that chainsaw hidden in your skin-tight space suit, huh? I see we're borrowing from video game logic now."

Of course, she didn't understand anything that Dave was saying either, but Kanaya still nodded and managed a smile that was at least partly genuine. "I recognized at least part of that as my name, so we're making progress. I brought something for you both." She gestured for them to wait as though they were going anywhere, before ducking back into the hall for something.

Dave gave Karkat a questioning look (a blank stare, really, but with his eyebrows slightly furrowed) and all Karkat could do was shrug. He didn't know what Kanaya was doing, either.

When Kanaya entered again, she brought with her a rack of clothes. A lot of them, too. Some were soft, obviously for comfort. Sweaters and shirts and button-ups, slacks and leggings and lounge pants. There was even a stack of boxers and a few different pairs of shoes.

At first, Karkat couldn't think of anything to say, but then his gaze fell upon his sign proudly embroidered on a shirt in bright, mutant red and felt his face turn as flushed as the material. He clenched his jaw around his frustration.

"I'm not wearing those and parading my blood color around like it's something to be proud of," Karkat spat. "I'd sooner go around naked, but hell, with the way these pan-rotted lunatics you've convinced to join your cult act, they might actually _prefer _that and I refuse to give them the satisfaction!"

Unfortunately, Dave didn't have the same reservations. Before Kanaya could reply, he had already stood up and wandered over to the rack. Careful of his sticky, green hands, Dave grabbed a hanger with a neat, expensive-looking red suit hanging off of it. It was pressed and had a tie to go with it and everything. Even though it was too small for Dave, he held it up and grinned, wiggling his eyebrows at Karkat over top his shades.

"Oh, damn, this is classy as fuck, dude. What do you think? I've always wanted to wear a suit for no reason. Definitely my color, right? It matches my eyes. I could probably find a shade of lipstick to go with this," he prattled on, but Karkat wasn't listening.

Like everything else on the rack, that suit had Karkat's sign on it, embroidered on the chest right over his bloodpusher. The idea of Dave wearing something with Karkat's sign on it was enough to have his stomach doing flips as mortification caused him to dig his claws into the carpet, as though he could dig himself a pit to curl up and die in. His face was so red that it had to be glowing if that smirk on Kanaya's face meant anything. God, he shouldn't want Dave to wear his sign, let alone his _blood color_. That was far too possessive and… intimate. He didn't even know what quadrant he wanted Dave in! How could Karkat actually _want _to see him in that suit? Among other outfits that Kanaya had brought with her.

Still smirking, Kanaya politely cleared her throat. She gestured at Dave, eyes focused on Karkat and undoubtedly picking up on his discomfort. "These are a bit small for Dave, but I can always adjust the sizes. There are some planer clothes that I brought for him, but if this is what your guest wants to wear, Karkat…" It looked like it was taking all of her strength not to burst out laughing. Karkat was going to strangle her.

Lurching to his feet, he marched over to Dave and ripped the hanger from his hands, shoving the suit into Kanaya's face with a growl because he couldn't think of anything eloquent to say. He creased the suit in the process, but he wasn't enough of an asshole to tear it up or purposely stain the material with sopor.

"No one is wearing that!" He snapped, still blushing furiously. Then, in English, "Dave, you need to get cleaned up and stop dripping sopor everywhere. Come on!"

"What?" Dave laughed awkwardly, giving Karkat a crooked smile. "You're the one who—"

The fact that Karkat was the one to start flinging sopor wasn't relevant in the slightest. He just needed the quickest excuse to get away from Kanaya. So, doubling down, Karkat grabbed Dave by the wrist and tugged him hard, cutting him off before he could finish that sentence. He practically dragged Dave into the attached ablutionblock, slamming the door behind them and slumping against it with a heavy sigh. Thankfully, Kanaya didn't try to follow them. Not that it had erased her smugness by any measure.

There was a soft chuckle from Dave but, when Karkat looked up, he didn't seem very amused. The only hint of emotion was a slight downward tilt to Dave's lips.

"You okay, dude?" He asked after a moment of watching Karkat collect himself. "I mean, considering that we're both covered in what I'm hoping isn't some kinda green alien bodily fluid that'll probably stain, you'd think that you'd be happy to have some new clothes."

Karkat groaned. He might have bashed his head against the wall, except that he was certain Dave would take it the wrong way and only grow more concerned for him. Which was the opposite of what Karkat wanted. "I'm fine, Dave." He grunted as he straightened himself back up. "The clothes are… fine. That's not what I'm upset about. I'm just having trouble adjusting to all of this." Technically, half-true, which meant that Karkat wasn't lying. He didn't want to lie to Dave, but he wasn't all that eager to be truthful, either.

At least Dave wasn't the type to prod. He quirked his lips into a half-smile and Karkat subconsciously found himself smiling back. "What? Never seen brand-new clothes before?" He joked. When Karkat's only response was to grimace, Dave's smile fell. "...You have seen new clothes before, right?"

The answer was obvious on Alternia, but Karkat didn't know how to explain — _yet again _— to Dave that his mutation made him no better than sewage in the eyes of his society. He'd tried before but, each time, it was as though Dave couldn't fathom Karkat living in constant fear of a swift death during routine drone scans, or going a week without food until his lusus could scavenge something, or only having a computer at all because the Alternian government provided them for "free" with the added "benefit" of constant monitoring by the Empire. He had gathered from sitcoms that humans had plenty of ways to discriminate against each other (each reason more superficial than the last), yet Dave could never get over his mental block when it came to Karkat dealing with those things, specifically.

For once, Karkat wasn't all that eager to talk. He huffed and turned away from Dave, walking over to the sink and turning it on. Karkat scrubbed the sopor off of his hands, only because it was drying everywhere else and, while he was going to let Dave have the ablution first, he wanted to be able to at least touch things.

"Of course I have," he said finally, defensively, as if new clothes weren't few and far between and always long overdue. "Kanaya has always liked making clothes, even if she doesn't think I have any sense of style at all." No reason to tell him that seldom were those clothes actually intended for Karkat or that, of those gifts, only a fraction were ever accepted. Karkat didn't need _pity _or _handouts_. "As much as I love talking about my traumatic, "_oh, woe is me, I've had such a shitty childhood, please feel bad for me"_ history, it really doesn't matter, Dave. We have plenty of current problems to worry about without dragging the past into it, too. And don't even get me _started _on the future!"

Dave held up his hands in surrender, apparently having decided to drop it. Good. "Fine, God. I mean, _I _think it matters, but if you don't wanna talk about it, then…" He shrugged helplessly. "If we're going to talk about "current problems" though, I got a pretty goddamn big one. Is _this_," he gestured at the ablution, "anything like a shower, and if it is, can I use it to get clean without worrying about getting probed?" 

Sometimes, Karkat had to question his taste in potential quadrantmates. But only sometimes, as the doubtful thoughts didn't linger. And he was never really _that _annoyed.

"You used these as a shower, yes," Karkat said with a roll of his eyes. He walked around Dave and over to the enclosed, slightly raised portion of the floor where a few different dials were embedded into the wall beneath a nozzle. He almost warned Dave that it would be cold, but just as quickly shut his mouth. No, he was a "god" now. It would probably be damn close to boiling. "Just stand there, in the middle of the ablution, and this is how you turn it on. It's the same thing to turn it off. And you can adjust temperature here, this changes the pressure, a soap dispenser, a towel when you're done…"

It took far too long to explain to Dave how to clean himself but, eventually, Karkat left the ablutionblock with relief. If nothing else, he could give humans that: they certainly knew how to make a much more streamlined ablution process.

Unfortunately, right as Karkat was calming himself down, he opened his eyes and saw Kanaya again. She wasn't smirking anymore, which was somehow worse. Instead, her arms were crossed and she was frowning. That couldn't be good.

Already anticipating what she would say (and already red-faced as a result), Karkat blurted out, "Whatever you think you saw when you walked in, we _aren't _vacillating."

Kanaya nodded, her expression not changing. "Mhm." Neither agreement nor dismissal.

Frustrated, Karkat clenched his jaw against the strong urge to growl, knowing it would only prove her point, and narrowed his eyes instead. "Because in order to vacillate, we would have to be in a quadrant together. Which we _aren't_."

Another nod. "So you've been saying. Repeatedly."

"And even if we _were_," Karkat added, barely hearing her, "which, again, we are _not_, no one would vacillate between black and pale who didn't have a disgusting fetish or a piece of his thinkpan missing. Which I don't because, to clarify, everything I do with Dave is so platonic that even the pale quadrant is far too romantic and completely out of the question. We aren't vacillating. We aren't dating. _At all_."

Finally, right as Karkat was about to combust, Kanaya smiled. Apparently, she had decided to be merciful. "I understand, Karkat. There will be no assuming that you and Dave are in any quadrants because you are not and never will be. Have I got that correct?"

Karkat wanted to protest the word "never" being in there but bit his tongue and instead gave a meek nod. Yeah. It was better that he didn't say anything about it. After all, Karkat would never admit his feelings to Dave even if he could get them all narrowed down to one quadrant, and if Dave _somehow _found out, he was guaranteed to reject Karkat.

"Okay. Great. Now let's proceed with the rest of our lives without ever bringing it up again. Agreed? Agreed," Karkat said without giving Kanaya the opportunity to respond. He walked over to her, keeping his eyes on the clothes and, desperate to change the subject, said, "How long have you been working on these? And are these the same size that I wore when I left?" The thought made him frown. He had to have grown at least a little bit.

"I can't take full credit for them." Kanaya hummed softly. She took a pair of pants, a long-sleeve shirt, and underwear from the rack — all black and grey. Remarkably, they were some of the few articles that _didn't _have Karkat's sign on them. "I may have overestimated your growth for some of these," she admitted. Once she had pointed it out, Karkat could see it. A lot of the pieces were differently sized like Kanaya had been designing for seven different people and shoved it all onto one rack. "I wasn't sure what you would look like, but I wanted to have options ready for you. Those should fit Dave, without having to worry about someone you're not in a quadrant with wearing your sign and color." Karkat searched for a tease in her words but, strangely, it seemed that Kanaya was being genuine. She carefully set the hangers on Karkat's fingers, making sure to avoid getting sopor on them. "You can leave those for Dave. If his people are going to attack if we dare to leave this ship, I'll have to remember to make him a few more outfits."

Still frowning, Karkat looked the plain outfit up and down. Simple and unassuming. Just a sweater and pants, colorless. A lot like what was Karkat's default, after sweeps of trying to keep himself as unremarkable as possible. It struck him that Dave didn't understand why Karkat didn't want him to wear his sign, especially if it was in candy red. And even if Karkat explained it, Dave probably still wouldn't care. He had no idea how generous Kanaya was being with even one outfit — how rare, how _ridiculous _it was to give gifts on Alternia without expecting something in return.

He looked at the pile of offerings from the night before and felt his stomach lurch, as though Karkat was about to be sick. And just what were all of those people expecting from him?

"Thanks," Karkat said finally. He had no witty or clever retort. After staring at the hangers for a solid minute in silence, Karkat just wanted Kanaya to stop looking at him with so much concern. He turned away from her questioning stare and walked back over to the ablutionblock. On autopilot, he knocked, then opened the door and reached in without looking to hang the clothes on the knob.

Thankfully, Kanaya didn't press him. She ran her fingers over one of the nicer outfits on the rack and shot Karkat a strained smile. "You don't like them? The nicer ones, I mean." He didn't need to answer. It hadn't been a question that she needed confirmation on. "You won't have to wear them much. Or at all. I didn't make the ones in red. I've gotten better at sewing, but I had a lot of volunteers from the crew."

Karkat grimaced despite himself. Of course she had.

"I like some of them," he said carefully. If she had gone out of her way to make him a new wardrobe, correctly assuming that the clothes she'd gifted him when he first left Alternia would be torn and faded after nearly two sweeps, then he wasn't going to go out of his way to be a dick about it. "I don't see why all of _this _is necessary." Karkat gestured around him impatiently. He might have gone into detail about it, but airing his personal feelings was a little too close to pale for him. And Karkat was partly convinced that Kanaya would try to talk him into seeing things her way, rather than actually letting him vent. "Whatever, I'll get over myself. What have you been doing these past sweeps? Other than making me new clothes, apparently." Really subtle topic change. There was no way Kanaya would notice how desperate Karkat was to avoid talking about his inner turmoil.

Kanaya rolled her eyes. Evidently, Karkat was not nearly as sneaky as he thought he was. "Making clothes is more of a hobby than a passion lately." She sighed. "I haven't had much time for it. Well, not since I left the Brooding Caverns, anyway. There was plenty of time to practice down there between hatchings, but—"

"Wait, wait, stop talking for a minute." Karkat cut her off, astounded. "You were in the _Brooding Caverns_? Jadebloods don't come back to the surface once they commit to the Mothergrub. How did you—? _Why _would you even do that to begin with?" He wasn't sure if he should be worried about what might have happened down there or angry with Kanaya for willingly going in the first place. Karkat was bouncing between the two extremes, seconds away from shaking the explanation out of her.

Never mind that she could disembowel him with her chainsaw in seconds. That never factored in as a potential threat because Kanaya wasn't a threat. Not to Karkat, anyway. She would never.

The night before, they hadn't talked about what Karkat's friends had been doing with their lives. They had covered The Signless and the interwoven history of their ancestors, but that was all Karkat had been able to stomach. He could barely wrap his mind around Disciple, Ψiioniic, and Dolorosa — let alone get invested in what his friends had been doing with their more recent lives.

Sollux had mentioned that the others would arrive in their own time. So they _were _coming, eventually, and Karkat was both elated and terrified by the idea.

The grimace on Kanaya's face was probably intended to be a smile. She looked away. "I had a, um, hunch… Or, more like a faint hope that I would find allies amongst the Brooding Caverns. The followers of the Signless were commonly jadebloods and I had at least been hoping for a story. Something more to go off of than vague ponderings in a journal."

She made a writing motion with her hand and rolled her eyes. Karkat couldn't help but do it, too. The story before had focused mostly on the Signless, but that hadn't kept both Terezi and Kanaya from taking a few jabs at Vriska's ancestor, Marquise Spinnert Mindfang, and how Vriska had seemingly inherited quite a tall hoofbeast from her and sat proudly quite high upon it.

With a shake of the head, Kanaya continued, "Miraculously, I did manage to find it. It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would. I was expecting to be down there for sweeps, at the fewest, and yet…" A tentative smile came to Kanaya's lips. "Support was not hard to garner. Most of them were indifferent. Living in seclusion, with only members of the jade caste, made the older ones quite impartial to what we were doing. So long as it brings no harm to the Mother Grub or the brood, it technically doesn't concern them." There was a flicker of teasing in Kanaya's voice that Karkat was unfamiliar with. It brought a smile out of him. It felt really amazing to just hear her voice again. "And once I had support, I could coax a, um, story out of them." Kanaya hesitated. Her smile was gone and she was suddenly enamored with the ground. "Vriska's ancestor had information about mine, though it was sparse. The Dolorosa, her name was. She was… Mindfang's _slave_." A sneer, the word spit like it was a curse.

Even Karkat flinched. Jadebloods were as high as you could get while still being considered "low class." A slave with a color like that would go for double an oliveblood alone, and last nearly twice as long. The horrors that Kanaya's ancestor must have suffered through were numerous. Karkat knew little about Mindfang, but he had gathered enough from Vriska's FLARPing sessions as her ancestor that there wasn't much about the woman to admire or even to loathe. As far as Karkat cared, she was beneath contempt and absolutely fucking terrifying.

"So, naturally," Kanaya said with a bite of sarcasm, "Mindfang did not care enough to record the intimate details of Dolorosa's life before her, other than a vague mention of her being reduced to slavery for her involvement with the Signless. Or, the Sufferer, as he was called after death." She paused, taking a moment to collect herself, and Karkat let her. He had been spared the gory details, but he knew that little of Signless' story wasn't pleasant. The Dolorosa, however, had only been mentioned in passing as part of his close inner circle. "The jadebloods in the cavern told me the story. Apparently, Dolorosa worked in the Caverns when she was relatively young. It was her second brood and she was still soft to the wigglers that hatched imperfectly. And she happened to be the one to find a bright red wiggler, recently hatched and not strong enough to crawl out of the caverns with the others."

It was Karkat's turn to stare at the ground, though he couldn't even manage that before being forced to close his eyes. He bit back a surge of anger and sorrow. His memories before pupation were hazy, at best, but he remembered bits of that night. His first outside of the cavern. Mostly, it was blurry images and intense feelings that he couldn't seem to shake. He had been one of the last wigglers to make it outside and all of the lusii had seemingly already chosen a wiggler and left. All night, he cried and crawled, starving and terrified. The sun had nearly risen when Crabdad eventually found him. And, for some god awful reason that no amount of screaming or strifing had ever been able to squeeze out of him, Crabdad hadn't killed Karkat. He should have. He had every right to. But, no. Instead, he had looked down at a sickly, weak little mutant wiggler and gotten it into his thick-as-brick skull that it would be a good idea to raise Karkat instead. And look where that had left him.

Fuck. He missed Crabdad so much that his bloodpusher ached.

Swallowing the urge to snap at Kanaya — because she hadn't done anything wrong — Karkat opened his eyes and sighed. "And she looked at that pathetic little maggot and was so overcome with pity that she got it into her head to save him," he finished. It wasn't a hard guess. He already knew that Signless hadn't died as a wiggler. His public execution had been sweeps down the line and far less merciful than it would have been for Dolorosa to have crushed that wiggler's skull right there like she should have.

Kanaya nodded, her smile genuine if a bit strained. "Yes. But she didn't… she didn't give him to a lusus."

_That _was new to Karkat. He blinked. "She didn't?" What other option was there?

"No lusus would take a mutant." Kanaya shrugged as if Karkat wasn't already well-aware. "She left the Brooding Caverns, disappeared the very next night with that wiggler in her arms, and wasn't seen for sweeps. By then, Signless, as he came to call himself, was nearly a full-grown adult. She had gone and raised him herself." She paused, then said softly, "Like a lusus."

Before, Karkat had gotten the idea that Dolorosa acted more as Signless' moirail, even if the man had supposedly denounced quadrants entirely. It had made him feel weird, the idea that he was somehow fated to be Kanaya's pity-bait moirail, but somehow, _that _was so much worse. He felt his face turn red in mortification. Trolls weren't raised by adults of their species, but the human sitcoms that Karkat had grown so fond of had a plethora of content relating to specifically that. Families. Parents. And, looking at Kanaya, Karkat was struck by a very human word that Dave had explained to him with a sad note of fondness in his voice:

_Mother_.

He wanted to dig a hole, lay down in it, and suffocate himself beneath the mound of dirt. Anything was better than standing there with Kanaya, the tension between them so thick that Karkat could barely breathe. He was considering choking himself just to get out of the situation, but before he could work out whether or not the risk was worth it, the ablutionblock door swung open and Dave walked out wearing the clothes Karkat had left for him.

He looked between the two of them once and paused, arching an eyebrow. There was already a question forming on his lips, but Karkat didn't care to hear it. Darting over to the clothing rack, Karkat grabbed the first outfit that didn't look like something a pompous highblood would wear and practically threw himself into the ablutionblock.

The door was locked behind him and Karkat slumped, letting out a long sigh as he sank to the ground. He'd had awkward confrontations with people before, but… nothing like that. Were things always going to be that way with Kanaya? Calling her his "lusus" would be even paler than just accepting her as a moirail, neither of which were options that Karkat was very keen on. He needed to tell her that he wasn't interested, he knew, but what if that ruined everything? Kanaya had always been a little more pale with him than was normally acceptable for friends. How was he going to hug her or allow a hand on his shoulder or vent about something stupid one of their friends did if _he _was the one to insist upon no more pale flirting? He would look like a massive hypocrite or, worse, as though he was indecisive, which would only invite more quadrant drama.

Not that Karkat wasn't indecisive, of course. The only person that he wanted in his pale quadrant was Dave but, then again, Karkat also wanted him in his red, black, and somehow his ashen one, too. As if Dave could be both the mediator and the mediated.

His existence was a joke. It might have been permissible, had it been a funny joke, but it wasn't. Karkat's whole life was just really sad and pathetic. He couldn't even be a _good_ joke.

Eventually, once his bloodpusher had stopped throbbing in his throat, Karkat stood. He set the sweater and pants he had grabbed off to the side and refused to look in the mirror as he turned on the ablution. Not because he didn't like seeing himself, but because he already knew that he was half-naked and covered in dried sopor, which was bad enough. He didn't need to remind himself of just what Dave had seen when he'd left the ablution, freshly cleaned and wearing a new outfit, and…

Dave looked really good in black and grey. Karkat could have gone the rest of his short life without knowing that.

He climbed into the ablution feeling shameless, a feeling that wasn't washed away no matter how hard Karkat scrubbed at his skin or how many times he lathered and rinsed his hair. Maybe he ought to panic about something other than quadrants for once in his life. Like how the hell he was supposed to handle an entire ship, at the very least, actively worshipping Karkat and wanting him to serve as their moral arbiter.

Karkat pondered his hopeless situation for about three seconds and shook the thought away. No, quadrant drama was better. At least that only left him humiliated instead of on the verge of a panic attack.

He stayed in the ablution a few minutes more, just to be absolutely certain that he wouldn't have to reenter that awkward conversation when he walked back out there. Karkat could have happily stayed locked in the ablutionblock for another hour but, considering that the last time he left Dave with Kanaya, she had tried to run him through with a chainsaw, he didn't want to push it anymore than necessary. On the plus side, Karkat hadn't _heard _any chainsaws, but that didn't mean anything. Kanaya was more than capable of ripping Dave's throat out with either fangs or claws.

It wasn't a pleasant train of thought, but it got Karkat out of the ablution.

Dried and dressed (in all black, if only so that he didn't match Dave completely), Karkat left the ablutionblock, trying and failing not to look too panicked. Thankfully, there was no reason for him to be concerned. It took a moment to realize what he was looking at, but Karkat was surprised to see Kanaya and Dave sitting on the floor together next to his food offerings in the chair. It seemed to be a game — Kanaya would hold out a food item and say its name, having Dave repeat it before letting him try a bite. It was a bit of an unorthodox way to serve breakfast, especially since Dave could barely make half the noises required to speak Alternia. Victory wasn't awarded when Dave was right, though. Rather, it was based on how long Kanaya lasted until it looked like she might combust from the effort of holding back laughter.

At least she wasn't trying to kill Dave anymore. Thankfully, Kanaya wasn't the jealous type. Not since she was still six sweeps old, anyway.

Walking over to them, Karkat took the spot on the floor next to Dave and reached over him to dip his finger into the still-open jar of homemade grubsauce. It wasn't supposed to be eaten on its own but, fuck it, Karkat was hungry. He didn't know what time it was, but based on the light visible against the covered windows, it was daytime on Earth. Sleep schedules meant very little in space, as Karkat had quickly come to learn himself.

"Can you ask my devout followers to stop leaving me offerings?" Karkat asked in Alternian. "They seriously don't need to give me anything. My lusus gave me a stick for my wriggling day once and it's _still _one of the most thoughtful fucking presents I've ever received in my damn life."

Kanaya gave him a dry smile and Karkat unconsciously relaxed. There were no hard feelings between them. Good. "You are welcome to try, but no one asked them to start in the first place. They do it because they want to, Karkat. They appreciate you."

Immediately, Karkat's mood soured. He wasn't in the mood to be guilted into appreciating the, frankly, insanely creepy levels of worship that people were willing to go to for him. He didn't want to start an argument, but it was going to be incredibly difficult to be around Kanaya if she was going to keep shoving that stupid "become God of the new world order" agenda down his throat.

He started to say as much, only for Dave to suddenly elbow him in the side. A tube of grubloaf was shoved into his face. "Dude, eat something other than knock-off Kraft mayo," Dave said. "You've got a busy day ahead of yourself, Emperor Vantas. Lots of pacing to do, problems to bitch about, and friends to scream at. Gotta lube up those vocal cords."

It was one of the most transparent attempts at comfort that Karkat had ever seen. It was, frankly, shameless. But Karkat chose not to comment, taking the grubloaf and tearing a chunk out with his teeth. It had a sharp, spicy taste that was a hell of a lot better than the shit Karkat used to scrape out of the gutters. Which was a little dramatic, since small stores often had very cheap grubloaf substitutes in stock, but it certainly _tasted _like it had come from the gutters.

"Good point," Karkat said to Dave. Then, to Kanaya, "Speaking of the people I for some reason consider to be friends, where are Terezi and Sollux? Don't tell me he still has a jagged pole up his nook from yesterday."

There wasn't an immediate response, which was enough to make Karkat frown. When a few seconds passed and Kanaya still looked hesitant, Karkat narrowed his eyes and lowered the grubloaf. Dave had picked up on the sudden spike in tension but didn't try to interrupt. "Is there something you're not telling me?" Karkat demanded.

For a moment, Kanaya straightened and was about to respond, only to slump right back down and close her mouth. She sighed. "I was going to use the clothes as an excuse to keep you busy, but I'd rather not bother. You never let anything go, Karkat." She shook her head, and honestly, he wished that Kanaya would sound annoyed instead of fond when describing his flaws. "But they do need to be fitted and you will be standing still through all of them at some point. You need something in your wardrobe other than sweaters."

Karkat scowled. "Kanaya. Where are Terezi and Sollux?" Neat and to the point. If he tried a rambly mess of bullshit, Kanaya would try to divert his attention. She already was.

She smoothed her skirt over her thighs and, looking at a point over Karkat's shoulder, admitted, "A few hours ago, our communication satellites picked up a wide array of radio waves coming from this planet. We managed to connect and have been in contact with what I assume to be this planet's government since then. Sollux and Terezi are attempting to use your old translator to establish diplomacy." Kanaya winced, looking Karkat in the eye before quickly turning away again. "It… could be going better."

His skin went clammy as Karkat paled, staring blankly at Kanaya. For a minute or two, he was silent, before saying slowly, "You mean to tell me that Sollux and Terezi are being left, on their own, with a faulty and broken translator, to gamble for our lives and safety at the hands of an alien government that none of us know anything about? And all you're supposed to do is distract me?"

Kanaya hummed softly. "It sounds a lot worse when you say it like that."

Had Karkat been holding his sickle, he probably would have slit his throat right then and there and called it good. He had been reunited with his friends for less than a day and they were already leading him to an early death. Well, _earlier_, anyway.

"_Unbe-fucking-lievable,_" Karkat hissed. Except that it was entirely believable because, yes, his friends really were that goddamn stupid. He dropped the grubloaf he was holding and grabbed Dave by the hand, tugging him to his feet as Karkat stood. Surprised, Kanaya followed.

"Uh, is everything alright?" Dave asked in a tone that said he already knew the answer. Seeing the look that Karkat shot him, Dave grimaced. "Yeah, alright, sorry. Standard question. What's wrong, though? Where are we going?" Impatient, Karkat was already quickly tugging him toward the exit.

"Hopefully, to prevent getting this ship blown to pieces and dying a painful, albeit quick, death." Karkat gave Dave a suffering look over his shoulder. "I hope you're a better diplomat than an artist."

* * *

While alone in the shower, Dave did some thinking. He had really pondered and mused over their current predicament while trying to sleep the night before, sure, but that only lasted for a minute before Dave was asleep. He needed his beauty sleep, after all, even if he didn't get it until five in the morning.

The whole thing with Karkat being troll Jesus was still weird, but Dave tried to think of it as someone else and look at the whole thing objectively. It was a tough position to be in. He knew that Karkat hated the spotlight, but that was mostly because he was convinced that any human who saw him was going to immediately shove a knife through his throat or some shit. Which was a valid fear based on what Dave had heard about Alternia. For all Dave knew, maybe Karkat did really well in leadership positions when he actually felt secure and respected.

It bothered Dave that he had rarely, if ever, seen Karkat feel that content.

But still, even if Karkat was a great leader, it didn't seem like he was too keen on taking the position being offered. Leading a bunch of people was one thing, but being their messiah, their _prophet_, was another matter entirely. He had a legacy to live up to, so many expectations had already been placed on Karkat and he'd only been on the ship for a day. Maybe Dave was a little biased, but he didn't think that godhood was all it was cracked up to be.

It may or may not have had something to do with that small amount of affection that Dave harbored for Karkat. Certainly, it wasn't anything like a crush. Nothing like that. Dave wouldn't even know what to do with a crush. It seemed sort of headache-inducing and didn't get much done. Kind of a waste of time.

Regardless of the reason, Dave wasn't super enthusiastic about the idea of Karkat leaving. It wasn't like he could be the figurehead of the blood church or whatever if he was still on Earth. The bold implication was that he would be going back to his home planet. The same planet that was so keen on killing Karkat just a few years ago — so keen, in fact, that he'd been forced to leave it entirely because they probably would have hunted him to the bottom of the darkest pit if they'd had to. The same planet that was likely still swarming with people who wanted Karkat dead.

Sure, Dave never claimed to pay attention to history lessons, but he had enough common sense to know that revolutions never went smoothly. And to anyone on the planet that wanted to keep things the way they were, killing Karkat would be a perfect way to send a message. All it would do was make him into a martyr, which would make his followers even more furious, then both sides would be pushing harder than ever…

All Dave was doing was giving himself a headache. He sighed and turned the shower off. Maybe Karkat would figure it out by himself. Dave's only solution was for Karkat to stay on Earth, with him, but he knew that he had a biased perspective on an answer like that.

Once dressed, Dave had to admit that he looked pretty goddamn good in all black. Combined with his shades, he looked sort of mysterious. Like the kind of guy who's either cracking jokes in class or selling weed in the bathroom. Who would say for sure? Any good mood was almost instantly evaporated as soon as he opened the bathroom door, though. Dave walked into an atmosphere so tense and awkward that he nearly turned right back around and locked himself in for another hour.

Unfortunately, Karkat beat him to it. Damn, that kid was fast. Dave barely even noticed him moving until the clothes rack was missing an outfit and the bathroom door had slammed shut behind him. The click of a lock confirmed Dave's thoughts and he sighed. If he knocked, Karkat would probably answer, but that didn't guarantee that he would be letting Dave in. He might be in one of those moods where he insisted that nothing was wrong or, worse, brought up the cultural differences between Alternia and Earth and then insisted that Dave "wouldn't understand." Which was often true, but still. Dave liked to hear about it. He couldn't learn if he was doing something insensitive unless Karkat told him, even if Dave didn't understand it.

There was silence between him and the troll girl for a moment. Dave was mostly sure that her name was Kanaya. When he heard the shower start through the closed door, confirming that Karkat didn't want any comfort, he clapped his hands together and cleared his throat. Kanaya startled but, luckily, didn't try to take his head off with a chainsaw again.

Seriously, where the fuck did she keep that thing?

"Okay, Kan, looks like our only method of understanding each other is having a little private panic attack. He thinks he can cry in the shower and no one is able to hear it. Between you and me, if it takes longer than five minutes, Karkat's definitely having a pity party," Dave said as he approached her. He knew that Kanaya understood approximately none of what he was saying, but Dave had been rambling at Karkat for almost three years and he was pretty much fluent. There was no reason it couldn't work for another alien, right? So Dave continued. "I mean, he pulls out all the stops. Like one of those people that invites no one and still gets pissed that no guests arrived. He's got the goddamn piñata up, except that what he's actually beating is his self-esteem and there's no candy when it bursts, just more shitty reasons to hate yourself. Written on little, cheap slips of paper like fortune cookies. He's lighting his streams on fire, ripping into the balloons, smearing the cake on the wall— Damn, is this relatable for anyone else, or just me?"

Dave paused to take a breath and Kanaya seized her first and only opportunity to stop him. When she didn't have a chainsaw, she could be surprisingly polite. She stepped forward and set a hand on Dave's shoulder, speaking slow words in her bug-like language as she gestured for him to follow her. He did, warily, though thankfully all Kanaya did was have Dave sit down on the floor. He almost went and grabbed a pillow and blanket to sit down on, but then remembered that Karkat had smeared them all in room temperature lime Jell-O.

He didn't want to think about that, though. Because then Dave would inevitably think about rolling around with Karkat, trying to pin him, being close enough to kiss… He really needed to stop thinking about his best friend as though he was some shameful wet dream.

"Oh, cool. This isn't going to turn into a virgin blood sacrifice, is it?" Dave asked.

He was seated next to the pile of offerings left for Saint Karkat, so that outcome seemed pretty likely to him. He had stopped trying to expect anything that was reasonable or logical. If the trolls were thinking everything through, then clearly the end goal was something so ascended that Dave, with the mind of a mere mortal, could not even begin to comprehend it.

Rather than slit his throat and baptize an alien baby in his blood, Kanaya sat down across from Dave and reached to the pile of food-like items that Dave had stacked there. She grabbed something that looked like a muffin and held it up for Dave to clearly see, pointing to it and speaking slowly. It sounded like "change," albeit with a lot more clicks and a roll of the tongue that sounded like a swarm of cicadas.

The muffin-thing was handed to him and Dave raised an eyebrow. When Kanaya's only response was to again say the same word, he internally groaned but complied. If she was going to give him food, he might as well play along. Dave hadn't realized how hungry he was before. Well, that, and he was a little curious. Food that was gifted with the intention of a holy savior eating it had to be pretty goddamn incredible, right? People wouldn't give their messiah something that tasted like ass sweat.

Rolling the word around in his head for a moment, Dave slowly tried to make his tongue and throat form those sounds. It was pretty difficult. Kanaya was grinning, so Dave knew that he was doing a shit job, but no matter how he tried to choke out a syllable, it never sounded buggy enough to pass as troll language. It sounded sort of like a bad cough.

Kanaya was apparently some sort of sadist because she had Dave try a few more times before good-naturedly stopping him and gesturing for him to eat. He wasn't convinced that the food would be much better than the language, and one bite showed that Dave was absolutely right. Karkat must be a pretty shitty god because the sort-of-muffin was drier than used sandpaper and more tasteless than cardboard. Dave choked it down anyway. One, because he was hungry, and two, because every time he looked at Kanaya, the only thing he could think of was her chainsaw roaring in his ear.

Still, despite Dave's hesitations, they fell into something of a rhythm. Kanaya would hand him some food, he would struggle to pronounce it for several minutes before being granted mercy, and Dave would try it before immediately setting it aside. So far, none of it had killed him, but it didn't particularly taste good either, so Dave wasn't inclined to keep eating any of it. Was that how Karkat saw Earth food? He had never stopped to wonder whether or not aliens could taste the same as humans, or even how they would feel about things like texture. At least Dave was being fed, though it was slow going. He was going to get a full meal just taking one bite from everything in Karkat's pile.

Eventually — _finally _— Karkat left the bathroom. It was sort of nice to see him in a new outfit for once, not that Dave was checking him out on purpose or anything. He just liked how fluffy Karkat's hair got after a shower. It was fun to play with, on those rare nights that Karkat would get into his bed almost immediately, and Dave would work up the courage to pull him closer and run a hand through his unmanageable hair.

Wow, that was so gay. It was starting to get out of hand.

There was a pleasant little twist in Dave's gut when Karkat chose to sit down next to him instead of Kanaya, who was closer to the bathroom door. He was trying really hard not to "flirt" as Karkat liked to accuse Dave of so often, but sometimes he really wanted to hug Karkat. Was that gay? He never wanted to hug his other friends very often, but then again, Dave didn't see them daily or think they were all warm and fun to hold or have a crush on all of them. So maybe it was a _little _gay, but that was fine. Dave could keep it under wraps, lest Karkat pull out his trap card as he was so keen on doing the instant Dave so much as _breathed _too affectionately.

Trolls were so confusing. Touching each other's face was flirting, but hugging and going to bed wrapped in each other's arms was not. It was hard to figure out what Karkat wanted when _Dave _barely knew what he wanted.

Reaching over him, Karkat swiped a finger through the troll, knock-off mayo and licked it off. Dave very pointedly focused as much attention as he could on the newest food that Kanaya had handed him. It looked like someone had made a retarded love-child of strawberry and zucchini. Karkat said something that made Kanaya smile and she replied with something that made him frown.

God, why was he always frowning so much? Dave had come with to help keep Karkat calm and comfortable, but it was a pretty fucking impossible task when everything seemed to upset him.

Karkat opened his mouth to speak, but Dave wasn't about to stand idly by and let that poor fuck work himself up all over again. He grabbed the first food item he saw, elbowed Karkat in the side, and shoved it into his face. Doing that got his attention, which was the goal. Karkat went cross-eyed trying to squint at it. Dave tried and failed to not find it adorable. "Dude, eat something other than knock-off Kraft mayo. You've got a busy day ahead of yourself, Emperor Vantas. Lots of pacing to do, problems to bitch about, and friends to scream at. Gotta lube up those vocal cords." Dave hadn't lowered the food. If Karkat was keeping his mouth busy, then he wasn't talking, which meant he had a much lower chance of upsetting himself. Also, Karkat weighed maybe ninety pounds soaking wet, so getting him to eat something was a win-win.

Amazingly, Karkat didn't argue. He took the tube of meat from Dave and tore out a huge chunk of it with his fangs, swallowing it after barely chewing. It almost looked like his jaw had unhinged doing that. Dave was both equal parts fascinated and horrified. "Good point," Karkat said. Then he turned and said something to Kanaya.

Dave nearly thought that his half-assed distraction had done the trick, but no. Not even close. Karkat suddenly glared, tensing, and spoke again in his native language. Resigned, Dave watched him warily and stayed silent as he ate more of the dry meat. Just because Karkat was determined to be small and skinny for the rest of his life didn't mean that they _both _had to starve. Even if swallowing left Dave feeling sick and made his stomach churn.

As he chewed, Dave's eyes flickered between Karkat and Kanaya as they took turns speaking. He wished that he could understand Alternian. Trying to imagine what they were saying was fun for all of about three seconds before Dave realized that he was far too tense to get any real enjoyment out of that. He just wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to have the answers. He wanted to be the support that Karkat so clearly needed. It was all starting to become a lot more difficult than he thought it would be.

Then something snapped. Karkat muttered something that sounded like a curse and dropped the barely-touched meat that he was still holding. He clutched Dave's hand, dragging him into a standing position behind him. Barely breaking stride, Karkat furiously marched over to the door like a man on a mission. Kanaya followed them, much less upset. Dave shot her a look over his shoulder, but there wasn't much communication between them. She looked sort of guilty to Dave, but maybe in Karkat's species, that look translated to confidence. Dave had no idea. Unfortunately, that was becoming a pattern.

"Uh, is everything alright?" Dave damn well knew that it wasn't, but he felt that it was courtesy to ask. Karkat liked to get even pissier when someone implied for even a moment that they might understand how he was feeling. Well, he did with Dave, anyway. Karkat sent a weak glare his way, causing Dave to grimace. "Yeah, alright, sorry. Standard question. What's wrong, though? Where are we going?" Something must have happened. Something bad. Otherwise, Karkat wouldn't be nearly so frantic.

"Hopefully, to prevent getting this ship blown to pieces and dying a painful, albeit quick, death." Alarmed, Dave almost stopped walking, but the look that Karkat gave him kept him from stopping. He looked about ready to tear his hair out and bash his head against the wall. Dave sort of wanted to hug him, but he knew without having to think about it for more than a second that Karkat wouldn't be in the mood for that. "I hope you're a better diplomat than an artist."

"Settin' the bar kind of low," Dave muttered. He didn't get a response, either because Karkat didn't understand the idiom or because he didn't want to bother with it. Had it not been for the forward march, Karkat probably would have been pacing, so Dave didn't blame him.

They swept out of the bedroom and Karkat almost immediately tripped. Dave automatically tightened the grip that Karkat already had on his hand, reaching out to set the other on his friend's shoulder and steady Karkat on his feet. "You okay?" Dave asked reflexively. They weren't quite pressed together, but Karkat was still close enough for Dave to leech off of his body heat. His hair was brushing Dave's nose and his lips quirked into a smile despite himself. It didn't last long. Karkat still hadn't responded. "Hey, bro. You alright? It was just a little stumble." Dave shook him gently but Karkat didn't even twitch. Concerned, he tried again. "Seriously, is something up? Do you want me to stop holding you? Is that the problem? I guess it is kind of romantic to keep you from falling. Haven't seen _that _trope in every B-list Hollywood romcom ever made. Did you unplug yourself when you tripped, Karkat?"

Frustrated by the lack of response, Dave let his eyes trail to where Karkat was looking… and paused. It took him a moment to understand what he was looking at but, when he did, his lips parted around a barely audible, "_oh."_

That was what finally got Karkat to move. He leaned back, as though about to collapse. Without having to think about it, Dave's grip on him tightened, keeping Karkat on his feet even as he seemed intent on having Dave hold his entire body weight. Thankfully, it wasn't a lot. That didn't help with any of his concern though, not with the way that Karkat looked on the verge of collapsing. Even with grey skin, he managed to look pale, as though someone had drained the blood right out of him.

Taking in a sharp breath through his teeth, Dave reached up and placed one hand over Karkat's eyes. For a second, he snarled, as though contemplating ripping Dave's fingers off with his fangs, but then Karkat went still. His eyes shut behind Dave's hand and he forced himself to take a deep breath that came out high and strangled.

In front of them, cramming the hallway so full that there was only a narrow sliver available to walk, was more gifts. Dave had been mostly joking about the blood sacrifices before, but if _that _was how Karkat's species treated their deities, then he was going to have to start sleeping with a sword under his pillow again. The sheer amount of offerings made his head spin. Apparently, once Dave had stopped answering the knocks the night before, someone had just left their gift and every one afterward had followed suit. Behind them, the hallway was strikingly empty, which must have been how Kanaya managed to wheel in her clothing rack. He wasn't sure why she had bothered — there were so many outfits scattered in the mounds of presents that Karkat would never need new clothes again.

Having his eyes covered seemed to help only marginally. Dave was pretty sure that Karkat was crying, hissing and clicking under his breath as he twitched in Dave's arms. It sounded like Karkat was on the verge of collapsing into a full-blown panic attack and the idea made something clench in Dave's chest. No, absolutely not. They had woken up in a good mood and play-wrestled while smearing slime all over each other like they were toddlers discovering a mud pile for the first time. He _refused _to let Karkat be miserable.

"Alright, c'mon. One foot in front of the other," Dave muttered. "You can do this. Walking is pretty easy, Karkat, you've been doing it for years. Just focus on that. Don't worry about where we are or what we're doing. Trust me."

He nudged Karkat forward with his knee, leaning forward. They were still clutching each other's hands, but neither of them seemed inclined to let go any time soon. Actually, Karkat held on tighter, jaw clenched to a point that it looked painful and his claws were nearly drawing blood. It hurt a little bit, but Dave pursed his lips and didn't comment.

Slowly, as though each movement pained him, Karkat shuffled one foot forward. He paused, shaking with the effort of keeping his breathing steady, and repeated the process with the other. Dave was right behind him, resting his chin on Karkat's head as another reassurance that he wasn't going anywhere. For once, he wasn't being lectured for attempting to be comforting. It felt like Karkat might kill him if Dave tried to let go. He wasn't sure that he was handling the situation correctly, but focusing on keeping Karkat calm seemed to be the right thing to do. Dave was otherwise lost on how to handle someone else's panic attacks.

They moved through the cramped hall one step at a time, with Kanaya always right behind them like a shadow. It felt like she wanted to be able to comfort Karkat too, but with their limited floor space, she didn't get the chance. Personally, Dave wasn't sure if Karkat would have even let her do it if she tried. He had barely allowed Dave to help.

Progress was slow, but they did eventually reach the end of the hall. The offerings had stopped a little bit before there, but Dave didn't want to uncover Karkat's eyes until they were completely out of sight. He turned to look at Kanaya, walking beside them now that she had space to, and gestured at the branching paths with a tilt of his head. Hopefully, she got what he was asking. It wasn't like words would have made things any clearer.

She blinked, then turned to the left. Gesturing Dave along behind her, Kanaya led them down the narrower hall, which was blessedly empty. If a follower came up wanting Karkat to autograph their Bible or whatever, Dave had no doubts that Karkat could and absolutely would tear that person to shreds.

Coming to a stop, Dave carefully removed his hand from Karkat's face. He whimpered, squeezing Dave's other hand tighter, and didn't open his eyes. For a moment, they were both content to stand there. Dave frowned in thought. He didn't want to force Karkat to open his eyes, but he was pretty sure that they had an emergency to be handling. Maybe he ought to lead Karkat the rest of the way there until he had calmed down?

"Um, Karkat—" Dave started but didn't get any further than that.

Without warning, Karkat dropped his hand and lurched around, wrapping his arms around Dave's chest so tightly that it actually did knock the breath out of him. Swallowing a gasp, Dave held himself perfectly still as Karkat wormed his way closer. He didn't think that he had ever been so close to someone in his life. The only thing separating them, pressed chest-to-chest, was their clothes. Pressing his face against Dave's neck, Karkat grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, heedless of his claws tearing holes in the fabric. He clutched Dave like he would actually die if they let go.

Dave looked up at Kanaya over his shades. Both of them were equally bewildered. Their gazes met for a moment. Kanaya's expression twisted into a grimace and she looked away, arms crossed as she stared patiently at the wall. Waiting for them to be done, Dave guessed.

He was a little unsure what Karkat wanted him to do, but Dave settled for placing his arms around his friend's waist and giving a faint squeeze. Holding Karkat loosely, Dave had a concerned frown on his face all the while, waiting to let go until it seemed like Karkat was ready for him to.

There was a little sniffle against his neck. Resting his cheek on top of Karkat's head, Dave thought about it for a moment before softly blowing a breath against one of Karkat's horns.

The reaction that he earned was a shiver as Karkat bristled. His grip loosened, though he seemed hesitant to let go of Dave completely. "What was that for?" Karkat asked. His voice was rough with the effort of not crying, too exhausted to sound angry.

"I always wanted to know how sensitive your horns were," Dave teased. "Just seemed kinda weird to ask. I didn't want to embarrass you about your head nipples."

There was the twitch of a smile against Dave's neck. "Is this really a good time for that?"

In response, Dave blew another breath. Karkat sank down further against him, letting out a noise almost like a laugh. "Hey, anything that gets you to cheer up and stop crying, Karkat. I'll even do a handstand if you ask nice."

He tried to fight it, but Karkat soon broke, giving in and laughing as he relaxed the death-grip that he had on the back of Dave's shirt. "Shut the fuck up," he muttered, too wrung-out to manage anything more scathing than that. There were both quiet for another few seconds until Karkat sighed and shifted. He made a move like he was going to pull back, but changed his mind at the last second, as though he couldn't handle letting go. "And thanks. For doing that, Dave. You didn't have to," he said softly.

Honestly, the hugging was starting to get uncomfortable for Dave. Not because he disliked it, but because Karkat was really only clingy when they were cuddling in bed and he thought that Dave was asleep. Which allowed Dave to, in turn, pretend that he was sleeping in order to cover his embarrassment. It wasn't that Karkat was embarrassing to hold, just that Dave wasn't used to hugging people for long periods of time. Especially not individuals that he was in love with. Or had a crush on. Or felt even slightly affectionate toward as anything more than a friend. And Karkat had completely forgotten the concept of shame or personal space because the only way they could possibly be any closer was to be under each other's skin. Which really shouldn't have sounded as hot as it did to Dave. He was really struggling to keep his heartbeat normal and his face from flushing. Fighting against his body's nervous impulses was nigh impossible. Even Bro couldn't always keep it up. And if Karkat looked up, saw Dave red-faced and staring, their eyes would lock like that. Then that would only make Dave want to cup his cheek and lean in, and…

And that couldn't happen. The problem with hugging was simply that: it was way too easy to escalate and Karkat always looked really kissable. Even though he had fangs. Dave had gotten over his little hang-up with that a long time ago. He would work around sharp teeth or a freaky alien tongue or whatever Karkat had in his mouth, as long as it ended with kissing.

Dave forcibly stomped down on his discomfort. As easy as it would be to pull away, he couldn't. Not while Karkat was still upset. What kind of shitty person would that make him? "It's really nothing, man. Bros gotta look out for their bros, you know." He laughed and it came out high-pitched and forced.

Inwardly, Dave winced. He thought for something to say, but his witty repertoire had dried up in the face of Karkat clinging to him like he needed Dave more than he needed air. Suddenly, all he could think about was his arms around Karkat's waist and the lips mumbling against his neck. Had he been a more desperate or pathetic individual, he could have closed his eyes and imagined that Karkat was kissing him.

But then, finally, to both Dave's frustration and relief, Karkat pulled back. Their hug broke, he straightened, and looked at Dave with a smile as though he couldn't practically fucking _see _Dave's heart slamming away in his chest. "For once, it would be nice to thank you without getting it brushed aside. What's wrong with saying that you're a good friend, Dave? You are. You're…" Karkat paused. "...you're the best friend I've ever had."

Normally, Dave wasn't the dramatic type (unless it was for ironic purposes, obviously), but something about what Karkat said made him grimace. Best friend. He was Karkat's best friend. Not Sollux, or Kanaya, or that clown asshole he had told stories about. It was Dave. He should have been glad. He was. Dave was relieved that Karkat thought of him like that, but…

"_Best friend"_ was a far cry from "_boyfriend."_

As soon as he had that thought, Dave forced it away. He was being ridiculous. Karkat would be going back to his home planet sometime soon. Until then, he ought to be glad for what he could get. Karkat was incredible, and he thought so highly of Dave, for seemingly no reason.

Fuck. Dave was going to miss him so much. He was already getting choked up, just at the thought. He had no idea how he would handle watching the ship take off without him.

"It's not really the compliments that bother me," Dave said eventually, once he realized that he had been silent for nearly a minute. "It's just that every time you say something like that to me, you sound as though you've never had a good friend before."

Karkat blinked, surprised. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He made a few more attempts, only for each to end up the same way. When he let himself give up, remaining quiet, it was with an air of defeat and frustration. But Dave couldn't tell if Karkat was upset with him or himself.

Before he could decide, they were interrupted. Kanaya walked forward and tapped Karkat on the shoulder to get his attention, speaking briefly and with a frown still on her face.

From what little Dave understood of troll romance — "quadrants," Karkat had called them once he figured out a better way to describe them to Dave in English — he was pretty sure that Kanaya had a thing for Karkat. The best friend one that Karkat had confused Dave and John for, years ago. All things considered, that was probably better than if Kanaya wanted to kiss Karkat too, but it left the same unpleasant feeling in Dave's chest. He was starting to get tired of it. Karkat was allowed to have other friends, obviously. Dave wasn't the kind of insecure, pathetic fuck that needed to be the only person in someone's life.

He just didn't like the idea of Karkat clinging to someone else. That was fair, wasn't it? Karkat had called the quadrants "romance" as an umbrella term, though that could have also been a translation error on his part…

Whatever Kanaya said, it made Karkat turn red, sputtering in embarrassment. He snapped something back at her half-heartedly, then turned to Dave. Without thinking about it, Karkat grabbed his wrist, probably to start leading him toward the destination again. But as soon as their skin met, Karkat let go and jumped back several feet. Had it been possible, his face would have been glowing, it was so red.

Despite himself, Dave couldn't hide his hurt. His lips twitched down into a frown and Karkat, covering a wince, pointedly avoided looking at him. "We have somewhere to be," was all he said, starting off without waiting for a reply from either Dave or Kanaya.

Of course, they both followed, almost without having to think about it. Dave let himself hang back a few steps. In the moment, he had been trying to comfort Karkat because it seemed like he needed it, but he must have crossed a line somewhere during it. What had he done wrong? Why did he keep unintentionally pissing Karkat off?

Still displeased, Kanaya quickened her pace to walk alongside Karkat. She started speaking to him in a low voice and he whisper-hissed back, as though they had both forgotten that Dave didn't understand Alternian. He got a few curse-words from it, but that was pretty standard any time Karkat talked, so it didn't help Dave glean any new information. He heard his name a few times but didn't acknowledge it. They walked and Dave tuned it out. He wished he had grabbed his earbuds before leaving his house.

Oddly enough, they didn't run into any other trolls on the way to wherever they were going. Dave wasn't sure if it was because they were all asleep or doing something else, but it was probably a scheduling thing. Karkat's species were nocturnal and Dave's infallible internal clock was telling him that it was afternoon. He didn't know, _exactly_.

Since he'd forgotten to bring his charger, it seemed smart to save battery by not fucking around with anything until his friends got back to him. Actually, why hadn't they? Dave snuck his phone out of his pocket to discreetly check it, but no. There were no messages. It was starting to worry him. At the very least, his battery was at sixty-nine percent. Nice. Everything had a silver-lining. Or, that was what Dave told himself before he could start freaking out.

They went through so many formless, identical corridors that Dave honestly lost his wonder for all of the alien technology on display. Everything was metallic and blue-ish black. It was starting to become an eye-sore. He didn't notice that they had reached their destination until Kanaya stopped walking. The door they went into looked exactly like all of the other doors.

The interior of the room was much more impressive. Every wall was covered with screens, many of them on and displaying numbers and maps and radars. Keyboards and control panels dotting every available desk surface. The room was easily the biggest one that Dave had ever seen in person. He could fit his entire house in it and still have plenty of room left over. It wouldn't even feel cramped.

Unfortunately, he didn't get to appreciate it for very long. Despite the sheer size of the room, there were only two people in the room, though their combined volume more than made up for the lack of other bodies.

Sollux and Terezi were screaming at each other, locked in a heated argument. Her grip on her dragon-head walking cane, which could easily become a wicked sword, was bone-white. Even though he wasn't holding a weapon, Sollux's eyes were sparking. He was holding his 3D glasses in one hand, waving them around dramatically, and Dave was taken aback to see that it hadn't been the lenses distorting colors or anything — no, Sollux _actually _had solid red and blue eyes. That glowed. Dave wasn't sure if he should be amazed or grossed out.

As soon as he spotted them, Karkat marched right up to Terezi and Sollux. Headless of the fact that they both looked about two seconds away from ripping out throats with their fangs, he positioned himself between them and set a hand on either chest, forcing them apart. No matter how much they yelled at him, Karkat could always screech louder. And he did, matching their volume and then beating it, until it was all a furious buzz to Dave, like an angry wasp nest.

He drifted over too, though hung back when Kanaya, watching from the sidelines, pointedly shook her head and gestured for Dave to stay where he was. He wasn't that eager to get involved, either. Actually, Dave was sort of wishing that he had brought his sword with him. If something happened, he was certain that Kanaya would try to pull Karkat out before he got his head torn off, but Dave would never be able to sit on the sidelines. Especially not if Karkat was in danger. He hated the idea that all he could do was stand there and watch. What had all of them so pissed off, anyway?

Something on the desk caught Dave's eye. It wasn't that remarkable, but the familiarity was what struck him. It took him a moment to recognize the little device, but then it clicked. That was Karkat's old translator — the one that he had brought with him from his planet and used to learn English before John spilled soda on it. He remembered Karkat giving that to Sollux the day before, but what was he doing with a piece of useless junk?

Dave walked toward it, curious, and froze. His eyes widened. On the monitor just above it was a person. And not a video or a picture or even a troll. A human woman was displayed in a live feed, staring with a mixture of impatience, fear, and confusion at the bickering trolls.

She had dark hair pulled back into a severe bun, round glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. She wore a dark red pantsuit and a simple pearl necklace. The overall effect reminded Dave strongly of a school headmistress from the 1960s. Shocked, it was all Dave could do to keep down a noise of surprise, but the woman noticed him anyway.

It was just a flick of the eyes in his direction, but Dave looked very different from a troll. As soon as she spotted him, there was surprise, then relief. She sagged like a huge weight had left her shoulders and leaned forward toward her camera, as though she could somehow reach through it to touch Dave. As soon as she did it, she caught herself. They stared at each other for a moment longer before she sat back and cleared her throat.

"Dave Strider?" She asked. It didn't seem like a question that she needed an answer to. Stunned, all Dave could do was nod. He closed the rest of the distance to the computer monitor, setting his hands on the desk to steady himself. What the hell was happening? "I work with the United States Government as the Director of National Intelligence. My name is Jane Crocker," she said. "As ridiculous as it feels to say it, an alien aircraft has landed on United States' soil. This is a matter of the highest national security. So, Dave Strider, are you being held hostage and are you unharmed? Have the aliens made any threats? Can you understand them?"

Truth be told, Dave really wasn't sure how to answer those questions. He was talking to the U.S. Director of National Intelligence. From what he knew about government agencies, that meant that she outranked even the Director of the FBI. She took direct orders from the President. Fuck. Dave felt his mouth go dry. Oh, God, they were so royally fucked. He was going to get the death penalty for treason or some shit.

"How do you know my name?" He settled on finally. It was the only thing that Dave could think to fire back. His thoughts were scrambling for purchase. Behind him, the shouting match had gone quiet and it was even more distracting than it had been when they were fighting.

Jane frowned, but answered, "Your face is being shown on every news channel across the world at this point, Dave. It didn't take long for intelligence groups or anyone able to access Nevada residence records to find your identity. Please, we have plenty of time for questions once you've been safely recovered. Do you know what sort of weapon technology the aliens have available? Are they hostile?"

It seemed smart to avoid answering that first question. Dave wasn't entirely sure what weapons trolls had, but they were probably a lot better than Earth's if they were capable of full space travel. But he wasn't going to tell the Director of National Intelligence that, because Dave didn't need them to see trolls as a threat and preemptively blow them out of the sky. And on the flip side, he couldn't say that trolls were incompetent because not only was that hugely unbelievable, but he didn't need them to get blown up in an attempt to capture and study an alien species.

The second question definitely seemed safer. "Uh…" Dave blinked, thankful for his shades hiding his nervousness. Fuck, he was _not _going to be the one responsible for starting the world's first intergalactic war. "No, they're not hostile. And I wasn't kidnapped. I came with them willingly, for my bro, Karkat," he prattled off. Looking over and noticing all four of the trolls staring at him, Dave waved Karkat over. "Hey, uh, do you mind introducing yourself to this nice government official so that we don't get blown up? That would be real fuckin' great."

Karkat scowled. Apparently, he didn't appreciate being waved over to meet strangers capable of killing them all with a push of a button. Or maybe he didn't appreciate the entire situation. "Fuck off with that shit, Dave," he snapped. "At this point, a preemptive missile strike would be a blessing. If I survived, I'd crawl out of the mounds of body parts and blistering wreckage to finish bashing my skull in with a goddamn rock. It sounds thousands of times better than continuing to stand here and tolerate _these _chucklefucks." He gestured wildly at his friends. There was only a short pause in his rant as Karkat took a breath, but that was all the time that their guest needed.

"Wait." Jane glanced off-screen and then back at Dave, looking stunned. "These aliens… They speak English?"

Dave was starting to consider the pros of bashing _his _head in with a rock. First contact had officially been made with the human populace. And the first word that Karkat had said, to a government official no less, was "fuck." Honestly, he wasn't sure if it could have gone any other way. At the sound of Jane's voice, Karkat had paled and shrunk back, curling in on himself. So at least he had the decency to recognize that he had fucked up.

Goddamnit. Somehow, Dave had gotten roped into being the mediator of troll and human relations. He should have stayed in the green, sticky blanket pile instead of getting up. He grimaced. "It's… kind of complicated. If I explain it all can you _not _blow us up?"

He got the feeling that it was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the semblance of a plot. And it only took me almost 45k words.
> 
> _Chapter title and summary from “The Last of the Real Ones” by Fall Out Boy._


	4. Like Real People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I could not ask you where you came from._   
_I could not ask and neither could you._   
_Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips._   
_We could just kiss, like real people do._

Considering all the much better ways that Karkat could be spending his time — such as stimulating his bone bulge with sandpaper or staring directly into the sun — the fact that he had to be the one keeping his dumbass friends from getting them all killed had made him a little bit angry. Just a little. Angry enough that, as soon as he entered the ship's communications bridge, the first thing he did was scream.

It wasn't as though he had yelled a profanity or some sort of demand, either. No, Karkat just opened his mouth and let the bubbling, white-hot frustration building in his gut come out as a scream. And then he practically threw himself between Sollux and Terezi and forced them apart before they started trying to use each other's spines as floss, which was a real possibility for them.

Maybe getting between two angry and ready-to-pounce trolls wasn't Karkat's best idea but, the way he saw it, it would be merciful if they both just ripped him apart right then and there. If they did, he wouldn't have to be very much alive and breathing and dealing with their bullshit.

"Stop whatever the fuck you think you're doing right now!" Karkat snapped. He planted a hand on both of their chests and shoved hard enough to send both Sollux and Terezi a step back, though neither of them looked very winded. Instead of watching reruns of human sitcoms for a sweep and a half, maybe he should have been lifting weights. Well, too late for that now. "I have this pulsating, painful feeling that what I think you're doing and what you two think you're doing are very fucking different! I think this is an enormous waste of everyone's time and resources and a testament to how much pan material you've both lost since I've last seen you! But, please, if there's some other explanation for the wiggler tantrums you're both throwing, then feel free to enlighten me! Please do, because right now, your behavior is so cancerous that I can feel myself growing a tumor just watching it!"

That pissed Sollux off if his sparking psionics meant anything. As if Karkat was supposed to be intimidated by bipolar disorder and a fraying wire. "Stay the fuck out of this, KK," he snapped. "You're not supposed to be involved at all! In fact, why did KN even tell you what we were doing?"

He started to turn his glare toward Kanaya but Karkat jammed a claw in Sollux's chest, hard, getting his attention back. "Hey, eyes over here," he growled. "Leave Kanaya out of this! She's the only one of you useless shit stains that even pretends to treat me with respect!"

Terezi snorted. She had dropped her fighting stance much more gracefully than Sollux had, though her anger still read clearly on her face. She smacked Karkat in the leg with the base of her cane. "_Respect_?" The word was drawn out so that it took one breath and Terezi grinned without any humor behind it. "Is that what you call it when someone lays awake at night in an empty pile, soaked in tears and other bodily fluids, desperately papping themselves to thoughts of you hating yourself?"

The flush to Karkat's face was so hot that he had to be glowing and he knew that Kanaya wouldn't be much better. He refused to look at her, to even begin to acknowledge that what Terezi had just described was even in the realm of possibility. "That's not—!" He struggled to compose himself over the sound of her cackling laughter, pulling it together long enough to snap out, "You're avoiding the point! Why would you ever feel the need to keep this a secret from me in the first place? The people I remember being friends with don't know the first thing about diplomacy!"

"Well, then maybe you don't know us that well anymore," Sollux fired back. He stepped closer to Karkat — close enough that he was forced to tilt his head nearly all the way back to make eye-contact with Sollux and his fuzzing psionics made Karkat's hair stand on end. There was an odd expression on his face. "And maybe this isn't your goddamn concern. For fuck's sake, Karkat, how much stress do you need in your life? Wasn't spending a sweep and a half on an alien planet enough for one lifetime? Why can't you ever just let it fucking go and let someone take care of you?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, it was clear that Sollux regretted it. He snapped his jaw shut so fast that it looked painful, expression turning stricken. Still, neither of them could manage to look away. In the lull that followed, none of them spoke. And that was when Karkat heard it.

He was intimately familiar with the sound of Dave's voice. Hearing him talk to someone other than Karkat, in a room full of aliens that didn't speak his language, was more than enough to pull Karkat away from Sollux before he had even thought about it.

Even as Karkat wandered over, though, Dave had gone quiet. There was a human woman on one of the screens, talking to him. It surprised Karkat enough that it took him a few seconds to understand the words coming out of her mouth. God, how had he managed to miss something that obvious?

"—plenty of time for questions once you've been safely recovered," the woman was saying when Karkat finally tuned in. "Do you know what sort of weapon technology the aliens have available? Are they hostile?"

_Hostile_? Extremely. But if Earth hadn't been informed that the Alternian Empire was responsible for the subjugation of dozens of planets and the genocide of trillions, then that was all the better. The thought alone made Karkat's head pound. They were going to have their hands full trying to change Alternian culture, let alone the image that the Condesce had spent thousands of years carefully crafting for _her _Empire.

There was a tug on Karkat's sleeve, but he didn't turn around. Sollux leaned over to whisper, "KK, hey. You speak their language. What are they talking about?"

Instead of answering, Karkat batted his face away and shushed him louder than needed.

"Uh…" Dave took a long time to figure out how to answer that question, then he said, "No, they're not hostile. And I wasn't kidnapped. I came with them willingly, for my bro, Karkat." And then Dave did the worst possible thing — he attempted to wave Karkat over. "Hey, uh, do you mind introducing yourself to this nice government official so that we don't get blown up? That would be real fuckin' great."

A few minutes ago, sure, not dying would have sounded great, but Karkat wasn't so sure anymore. He doubted that Kanaya would ever be able to look him in the eye again, he wasn't sure if Terezi was trying to black flirt with him or lashing out due to sleep deprivation, and it sounded like whatever the fuck Sollux's hang-up with him was would require a team of psychiatric professionals to puzzle out. So, all things considered, Karkat was _not_ in the greatest mindset to be put on the spot with diffusing the very real possibility that they would be killed shortly.

"Fuck off with that shit, Dave," Karkat shot back. "At this point, a preemptive missile strike would be a blessing. If I survived, I'd crawl out of the mounds of body parts and blistering wreckage to finish bashing my skull in with a goddamn rock. It sounds thousands of times better than continuing to stand here and tolerate these chucklefucks." Just in case Dave wasn't getting it, he flailed his arms pointedly toward the people that he called his friends. He was ready to continue for another hour, easily, but didn't even get to finish taking a breath before the human woman on screen was cutting him off.

"Wait. These aliens… They speak English?" The woman's gaze was darting around, obviously trying to spot him, but Karkat was having none of that. He was ridiculously thankful to be out of the camera's range.

_Oh, goddamnit. _He had underestimated the range of that microphone, and pretty severely, too. He had just cussed out a woman that, the way Dave described it, was capable of having them all killed with one word. Was she Earth's leader? Karkat had never asked Dave for that information but, in retrospect, it probably would have been smart to know what sort of government he was dealing with.

Well, no time for that anymore. Karkat was pale and desperately inching toward the exit. He was _not _staying there for even a second longer.

It looked like it took a monumental effort for Dave to not slam his head through the monitor. He let out a long, suffering groan. "It's… kind of complicated. If I explain it all can you not blow us up?"

And that was, ultimately, what kept Karkat from leaving. He had no desire to cooperate with any authorities, extraterrestrial or otherwise, but he knew that Dave wasn't exactly eager about it, either, and he was still tolerating it. He was still standing there, doing his best to keep an adult from killing them all. Dave was putting a lot of effort into something that wasn't his responsibility and Karkat couldn't let him do that alone. After all Dave had done for him in the last twenty-four hours alone, the very idea made him feel like the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy.

So, much as it pained him, Karkat stopped trying to retreat. No doubt that he still looked like a cornered animal, but the door was right there and he hadn't taken it. That would have to be a start.

When the woman on screen nodded, apparently at a loss for words, Dave turned away from her and looked at Karkat. His smile was strained, but patient, hand outstretched to coax Karkat forward. Somehow, he got the feeling that, if he turned around and left, Dave would understand. He probably wouldn't even be angry about it after. But Dave deserved better than some asshole that would ditch him at the first sign of opposition, so Karkat scrapped himself together and managed to put one foot in front of the other.

He knew that he had entered the camera's range when the woman let out a noise of surprise. Karkat had seen enough human sci-fi movies to gather their apparent obsession with the possibilities of alien life, though most of the media he had seen was fairly unoriginal and unimaginative. From what he could tell, the human-ness of aliens in their media was split about fifty-fifty between basically being recolored humans and incomprehensible monsters, although somehow incredible sexual either way. So, in that respect, Karkat knew that he had to look nothing like she had imagined. Holding himself still, close to the camera, and having Dave at his side had to make for quite the juxtaposition. Not to mention, she could probably actually tell what she was looking at since Karkat wasn't screaming at someone else over pointless bullshit.

Whoever had left Terezi and Sollux in charge of interplanetary relationships was getting shot in the foot.

"Okay, so this is Karkat," Dave said after an awkward pause. He pointed for emphasis, as if that was necessary. "He's— wait, hold on. Karkat, does your species have last names? I can't believe I never asked for this pertinent information before."

Karkat blinked. "My last name?" It had been a sweep and a half since he'd even thought about it. It took him a moment to remember. "Vantas. My full name is Karkat Vantas."

It was so easy to forget that they had an audience. The woman was listening attentively but said nothing. Karkat focused entirely on Dave to keep himself grounded. If his friends hadn't still been behind them, watching, he would have grabbed Dave's hand for reassurance.

"Oh, man, seriously?" Dave chuckled. "I've been missing out on so many puns… Dude, don't worry, I'll have you caught up in no time, Karkat. And I guess because I never told you this, either, my name is Dave Strider."

It was ridiculous how just hearing that could make Karkat soften, as though he'd forgotten how to be tense. After knowing Dave for sweeps, getting to hear his full name shouldn't have been a big deal. It certainly didn't change anything between them, but Karkat couldn't deny the surge of affection in his chest. For a moment, it felt like they were alone. And Karkat could just reach out, cup Dave's face, lean in, and…

"It took you until this point to properly introduce yourselves?" The woman asked, jolting Karkat badly enough that he took a step back. "How are you even sure that you can trust it?"

There were a few seconds where the question didn't really sink in. Then Karkat realized that she was, of course, addressing Dave and that, more importantly, she had just called him an "it." He wasn't sure what to make of that, though. Was she trying to piss him off or did she just have some sort of brain disorder?

Apparently, Dave took it as the first option. His eyebrow twitched, the only sliver of annoyance to show on his face. If it hadn't been for the way Dave's fingers curled, nearly forming a fist, Karkat wouldn't have known that he had been upset at all. Thinking on it, though, he wasn't sure if Dave had been annoyed by the word "it" or by the insinuation that Karkat couldn't be trusted.

"Well, there wasn't really any point where we needed each other's full names," Dave said finally. His tensed shoulders relaxed some. "Karkat's ship just sort of… crash-landed in the desert near my house and I happened to be out there to find him. He was unconscious and bleeding, so I, uh, took him home. And he didn't speak English back then or even like me at all, so we just started with our first names by pointing to ourselves and, y'know, that was all we needed for basic communication."

The woman nodded, her expression unreadable. "Fascinating. How long have you been living with an alien to have it be fluent in English?"

Dave twitched again. It was definitely the word "it," then.

"Oh, um, I don't know…" Dave trailed off, clearly trying to avoid the question. He looked to Karkat for some sort of help, probably, but since he didn't know what the problem was, all he could do was shrug. So, resigned, Dave turned back to the monitor. "I guess it's been about… three years now, give or take a few weeks. Or months."

That was the wrong thing to say. There was a pause where the woman simply sat there and stared at them, mouth slightly ajar. When she spoke again, she sounded somewhere between flabbergasted and furious. "You mean to tell me that you've been harboring an extraterrestrial life form in your house for _three years_?"

Almost against his own will, Dave nodded. He was wringing his hands, rocking back on his heels, trying and failing to appear calmer than he actually was. "Yep, that's a thing that certainly came out of my mouth that is true. You can't have me executed for that, can you?"

Closing her eyes and holding her temples, the woman took several deep breaths before looking up at the camera again. "Please give me a moment. This won't take long." Without any further explanation, she stood up and walked off-screen. There was no background noise, so her microphone had likely been muted.

As soon as she was out of sight, there was a sharp smack to the back of Karkat's head. He cursed and whirled around, hand held up as he was caught between the indecision of rubbing the tender spot or ripping out someone's throat. Seeing that it was Sollux who had smacked him did not help Karkat reach a decision.

"What the fuck did Dave say to her?" He demanded. "We need the humans to like us, KK. This planet has a lot of benefits if we can make this whole diplomacy thing work. Tell me that you did _not _just let Dave say whatever the fuck he wanted to her."

"You can take whatever objections you have, Captor, and shove them right back up your wastechute where they came from!" Karkat snapped. "For fuck's sake, all she did was ask a few questions and Dave answered them! It would be extremely helpful if you could give me even a vague idea of what you want out of this conversation. I would say that, at the very least you'd like to avoid being blown up, but based on the way you and Terezi were acting when I got here, I can't even say _that _much with certainty anymore!"

At some point, Karkat was sure, he was going to goad Sollux into attacking him. He had no idea what was happening between them. Sure, their friendship had always flip-flopped between black and pale like the degenerates they were, but it had never been so heated or personal between them. Sollux's eyes were sparking. Anger was rolling off of him in waves and Karkat clung to that because it was familiar. Exchanging verbal lashings, that was easy. It required almost no thought. Asking him what was wrong took energy that Karkat didn't have. An argument wasn't what he wanted, but Karkat didn't know how to stop it. Why was Sollux so angry?

Before he could hear any retort, there was a hand on his shoulder. Karkat bristled but managed to keep his fangs in his mouth and his hands at his sides. He knew who he was going to see when he turned his head, but that still didn't keep Karkat from relaxing almost despite himself when he saw that it was Dave.

"Dude," he said quietly, "you alright? You're so mad that I think you're foaming at the mouth. Sollux isn't the only one sparking, if you know what I mean."

"I don't, actually," Karkat sighed. Again, without trying, Dave had wiped the tension out of him. Why couldn't their species have had at least _some _form of moirallegiance? Dave was so good at it that it was a crime he would have that quadrant empty. "Thanks. For getting involved."

His attention was grabbed, yet again, when Terezi cleared her throat. She had apparently decided that none of the drama in the room was interesting to her anymore, because she was leaning against her cane and idly sniffing her nails. "If we're going to talk about what we want in terms of diplomacy," she said, "we can't do anything without speaking to the Empress first. This is _her _Empire, after all."

The word "Empress" made Karkat's blood run cold. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that the Condesce couldn't be their ruler any more, because she would never have allowed his friends to get as far as they did, but that didn't stop the automatic response to get ready to run and hide.

Seeing the look on his face, Kanaya had to interrupt. At least she had recovered from that humiliating joke Terezi made. Or, what Karkat _hoped _was a joke. "We never told you the full story," she said quickly, "but Feferi is our current Empress. She killed the Condesce a few perigees ago."

That made sense, somewhat. Even those trolls in favor of equality between the castes would hesitate to respect an Empress that hadn't earned her crown through combat, the way that their species had chosen a successor for as far back as their written history was recorded. And considering how long most fuchsiabloods lived for, that was a tradition that stretched back for about half of a mega-annum. There was a problem with that story, though.

"Okay." Karkat blinked. "And how, exactly, did _Feferi _manage that?"

Terezi snorted with laughter, muffling it behind her hand. Embarrassed, Karkat flushed. He hadn't meant for it to come out as insulting as it sounded, but it was a valid question! Feferi was barely of adult age and highbloods molted much later than lowbloods did, so she probably hadn't aged much since the last time Karkat saw her. She had never been someone who enjoyed fighting, so her skills were lacking due to limited practice. Not that Karkat was much better, but highbloods had higher standards. Sure, Feferi had talked about the changes she would make to Alternia as Empress, but there was always an "if" attached to that statement. No one in their friend group had believed that Feferi, young and unskilled and inexperienced, would last even a minute against someone as ancient and powerful and ruthless as the Condesce.

"Well... " Clearing his throat, Sollux looked away sheepishly. "Well, she might have had some help. The official rules say that only the Heiress and the Empress are allowed to fight but, you know, the Condesce is easy to piss off and even easier to distract. So, with the ten of us…" Solux shrugged. "She's powerful, but FF stuck her trident through her chest and she bled out."

"It wasn't easy, though," Terezi added. "Fef was stuck in bed for about half a perigee healing up after that. She took a lot of damage. Most of her hair got singed by the Condesce's psionics and she has some electrocution scars now. And her leg was pretty fucked up, but she doesn't have a limp anymore. I know that Eridan took some hits for her and Sollux was out for a few days after the way he was tossed around." She snorted. "If there weren't so many of us, someone would have been killed. We're lucky that we got off with some scrapes and bruises."

Karkat couldn't figure out a way to reply to that. Emotion had made his throat tight and he couldn't breathe. He knew that they hadn't fought the Condesce for _him _— not entirely, anyway. So many of their friends were lowbloods and they were about two-thirds of the Alternian population. Countless lives would be benefited if they did away with the idea that lowbloods were scum. It wasn't _just _about Karkat, but…

But he wondered, if he wasn't a mutant, would they have still done it? If they hadn't been forced to send him off-world to prevent him from being killed, would they have ever cared enough about the injustice of it all to try changing something? They hadn't toppled an Empire for one person, but every rebellion needed a catalyst.

Fuck, he missed his friends. Karkat had been trying hard not to think about it, but as nervous as he was, he really wanted to talk to them all again. Maybe he'd open up some shitty memo board so they could all harass him at once, like the old days. But he wanted to see Gamzee and Eridan and Nepeta and, fuck, even Vriska. He had no idea how he'd managed to go over a sweep without their ceaseless bullshit.

"Dude, are you crying?" It was Dave who had spoken and the sudden switch to English made Karkat startle.

He took a few moments to process what had been asked. When he finally understood, Karkat was quick to blink away his tears. His eyes were stinging, but he refused to get emotional. Nothing good ever came of that.

"Of course not," he snapped, and the words came out high-pitched and faint. Dave's face creased with concern and, before Karkat could think to stop him, Dave had wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled Karkat against him into a loose hug.

"I have no idea what you even said, Karkat. You're still speaking in your native bug language. But I know that it was something along the lines of, "Don't worry," or, "I'm doing just peachy, absolutely swell," both of which are total fucking lies. You're a goddamn mess, Karkat, oh my God. What did your friends fucking say to you? This one didn't even look like an argument." Dave pulled back, holding Karkat at arm's length. There was a contemplative look on his face. "You need to get a prescription for some fucking Prozac."

He still didn't trust himself to speak English so Karkat decided not to try. He reached up to loosely take hold of Dave's wrists, giving a fond squeeze. It took more willpower than it should have for him to pull away. To Sollux, he said, "I want a palmhusk that can send messages back to Alternia. And some way for Dave to communicate with the rest of you. I'm tired of having to be the messenger."

Sollux scoffed. "You know, that second part would be a lot easier if _someone _hadn't ruined the wiring and the memory of my translator—!" His complaint was cut off when Kanaya elbowed him sharply in the side.

"A palmhusk, I can get for you," Kanaya said kindly. "In the meantime, we should contact Feferi. We'll need her instruction on how to proceed with the matter of diplomacy."

Karkat looked over his shoulder at Dave. Since they had gone back to talking in Alternian, obviously Dave wasn't going to be paying attention. He was doing something on his phone, probably texting, but it was clear that he was still watching them. When Karkat glanced in his direction, Dave's head popped up and he gave a reassuring smile before turning back to his phone. If Karkat didn't need him, he wasn't going to insert himself into a conversation that had nothing to do with him. There was a surge of fondness in Karkat's chest. He knew he was going to be pestering Sollux relentlessly until they got Dave a functional translator. Leaving him out after all that he had done for Karkat just wasn't fair.

A cursory glance at the screen where the human woman, most likely a government official, had been speaking showed that she was still gone. Doing what, Karkat wasn't sure, but he assumed that she was speaking to someone with more authority than herself. That couldn't be good. The feed was still going, though, so he assumed that that meant they'd be talking to her again soon. And when that happened, they needed to know what to say.

"Alright," he sighed, shoulders slumping as Karkat begrudgingly relaxed. "Let's call Feferi, then. Regardless of what she says, there's no way her answer can be any worse than the shitshow we managed all on our own."

"Well, since we have your permission now, Karkles." Terezi chuckled, shooting him a grin before moving over to one of the bigger monitors. "We'll see if we can get in touch with her. She's been extremely busy, which is why she didn't come out to see you herself. She's trying to find a good time to leave Alternia, since there's still a lot of uproar going on about all the laws she's been repealing."

In front of one of the bigger monitors in the room, Terezi stopped by a desk and felt around until she grabbed the keyboard that she needed. Her process of calling Feferi took a lot of fumbling and sniffing, but at least she wasn't climbing onto the desk to lick the screen.

Much as he didn't want to admit, Karkat was getting more nervous by the second. He had never been very close with Feferi, but she was still one of his friends and one of the most compassionate people he knew. When he had been sent off-world over a sweep ago, she had promised to be the one to hunt him down herself if she had to. Of course, Karkat understood just from Terezi's vague explanation why that would have been difficult for her to pull off. Still, the idea behind it was there. Feferi had missed him and she was his Empress now. So much had changed. How was he supposed to talk to her?

The call went through. All there was to do was wait for Feferi to accept it on her end. For whatever reason, no one spoke. Karkat wasn't sure why. Maybe it was that no one had anything to say, though he couldn't help but feel that there was still so much they needed to talk about. He glanced at Dave, still typing away on his phone. He wished at that moment that he couldn't speak Alternian, either.

He tensed when there was a beep from the monitor. A small part of Karkat hoped that their connection had been declined but, not a second after the thought crossed his mind, Feferi's face filled the screen. He had to consciously keep himself from taking a step back.

Despite everything, Feferi didn't look much like an Empress. She was wearing the Condesce's tiara — _her _tiara, now — but she didn't encompass power and authority. The plain shirt with her sign on it had been swapped out for what looked like a dress, though Karkat couldn't see her bottom half with the way the screen was angled. It was blue and green and pink, soft pastels and plenty of frills that didn't look anything like the trimmed, skin-tight black bodysuit the Condesce had always been seen in. Like Terezi mentioned, her hair had been cut, falling in thick curls just past her shoulders. Seeing Feferi with less than a verifiable-ton of hair was almost as jarring as seeing her without her pink goggles. Physically, Karkat had been right when he guessed that she hadn't aged much, but she seemed older. More mature, somehow. It was something in the way that she held herself. She looked tired.

"Hey, everyone!" Feferi waved happily. Based on what Karkat could see around her, she was seated in the throne room. The Condesce had sometimes issued bulletins for her citizens from her throne, though it looked like Feferi had removed a lot of the gaudy fuchsia and gold that used to hang everywhere. "It's been a wipe since you left Alternia. Did you find—?" Then she finally seemed to take stock of everyone standing in front of the screen. Her eyes locked onto Karkat's and, for a moment, she froze.

He winced. Gingerly, Karkat raised his hand and offered a weak wave. "Hey, Feferi," he said, hating how stunned his voice sounded. "It's been a long time. You're—"

"Karkat!" Cutting him off, Feferi lurched forward in her seat, grabbing either side of her monitor. Had they been speaking in person, Karkat was certain that she would have squeezed the life out of him. "Oh my God, they _did_ find you! A part of me was worried that Vriska was messing with us, but I'm so glad to see that you're alive and well! Are you taller, Karkat? Your hair is a mess!" She laughed loudly, body slumping as though someone just had lifted a huge weight from her chest.

He had not, as a matter of fact, gotten any taller, but it was nice of Feferi to say so. "I'm glad to see you, too." Karkat sighed. And, all nervousness aside, he really was. "Wait, what does Vriska have to do with this?"

Feferi faltered for a moment, confused, but it didn't last long. She was incapable of not smiling, apparently. "The eight ball that Vriska gave you when you left was a tracking device!" She told him giddily. "It hadn't been damaged after all this time, so we hoped that you… Of course, it was always possible that it stayed intact on the ship wherever you landed and then you starved together or were killed by the natives, but you didn't! You're alive! Oh, this is such wonderful news. I'll have to tell the others."

Out of the corner of his eye, Karkat could see Sollux trying to interject. It was hard to get a word in, though. Feferi was talking like she didn't need to breathe and there was no stopping her. "Uh, FF—" He tried.

"And who's that?" Feferi asked, cutting Sollux off without even seeming to notice that she had done it. She pointed with her finger and it took Karkat a moment to realize that she was pointing to Dave, hovering a few steps behind him with his back partly turned so that it wasn't obvious he was listening. "Is that an _alien_?" She gasped, gills fluttering. "Karkat, look at you! I never pictured you as the diplomatic type! What's his name? Does he speak Alternian? Are you two friends?"

A part of Karkat was still attempting to wrap his mind around the idea that _Vriska_, of all people, had been the one to come up with the idea to hand him an indestructible tracking device. It took a few moments of staring stupidly at Feferi's shark-toothed grin before Karkat realized that he needed to answer.

"Oh, uh, yes! This is Dave. He's an alien." At the sound of his name, Dave looked up. He tucked his phone into his pocket when Karkat grabbed him by the crook of the elbow, positioning him so that Feferi could see him better. She looked as delighted as she had been before, which made Karkat relax. At least she hadn't flipped her shit like his other friends had when they met Dave. "He found me unconscious when my ship crash-landed and he let me live with him ever since. If it wasn't for Dave, I'd be dead," Karkat admitted. Then, back on topic, "His species is called "human," and they call this planet "Earth." They're diurnal and they can be a lot of different skin and hair and eye colors. They aren't advanced enough for space travel outside of their solar system, but they have cities and music and movies, like Alternia." Karkat paused. "They all have red blood. Bright red blood."

He noticed that Terezi didn't look that surprised (she had probably already known that from smelling Dave) but Kanaya and Sollux both tensed and looked infinitely more interested. Feferi hummed thoughtfully. "Really? We must have a lot of cultural differences, then! We'll have to learn all about them from you, Karkat. And please tell Dave that I'm grateful beyond words that he took care of you for so long."

There was a tug on his sleeve. Karkat looked over and met Dave's confused frown. "So, is this, uh… your leader?" He asked, only somewhat nervous.

Karkat smiled sympathetically and nodded. "Yes. Feferi is our Empress, the single ruler of the Alternian Empire." He elbowed Dave lightly. "And she's also a good friend of mine. You don't have to look so nervous. She already likes you."

"Really?" Dave blinked behind his shades, taken aback.

Why did he have to be so cute? If he kept making Karkat smile uncontrollably, it was going to be impossible to hide his crush once his other friends arrived. "She wanted me to thank you, actually," Karkat added, "for taking care of me. She's — and I'm quoting as best I can since I'm not a licensed translator — "grateful beyond words," Dave." And Karkat was too, but he held himself back from adding that. He got the feeling that Dave understood without him needing to say it aloud.

"You speak their language so well," Feferi complimented. If she was any closer to the screen, her face would be pressed against it. "What is he saying? I want to know more about how humans greet each other!"

"Uh…" Karkat wasn't quite sure what to say. Apparently, though, Dave had no such problem with uncertainty.

He looked between Karkat and Feferi for a moment, brows crinkled in confusion, then Dave seemed to reach some sort of decision. He pressed both hands together and bowed at the waist, nearly making a perfect, ninety-degree angle. "_Hajimemashite_," he said.

Feferi, oblivious, laughed in delight. "Is that traditional, Karkat? What did he say?"

To be honest, Karkat had no idea what Dave had just done, but he knew enough about his brand of human culture to know that it must have been something degenerate. The faint smirk on Dave's face confirmed that. "He, uh…" Karkat scrambled for an explanation. "It's just an out-dated greeting. If you visited Earth, you wouldn't want to do that." He nudged Dave with his foot to signal for him to straighten back up.

No other words were exchanged between them, but Dave chuckled. He took Karkat's hand, just long enough to give it a squeeze, and turned away again. Any annoyance faded and Karkat stared at Dave's back longingly. It wouldn't be difficult, would it? Just to kiss Dave, at least once?

"Speaking of culture and visiting," Sollux cut in, "we have a bit of a, uh, _diplomacy dilemma _on our hands, FF."

For the first time since answering the call, Feferi's smile fell. "Oh, no. Did something go wrong? Don't tell me that someone got hurt."

Sollux was quick to shake his head. He was always, Karkat had noticed, kinder to Feferi, regardless of whatever mood swing he was going through. "No, nothing like that," he assured her. "Just… when we landed, the humans kicked up a huge shitfit. Apparently, we're the first aliens they've ever met. We're trying to negotiate, but we sort of need your guidance for what you want to accomplish here. We can list off the planet's physical resources if you want, but we aren't sure yet what their societies can offer."

She subdued her enthusiasm, though that smile didn't leave Feferi's face. Still, the attempt at seriousness was there. It didn't quite sit right on her face but, then again, Karkat wasn't used to seeing her try to act the part of an Empress.

"Well, we're trying to be kinder with the planets that we run into. Not that it's easy." Feferi sighed. "Shrinking the Empire's borders would never go over well with my generals, but I told them that there would be no more conquering. I've stopped the invasion measures on the five planets that my predecessor was working on and issued formal apologies to all of them, as well as offered our resources and money to repair any damages done…" She twisted a strand of hair around her finger thoughtfully, staring off into the distance. "We don't want a repeat of that with this planet," Feferi settled on finally. "So, for negotiations, tell them that we want an alliance. We'll share with them whatever technology their planet is ready for. In return, I want to build an embassy. Wherever your ship is now should be fine." A pause. "That's all."

Had Karkat been drinking something, he would have spat it out. That was _it_? He wasn't sure what he was expecting. A part of him was still struggling between seeing Feferi as his friend and seeing her as an Empress. The Condesce crushed worlds for fun. She would have sooner died than give a planet access to Alternian technology without anything in return other than _peace_. And, in a way, she sort of did.

Unphased, Sollux nodded. "I guess they don't really have anything of value. Nothing that we don't have, anyway." He scoffed and Feferi giggled. Expression turning fond, he continued, "So, now that you've heard the good news about KK, when—?"

He was cut off when Terezi suddenly slammed the butt of her cane into Sollux's gut. She nudged him out of the way while he was doubled over and catching his breath, shooting Feferi a face-splitting grin. "When do you think you'll be coming out? You _have _to see the new planet. It smells like the most exquisite flavor of blue raspberry. Its oceans are _massive_."

If she hadn't been interested before, Feferi certainly was after she heard that. "_Oceans_?" She clamped her hands to the side of her head to keep her fins from fluttering too much. She moved her hair in front of them so that they were out of sight. "Well, why didn't you just open with that? I'll make sure to have everything cleared up in a few days at the most!" Feferi pointed to Karkat and she softened. "Make sure you get hold of someone's husktop, Karkat. I'm letting everyone know and they'll want to get in contact with you! I'll have the flagship coming out soon. It should only be about a wipe. As Empress, I have access to faster-than-light travel," she said happily. "I'll drag the others onto the ship myself if I have to. Good luck with the diplomacy! I'll see you all soon." And the way Feferi said it, Karkat knew she wasn't just being optimistic and polite. It was a promise.

"Bye, Feferi." Karkat had enough presence of mind to lift his hand and wave back before she hung up.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Dave back by that smaller monitor, speaking to the same human government official from before. The idea of the look on her face when Karkat finally gave their list of demands — or lack thereof — was priceless, but not what had his thoughts spinning at the moment.

His friends were going to be coming out. Karkat was going to see them again, for the first time in over a sweep. And he knew that already, sure, but hearing it said definitively by someone else, having the plan laid out for him like that… It was sort of overwhelming. Karkat felt like he ought to sit down. There was a fuzzy sort of dizziness clinging to the back of his mind like a cobweb.

Of course Karkat wanted to see everyone again: it wasn't even a question. But _wanting _to see them didn't lessen the anxious churning in his gut. So much had changed. What if they were too different? What if too much had changed and they couldn't be friends anymore? What if they got him back and finally realized that Karkat wasn't worth revolutionizing the planet for?

What if the others expected Karkat to act like some sort of messiah, too?

And just thinking of the nightmare that would be his quadrant drama… God, Karkat would rather stimulate his nook with a three-prong fork than deal with that. He knew that, at one point, Eridan had been pale for him, and quite possibly vacillating to red, but Gamzee had had a pale crush on Karkat for sweeps. Then there was Kanaya, with her pale advances. But Karkat really only wanted…

Dave was shooting him questioning glances, trying to puzzle through the decision to be a diplomat or a friend. Karkat decided to make the choice easy on him. Thoughts of his friends were shoved to the back of his mind and Karkat walked over to join Dave, begrudging though he was to be on camera.

His friends would arrive in one wipe — about a human week, if Karkat was guessing the passage of time correctly. He was going to have to be ready for it, whether he liked it or not.

Karkat _really _didn't like it.

* * *

Since it seemed like Karkat was busy, Dave had decided to make himself busy, too. That didn't mean that he wasn't paying attention to his bro, because of course Dave was. He had pulled his phone out, but he was still taking glances at the chattering aliens around him. Just in case one of them tried to give Karkat another panic attack, Dave wanted to be aware. He thought that he was starting to get the hang of spotting the symptoms, which was a bittersweet realization, to say the least.

But, at the moment, Dave had something important of his own to be doing. He knew how the government worked. Whatever information they gave the public about the "alien situation" was going to be few and far between, probably released in boring press conferences, and definitely skewed to fit a biased narrative. And then the media would get their grubby little paws on it and, in a week's time, the story would be that a hulking alien brute had forced Dave into slavery for three years and then killed him ruthlessly on camera. And, quite frankly, Dave did _not _have the fucking patience for that.

It was a lot easier, he thought, for him to simply take matters into his own hands and start posting about his experiences living with an alien. Dave had always wanted to, anyway. He just wasn't a big enough asshole to go behind Karkat's back and out the guy to the entire world. But, since the entire world already knew, Dave figured that he was doing the guy's whole species a favor by calming the panic that was no doubt ensuing everywhere.

A quick check showed that none of his friends had replied. Dave was starting to worry.

He opened his Instagram first and was immediately assaulted by all the people who had suddenly started following him and messaging him with insistent questions. There were thousands already and, as he watched, the number kept ticking upward. Apparently, Jane hadn't been lying when she said that the whole world knew his name. Dave wasn't a hard guy to find, either, but then he hadn't really expected anything else when he made his Twitter username RealDaveStrider. He had thought it would be handy for when he no doubt became a rich and famous comic artist, music mixer, and/or director, but he hadn't expected internet infamousy to hit like a bullet train.

Dave ignored his nonstop notifications. If he got caught up in who was following him, who was messaging him, who was spamming him with likes, he would never get anything done. He scrolled through his phone's gallery and found a good-ish picture of him with Karkat. Getting pictures with Karkat at all was something of a sport, since he absolutely hated how he looked on camera.

Through sheer stubbornness, Dave had managed to get some good ones over the years, but he didn't want to share anything heartfelt or embarrassing. There was a nice, neutral one he'd taken while Karkat was watching one of his soap operas. He was enraptured by the drama unfolding on screen and hadn't even noticed Dave taking a picture until the flash went off, startling him so badly that he'd fallen right off the couch. The memory made Dave smile.

The picture was a full-body shot, though, so everyone could see that Karkat wasn't hiding any tentacles or spider legs. He was just a little grey dude with horns that liked watching daytime dramas. People would eat that shit up.

After a moment's thought, Dave turned his back fully to the aliens still locked in a heated argument and took a picture of himself doing the peace sign. With his completely blank expression and the alien spaceship behind him, it was truly one for the history books. He thought that it might help to have proof that he was posting from onboard an alien ship.

The two photos were posted across all of his platforms and Dave used the same description for all of them: "**coming at you live from the alien mothership. here's some important tidbits for all of my fellow alien lovers 1) my main bro here is named karkat he's been my roommate for about three years 2) i know approximately fuck all about the other aliens but 3d glasses over there sparks when hes mad 3) theyre not interested in killing us more info coming soon thx"**

It had to be broken into two posts for Twitter, which was annoying, but whatever. Dave could deal with that. He left his messages to the void and checked his battery percentage with a frown. It was getting close to fifty. He didn't want his phone to die on him. If his friends finally decided to text him back, Dave would have no way of getting into contact with them. And he wouldn't be able to update the masses on the status of his adventures as an alien diplomat.

The sound of his name caught Dave's attention and he looked up. He was mildly surprised to see a lavish-looking troll woman on the giant screen in front of them, but that was Dave's fault for not paying better attention. The tiara was sort of a dead-giveaway for her position, though. Dave had never met a queen before. Was he supposed to bow?

He got a hand on his arm instead as Karkat pulled him forward. Mildly amused, Dave let himself be nudged into position so that the queen could inspect him. He slipped his phone away and watched Karkat talk. There wasn't much for him to follow, since he was speaking his native language and not English, but Dave didn't mind. It was sort of funny to watch Karkat talk when he was nervous. He gestured wildly with his hands, putting his whole body into every word. The only thing was, he hadn't let go of Dave's arm yet and didn't even seem to notice that he was limiting his own motions by still holding on. It was way too cute.

Whenever Karkat finally finished his little rant, the troll queen responded enthusiastically. Dave couldn't help but notice that she had fins and webbed hands, which tickled something in the back of his mind. He felt that he had seen an alien similar to her in Karkat's sketchbook, but were they the same person? He thought that Karkat would have told him if he was friends with someone as important as a queen. And if he was, why had he been forced to leave his planet for something like his blood?

Before they could continue their insect conversation, Dave went ahead and tugged on Karkat's sleeve. He couldn't help but find it adorable that just that little gesture automatically earned him Karkat's attention, as if nothing else in the world was more important. It made him feel sort of bad for asking such a stupid question. "So, is this, uh… your leader?"

Karkat smiled, though, which was more relieving than Dave wanted to admit. The poor dude was so nervous about seeing his friends again, but at least things were going well with the fishy princess. "Yes," he replied with a nod. "Feferi is our Empress, the single ruler of the Alternian Empire. And she's also a good friend of mine. You don't have to look so nervous. She already likes you."

That hadn't been something that Dave was even considering. "Really?" Dave blinked. He didn't remember doing anything likable. Maybe she had been impressed by his rapid texting abilities or perhaps by his talent at turning his back and staying out of conversations that weren't about him.

"She wanted me to thank you," Karkat continued, apparently not noticing Dave's surprise, "actually, for taking care of me. She's — and I'm quoting as best I can since I'm not a licensed translator — "grateful beyond words," Dave." There was fondness in his words that made Dave's stomach leap up into his throat.

He was trying to come up with something witty and smart to say back to Karkat, which was sort of hard when Dave couldn't remember approximately half of his vocabulary. He opened his mouth, and was saved from embarrassing himself by stuttering when the Empress — Feferi, wasn't it? — started talking instead. She regained Karkat's attention, though (and maybe it was just Dave's overactive imagination) he seemed reluctant to turn away from Dave.

Ha. How ridiculous would that be?

Obviously, Dave wasn't exactly fluent in Alternian, but he could see that whatever Feferi had said had left Karkat unsure. They were both looking at him, though whereas Feferi seemed eager for something, Karkat was nervous. What were they waiting for? No one was saying anything. The other trolls in the room — who Dave was happy to ignore as long as none of them tried to cut him in half again — were also staring, anticipating his reaction apparently.

There was clearly only one thing to do. Dave pressed both hands together and bowed deeply at the waist. "_Hajimemashite_," he said. Now none of them understood each other.

Thankfully, the Empress was amused because, instead of killing Dave on the spot, Feferi started laughing. And he was pretty sure that, as queen of an Empire, she could have found a way to kill him from however many lightyears were between them if she really wanted to. Why couldn't managing humans ever be as easy as making an ass out of himself and calling it good?

After about a minute of holding that position, Karkat finally kicked Dave lightly in the foot to most likely signal that he could straighten up. He bit back a laugh, seeing the red-tint to Karkat's face and the way he was trying to tamp down on his embarrassment. He really couldn't wrap his mind around why that blood color was supposed to be bad. It looked so nice on Karkat. Everything he did just looked really nice.

Dave took a risk and grabbed Karkat's hand loosely, only giving a little squeeze before dropping it and turning away again. He wasn't going to risk getting any closer, but he wanted Karkat to know that, even though Dave was fucking around a little bit and couldn't understand a single word being spoken, he still wanted to be supportive.

Their conversation picked back up once Dave moved away and he pulled his phone out of his pocket, just for a quick check. His Twitter notifications alone had nearly doubled in the few minutes he'd been away from the screen. Damn. He considered his options for a moment, then Dave shrugged and turned his phone off. He had to save what was left of his battery and he didn't have anything else to add yet. It would be more fun to let people theorize and gossip for a few hours and then jump in once the government was finished riding his ass.

Was it illegal to discuss diplomatic debates with aliens online? Dave was pretty sure that he was safe, since no one from Alternia had signed any sort of legally-binding paperwork. The thought of someone trying to arrest a troll for divulging government secrets on Instagram made Dave grin. He was such a good diplomat.

Speaking of which, there was movement on the screen where Jane Crocker had been earlier. Dave automatically found himself moving closer. She was getting situated back at her seat, a large stack of papers in hand. He grimaced. Whatever she had been told to tell them, Dave couldn't possibly care less than he already didn't. Well. He did care about the part where Karkat and his alien buddies weren't killed and were also treated fairly, but that was about it.

"Hey." Dave waved his hand in a loose greeting. "Um, back from your meeting, ma'am?" Fuck, did that sound sarcastic? He really wasn't used to greeting people respectfully. He took online classes and usually talked about Bro with as many profanities and bro-puns as possible.

Thankfully, it seemed to check out. Jane adjusted her glasses and cleared her throat. "Yes. Are the… individuals in charge present with you, Dave? We want to set the terms for a proper peace negotiation, face-to-face. Our leaders and theirs."

That seemed doable. Dave was pretty sure that Feferi would be down to negotiate. She seemed pretty friendly. He wondered how it would be done, though. Would it just be people from the U.S., or would they go ahead and get the United Nations in on the peace deal? Was this something that needed to involve _every _country on the planet? That sounded like it would take a long fucking time. Then would they have the trolls sign some sort of document when it was all agreed upon? What if trolls didn't sign things on their planet? What if deals were only sealed in blood bonds? And if they were, could humans contract troll AIDs? Or could trolls contract human AIDs?

His train of thought came to an abrupt end when Dave felt someone stand next to him. He nearly jumped away, only for Karkat's voice to calm him at the last second. "We already have our terms," he said, sounding a lot less nervous than Dave knew he was. "While you were gone, we took the time to talk to our Empress. She will be leaving homeworld to travel here herself if this… face-to-face detail is of critical importance." Karkat's face screwed up in confusion, like he really couldn't understand why someone would want to finalize something like a peace agreement with another race in person. It was so cute watching him be polite and considerate. Dave was proud of him for how well he was holding up under pressure, especially given his earlier freakout.

Jane paused, surprised. "I'm… You already came up with your terms and conditions? In the span of ten minutes?" She glanced off-screen, then straightened back up. "Alright, what are they? I'm sure we can find some sort of temporary, mutually beneficial compromise, until your… Empress arrives."

Actually, Dave was interested to hear what Karkat had to say, too. This "compromise" thing was new to him, but maybe if he understood cicada he would have already known all of the juicy details.

"We want peace between our planets. No firing of any weapons would be ideal. And the Empress wants us to build an embassy for future comings and goings of our race. In exchange, we'll give you whatever access to advanced technology she deems that you can all handle." Karkat thought for a moment, then said, "That's all."

For a moment, it really looked like Karkat had given Jane a heart attack. Dave had to turn away from the screen to muffle his laughter. Even he was surprised, but he couldn't _imagine _how shocked the government was. It wasn't often that aliens clearly capable of destroying their planet with the push of a button, killing all of them instantly, landed on the surface and then offered them everything they wanted without asking for anything in return.

"_That's all_?" Jane finally managed. There was audibly muttering off-screen and she was thumbing through the papers on her desk like she was possessed. "But you don't… You couldn't possibly… You want _nothing _in return?"

Karkat made a face. "No, we want a spot to build an embassy. Our starships are massive so it will take a lot of space. The humans who live in this area will have to be given new homes somewhere else. It would probably disturb their sleep."

Honestly, Dave probably could have jumped in and smoothed out the clear cultural misunderstandings taking place… but Karkat wasn't killing them yet and it was too amusing for Dave to let an opportunity like this pass him by. It helped him ignore the way his phone was burning a hole in his pocket, crammed full of messages from everyone except the people that Dave wanted to hear from the most.

"Uh…" Jane fumbled with more papers for a few moments before giving up. Suddenly weary, she pushed her glasses up and asked, "You're a representative, aren't you? When will your Empress be available for a face-to-face talk with some of our planet's leaders?"

That wasn't a question that Karkat would know the answer to. Dave could tell immediately. Sure, Karkat knew what a day and a week and a month were, but there was no basis for him to be able to come up with his alien equivalent. It wasn't as though he had access to his planet's rotation anymore.

Holding up a hand to Jane, signaling her to wait, Dave grabbed Karkat gently by the elbow and tugged him off to the side gently. "Did Feferi say how long it would take for her to get here?" He asked quietly.

Nervousness returning now that he had tripped up, Karkat shrugged with one shoulder. "Yes, but I don't know how to explain it in your language," he whispered. "She said it would be… about a wipe while traveling faster than light, but the Empress is very busy, and she has to gather up the rest of our friends for the journey, so I'd imagine it would be closer to two wipes."

Clearly, Dave had no fucking clue what a "wipe" was supposed to be. When Karkat said it, there were still little rumblings from the back of his throat mixed in with the "p" sound, which told him that it was an Alternian word that Karkat had manhandled into sounding like it could almost pass for English. That meant there were no real equivalents to it. Fuck.

"It's okay, babe, I got this," Dave muttered back without thinking. He let go of Karkat and stepped back in front of Jane. He clapped his hands together over-enthusiastically and no doubt looked like a total asshole when he did it. "It'll be about a week. And a half. Give or take." Dave chuckled nervously. "Faster than light travel can be kind of finicky."

That bombshell revelation got the people behind the camera talking even louder than ever. Dave could almost make out some words, but he didn't think they were speaking English. "They've mastered faster than light travel?" Jane looked like she was on the verge of jumping out of her seat.

"Yep!" Dave nodded. He was on the verge of killing himself if their conversation had to continue. "So, if that's it, see you all in a week!"

"Wait, you can't be done!" Jane interrupted! "There are still so many details to work out. When is the meeting and where? How many accompanying advisors will the Empress need? And their culture, is—?"

She never finished her question. The screen suddenly went black, audio cutting off. Dave looked over and was only faintly surprised to see Karkat with his finger on the off switch. "My bad," he said dryly. "I think this is a cosmic sign. It's telling us that we've done enough to slander the good name of diplomacy for one day."

Dave couldn't help but laugh. "_Slander_? We just stopped an interplanetary war, Karkat, I think we're doing pretty good for ourselves considering we only took this job an hour ago." He paused. "I mean, assuming that the government doesn't blow us up for ending that call. They might. It's plausible. The possibility is above zero, is what I'm saying."

There was a flicker of worry on Karkat's face but, just as quickly as it appeared, he had wiped it away with a shrug and a sigh. "You know what? At this point, they can go ahead and do it. I don't care. Feferi would probably genocide your species if they did. The Empress's flagship can take chunks out of planets."

He looked tired, Dave noticed. Karkat was always sort of tired, because even after years living together he still had trouble adjusting to Earth time and his nightmares never seemed to go away or lessen, but he looked especially tired just standing there. Like that conversation had sucked all the energy out of him and he was going to collapse where he stood. Dave hated to see him like that.

He really ought to figure out a way to get Karkat to start taking naps without coming across as motherly. Then again, Karkat didn't know what a mother was, and he couldn't exactly complain that Dave was being overbearing if he was fast asleep. Genius.

"Oh, Dave?" Karkat caught his attention again, moving away from the monitor. "I have a clarification question. I thought that the word "babe" was meant for a romantic partner of some kind. I still don't fully understand human relationships, but…" He shook the thought off before it inevitably became a tangent. "My question is, can "babe" also be used for friends? You called me that earlier. I'm not mixing up the definition with something else, am I?"

In the split second following that question, Dave took back every shitty thing he had ever called Bro. He was _so _fucking glad that he had grown up learning how to keep a straight face. The corner of his lip twitched and Dave played it off by giving a weak smile. "No, you're right," he said. "It's just, uh… humans sometimes use romantic pet names for their friends. You know, like on those daytime dramas you love so much, when one girl calls another girl her girlfriend? It's meant in a platonic way."

Damn, Dave was good. He deserved a fucking Oscar for that award-winning performance. He couldn't believe that he had slipped and called Karkat _babe_, of all things. The best part was, he wasn't even really lying. Some people loved using pet names for their friends. It just, uh, usually wasn't when you were trying to keep the person you were in love with from discovering your pitiful crush.

Karkat made a face. "What? That's so needlessly over-complicated and confusing. If the nicknames are all the same, how can you tell if someone is flirting with you or if two people are in a relationship or not?"

Talking about relationships really wasn't helping Dave out. He was trying to keep his thoughts away from Karkat, not focused solely on him. It was a hard enough task under normal circumstances. "I don't know, dude, I guess we just figure it out. Body language helps," he added. "When people like each other they're just… closer. Physically. And they hold hands and kiss or just sit really obviously together." He shifted in discomfort. If Karkat pointed out that Dave was basically describing how they were together — without the kissing, of course — he was going to scream.

Was this even a necessary conversation for them to be having?

Thankfully, Karkat didn't get to reply. Sollux came over, looking as annoyed as he usually was, and started talking in Alternian. As soon as the cricket clicks started, Dave stopped paying attention. He zoned out and just watched Karkat and Sollux talk. He tried to guess what the topic was at first, but then it dissolved into watching their mouths form all of those bizarre noises until even that stopped and all Dave was doing was staring at Karkat's lips.

Thank god he had shades. Of course, it wasn't something that Dave should be doing anyway, because Karkat was his friend and Dave had no right to be thinking about him in that way, and yet… Wow, Karkat could make a lot of different sounds. Dave couldn't help but think about hearing them in a more private setting.

Eventually, the conversation with Sollux stopped. Karkat said something briefly to Kanaya and had a back-and-forth with Terezi before finally turning back to Dave. "Can we go?" The question came out more as a sigh and Karkat slumped. "I hate everything about that room we were given, but I want to go back there immediately and collapse into that pile and not come out for a week. I've lost my tolerance for the sheer amount of bullshit given off by the three other people in this room in the last hour alone."

Dave cracked a grin. "What, spending so much time with me didn't keep your immune system kicking?" He joked. Though Karkat managed a tired smile, Dave could see that he was being serious with his request, so he was quick to nod. "Sure," Dave agreed, "but fair warning, I don't have even the faintest idea which way gets us back to the room so I hope that you do."

They could always ask Kanaya for directions back to their room and she would show them, but Dave got the feeling that that was exactly what Karkat wanted to avoid. He did glance over at Kanaya, though was quick to look away again, giving a shake of the head. "No," Karkat said resolutely. "I remember the way back. All Imperial ships have the same basic layout, regardless of how big this one is. Come on. Let's go." Without thinking about it, probably not even realizing what he had done, Karkat reached over and grabbed Dave by the hand. He led the way out of the room in silence, lost in thought.

Of course, _Dave _realized that they were holding hands almost immediately. He chose not to say anything or let go, though. Karkat looked like he needed it. And, well, maybe Dave needed it, too.

There was a shout from Sollux as they left, sounding more annoyed than urgent, and Karkat snapped something back before opening the door and letting it swish shut behind them. Dave was pretty sure that there were still things for them to do, but he wasn't sure what and, to be honest, he didn't want to be in there for any longer than he had to be, either.

Surprisingly, the hallway beyond the monitor room was empty. Dave was expecting there to actually be trolls out and about, but he supposed that they could all be doing something according to a uniform schedule. Or maybe the part of the ship that they were in was just for the important people. The thought was sort of funny to him — how ridiculous was it that four teenage aliens were the most important people on the ship?

"Hey, Karkat?" Dave stopped walking right in the middle of the hallway and gave Karkat's hand a squeeze, signaling for him to stop as well.

It seemed like, for a split second, that squeeze had been a mistake. Karkat looked at Dave, then down at their conjoined hands. He froze. That would have been the signal to pull his hand away but Dave didn't. He kept his eyes trailed on Karkat's face, watching his eyes flicker with so many conflicting emotions that he couldn't name any of them. Dave almost pulled away just to put a stop to Karkat's indecision, but there was no need.

He gave a faint squeeze to Dave in return and looked him in the eye again. "What is it?" Karkat asked, not unkindly. "Is something wrong?"

Despite himself, Dave laughed. "_Wrong_? With _me_? God, Karkat, you're so stressed and exhausted that _I _feel tired just looking at you, and you're asking _me _what's wrong? That's the exact opposite of the way this conversation should be going."

Karkat scowled, just like Dave knew he would. It was so predictable for him to get angry when someone showed genuine concern. As if three years of living together somehow meant that a little shouting match was going to keep Dave from worrying about him. "What, are you saying that I shouldn't be looking out for you? Goddamnit, Dave, everyone has problems! Just because I'm—!"

He was cut off by a sharp, high-pitched noise that made Dave wince. It came from the walls, probably some kind of intercom, but with audio quality so clear that Dave couldn't tell where the sound was coming from. It was a sharp clanging that repeated three times before dying down. No words accompanied it, there was just the noise and then nothing.

Dave groaned. His ears still hurt a little bit from that. "What was—?" He swallowed his question when Karkat suddenly yanked him forward. For all of his bitching and complaining, he still hadn't let go of Dave's hand.

The closest door to them was opened with a frantic pounding of the touchpad and Karkat dragged him into it before closing it. It was pitch black, but the room certainly _felt _cramped. Maybe that was the shelf digging into Dave's back.

"Hold on," Karkat muttered. He fumbled for something, then a smaller touch screen by the door lit up when his fingers brushed it. The first thing Karkat did was digitally lock the door, then he made the lights turn on.

They were kept dim, thank fuck, though it was still plenty easy to see. Dave was faintly amused to find himself in an alien broom closet. All the lettering on containers were little squiggles and the brooms were automatic, but it was definitely a closet for cleaning supplies. It was nice to see that some things were universal.

"Damn, Karkat, don't you think you're overreacting?" Dave asked. "Sure, things aren't going great right now, but you don't have to start chugging alien bleach, man, please don't." That made Karkat roll his eyes but, other than that, he was surprisingly quiet. When he went another few seconds without speaking, Dave softened. "Hey," he said gently. "Karkat. Dude, c'mon. Talk to me. We can chill in the broom closet, that's totally valid if you need it."

There was a long sigh, but Karkat gave in. He leaned against the wall opposite of Dave, squashed between a group of mops and a shelf filled with something that looked like bath bombs. The closet was small enough that there were only two or three feet of space between them. "That noise was an alarm," he muttered, making a whirring motion above his head with his hand. "It's to signal a break from work, which is where I assume everyone has been this whole time. I… I can't face them, Dave. All of those trolls who worship me. I can't stand to even think about it." He wrapped his arms around himself and hunched forward, staring at the ground. "I've barely wrapped my mind around seeing my friends again. How can I be expected to handle hundreds of strangers? They want me to reform a _planet_. A whole planet, Dave. Billions of trolls," Karkat whispered, sounding faint. "It's all so… overwhelming. And I can… sometimes I can manage to forget about it, but that just means that when it does all come back, it hits like a fucking stone wall. I can't seem to catch my goddamn breath, shit—"

Karkat made a noise that was between a choke and a wheeze. Alarmed, Dave immediately reached forward and grabbed Karkat by the shoulders, pulling him closer. By tucking their bodies together, Dave forced him to stand up straight, bending his knees so that Karkat could put his chin on Dave's shoulder and breath easier. He rubbed circled in Karkat's back, up and down his spine. It was so automatic to make a "shush" sound that Dave had to physically restrain himself by biting his lip. He knew that Karkat hated that noise — for some quadrant romance reason, Dave was pretty sure.

"It's okay, Karkat," he said instead, using his other hand to cradle the back of Karkat's head. There was a whimper against Dave's neck and he felt his chest constrict. Goddamnit, Karkat was going to be the death of him, wasn't he? "You don't have to think about this all at once. Let's take it step by step, dude, okay?" Dave took a deep breath and felt Karkat doing the same, trying to match Dave's breathing. He felt Karkat relax and leaned into it until it felt like they were melting into each other. "This is about your... ancestor is what it's called, right? Signless? Do you believe in what he preached?"

There was a soft whine, but Karkat nodded. "Yes," he muttered, voice hitching.

"Okay. Good. That's progress." Dave barely knew what he was doing, but it seemed to be helping, so he prayed that he wasn't going to fuck it up. He really wanted to do a good job for Karkat here. "Do you want to see your planet reformed?"

It took longer to get an answer that time, but again, Karkat managed, "Yes." Keeping the questions short and limited to a yes or no was doing wonders, apparently.

Then came the million dollar question. "Do you want to be the one reforming it?"

The tension from before returned immediately and Karkat was rigid in his arms. That time, Dave couldn't help it. It felt like he was holding a terrified animal that was about to make a run for it. So Dave shushed Karkat. He let out soft shush noises, taking a step forward to push Karkat up against the wall. And physically trapping him between a wall and Dave's body sounded like a bad idea, yet Karkat let out a gasp and just about broke. His hands had been limp at his sides, but he was suddenly gripping at the back of Dave's shirt, pressing against him, leaning back and knocking his horns against the wall in a way that had to hurt but seemed to ground him anyway. The hand that Dave had in Karkat's hair tightened and his shushing grew more insistent.

It was, without a doubt, the gayest thing that they had ever done.

"I don't know!" Karkat said, but it came out more as a wail. "I'm not sure what I want, Dave, I don't know what I'm capable of. I can't—!"

"It doesn't matter," interrupted Dave. "Karkat, it's okay to not know what you want. You don't have to make a decision. Look at me." He knew that Karkat would protest him pulling away and, sure enough, he whined but didn't try to yank Dave back down. He straightened up and pushed his shades up to rest on top of his head, that way he could _look _at Karkat and really see him. "You don't owe anyone anything, okay? Your friends did a really amazing thing coming to get you, but that was their choice. You didn't ask for it. You don't have to give them anything in return for basic kindness. And these people who worship you, you owe even less. None of them matter in the slightest. Look, if you want to be an activist and go back to your planet and fight for what you want, then go for it, Karkat. You can do whatever you want now. And if your ideal form of activism is standing on the street and handing people pamphlets or working some volunteer job building houses for the homeless or some shit, then just do that. You don't have to pick between nothing and everything, alright? Just…" Dave trailed off for a moment. "Just do what makes you happy."

An odd look came over Karkat's face. Relief, maybe? "I…" The death grip that he had on the back of Dave's shirt loosened. "I never thought about it like that before," Karkat said slowly.

Dave smiled. Crisis successfully averted. If it didn't mean taking his hands off of Karkat, he would have patted himself on the back. "See? You were just overthinking it, like you do for everything. But this is just—"

There was not a single expectation that the outcome of the situation would be Karkat kissing him, but damn if that wasn't a thing that happened. The next few words of Dave's sentence were mumbled against Karkat's lips because it took his brain a few seconds to catch up with what was happening. Karkat was kissing him. Holy shit.

Holy _shit_.

Instead of locking up, Dave's rational thoughts took the fucking back seat and he found himself kissing back without needing to think about it. It wasn't hard. Dave already had his hands in the right spots and Karkat was pressed up against the length of his body, standing up on the tips of his toes to make the reach easier. When he leaned down, Dave felt Karkat sigh against him and his hands let go of Dave's shirt completely in favor of Karkat looping his arms around his neck.

He broke the kiss by barely more than an inch, close enough to feel Karkat's breaths against his cheek and the electric urge to close that minuscule distance and get right back to lip-on-lip contact. Somehow, what little of Dave's brain was still coherent managed to work out a sentence. "Isn't this the wrong quadrant?"

It had to be, right? The shushing was different from the one that involved kissing, Dave was pretty sure. And kissing wasn't supposed to happen after someone calmed you down from a panic attack. Karkat's quadrant lectures had gotten more and more in-depth as his vocabulary improved over the years and Dave was pretty sure that they were crossing all sorts of boundaries. He didn't want to make Karkat uncomfortable or take advantage of him. The idea made Dave's skin crawl.

Instead of pulling away and apologizing, like Dave expected, Karkat grabbed both sides of his face and growled. "Who cares?" Was all he said, and Dave barely had his mouth open to protest when Karkat was kissing him again.

That time, Dave didn't object. He moved the hand around Karkat's waist to the front, pressing a hand over his chest to feel the way that Karkat's heart was hammering. He was so nervous, obviously, but he was doing it anyway. And Dave was, too. How long had he wanted to kiss Karkat for? How long had the feeling been mutual?

It didn't matter, he decided. What mattered was that, for the moment, they were kissing. Dave let himself sink into it, until all he could feel was all the places they were touching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think this is the end of their emotional constipation, you could not be more wrong.
> 
> _Chapter title and summary from “Like Real People Do” by Hozier._


	5. Intermission: The More Things Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make no promise at being able to write _all_ of the trolls that well, but I'll give it my best shot. And sorry it's short. That's just how it came out. I need this set up for some future plot things, too. Still trying to figure out when would be the best time to see what the other human kids are doing.
> 
> I'm also not going to tag all of these relationships because they're not going to be focused on or of any importance to the story itself. But the way I imagined it (and the characters will elaborate on it themselves, later), Eridan and Feferi smoothed out their relationship as moirails after the shit with the Condesce went down, Nepeta and Equius are still moirails, and Terezi and Vriska became moirails at some point during working on their underground rebellion. So far, none of them are in any matespriteship or kismesissitude.

It was pretty much torture, Eridan thought, to be forced to stay out of the throne room while Feferi conducted a call with their little scouting group. There wasn't anything he could do about it, though. She was his Empress and that was her throne room. If Feferi didn't want Eridan in attendance, his hands were tied. Both metaphorically and physically, because if he went anywhere near that door, Feferi's guards wouldn't hesitate to stop him just because he was a seadweller.

Eridan settled for leaning against the wall at the opposite end of the hall and glaring at the guards that stared back impassively at him. They were mean-looking motherfuckers, too. Blueblooded adults, several feet taller than Eridan and seemingly made only of rippling muscles and scar tissue. He had never seen an adult before, other than the Condesce. They might have been intimidating, but just thinking back to that fight with the former Empress made Eridan shudder. The ugly gash on his torso, hidden by his fine clothes, ached at the memory. He never wanted to do anything like that again. After that, other adults couldn't even come close in terms of the pure terror he felt.

On the plus side, sulking eventually paid off. The door to the throne room slid open with an automated hiss and Eridan perked up. He was right there at Feferi's side, falling into step alongside her. "Wwell?" He asked, barely able to contain himself. "Howw did it go? Is he…? You knoww. Did they find him?"

Oh, he really hoped that their friends weren't going to be carting home a dead body. Eridan didn't care what the reason for death was: the last time they fought, he had knocked out Sollux's stupid fucking oversized front teeth and he would knock out the rest of them, too.

Feferi shushed him, keeping her expression unreadable as they walked. Even though Eridan felt like he was going to combust, her shushing quieted him, and he walked with her quietly. The guards were silent, but they were watching. A lot of the adults didn't have faith in a child like Feferi as their Empress, even if she had killed the Condesce. Well. She had had some help, but admitting that would only diminish her claim to the throne further. Around the adults, Feferi had to maintain appearances at all times. She couldn't afford to be anything less than what was expected from such a dignified position.

As soon as they'd rounded the corner, though, Feferi flung open the first door and shoved Eridan inside. It was a conference room for her generals, but it was empty at the moment. Eridan was familiar with it. More specifically, he was familiar with the head of the table, because Feferi had named him her Head of Warfare. The job didn't have a lot to do with warfare anymore, which was the reason why Eridan had been assigned as the head: Feferi needed someone in charge who would actually listen to what she wanted to do with her Empire and none of those pompous, perpetual-stick-up-the-ass having generals would listen to anything less than a seadweller. Not after hundreds of years with the Condesce's ruthless dictatorship.

But enough about that. Who cared about politics? Certainly not Eridan!

He whirled on Feferi and grabbed her by the shoulders, barely resisting the urge to shake her. "Wwell?" He pressed, almost afraid to know the answer. Eridan had waited so long for this news. He didn't know what he would do if it turned out that everything he had worked for really was for nothing.

The grin on Feferi's face said enough. She opened her mouth but, unable to find the right words, settled for a nod and a laugh that sounded more like a sob.

It felt like Eridan had just had the breath knocked out of him. He nearly fell over, then righted himself and crushed Feferi into a hug, burying his face in her hair. He missed when it was so long that it seemed to swallow her up. At least it was growing again now that the dead hair had been cut away.

"Holy fuck," he muttered against her. "They're… They are bringin' 'im home, ain't they?"

The question seemed to bring Feferi to life again. She laughed, loudly, and pulled back, holding Eridan by his wrists. "Better!" She said, her earfins fluttering. "We're going to go to them! Turns out, the planet they landed on has intelligent life. Isn't this exciting? We're finally going to get to speak with aliens that don't already fear the Empire!"

Eridan knew why Feferi was excited but, otherwise, he didn't actually give a fuck about what aliens may or may not be waiting for them. There was only one thing that he cared about. "Wwhen are wwe leavvin'?" He pressed.

The sooner they got there, the sooner they could get back home. _All _of them. Absentmindedly, Eridan fiddled with the pin that kept his cape hooked around his neck. It used to be his sign, but he was wearing someone else's and had been for a while. A lot of trolls all across Alternia had switched out for a different sign.

"As soon as possible," Feferi assured him. She gave his hands a squeeze for emphasis and then paused, hesitating. "I mean… I said we would bring all of our friends, but… Do you think it's a good idea to bring _all _of them?"

She didn't have to give any names. Eridan knew exactly what she was talking about. "I knoww, but Gam is… He's alwways been off the fuckin' deep end. From an Empress' perspectivve, you can't just fuckin' snub your Head Subjuggulator wwithout at least _offerin'_."

Feferi groaned. She knocked his forehead with her horns playfully, then pressed close and ducked her face against the neck of his cape. "I hate it when you make sense," she mumbled into the fabric. "You're right. I just… He's gotten worse lately, don't you think? There's a lot of unknowns if we bring him along…"

A shrug. Honestly, Eridan didn't care about Gamzee's mental state all that much. He hadn't noticed a huge change from the guy and it was normal for highbloods to be a _little _deranged. From a political standpoint, it only mattered that he was following his Empress's orders. Which Gamzee was. He was going above and beyond, in fact. Since he slaughtered half of the Subjuggulators and took control of the group, right before the Condesce fell, highblood support for Feferi's ideals had more than doubled.

"He just needs ta get himself a moirail," Eridan said firmly. There wasn't a single raging highblood out there that couldn't be stopped by a good pap from the right troll.

There was a chuckle from Feferi. "Really?" She hummed teasingly. "You know who he's going to have in mind, though. And you don't care? At all?"

Eridan flushed violet, looking away. "Wwhat, wwe're still dredgin' this up? That crush on him wwas wwiggler shit, Fef, you knoww that! Wwhy wwould I care wwhat Gam wwants wwith 'im? I'm only pale for one troll."

She locked their pinkies together, papping Eridan on the cheek twice before dropping her hand. "I'm just teasing," Feferi sighed fondly. "Don't get your fins all scrunched up. Now come on. We should start planning that trip and letting all of our friends know."

When they left the privacy of that conference room, it was back to business. But Feferi still kept their pinkies locked and walked with her head held high.

And she looked like an Empress.

* * *

It was maddening to be expected to focus on her work when her palmhusk was right there, laying on the table in front of Nepeta and practically dead. She was getting notifications, sure, but they weren't from who she wanted to hear from so they meant nothing to her. Every chime of her notifications made her heart leap, only for it to sink back into her stomach when she realized that it wasn't what she wanted.

She had been keyed up with anticipation for the past wipe. According to Feferi, using faster-than-light travel should have gotten their search party to the beacon in a fraction of the time, So why hadn't they heard back from them yet? Nepeta was worrying herself in circles. What if something happened, if their ship had broken in the atmosphere or if there were any hostile aliens that managed to do some damage? What if they were all dead and they weren't coming back at all? Worrying didn't change the outcome of what had already happened millions of lightyears away, but Nepeta couldn't force herself to think about something else. She had already tried plenty of times.

Again, her palmhusk rang, and Nepeta leaped over her desk to snatch it, fumbling to look at the screen. When she saw that it was just another call from a co-worker, she groaned and dropped her palmhusk back onto the table. She was laid out on her back with her legs folded and her arms spread out on either side. The ceiling above her wasn't a blue sky and there was no pleasant buzz of adrenaline fading with the hunt completed, but the position was familiar to her nonetheless. She was worrying over a guy she hadn't seen in over a sweep, and it wasn't even for a flushed reason. Did that make it more or less pathetic?

Sure, Nepeta knew that her work was important too. Sort of. Feferi was trying to make everyone on Alternia equal, which was the point of her becoming queen, but she also wanted to extend those protections to animals. Nepeta's job, then, was sort of ridiculous. She had to rework some of Feferi's law ideas into a way that wouldn't make it _too _difficult to process and eat meat. Not only would a law like that kill off trolls as a species, but it would be pretty much impossible to enforce.

Nepeta didn't agree with a lot of it, anyway. Most of Feferi's ideas would cut back on hunting or add new restrictions, which Nepeta didn't really get. If other animals could tear into each other with claws and teeth, why was it different if Nepeta wanted to do the same thing? It was the hunting method that her lusus had taught her as a tiny pupa.

Normally, the frustration of reworking the standards that Feferi wanted met into something that troll society would accept was enough to keep Nepeta from thinking about much else, but not even that was working for her. She had pushed all of her important, official documents off of her desk hours ago. If she kept turning over and squirming around, her husktop was going to follow before long.

The door to her office opened and Equius stepped inside. He took in Nepeta with a blank expression. "A shame that you aren't permitted to have a pile in your office."

Despite her mood, Nepeta managed a laugh. As if Equius would _ever _do something as shameless as a feelings jam in public. "I don't need to be papped, I need answers." She rolled off of her desk and to her feet, dropping into a crouch. Nepeta knew she was twitching and fidgety, but she couldn't sit still under the best of circumstances and she didn't have much hope for her current problem. "You don't think something happened, do you? We at least would have gotten an emergency alert if the ship was destroyed."

Equius went around her work space, picking up the papers that had fluttered to the ground and stacking them. "That's true." The corner of his mouth quirked up into a smile. "Or they could have relayed the status to our Empress for simplicity's sake and left it to her to inform the rest of us at her discretion to prevent a mass outcry."

It took a moment, but then Nepeta's jaw dropped as she straightened, standing at her full height. "No way. You totally know something, don't you? And you didn't tell me!"

Of course. Equius would probably be one of the first of their friends to know, just because he was working closely with Feferi almost daily. As a Ruffiannihilator, the Empress' personal safety (well, when not stationed on planets that Alternia was currently at war with, anyway) had to be his first priority. And he took it probably a little more personally than he should, but that was a conversation best reserved for a private feelings jam.

"What do you think I am here for?" Equius set the papers he had gathered down on Nepeta's desk. They would take an hour to sort through and organize again, but Nepeta couldn't care less. "You may want to sit down, however. This is… a handful."

* * *

"More complaints?" Aradia sighed, managing a tired smile. She didn't mind the suggestions coming in, since that was what the goal had been, but sometimes they got exhausting to sort through.

Tavros gave her a look somewhere between a smile and a grimace as he set down a heavy-looking stack of papers on the already cluttered table in front of her. "These are, uh, from the online forums. I thought looking at them on paper would, you know, be less of a strain on your eyes."

Aradia muffled a yawn and grabbed the first page off of the top, looking over the words without absorbing any of them. "Thank you. That was very thoughtful," she mumbled.

Their office was closed for the night, leaving the two of them the only ones there. The only other workers were volunteers, anyway, but they were all very hard-working. Opening a non-profit with the blessing of their new Empress had turned out to be a great idea. Feferi wanted the opinions of lowbloods in ways to make the castes more equal, and what better way to do that than entrusting her two friends lowest on the spectrum to set up a center in the biggest lowblood slum on Alternia?

Well. Aradia and Tavros were _almost _the lowest on the hemospectrum, anyway.

"It seems like we've rooted out the biggest complaints," Aradia said finally. She set the paper she was holding down to look at Tavros, sitting across from her squinting bleary-eyed at a page of his own. "They all started to repeat themselves about a week ago."

"I noticed," he agreed. Tavros propped his chin in his hand and set his paper down. His now free hand went to his neck, where a little pendant etched with an old, familiar symbol was resting on his collarbone. "What, um… Do you think we sent them all ahead to Feferi correctly? Most of them are just, well, law appeal requests."

"I know. Not that they're not all good ideas." Aradia sighed and started counting off on her fingers. "'Job consideration must always be given to highblood applicants before moving any lower.' 'Lowbloods found out past curfew are subject to interrogation or immediate execution by drones.' 'No more than five lowbloods may gather in private at any given time.' 'During Drone Season, lowbloods must submit double the standard for filled pails.' They're all pretty ridiculous." She could recite them from memory, but not because of all the requests to have those laws appealed that she had received. Aradia was very familiar with the laws she had lived with her entire life.

There was a nod of agreement as Tavros clutched his necklace more meaningfully. "That's true. At least we can't say it's not helping," he pointed out. "Everyone really seems to, uh, _appreciate _what we're doing. It's kind of a weird feeling."

She didn't come from the same struggle of self-doubt that Tavros did, but Aradia nodded anyway. From the perspective of an average lowblood, well… She had never expected to do anything even a fraction as meaningful as her current work with the new Empire. "Yes. But it's also kind of a good feeling, I think." Aradia gave him a little smile and stood up. "We should make sure that everything is filed correctly to be delivered to Feferi. Then we can lock up and go to our hives for the night. Next, we should start working on improving the infrastructure in traditionally lowblood areas."

Tavros frowned, following Aradia out of the block and then falling into step next to her once the hallway widened out. "The biggest issue is poverty. We could maybe, well… All of the high-paying jobs are in highblood areas, so if we made transportation more affordable…? Or even set up some sort of, uh, benefit for businesses that relocate or open new branches in lowblood areas."

"We could remove the bloodcaste requirement from job applications," Aradia added in. "If we want faster results, we could even talk to Feferi about—" A chime from her palmhusk interrupted her. Normally, Aradia would ignore it, but Tavros got one at the same time. They both stopped walking to check.

"It's from Feferi," Tavros told her, faintly surprised. His expression was caught between excitement and worry. "That was, um... _fast_. You don't think that… Maybe there really was nothing left to find?"

Aradia forced some optimism into her grin. Uncertainty had been eating away at her since their little scouting group left Alternia. "Don't talk like that. I'm sure it's good news!"

It had to be. If it wasn't, then…

* * *

Considering all the work that Vriska put in to getting her pathetic excuses for friends to move their sorry shame globes and get their little rebellion up and rolling in the first place, she found her current position particularly insulting. When Feferi said that Vriska was "obviously" getting a spot on her advisor council, Vriska hadn't thought that what her new Empress was describing was essentially customer service.

Okay, well, there was more to it than that, but she was basically doing that dumb charity thing that Aradia and Tavros had already signed themselves up for, only instead of servicing lowbloods, she had to deal with everyone higher than an oliveblood. And that meant that they were all incredibly entitled and had a stick shoved so far up their own wastechutes that it came right back out through their squawk gapers.

_Honestly, _Vriska didn't see why it was necessary. All they needed to do was liberate the lowbloods a little bit so they weren't killed like it was sport. It wasn't a big inconvenience for Vriska, now that she was old enough to no longer need a lusus and hers had left to find another troll to raise. Ergo, she had no real use for lowbloods as easy appetizers. But, _no_, it was never that fucking easy. Feferi had this idea that _all _of the blood castes ought to be "equal," and that meant taking into consideration what midbloods and highbloods wanted out of their new regime too.

Even though Vriska wanted to be on the rescue mission, if only because Terezi was there, she sort of saw why she hadn't been invited. Every single fucking day was a _struggle _to not put her sword down someone's throat and butcher their vocal cords beyond being able to muster up much more that a squeal of terror when she—

"Have you even been listening to me?" The angry voice of the blueblood in front of her startled Vriska out of her thoughts. She knew that this troll was supposed to have a name, but… seriously, Vriska couldn't be fucked to remember it.

She glanced down at the paper in front of her. There was a pen in Vriska's hand, but the only thing on the page was a sloppy sketch of an "8" ball. Huh. Not bad for a one hour session.

"Sure, why not?" Vriska shrugged. The clock on the wall above them rang to signal the hour and she stood with a smile that was all teeth. "Oh, so sorry! It looks like we're out of time. We'll have to put a pin in this and come back to it next week so you can continue your ideas for…" Vriska's mind blanked.

"Blood color coordination in our cities," the blueblood said impatiently. She huffed, stubbornly remaining in her seat. "I don't care what sort of quality you people want the lowbloods to live in, so long as they don't live in the same neighborhood as me. And as long as their quality isn't higher than mine. Or on the same level, actually. No reason for it to be a hovel, but…" She grimaced in disgust and dismissively flicked her wrist. "There ought to be sections based on blood color! And for a representative of our Empress, I don't think—"

Holy shit, this work was so beneath her.

"_A _representative?" Vriska cut her off with one eyebrow raised. "I am _the _representative. Do you see anyone else standing around here with a clearly fake smile ready to listen to you bitch about nothing for a solid fucking _hour_? No? Exactly, because all of your dumb shit requests have to be managed by me before they get anywhere _near _the top of this food chain." She leaned down with a sneer. "And I think you've wasted enough of my very, very, _very _valuable time. Get out."

The woman flushed blue with indignation, sputtering some sort of threat that Vriska wasn't listening to before scurrying out of the room. The door locked behind her automatically and Vriska massaged the bridge of her nose with a weary groan.

"Should've just said that an hour ago," she muttered. The blueblood had left her "ideal city layouts" on the table. They just looked like colorful blueprints to Vriska, but she didn't really care to look any further. She knocked them off with one sweep of her arm and pulled out her palmhusk, flicking through messages that had been piling up as she reclined on the table.

The only good thing about her job was that it passed the time. Which was fair of Feferi to give it to her, if that was the reason. Since their rebellion had _somehow_ succeeded, Vriska hadn't had much to do. Eridan was handling all of the historical documents that she had dug up from their ancestors and he had a little council that was working with him to lay out the full story and publish it so that they wouldn't have to rely on word of mouth to get everyone on Alternia all of the information anymore. Finding her ancestor's journals had really been the most interesting part to Vriska, so with that smoothly plucked from her control…

It wasn't like Vriska was in it for liberation or anything. She didn't have strong feelings one way or the other about how lowbloods were treated. Or, well, she _used to _not care. But she did have to admit, it would really suck if Tavros got culled by some slightly bored highbloods and Vriska never heard anything about it because no one cared if a bronzeblood died, they just moved his body to a gutter and kept walking. And Aradia's ingenuity and enthusiasm had been pretty helpful over the sweeps, so it wouldn't be very much fun if a drone got to her. Or, worst of all, if Vriska had to go the rest of her life without having her ears blessed at least one last time by the trademark screeching rants of—

A notification dinged at the top of her screen and Vriska promptly (and suavely) fell off of the table in her haste to click on it. She didn't care. Laying on her stomach on the floor was also an acceptable way to text and her fingers were flying over the keyboard.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

GC: CO-CO-C4PT41N OF TH3 S34RCH P4RTY CH3CK1NG 1N TO F1N4LLY G1V1NG TH3 GOOD P3OPL3 WH4T TH3Y W4NT: 4N UPD4T3  
GC: OH 4ND YOU C4N B3 1NVOLV3D TOO 1 GU3SS >:/  
AG: Har har.  
AG: You had wipes to come up with an original "8luh 8luh Vriska is a huge 8itch" joke and *that* was the 8est you could do?  
AG: Laaaaaaaame!  
GC: 1 D1DN'T F33L L1K3 3XT3ND1NG TH3 3FFORT WH3N NOTH1NG 1 COM3 UP W1TH WOULD B3 A FUNN13R JOK3 TH4N YOUR OWN S4D 3X1ST3NC3  
AG: Pfft.  
AG: I miss you, too.  
AG: <>  
GC: <>  
AG: So, what's the news? Don't leave me on the edge of my seat. Metaphorically, I mean. I am laying down right now.  
AG: Did my tracking device work?  
GC: 1T WORK3D P3RF3CTLY BUT TH4TS NOT 4NYWH3R3 CLOS3 TO TH3 B3ST P4RT  
GC: PR3P4R3 YOURS3LF B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO FUCK1NG LOV3 TH1S

* * *

It was one of his underling Subjugglators who brought Gamzee the news, relaying the update at the foot of his throne and cowering in fear. Or maybe he was trembling with excitement. Sometimes, it was so hard to tell.

With a grin that threatened to split his face, the Grand Highblood unfolded himself from his throne and slowly stood. "Well," he chuckled, "it's about motherfucking time."

Finally, Karkat was coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, back to our regularly scheduled DaveKat.


	6. Something is Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I dive in at the deep end._   
_You become my best friend._   
_I want to love you but I don't know if I can._

Okay. So.

That really just happened.

"_That,"_ of course, referring to a passionate liplock shared with Dave Strider that couldn't have lasted for anything less than fifteen minutes.

Holy shit. Karkat was going to combust.

He was trying very, _very _hard not to think about it, which he was not doing a good job at.

The problem was, it shouldn't have happened. Dave had been comforting him, talking Karkat out of a panic attack. And he had been doing a good job at it, too! Everything had been going really well. Karkat should have been purring, making all of those pale vocalizations that signaled to his potential moirail that he was responding appropriately and was appreciative. That was the normal reaction.

Instead, Karkat had kissed Dave. And he had done it for no other reason than because Dave looked really pretty without his shades and his human lips looked really soft and… Karkat had just wanted to know what it would feel like.

(It felt unusual, at first, but Karkat had stopped caring around the same time that Dave had squeezed his hip and pulled him closer. His lips wouldn't stop tingling, as if he could still feel the pressure of the kiss. He felt cold in all the places where Dave had been touching him.)

But that, again, was a problem. Karkat shouldn't have wanted to know what Dave's stupid fucking pink lips felt like! And even if he was going to vacillate, he most definitely should not have been doing it in the _middle of a feelings jam_. Fuck, what was _wrong _with him? There were lobotomized trolls that did a better job at keeping the quadrants straight than Karkat did!

He knew that he ought to talk to Dave about it. Really, that was the mature and level-headed response. But no matter how many times Karkat tried to script what he would say in his head, it never came out right. Dave barely understood troll quadrants. How was Karkat supposed to explain to him what a _fundamentally vile_ thing they just did in that closet? He would never understand and Karkat didn't want to risk upsetting him.

It wouldn't be so bad if Dave hadn't reciprocated. He could have pushed Karkat off, rejected him with a good-natured if not slightly awkward ramble about how _incredibly _not interested he was, but Dave hadn't done that. No, he had made it worse by pulling Karkat closer, by kissing him back, by _enjoying it_.

Because where was that supposed to leave them? They had been friends before, which was easy. Even if a human's idea of a friend was different from a troll's idea of one, they were similar enough that Karkat didn't have any problems. They were amicable with each other and it was all purely platonic. Simple. How were they supposed to cross romances? Nothing Karkat had seen from human TV helped him understand the unique and terrifying situation he found himself in.

If Dave had a red crush on Karkat, did that mean they couldn't be friends anymore? Or, what about their play fighting and getting on each other's nerves? What about Dave being his support and Karkat doing everything he could to return the favor? If they were matesprits now, after that kiss, then Karkat had to say goodbye to everything else he had enjoyed about being with Dave. And he couldn't accept that. Karkat always knew that he was self-centered and greedy when it came to his quadrants, but the thought of Dave papping someone else, or wrestling on the ground with another person, was… It felt like someone was twisting his lungs and he couldn't breathe.

He wished he hadn't kissed Dave. Karkat couldn't even apologize for it like he could have if Dave had done the sensible thing and rejected him. Because Dave had returned the kiss, if Karkat went and apologized, it would hurt him. Or, worse, it would anger him. Then what? What if Dave didn't want to be friends after Karkat led him on like that?

Because that was really what Karkat was doing: leading him on. There was no possible way that a relationship between the two of them could work out.

And all of that, _without _the added point that Karkat was supposed to return to Alternia.

It was a good thing that Karkat had locked himself into the ablutionblock as soon as they returned to their block because having a breakdown in front of Dave would have been humiliating. Karkat looked at his hand, biting his lip. After another alarm had caused them to break apart, they had waited a few minutes more, panting against each other, before Karkat let them out of the closet and they walked back to their shared block. Dave hadn't said much, but he hadn't let go of Karkat's hand, either. Their fingers stayed interlocked until Karkat stumbled into their block and then immediately flung himself into the ablutionblock.

He squeezed his hand into a fist, shaking despite his best efforts to mask it. What sort of expression had Dave made when Karkt tore away from him like that? Was he upset? Did he even notice anything out of the ordinary? Did he…?

Did Dave want to kiss him again?

Karkat buried his face in his hands and groaned. No matter what he told himself, he couldn't _really _regret that kiss. It had been so perfect. After what felt like sweeps of pining after Dave, spinning from quadrant to quadrant like his thinkpan had rotted out of his ears, Karkat had finally gotten what he wanted. He wished he had thought through the circumstances a little better. Talking to Dave about their relationship definitely should have happened before their lips made contact, but the moment had just seemed so perfect.

Fuck. Why did everything have to be so _difficult_? What had Karkat done to deserve so much drama in his pathetic, probably-short life?

He picked himself up off the floor and turned to the door. Karkat eyed the handle apprehensively. Leaving Dave alone on an alien ship wasn't a very considerate thing to do. Granted, they were just in the block alone together, but still. It was the principal of the matter. He ought to go out there. They didn't have to talk about that kiss. There were a million other topics of conversation that Karkat could bring up. He was just overthinking things. Again.

Taking a deep breath, Karkat set a hand on the door handle. Alright. All he had to do was talk to Dave, like a normal person. That was doable. He could manage that. Karkat refused to just sit there, stewing in awkwardness, like he was six sweeps old again and too embarrassed to so much as touch Terezi's hand.

He swung the door open and was thrown for a loop when Dave wasn't immediately within his line of sight. Karkat did a double-take but, instead of his maybe-matesprit-or-whatever-the-fuck-they-were-to-each-other, Terezi was sitting in one of the chairs in the block. The "religious offerings" had been moved out of it and shoved to a pile in the corner with a blanket tossed over them so Karkat wouldn't have to look at any of them.

"Terezi?" Karkat raised an eyebrow and stepped into the block. He looked around, one last time, but nope. Dave wasn't there. It wasn't like he had a lot of hiding places. "What are you doing here? Where is Dave?"

Despite himself, panic made Karkat's heart pound. If Dave wasn't in the block, then there was no saying how far away he could be. He could be anywhere on the ship. What if the other trolls on board didn't take kindly to his alien mannerisms and attacked him? What if he got lost and hurt himself on the equipment? What if he had stormed off because he was angry at Karkat and he was trying to find a way back to his hive? If something went wrong, Karkat would never be able to forgive himself.

"Catch." Terezi chucked something in his general direction (which she did badly on purpose because being blind had never inhibited her accuracy when it counted) and Karkat fumbled to catch it. He managed, barely, holding the small object against his chest. "It needs a special modification to send messages faster-than-light, but Sollux hooked that up for you before we arrived. And, you know, he got that huge prong shoved up his nook." She shorted and stood up, leaning on her staff. "Hope you're sick of peace and quiet, Karkles, because you're never getting it back."

Karkat looked at what he had caught and wasn't surprised to see that it was a palmhusk. A lump formed in his throat. He turned it on and flicked through the options. The only thing that was already installed was Trollian, though it had a new icon. It must have been updated in the past sweep or so. Which should have been obvious, but seeing it for himself was… Karkat blinked back tears. How much had changed, really? He had been away for so long. Was it his friends that he would be talking to, or strangers?

The thought was pushed away. Karkat didn't need to make himself emotional in front of Terezi. He wondered if his old Trollian login information would still work. For the time being, he slipped his palmhusk into his back pocket and turned back to Terezi.

"Where is Dave?" Karkat pressed. "Please tell me you didn't do something to trick him. Humans are _fragile_. If you had something to do with this and he gets hurt, I swear, I'll—!"

"Relax, your _moirail _is fine," Terezi said with a grin. She ignored Karkat's indignant sputtering, steam-rolling right over his protests. "Sollux came with me and managed to communicate to Dave that he wants his help with something. He's working on the translator and thought it might be helpful if someone who actually speaks this new language was the one helping him decide if it was accurate or not." She scoffed. "Well, that's what he said, with a lot more cursing and insults. It's like he's forgotten that mood swings are supposed to, well, _swing_. He's been in bitch mode since we landed."

So it wasn't just Karkat that thought Sollux was being _unusually _moody. He frowned. "Do you know what's causing this bullshit with him, then? I didn't want to say something because he looks about five seconds from killing someone and then himself at all times, but… Seriously, what's chafing his bulge?"

Terezi cackled. "Oh, definitely!" She quieted herself down to chuckles, shaking her head, and sighed. "It's so fucking _obvious_ to literally everyone who's been around you both for longer than three seconds. Do you seriously not see it?"

If Karkat still had his palmhusk in his hands, he would have thrown it at her. "As if you can get on anyone about what they can or can't see," Karkat snapped. "Just quit the cackling bullshit and tell me! Of all the things I have the patience for right now — and mind you, that list is very, very short on my best days — being the main star of your very own nighttime drama is not one of them!"

None of what he said seemed to have any effect on Terezi. If anything, her smirk only widened. "Fine. If you want to take all the fun out of it," she said with a tone that still very much implied that she was getting plenty of fun out of it. "Since you absolutely _have _to know… Sollux is pale for you. No shit."

Karkat's eyes widened. She said that as if everything was supposed to magically fall into place, but Karkat was more confused than ever. All of the bickering, the lashing out at him, the _genuine _anger… How could Sollux feel anything other than the pitchest black for Karkat?

"That…" His mouth worked uselessly for a few seconds. "That doesn't make any sense."

"How could it not make sense?" Terezi threw her hands up in exasperation. "Karkles, I don't know if you've looked in a mirror lately, but you are easily the most pathetic troll I've ever laid eyes on. I'm surprised you aren't pale for _yourself_, that's how hopeless you are," she said.

Face burning red, Karkat scowled at her. And Terezi had the nerve to sniff the air as if she could taste him blushing from six feet away. That bitch. "Are you hitting on me?" Karkat demanded in return. Great, just what he needed: three friends crushing on him while he juggled with whatever the _fuck _was going on with Dave.

Thankfully, Terezi just muffled a laugh. "I'm not six anymore, Karkat. I still have no idea what quadrant we were trying to be in but, either way, that ship has _long _since sailed," she said, cocking her hip. "I can recognize how pathetic you are without wanting to pap you or kiss you, unlike _some _people in our friend group." She did a little roll of the neck that threw Karkat for a loop, just because it reminded him of something Dave often did. It was a way to communicate an eye roll without actually having eyes to roll. The only difference being that Terezi did it out of necessity and Dave did it because he'd rather look like an asshole than take off his shades. "It's pretty revolting, I'm going to be honest, Karkat. None of them have even the slightest bit of subtlety about it."

"What are you talking about?" Karkat arched an eyebrow. "It's not like there's an epidemic of people who pity me, and…" He took one look at Terezi's face and trailed off, cringing. "_Please _tell me that my religious followers are not looking to ride my bulge or otherwise be involved with me intimately in any way, shape, or form."

Terezi's responding laughter was answer enough. Karkat felt his face burning all the way from his neck to his forehead. No. As far as he was concerned, there was _not _a ship full of trolls who were crushing on him. And, while he was at it, his friends had absolutely no quadrant-related interest in him either. They could all take their ridiculous feelings and choke on them. He wasn't six anymore and Karkat did _not _have the patience for it.

"I'm going to find Dave," he grumbled to Terezi through clenched teeth. She was still laughing when the door closed behind Karkat.

It occurred to him once he was already down the hall that he didn't actually know where Sollux (and therefore, by extension, _Dave_) was. Karkat thought about it, then decided to try the same communications room as before. If Sollux wasn't there, then hopefully he was nearby, or Kanaya would be able to point him in the right direction. For Karkat's own sanity, he was going to pretend that he and his friends were the only people on the ship. He couldn't think about the "be the god of the new world" bullshit when he could barely handle his relationship drama.

The hallways were all nearly identical but, thankfully, Karkat was well-read on Alternian starships, thanks to his desire when he was younger to be a Threshicutionor. At least his wiggler fantasies had turned out to be even slightly helpful. He knew how the Condesce liked her ships to be laid out, so even though he had only followed the convoluted path twice, Karkat wasn't worried about getting lost.

He was a little worried about Dave apparently being alone with Sollux, even though Karkat knew it was irrational. Sollux could be temperamental half of the time, but he wasn't violent, especially by troll standards. Dave could be annoying, sometimes, but he would be hard-pressed to get Sollux to attack him without delivering the first blow.

It wasn't really the idea of physical harm that had Karkat so worried, though. All lingering awkwardness aside, he just didn't want to leave Dave alone.

Getting to his destination should have been easy. It wasn't like there was anything in his way, not really. What Karkat hadn't taken into consideration, however, was the ringing of a bell. He immediately tensed up. _Oh God, please no._

Nothing was ever easy. Karkat barely had enough time to process what was happening when doors all over the hallway started opening and trolls of all sizes and blood colors left their work stations, talking animatedly. Any hope that Karkat had of remaining unseen due to his small size was shattered the instant he made eye contact with someone. Without a proper uniform, he was bad enough, but wearing his own sign didn't help. It was so quiet in the hall that Karkat could hear other troll's breathing. He was so _fucked_.

Karkat made the mistake of stepping back — which was pointless because there were trolls on all sides of him. The movement seemed to trigger everyone else to unpause, and opening his mouth reflexively to stutter out an awkward "_uh" _hadn't helped.

A midblood (some shade of green that Karkat was too panicked to identify) with short horns stepped forward. "You're really him," she breathed, reverence in her voice and adoration in her eyes. It made Karkat want to claw himself out of his skin.

Another troll pushed forward. "Will you let us see it?" He pleaded, hands clasped together pleadingly. "I have a knife on me, just—"

It suddenly seemed like half of the crowd was shuffling for something sharp and Karkat felt his bloodpusher leap up into his throat. He had a fleeting thought that, once he molted and his eyes were as red as his blood, ridiculous requests like that might stop, but he knew that wasn't true. And that assumed that Karkat would get that far dealing with this madness before he just killed himself.

He stumbled backward into someone and felt hands come up to grab him automatically. Rationally, Karkat realized that it was probably reflexive and whoever had touched him likely only intended to straighten him back up, but that was what broke him. Karkat couldn't take the expectant, worshipful looks and the clamoring for his attention and the barrage of questions.

It was a stupid idea, Karkat knew he was an idiot, but he obeyed his instincts. Without another thought, he turned and ran.

Running through a throng of eager people in a narrow hall was a lot harder than Karkat gave it credit for. He had grown up isolating himself in his hive and then, as a teenager, isolated himself in Dave's hive, all for self-preservation. He had never seen so many trolls in his life, except on TV. And he had never seen this amount in such a small place.

He couldn't breathe. The air was thin and Karkat found it impossible to catch his breath. His sweater weighed twenty pounds. Everywhere he looked, faces were leering at him. The sights and sounds blurred together. There was laughter and screaming, ringing in his ears, hands reaching for him. Someone grabbed his sweater and Karkat lashed out reflexively. There was a flash of blue, something wet on his claws, but he was released and he kept going.

Even when the crowd broke apart, Karkat didn't stop. His leg muscles were burning, his lungs were heaving, but he didn't think he could stop running even if he wanted to. He did his best to pay attention to what turns he was taking, but couldn't focus on anything.

Red-tinted tears burned in his eyes and, swallowing the humiliation, Karkat blinked them away furiously. He hated feeling so weak. He hated how much he wished Dave were there.

He came to the door he wanted and, not even sure if any of those trolls had followed him, Karkat frantically pounded on the touchpad until it slid open and then ducked inside. He closed it behind him, slumping against it and breathing heavily. His claws clenched painfully against the metal, making Karkat's fingers ache, but he couldn't find a way to loosen his grip.

Footsteps made Karkat's eyes snap open. He relaxed when he saw that it was just Kanaya. Somehow, he had managed to direct himself in the middle of his meltdown and had ended up in the communications hub as he wanted. Unfortunately, Sollux wasn't there and neither was Dave. Karkat hoped that Terezi hadn't been fucking with him because if he found Sollux and Dave was nowhere nearby, he was going to have a mental breakdown. His threshold for additional bullshit to deal with was at an all-time low. Karkat was surprised he hadn't started losing hair from stress yet.

"Hey." Karkat waved weakly at Kanaya. He peeled himself away from the door and bent at the waist, setting his hands on his knees and still breathing hard. "I'm just… Fucking… Give me a minute. I haven't been… shit, keeping up with my cardio." He wasn't sure if he should be angry at himself for not staying in optimal shape while with Dave, or touched by how he felt relaxed enough while living there to let his guard down like that.

It was pathetically pale. Or, it should have been. Why did Karkat still want to kiss Dave so badly?

Kanaya had stopped approaching, giving Karkat time to collect himself while watching carefully. Once he looked stable enough, though, she was at his side with a rag in her hands. Taking hold of his wrist, she began gently wiping the blood from his claws. It looked cerulean. Karkat winced at the sight of it and chose to look at Kanaya's face instead. She had a tiny frown tugging on the corners of her lips and wasn't looking at him. "Karkat, are you alright? You look horrible. Did something happen to you?"

The genuine concern was bad enough, but cleaning the blood off of him? Karkat swallowed a groan. He was in no frame of mind to tolerate her brick-to-the-face method of pale flirtation.

"I was in the hall when the bell chimed," he explained, taking the rag from her. Kanaya let him and having something systematic to focus on helped calm him. "A crowd… rushed me. I—" Karkat squeezed his eyes shut, his hands going still. "You're all fucking insane if you think I can handle something like being the religious figurehead of a planet-wide reformation process."

"Two planets," Kanaya corrected. When she saw the look on Karkat's face, she explained further, "The Condesce has all trolls moved off of Alternia once they reach adulthood, remember. We're working on combining Alternia and Beforus back into one, but moving everything is no small feat. Not all of the adults are terribly pleased with the idea."

Karkat's eyebrow twitched. "Oh, great!" He said, more high-pitched than he would have liked. He threw his hands up in frustration, dropping the rag in the process. His hands were mostly clean anyway, so he didn't care. "That's just _perfect_! That's exactly what I wanted! It must be my fucking wiggling day because it just keeps getting worse and worse. A whole planet full of _adults _to add to my roster! I'm not sure if there's any way you can top that, Kanaya, it's already so _unbelievable_!"

She rolled her eyes with a huff. "Karkat, you're being obstinate."

He just about snapped his own neck right then and there. "Can you honestly not see how unreasonable you're being?" Karkat seethed. "You just dumped all of this responsibility on me! All of those trolls out there have already been told that I'm the reincarnation of their messiah or some shit! What made you think I wanted to deal with that? Fuck, what made you think I _could _deal with that?"

Kanaya pursed her lips, looking away. "At the time, it was… beneficial. Our tale of sending you off-world gave our newly formed rebellion group something to work for. Someone in the Brooding Caverns gave you the Sufferer's sign for a reason, Karkat. He's your ancestor, whether you like it or not. Otherwise, your blood mutation wouldn't have been so specific," she said, trying to be soothing.

Of course, Karkat knew all about different types of mutations in trolls. Shades of blood could range from nearly black to almost neon and only hues within a certain range were considered permissible. Mutations could cause trolls to not grow horns or for land-dwellers to have dead gills or could give trolls wings. The fact that Karkat had gotten away only with candy red blood and nothing else, exactly like the Signless, was too perfect. Mutations were wild and unpredictable. It couldn't be a coincidence.

Still, that only made Karkat angrier. "And so what if he is my ancestor?" He snapped. "You never _asked _if I wanted this. You never even pretended to care if my opinion mattered or not! Just because I share his blood doesn't mean that I wanted his baggage too!" He saw Kanaya start to open her mouth and had to get the last word in. Before Karkat could stop himself, he shouted, "And you never asked if I wanted to help reform Alternia! You never asked if I wanted to go back in the first place!"

It was amazing how a handful of words could affect someone. Kanaya froze. She stared at Karkat, uncomprehending, then softly managed, "Are you saying that you don't want to come home with us?"

Karkat opened his mouth and then closed it with enough force to make his teeth ache. He didn't know how to respond to that, which was alarming enough. It should have been easy to reassure Kanaya that he was excited to return home and grateful for all that his friends had done to make his planet more welcoming, but…

There were only a few reasons for Karkat to return to Alternia and all of them tied back to his friends. He felt no loyalty to the Empire, no attachment to his home planet, no longing ache for something he was missing that only Alternia could provide. He missed Crabdad, but to be honest, his lusus had probably already adopted a new wiggler. Karkat was old enough that he didn't need a lusus anymore. He had a palmhusk now to allow him to communicate with his friends. It meant that he wouldn't see any of them in person if he didn't go back to Alternia, but that wasn't much different than how Karkat had lived before.

And if he stayed, well… The alien world already knew that he existed so Karkat wouldn't have to live in hiding. The trolls could establish an embassy that he could live near. Maybe Dave could even get a job as some sort of ambassador for Earth. And Karkat could stay with him for the rest of his short life, all ten of the sweeps that he probably had left. They didn't even have to be dating. If Karkat never kissed Dave again, he would be happy, just as long as they at least got to keep being friends.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and said instead, "I didn't come here to talk about this. Do you know where Sollux went? Terezi told me that he dragged Dave off with him and I didn't have to think about it for more than two seconds to know what a phenomenally terrible idea it is to leave them alone together."

Instead of telling him where Sollux was, Kanaya's expression softened. She stepped forward and set a hand on Karkat's shoulder. "I know that none of this has been easy on you," Kanaya said gently, "and I'm sorry that we dragged you into it. If there had been another way, believe me, we would have taken in. You can always come to me if you need to… talk. About anything." Her other hand reached toward his face…

...and Karkat snagged her wrist in an iron grip, baring his teeth and barely suppressing the urge to growl. "_Don't_," he said lowly.

He knew exactly what she had been about to do and, as much as Karkat respected Kanaya as one of his closest friends, he most certainly did not appreciate it. He didn't squeeze her wrist hard enough to cause pain, but he didn't need to. He could tell by the look on Kanaya's face that his message had finally gotten through, loud and clear.

Kanaya dropped her hand and looked away. She pointed toward a door near the back of the room, which Karkat had somehow missed the first time through. "It's a workroom, primarily used for maintenance," she told him, her voice flat. "Sollux and Dave are there."

Nothing else was said between them. Karkat felt guilty about leaving Kanaya like that but going back and comforting her would just confuse things further. There was no way for him to make his feelings any more clear than he already had. Their relationship was purely platonic, completely removed from quadrants entirely, and that was the way that Karkat wanted it. He knew that Kanaya could be a good moirail, but he didn't pity her. She could handle herself perfectly fine. Whereas, on the other hand, Dave was so fragile and easy to hurt… Karkat knew from experience, much as he wished he didn't. Dave was breakable, both emotionally and physically. And every time Karkat was reminded of that fact, he was overcome with pity, even if it wasn't always of the pale variety.

Sure, Kanaya was great. But she couldn't even begin to compare to Dave.

Karkat approached the door that he had been indicated to and realized why it hadn't stood out to him. There was no defining touchpad in the wall next to it and it wasn't automatic. It was a door with a handle that opened inward on hinges. He rolled his eyes and reached out, grabbing the handle and pushing it open.

Inside, just as Terezi and Kanaya had said, Sollux and Dave were working on something. The room itself wasn't that impressive. It was small and filled with work desks that were stacked with spare parts and components. The only thing that stood out was one of Sollux's husktops resting on a mostly-empty desk near the front of the room that must have been dragged in fairly recently. Considering Sollux's aversion to people and interruptions, especially while he was working, Karkat didn't blame him for setting up shop in what was essentially a boiler room.

That didn't, however, free Sollux of the blame for any of the other things Karkat was pissed at him for. And he had a fucking _plethora _of reason to be angry to choose from.

"Oh, hey, Karkat." Dave greeted him with what Karkat had come to learn was called "finger guns" and did a little motion with his head that said he had just winked. "I was hoping you would show up. This is so fucking cool, man, you're not gonna believe this shit."

As sweet as it was to hear Dave rambling like usual and apparently not upset with Karkat for avoiding him after that kiss, it wasn't his main focus at the moment. "Hold that thought, Dave," Karkat told him in English. He stalked into the room without looking at Dave and marched directly over to Sollux.

He was working on his husktop, typing something up that he was cross-referencing with the hastily scribbled notes and schematics on the pad of paper in front of him. It looked important to Karkat if the way Sollux was practically trying to shove his head through the screen was any indication. He didn't look up when Karkat stood next to him, not sparing even a grunt of acknowledgment or a glance in his direction.

Karkat rolled his eyes. He knew it was childish, but he set his hand over the screen so that Sollux couldn't see what he was working on anymore. "Sollux Captor," he snapped, "we need to talk. Can you do that? Can you manage to yank your head out of your swollen nook for maybe five minutes and talk to me like a mature adult?"

Sollux snorted. "I could," he said, "but I wouldn't want you to get confused. Most of it would probably go over your head."

There were a million and one comebacks and countless ways that Karkat could have retorted. He opened his mouth to start and then had to bite his tongue to stop himself. If it went on as they did over Trollian, he could end up going back and forth with Sollux for an hour before he even remembered that he had sought Sollux out for a reason. After everything that had already happened that day, Karkat wasn't in any mood to tolerate the usual hoofbeast shit.

Expression set into one of determination, Karkat took three steps to the wall, bent down, and yanked out the cord for Sollux's husktop. He threw the plug at the back of Sollux's head and let it fall to the ground with a clatter.

It got Sollux to break his bug-eyed, slack-jawed staring contest with his dead computer, at least. He stood up so suddenly that it toppled his desk chair over and Sollux kicked it out of the way as he stalked over to Karkat. His eyes were sparking badly, and when he grabbed the front of Karkat's shirt, the static discharge made his hair stand up on end. It might have even been funny if anything about their confrontation was even remotely humorous.

"What is your fucking problem?" Sollux seethed. His voice was even, startling calm, but his psionics were acting up so badly that the loose objects around them were beginning to crackle and float.

For a second, Karkat almost thought that he had made a mistake. Then he said, equally as controlled, "I could have sworn that I heard a hollow thud when that piece of plastic collided with your head. Not that this is new information to me."

The noise that Sollux made was unholy. He jerked Karkat off of the ground and slammed him into the wall, holding him with his feet dangling off of the ground. Over Sollux's shoulder, Dave had startled and came rushing forward. "Woah, hey, put Karkat down! What the fuck are you two _doing_?"

He tried to get between them and Karkat and Sollux both snarled at Dave. Maybe he didn't understand their noises, as a different species, but even a human had to recognize the universal sign for "_stay out of this." _Dave trying to interfere made Karkat more ashen than he had ever been for anyone. Still, he refused to let Dave be his mediator. How many quadrants did he have to mix before he managed to get a grip on himself?

Karkat planted a foot in Sollux's stomach and pushed him off, dropping back down to his feet. "Don't you dare fucking talk to Dave like that!" He snapped. "In fact, how dare you even drag him all the way out here in the first place! You know exactly how trolls feel about aliens, Sollux. If Dave wandered off and got caught by them, you know what would happen. We are not a species known for warm welcomes! Unless, of course, your idea of "warm" is blood gushing from a freshly slit throat which, hey, it might be! It's not like your frigid, empty husk of a bloodpusher knows the first thing about kindness or care!"

He knew that he was going too far and saying things that he didn't mean, but Karkat also knew that it was too late to take them back. Sollux's face was practically glowing ochre and behind him, his husktop was beginning to fizzle and smoke. If he hadn't lost any work before, then he certainly had after that.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Sollux didn't touch him again, but he stepped up closer, close enough that Karkat could count his eyelashes and the sparking of Sollux's psionics was beginning to sting. He refused to back down, though. "You're so transparent, Karkat, you always have been. You play up this angry, dead-inside caricature as if people can't figure you out the second you open your ceaseless fucking mouth. Don't come in here, pissy at me, for doing _you _a favor," he said as he jabbed Karkat in the chest with one claw, "and _don't _pretend that this is about some ridiculous concern for Dave's "safety." You just can't stand having your little pale slut out of your sight for longer than two minutes, can you? That's about how long you can go without an emotional breakdown on a good day."

It took every ounce of willpower that Karkat had to _not _look over at Dave. "For the last time, I am not pale for Dave!" Karkat just about shrieked, he was so sick of repeating himself. "And even if I was, you only care because _you're _pale for _me_!" He spat out the accusation like it was something unpleasant. To Karkat, it was. What kind of moirail pinned their partner to a wall to scream at them? What was happening?

Surprisingly, Sollux didn't seem to care. He rolled his eyes, lips pulling back into a sneer. He almost looked disgusted. "What's it fucking matter?" He took a step back. "I could be paler than goddamn paper for you and it wouldn't change anything. You only have eyes for Dave and, I gotta say, it's pretty pathetic, what you're doing. How long have you wanted it, Karkat, huh? Assuming that you even know what you want, because you never have before. Do you want Dave to use you like a pail with his freaky human bulge or do you want him to cry on your shoulder? Or do you want him to do exactly _this_?" He gestured between them, at the defensive positions they both had and the tense atmosphere. Sollux growled lowly in the back of his throat and, had he been any higher on the hemospectrum, Karkat might have felt intimidated. "You haven't changed one bit! You don't care at all about how unbelievably selfish you are, do you? You shoved your quadrant smearing bullshit down Terezi's throat until she cut contact with you for perigrees and you're still trying to do the same shit to some poor dumbass who doesn't know any better!"

There was a pause between them while Karkat scrambled to find something to shoot back. He was burning up in his sweater, humiliated beyond the ability to reply. His mouth opened and closed uselessly. Sollux was right and that was the worst part. He still knew Karkat so well, better than almost anyone. And he knew that Karkat was selfish and indecisive and a complete embarrassment to their culture. He bit his lip, determined to hold back his tears. The frustration was making it difficult not to scream.

"Uh," Dave interjected, stepping between them, and Karkat's bloodpusher did a flip as something ashen inside of him ached. "Okay, one, whatever the fuck you're talking about needs to stop because I think we just hit something way too personal. And second, I'm not a dumbass and Karkat's never done anything unusual or "bullshit"-y in our relationship. I think he's perfectly normal." He gave Karkat a funny look and then quickly averted his eyes, a faint dusting of red along his cheeks. "But, um, you might have to explain some of that later to me, Karkat. I think I'm missing something that would make this whole situation a lot easier to diffuse."

Karkat turned to Dave with a scowl, opening his mouth to tell him once again to stay out of it, but… He froze as something occurred to him, catching himself. "I… Dave. Dave, did you understand that argument?" He asked, breathless.

There was no answer from Dave verbally, but the way that he shrunk in on himself, face a bright red, said more than enough.

Mortification made Karkat's skin crawl as he replayed what Sollux had said to him over and over. And he hadn't refuted any of it. Dave _knew_. He knew that Karkat wanted to kiss him, to be his support, to fight him and mean it for once. He knew, worse, that Karkat wanted all of those things at once. It wasn't vacillation. Karkat just wanted _Dave_, in all ways, all the time. Dave knew what a freak he was.

Feeling faint, all Karkat could manage was, "How?"

Sollux grimaced, genuinely sympathetic even after that fight. His mood was as unpredictable as ever. Karkat tried to muster up the energy to be angry about it, but all he felt was the cold shock that had locked him into place like it was a block against all other emotions he ought to be feeling instead.

"Didn't Terezi tell you that I was working on the translator with Dave?" Sollux asked, only somewhat impatiently. "Whatever you did to it completely ruined the wiring and battery, but I salvaged what was on its data chips. It already seemed to know plenty. I fashioned it into a mouthpiece and accompanying earphone." He set a hand on Dave's shoulder and turned his head (less careful with his claws than he should have been) so that Karkat could see. Sure enough, there was a black clip on Dave's ear that was connected to a small hook in the corner of Dave's mouth via a short cable. "It automatically translates Alternian to English for Dave to hear, then his English becomes Alternian. I was working on some blueprints to send to FF for mass production once we establish factories here when you unplugged my husktop." He crossed his arms, a faint fizzle of irritation sparking in his eyes that was nothing like the raw anger from earlier. "Thanks for that, by the way."

All Karkat could do was stare. He had heard what Sollux said, but it wasn't registering correctly. He couldn't move past the idea that Dave had heard _all of that_.

"Karkat? Dude. Are you alright?" Dave reached out to set a hand on his shoulder and Karkat instinctively took a step back. He felt cornered and it was getting hard to breathe. Between that terrible, wrenching look on Dave's face and the crowd of adoring trolls, Karkat would much rather face the latter. "I didn't mean to upset you. It's alright," he said, voice soothing and hands help up complacently. Karkat swallowed the lump in his throat. Dave really _didn't _understand what the problem was. And he never would.

"Don't touch me," Karkat said with a crack in his voice that sounded desperate even to him. He didn't want to look at Dave, but he couldn't look away, either. It was like watching a crash in slow-motion. "You have no idea what you're doing, Dave. Just don't touch me, don't talk to me. I— I need to go."

With his bloodpusher in his throat, Karkat turned and darted out the door. He heard Sollux call out after him, angry again, but Karkat didn't look back.

* * *

Dave took the strange-looking device that Sollux had handed to him. It looked sort of like a set of wireless earbuds. He frowned.

It wasn't that Dave didn't want to make friends with Karkat's alien pals, but he was less than impressed with Sollux's interspecies communication efforts thus far. Fuck, he made it work with Karkat when they first met! Sollux could have at least used a notepad to scribble down some shitty sketch so that Dave got a basic idea of what he wanted.

Instead, Sollux had shown up at Dave and Karkat's room while they were both busy brooding separately and chirped angrily for about two minutes before impatiently gesturing Dave after him. When that didn't work, he had grabbed Dave by the wrist and tugged until he got the hint and started putting one foot in front of the other. He wasn't as gentle with his claws as Karkat was, so Dave had five neat little red lines on his wrist where Sollux had dug in too hard without meaning to.

Noticing such a small detail was probably ridiculous of him, but for Dave, it just made him appreciate Karkat even more. He was always aware of his claws and how hard he was grabbing Dave, even when they were playfully fighting. He was careful with his fangs, too.

Of course, thinking about Karkat's fangs was a bad idea. Dave needed to focus on whatever Sollux wanted him to do with a set of earbuds, but he was having trouble caring. Maybe if Sollux hadn't yanked him out of his room in the middle of a serious, back-and-forth conversation with himself, Dave would feel more amicable. Because he sort of hadn't been able to stop thinking about kissing Karkat since, well, he stopped kissing Karkat.

A part of him wished that he had never stopped kissing Karkat. Clearly, Dave had done something wrong, but he wasn't sure if he had done that during the kiss or after. It was possible that Dave was just a bad kisser. He had kissed a girl in second grade on a dare. Other than that, he had never so much as romantically held someone's hand. Still, Karkat had seemed to be enjoying the kiss if his enthusiastic participation meant anything, which meant that Dave had fucked up sometime afterward.

He wanted to talk to Karkat, but as soon as they'd gotten back to their shared room, the dude had just locked himself in the bathroom. It was obvious that Karkat was upset. Dave wished he knew _why_, though. He wanted to fix it. He wanted to kiss Karkat again without it feeling like he had made a mistake as soon as they parted.

His thoughts were sidetracked by a hand being waved in front of his face. A grey, clawed hand. Dave blinked, looking up at Sollux with an inquisitive arch of his brow. Wow, had he really been zoning out so hard that it was obvious even with his shades on?

Impatiently, Sollux took the earbuds that he had handed Dave and attached one end to his right ear. The other one, he nudged against Dave's lips until he opened his mouth, confused, and let Sollux clip it in place. Apparently, they weren't earbuds after all. That, or Sollux just didn't know how they were supposed to be worn.

Dave frowned and adjusted the one in his ear. "Man, this is fuckin' ridiculous. What is this thing even supposed to do?" He said, mostly to himself. It wasn't as though he expected Sollux to answer him.

"Maybe if you paid the slightest bit of fucking attention, you would figure it out." Sollux crossed his arms. "And those shades make you look like an even bigger prick than me."

Just as quickly as he had opened his mouth, Dave closed it. He reached up and touched the earpiece he was wearing. Through his left ear, Sollux sounded as bug-like and incomprehensible as always, but with his ear that had the clip, it was actually understandable.

"Dude, that's so fucking cool," Dave said finally. Suddenly, he found himself liking Sollux a lot more. It felt like the last three years with Karkat had never happened and he was talking to an alien for the first time again. "Do you want to talk about each other's reproduction now? Because it's been three fucking years with Karkat and he still won't give me any of the details, not even vague ones."

Sollux stared at him for a moment. "I'm starting to think that Karkat destroyed that translator on his own and I don't blame him for it."

Suppressing laughter, Dave rolled his eyes. "Hey, I'll have you know, that translator was ruined by an innocent mishap involving an open can of soda and a mutual friend with oversized front teeth. Karkat went on to learn our language anyway, and you're over here taking the easy way."

"The _efficient _way," Sollux corrected him. "Maybe Karkat had plenty of time to waste by learning an alien language, but we have to get these mass-produced in time for our Empress's arrival in a wipe so that your species actually understands us and we don't get killed."

Dave sort of shrugged, uninterested. "The chances of being killed are about the same either way, I think. I'm guessing your species is trigger happy too. The first time I met Karkat, he bit me for getting too close and then scratched me up pretty good for touching his shit."

There was the same chirping quality to Sollux's laugh that was in Karkat's. The translator didn't quite know what to do with it and the feedback caused Dave to grimace. "That sounds like Karkat," he admitted. "Our species has conquered hundreds of worlds. The Alternian Empire has a border that encompasses a fifth of the galaxy." Sollux didn't sound very proud, although Dave thought it was really fucking cool.

"Damn, holy shit." Dave whistled lowly. "How do you even manage that much territory? And you guys are all unified, huh? Must be nice. Your Empress sounds like a master negotiator."

He made another one of those bug-like laughing noises and Sollux made a show out of shaking his head. "Jesus fuck, _no_. Karkat really didn't tell you anything, did he?" He arched an eyebrow. "Congratulations. You just befriended one of the most merciless and feared species in the galaxy. As a people, we've laid waste to entire planets. Our last Empress has a body count so high that not even she knows how many billions of lifeforms she's killed." Sollux shrugged. "So, you know. You'll never have to worry about being invaded by any other aliens if our planets become allies. No one would ever fucking dare."

Had Dave not known any better, he would have called Sollux out on what a huge flex he was making. Everything sounded like a boast, but Sollux still didn't seem proud. His tone made it sound like he was reading out of a textbook. Dave was quiet as he digested this information. He had figured that Karkat's planet was cruel and hostile, just based on Karkat's behavior and what little he had told Dave about it. Even with Bro making a habit out of jumping Dave to strife in the middle of the night, he wasn't anywhere _near _as jumpy and paranoid as Karkat had been when they first met. It had been three years and he still woke up at the slightest noise. When he wasn't having nightmares, anyway.

"Speaking of things Karkat never told me…" Dave began conversationally, "...why did he have to leave his planet, exactly? It was something about his blood, right? I never got the whole story out of him."

A part of Dave felt bad about prying into Karkat's past, but he knew that he couldn't bring it up without making Karkat uncomfortable. Maybe if Dave knew more about his past, or at least about troll society, it would make it easier for him to understand where Karkat was coming from. And since he had apparently tricked himself into being an ambassador, somehow, it made sense for him to understand more about their culture. Specifically, why they all hated Karkat so much. Dave could _not _understand that.

Sollux sighed, expression twisting into a grimace. Dave knew he had just dug up an unpleasant memory, but he could tell as soon as Sollux opened his mouth that it would be one he was willing to talk about, unlike Karkat.

"Okay. I guess you'll need a basic summary of how our society is structured," he said with an annoyed groan. "Fuck. Alright. We're working on making things better now that we have a new Empress, but for the entirety of our species' civilization, we've based social ranking on blood color. I'm sure you've figured out by now that Karkat's blood is red. It's a mutation," Sollux explained. "Mine is— Uh, fuck. Here." He brought his hand up to his mouth and bit down quickly. Considering how sharp their teeth were, Dave doubted that trolls had a hard time puncturing their skin. He let Dave step closer and grasp his hand, continuing to speak as Dave eyed the neat, yellow-tinted wounds and the thin streams of watery blood that dripped around the curve of Sollux's hand. "Your species just has red blood, right? Karkat mentioned that."

"We do," Dave confirmed, only sort of listening. He was busy looking at Sollux's hand. He knew that it was probably creepy to be so enraptured by someone's blood, but Dave thought of that old taxidermy collection he had when he was younger and felt the old fascination rise back up. How the fuck did yellow blood even work, scientifically? He shook his head and dropped Sollux's hand before it got weirder. "Alright, so y'all have rainbow blood and Karkat's is a mutation. What's the problem? My species mutates plenty. It's how we got blue eyes."

That comment got a weird look from Sollux until he shook it away. "You know what? I'm not even going to ask." He dragged a hand down his face and sighed. "Mutations are considered detrimental to the whole of our society. They weaken the gene pool. It's not just blood mutations. Sometimes trolls come out with wings or unique abilities or the fins get mixed up…" He waved his hand dismissively. "Blood mutations are considered some of the worst because they shorten lifespans, and they're infinitely harder to hide. I mean… fuck." Sollux looked at Dave seriously. "Karkat never told any of us about his mutation until we figured it out ourselves. Just imagine living with something that _obvious _for a second. He couldn't cry or blush in public, and if he fell and scraped a knee, he would have been killed on the spot and no one would think twice about it because mutants deserve it. Killing them is encouraged. Karkat grew up in constant fear for his life, extremely poor, and believing that he deserved to be dead. And there's more but…" He looked away. "I've gone on about this too much already. The details are really up to Karkat to tell."

Dave was quiet, lips slightly parted. He had always assumed that Karkat didn't have the best childhood, but to have it laid out for him like that was… It really put things into perspective. His heart squeezed with sympathy. The urge to roll Karkat up in a blanket like a burrito and keep him warm and comfy and away from the horrors of the world had increased exponentially. He had never wanted to protect someone so much before, but Dave didn't find himself confused or even embarrassed by the desire. To him, it made perfect sense. Everyone should want to protect Karkat. The dude obviously needed it.

"Yeah, but you wanted to know about why he had to leave the planet," Sollux continued, oblivious to Dave's internal conflict. "Because the dumbass didn't tell anyone about his mutation, we had limited time to work. See, on our planet, adults don't exist. When you're fully mature, you're collected by the drones and sent off-world to enlist in the Empress's army. Or, I guess, to a different planet where you live in your downtime. Obviously, Karkat would have been discovered to be a mutant pretty fucking easily and then been killed on the spot. The only option was for him was to disappear from the planet entirely. So me and a couple of our friends that are actually useful built a ship and sent him to a random planet outside of the Empire that was deemed to be suitably habitable," he finished matter-of-factly.

There was a pause. Dave blinked. "You… built a spaceship. Like, from scratch."

Sollux raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Right. I forgot that your species is so far behind ours in terms of technological advancement." He shrugged. "It's really not that difficult, although it helped that some of our friends had plenty of scrap metal and wirings and knowledge of building machines other than doomsday devices." He ignored Dave opening his mouth to question that and continued. "It would have been better if we'd had more time to work with, but we only found out with a sweep left until Karkat reached adulthood. I slept for three days straight after we finished constructing it and sent him off, but…" The faint annoyance on Sollux's face softened. "It was worth it."

The tone of his voice made Dave frown. Not because there was anything inherently wrong with it, but because it was all too familiar to him. He hesitated to ask another personal question but, after a moment's pause, he forced out, "Are you in love with Karkat?"

Oh, yeah. Real subtle.

To Dave's surprise, though, the word "love" didn't come out correctly. The little speaker in his mouth that translated English to Alternian repeated "love" without translating it. Seeing the look of confusion on Sollux's face, Dave tried again. "Are you in a relationship with him, I mean. Or do you want to be? A relationship of the romantic variety." Might as well be specific. Apparently, the translator had no problem with "relationship" or "romantic," but their species didn't know what love was. What kind of crazy fucking relationships did they even have?

When Sollux didn't immediately laugh and wave the question off, Dave's suspicions increased tenfold. He didn't really care if Sollux had feelings for Karkat. Well, no, Dave did _care_, but he wasn't going to pull the jealous, possessive routine and start treating Sollux like a rival as if they were the main love interests in a bad harem anime. If Karkat liked Sollux back, then good for them. After the life that he had had, Dave thought that a little happiness was the least that Karkat deserved.

He was just a _wee bit_ concerned because Sollux and Karkat had done an awful lot of fighting since they met again and, even if Dave couldn't speak the language, he knew that not all of it was the good-natured teasing that friends did. Even if he came across as controlling, Dave wasn't going to stand there and let Karkat get into a relationship that would be bad for him. But, hey, maybe the translator would fix that problem. If Dave knew what they were saying, then he would be able to look out for Karkat without any cliché misunderstandings.

"It's… complicated," Sollux said finally, drawing Dave's attention back to the real world. "I don't know how much you know about our species' romances. The easiest answer is that, no, we're not in any sort of official relationship. Karkat is my friend." He pursed his lips. "Just my friend. Whatever I may or may not want with him at any given moment doesn't factor in. I'm not trying to get between the two of you." Turning away, Sollux threw his hands up in frustration. "It's so typical of him to fall horns over heels for the first person to show him any modicum of kindness. At least you're not an asshole. And, hey, if it works for you guys, then he can blur as many quadrants as he wants! What do I care?" Sollux dragged a hand through his hair and sighed. "Even if it _is _pretty pathetic to watch."

The idea that Karkat had a thing for him wasn't new information to Dave. It sort of threw him for a loop that it was _that _obvious but, in hindsight, he wasn't sure how he had missed it. Up until Karkat threw himself at Dave's lips, he had been convinced that his crush on his best friend was hopelessly unrequited. The revelation was still taking some getting used to.

He knew enough about troll romance to know that it was separated into quadrants and, if he was inferring correctly, there was a good chance that Sollux liked Karkat in one of those quadrants. They were always fighting, so maybe the hate-fucking one? That wasn't something that Dave liked thinking about, so he very quickly clamped down on that train of thought. There were some things about trolls that Dave really didn't need to know. At least, not where they related to Karkat.

There was something else about what Sollux said that was bothering him, though. "Okay, wait." Dave took a deep breath. "I know vaguely how your quadrants or whatever work. So when you say that Karkat is "blurring" quadrants, do you mean that he likes me in more than one way?" Maybe that was why Karkat was so upset. Dave didn't understand, but he wanted to. He was willing to try to piece it together. He thought that Karkat was a good friend and also really cute. Wasn't it supposed to be that simple? "And if he does, uh, tell me in what ways. We kissed earlier, for the first time, y'know, and he seemed really fuckin' upset afterward. It doesn't make any sense at all to me. I thought things were going well."

Sollux let out a strangled groan and shook his head. "Oh, goddamn it, I just got roped into being your relationship counselor! How the fuck is that fair at all? Okay. Okay, fine." He pinched the bridge of his nose and glanced up at Dave through slitted eyes, glaring. "I'm only going to say this once, so either take notes or hope you develop hyperthymestic syndrome in the next two seconds. There are four quadrants, hence the name quadrants." Sollux rolled his eyes and held up four fingers, listing off on them as he went. "Basic summary: there's one for romantic pity, platonic pity, romantic hate, and platonic hate. Don't tell Karkat that I described them like that or he'll give us both a four-hour lecture. Ideally, none of the feelings for these quadrants should overlap, although some vacillation is inevitable." He lowered his hand. "Karkat likes you in all four of them at the same time. It's really obvious, too. And painful to bear witness to. He's got it _bad _for you."

Disappointment made Dave's heart sink. "You mean Karkat _pities _me?" He asked, stung. "He _hates _me?" Dave had thought that their relationship was built on trust and, later, affection. What did he ever do to make Karkat pity him? And, worse, hate him, apparently.

Instead of continuing, Sollux shook his head rapidly. "Oh, no. You keep your relationship drama the fuck away from me." He walked over to his desk in the corner of the room that held what looked like a computer (but with more vertebrae) and turned it on, ruffling through some papers next to him. "If you've got a problem with that, take it up with Karkat. Just don't let him know that I'm the one who told you. If we shove that stick any further up his wastechute, it'll start poking his thinkpan." Sollux scoffed.

He settled into work on whatever he was typing up, leaving Dave to his thoughts. Something on Sollux's face suggested finality — not that their particular conversation was finished, but that all conversation was finished. So Dave decided to leave him alone. He had a lot to think about, anyway.

A few minutes, at least, must have passed in complete silence. Dave was considering getting his phone out to check if the internet had combusted yet when the door to the room suddenly slid open. To Dave's surprise (and faint embarrassment) Karkat stalked in, looking exceptionally annoyed. And cute. But, well, he always looked cute.

"Oh, hey, Karkat," Dave said, forcing a smile that hopefully looked natural and throwing in some finger guns. Yeah. Real smooth, Casanova. "I was hoping you would show up. This is so fucking cool, man, you're not gonna believe this shit." He set a hand on the mouthpiece clipped to the corner of his lip. He was a little excited. Dave had just greeted Karkat in Alternian. Now he didn't need to play translator for Dave's dumb ass anymore.

"Hold that thought, Dave," Karkat interrupted, barely looking at him. He had spoken in English, so he must not have noticed Dave's little language shift.

He frowned, upset, but hung back and let Karkat approach Sollux instead. Normally, he wasn't so dismissive. At least, not toward Dave. Did that mean that he really had fucked up during their kiss? Was Sollux right?

Did Karkat hate him?

Sollux hadn't looked up when Karkat entered the room and he still wasn't looking as Karkat hovered over his shoulder. Not even a blink. Damn, that guy was good. Not one to be deterred, Karkat rolled his eyes and set his hand flat to cover the computer screen. "Sollux Captor, we need to talk. Can you do that? Can you manage to yank your head out of your swollen nook for maybe five minutes and talk to me like a mature adult?"

Despite himself, Dave smirked. It was sort of funny hearing Karkat belt out long insults. He knew plenty of insults in English, of course, but he didn't have an advanced understanding of wordplay and syntax, so he couldn't piece something very long together on a whim. He spoke a lot more naturally in his own language, which wasn't surprising.

Wow. He was literally getting heart-eyed and lovesick over some short grey dude with horns making bug noises. Dave really had changed in the last three years.

"I could," Sollux replied, still not looking up, "but I wouldn't want you to get confused. Most of it would probably go over your head."

That really should have been where it ended. Had Dave any sense, he would have pulled Karkat away by the elbow and told him to leave it for another time. Instead, Karkat unplugged Sollux's computer and threw the plug at the back of his head. It hit the ground with a clatter and, had Dave not been raised schooling his poker face, his jaw probably would have joined it. He wasn't sure if he should pull them apart or grab some popcorn.

Sollux's desk chair joined the computer plug on the floor as he stood up with a jolt. His eyes were glowing behind his 2D glasses again, sparking with electricity. Before, Dave had thought it was a neat party trick, but seeing it again made dread curl in his gut. Watching Sollux grab Karkat by the front of his shirt didn't help matters. Dave's fingers curled for a sword that wasn't there even as he stood frozen by indecision. He made a mental note not to leave the goddamn room without a weapon again.

"What is your fucking problem?" Sollux was practically hissing, but Dave wasn't listening. His attention had been grabbed by the objects around them.

Glowing with red and blue light, papers on the desk and loose pieces of metal were caught in the aura of Sollux's anger and lifted up into the air. The room was starting to smell like burnt chlorine.

Dave returned his attention to the argument just in time to watch Karkat's expression twist into a scowl. "I could have sworn that I heard a hollow thud when that piece of plastic collided with your head. Not that this is new information to me," he shot back.

There was a sharp, piercing screech from somewhere deep in Sollux's chest that made Dave wince. Before he could do anything, Sollux had yanked Karkat right off of his feet and slammed him into the wall hard, holding him dangling above the ground. Any lingering confusion that Dave felt was replaced with concern.

"Woah, hey, put Karkat down!" Dave rushed forward. He knew it was a dumbfuck idea, but he was fully prepared to slam a fist into Sollux's jaw to get him to drop Karkat. "What the fuck are you two _doing_?" More and more things were being lifted into the air by Sollux's powers. Dave felt his hair standing on end. He had never seen Karkat so angry and, knowing what Sollux had mentioned about quadrants earlier, he couldn't understand why he was angry, either.

Neither of them had any reason to get so upset. Talking about Karkat, Sollux never sounded angry or like he hated the guy, so whatever way he liked Karkat had to be one of those friendly ways. So why was he acting so violently? Unless…

Something clicked and Dave's eyes widened. That was the only reason he removed himself from the argument when both trolls snarled at him. Looking between them, Dave suddenly understood that it wasn't a fight and it didn't include him. It was just a seriously bad case of miscommunication.

Satisfied with Dave's distance, Karkat used his foot to push Sollux off of him and landed neatly on his feet. "Don't you dare fucking talk to Dave like that!" He snapped. The idea of Karkat being upset on Dave's behalf made his stupid gay heart do a little flip. "In fact, how dare you even drag him all the way out here in the first place! You know exactly how trolls feel about aliens, Sollux. If Dave wandered off and got caught by them, you know what would happen. We are not a species known for warm welcomes! Unless, of course, your idea of "warm" is blood gushing from a freshly slit throat which, hey, it might be! It's not like your frigid, empty husk of a bloodpusher knows the first thing about kindness or care!"

Was this the sort of shit that Karkat said when he didn't think Dave could understand him? How much had he missed out on before? Dave was distracted when he noticed smoke coming out of the computer. He could tell just by looking at it that it didn't work the same as a human computer, but he was willing to bet that Sollux's sparks would blow it up if he got any angrier. Panicking — just a little bit and in the coolest way possible — Dave picked it up and suffered the minor shocks to his hands as he set it on a table at the other side of the room. It was still smoking by then, but at least it wasn't getting worse or sparking.

"...come in here, pissy at me, for doing _you _a favor," Sollux was saying impatiently when Dave tuned back in. Much as he didn't like it (and Dave _really _didn't appreciate the way that Sollux kept jabbing Karkat in the chest with those velociraptor claws), he respected the freaky alien cultural differences enough to hang back. Sollux continued, "and _don't _pretend that this is about some ridiculous concern for Dave's "safety." You just can't stand having your little pale slut out of your sight for longer than two minutes, can you? That's about how long you can go without a breakdown on a good day."

Pale slut? Dave struggled to remember which quadrant was which color. Was that the platonic hate one? He'd never done anything hateful toward Karkat, platonic or otherwise.

Unfortunately, Karkat didn't take the insult (was it an insult?) nearly as well. "For the last time, I am not pale for Dave! And even if I was, you only care because _you're _pale for _me_!"

_Oh. _Dave felt another one of those revelations sink in.

Pale was the best friend thing, wasn't it? The comforting each other and cuddling platonically. Dave felt his face go red. He really hadn't planned on getting stuck in an alien love triangle, but damn if life wasn't just like that sometimes.

He thought back to what he had done in that closet with Karkat before they kissed. The part with the face-touching and shushing and calming Karkat down so he didn't have a panic attack. It was nice. It seemed to help, too. But Karkat was saying that he didn't like Dave in that way. Sollux had claimed that Karkat liked him in _every _way, though.

Neither option was very appealing. The idea of being Karkat's "everything" left Dave sort of light-headed and his stomach twisting into a dozen little knots, but he definitely found it appealing. The downside was the "everything' naturally included all of the bad parts, too. Maybe Dave could settle for slightly less than everything. But did that mean that Karkat would eventually find someone else to fill those gaps in his love life, to meet the needs that Dave couldn't? He didn't want to share, stupid and selfish though it sounded.

Again, Dave had tuned out a good chunk of the conversation. He refocused on the argument in front of him in time to hear Sollux say, "...it's pretty pathetic, what you're doing. How long have you wanted it, Karkat, huh? Assuming that you even know what you want, because you never have before. Do you want Dave to use you like a pail with his bizarre human bulge or do you want him to cry on your shoulder? Or do you want him to do exactly _this_?"

That time, Dave had to force himself to keep paying attention. He wanted nothing more than to leave the room and curl up in a non-green, non-sticky blanket pile until the idea of Karkat riding his dick left his brain.

He'd had those sorts of dreams before but, as far as Dave was concerned when he was awake, his friends were off-limits for fantasies. Faceless chicks with nice tits and dudes with big dicks were fine, pretty par for the course, but Dave felt wrong using Karkat's image like that when they weren't even an item. He felt a hot blush creep its way across his face. And Dave _especially _refused to think about hate-fucking Karkat. Because that was definitely what Sollux had been implying, wasn't it?

It was clear that Dave should have stopped them a long time ago, but he hadn't, so Sollux pressed on. "You haven't changed one bit!" He accused. "You don't care at all about how unbelievably selfish you are, do you? You shoved your quadrant smearing bullshit down Terezi's throat until she cut contact with you for perigrees and you're still trying to do the same shit to some poor dumbass who doesn't know any better!"

The insult to Dave, personally, wasn't what finally put his patience for the whole thing at an end. Dave found his limit when he looked over and noticed Karkat turning redder than a fire hydrant. He was sinking into his sweater, fidgeting, twisting the fabric of his sleeves between his fingers as though trying to rip it right off. He sunk his teeth into his lip hard enough that Dave was surprised it didn't draw blood. The red-tinted tears building in Karkat's eyes, an equal bet between misery and frustration, were the final straw.

Dave stepped between both of them and nudged Sollux back with the flat of his palm. "Uh, okay, one, whatever the fuck you're talking about needs to stop because I think we just hit something way too personal." He directed that one at Sollux, specifically. "And second, I'm not a dumbass and Karkat's never done anything unusual or "bullshit"-ty in our relationship. I think he's perfectly normal." Risking a glance at Karkat proved to be a mistake. Dave thought of the way it had felt to be pressed against each other and turned faintly red, looking away again. "But, um, you might have to explain some of that later to me, Karkat. I think I'm missing something that would make this whole situation a lot easier to diffuse."

There was a pause. "I…" Karkat struggled for words. Confused, Dave looked up and noticed how stricken he looked. Was something else wrong? He wanted to ask, but then Karkat found the words to say, "Dave. Dave, did you understand that argument?"

He opened his mouth, but the lingering mental image of Karkat moaning his name caused Dave to close it again. He barely resisted the urge to take a step back. Searching for something to say came up with nothing, so Dave kept his mouth shut. He could barely even stand to look at Karkat.

Unfortunately, Karkat still remembered how to talk. "How?" He asked, sounding like he was about to faint.

"Didn't Kanaya tell you that I was working on the translator with Dave?" Sollux asked, surprisingly sympathetic. For some reason, his tone had turned gentle. Dave didn't care why. He was just grateful that Sollux was handling this shitshow for him. "Whatever you did to it completely ruined the wiring and battery, but I salvaged what was on its data chips. It already seemed to know plenty. I fashioned it into a mouthpiece and accompanying earphone."

When Sollux set a hand on Dave's shoulder and turned his head for Karkat to see the device better, Dave just let him do it. He tuned out the rest of what Sollux was saying. He already knew how it worked and, anyway, he was focusing on Karkat's face. Every word out of Sollux's mouth seemed to make him lose more and more color. He wasn't looking at Dave. At that point, he would have been surprised if Karkat was even aware that Dave was still standing there. Still trying his best to be supportive.

When the buzz of Sollux's voice stopped, Dave stepped forward, hand outstretched. "Karkat? Dude. Are you alright?" He froze when Karkat flinched away from him, unable to help the stricken look that crossed his face. "I didn't mean to upset you. It's alright," he tried. Maybe if he could just get closer and hug Karkat again, doing that weird pap-shoosh thing that he seemed to like so much… Maybe that would make things better. Or, at least, make them easier.

But Karkat took another step back again. "Don't touch me," he said, looking at Dave as though seeing a stranger. "You have no idea what you're doing, Dave. Just don't touch me, don't talk to me. I— I need to go."

He turned sharply and was out the door in seconds. Dave reached for him and Sollux shouted after him, but Karkat was gone, just like that.

For a few seconds, Dave could only stand there, staring blankly at the open door. He really had messed up, hadn't he? He still barely understood what the problem was, but he knew that he wasn't going to leave Karkat to wallow in self-pity. He had to try _something_.

Dave darted out the door and was quickly stopped by a hand on his arm. He barely resisted the urge to grab the person's wrist and break it, which he was thankful for when he looked over and saw Kanaya holding onto him. He still pulled his arm back, but Dave stayed where he was and turned to her.

"What is it?" He asked, unable to help the bite impatience in his tone. "Look, I may not have been able to speak to you until about fifteen minutes ago, but I can already tell that you're the nosy mom friend, which means that you were definitely listening in on that conversation. So you know that Karkat is upset, so you also know that I'm going to go comfort him, which begs the question… Why are you stopping me?"

Kanaya blinked. There was faint surprise on her face, though Dave didn't know if she was taken aback by what he said or by how much of it he said. She collected herself after a moment and folded her hands calmly in front of herself. "There's nothing you can do. Karkat got himself into this mess. Unless humans know a way to turn feelings on and off, you're better leaving him to figure it out." She snorted, expression flickering with distaste. "He wants you in every quadrant like a desperate fool. But if you really have to, you can go after him. It hardly matters. Whatever choice you make is only going to further confuse him."

And there it was again: _quadrants_. Dave was starting to hate that word.

He muffled a groan. "Okay, so I've pieced together that Karkat has a crush on me, but I have no fucking clue what _kind _of crush. And I still don't understand why this is some issue. Why is he upset? Can't we be boyfriends and best friends at the same time? And if he hates me, well, I admit that I can be pretty fucking annoying, but that's what couple's therapy is for, right? That's no reason for him to run off dramatically like we're in the middle of a cliché misunderstanding toward the beginning of the climax in a romcom that was made in the early 2000s!" Dave ran a hand through his hair. He knew that Kanaya was completely lost, but he wasn't talking to her anymore anyway. "It would be so much easier if he would just talk to me. And if we didn't have this political shit to deal with, and him being some messiah, and his unfinished relationship drama with all of you guys and…" He trailed off. "You know, in the movies, alien invaders usually just rendered our species extinct and were done with it. Do you think you guys could change your mind about extending that alien olive branch? I think global genocide would be preferable right about now, actually."

Before Kanaya could answer, she was cut off by the sound of a phone ringing. Which was probably for the best, actually. The noise confused Dave at first until he realized that it was coming from his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the screen with a frown. Hadn't he turned his phone off a while ago?

He distinctly remembered shutting it down yet, lo and behold, there it was in his palm. Ringing and very clearly turned on. The caller ID was blank. There was no name, no number, nothing. Just the option to ignore or answer. Somehow, Dave didn't think it was a choice.

"Just a sec," he said to Kanaya. Dave pulled the hook out of his mouth that translated him into Alternian and held his phone up to his left ear. "You've got Strider." Classic.

There was static for a moment, then the audio cut out entirely. Dave was considering hanging it up, black market scammers be damned, but then he heard someone clear her throat. "_Dave Strider?" _A familiar female voice asked.

Dave was still trying to piece together where he recognized her from, but he nodded anyway. "Uh-huh. And this is…?"

"_Jane Crocker, Director of National Intelligence,"_ she said impatiently, and Dave almost dropped the phone. "_Considering the extenuating circumstances, we managed to convince your cell phone manufacturer to give us complete access to your device. Rest assured, everything that is or has ever been on your phone, we have full access to. You have a lot to answer for. But, firstly, make sure that the English-speaking alien is nowhere around you and then follow my instructions to the letter. We're going to get you out of that ship safely, Mr. Strider." _There was a pause. When Dave didn't say anything, she tried again. "_Mr. Strider? Dave? Have you been compromised?"_

Much as Dave wanted to just yank the battery out and call it a day, he forced himself to take a deep breath. "That alien's name is Karkat," he said calmly, "and he's my friend. I don't need any sort of rescue. I'm exactly where I need to be."

Obviously, Jane didn't take that news very well, but Dave was no longer listening. He turned his phone around, slid it out of the case, and popped his battery right out. Dave didn't even try putting it back in. He put the empty phone back into its case and put it and the battery back into his pocket. When this was all over, he was probably going to be arrested as a terrorist or some shit.

But that was a problem for another day.

"Sorry about that," Dave remarked off-handedly to Kanaya. He only remembered to put the translator clip back into his mouth after he spoke, waving off her confused expression. "So, any idea where Karkat might've run off to?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this a little convoluted and overly dramatic? Maybe, but Karkat and Dave are both disasters. Besides, I need a set-up for the next chapter. It's not as though either of them will talk about their feelings until they've been forced to.
> 
> Thanks for all the amazing comments I've gotten so far! Since my interest in Homestuck as a fandom is slim to none right now, you guys (and my love of Dave and Karkat) are really the only things keeping me working on this. Thank you so much!
> 
> _Chapter title and summary from “X&Y” by Coldplay._


	7. Carry On, Burdened By Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And I thought,_ "Could you have gone?"  
_And if so, where and how long?_  
_And why I let you go._  
_Why would I ever let you go?_

So maybe running off like that was a little overdramatic and uncalled for. Karkat was doing the exact same thing that he had mocked in romcoms — Alternian and Earthian alike — for years as being cliché. It wasn't like Karkat had anywhere to go. And he already knew that Dave was going to come after him because he was too much of an annoyingly good friend to do anything else.

But Karkat's fight or flight instinct had been screaming that it was time to go, so he went. He couldn't stand there, in front of Sollux and Dave, and have his shameful secrets put on display like that. He wanted to cry. He _knew _that how he felt was disgusting, but how was he supposed to make it go away? He had been trying for _sweeps _to force his feelings into one quadrant at a time and it was absolutely hopeless. No matter how he berated or punished himself, there was no fixing something about him that was fundamentally broken.

He stumbled into his block and swung the door shut behind him by slamming on the touchpad until it did what he wanted. Karkat sunk over to the blanket pile, which had been cleaned and rid of sopor at some point while he was out. He didn't care. Getting down on hands and knees, Karkat crawled into the blankets and arranged them until he was smothered in blackness and unnoticeable from the outside. He was acting like a wiggler, but the darkness and the blankets smothering him reminded Karkat of the crawl space beneath his hive where he used to hide to escape the notice of routine drones. It was comforting to him, in a twisted way. He was safe. The drones had never found him when he was tucked away. Nothing from outside could reach him and that was the way that he liked it.

The sound of the door opening made Karkat tense, instantly losing any semblance of calm. He had hoped that he would have more time to relax and marinate in his lecherous self-pity before Dave showed up wanting to talk. He curled up deeper into the blankets, holding his breath in the hope that Dave would go away. He wished that he had Pyralspite to clutch to his chest but Kanaya still had Karkat's things with her. Somewhere.

Nothing was said for what felt like a long time. The door shut and Karkat could tell that Dave was standing there, but he wasn't moving or speaking. He didn't so much as sigh.

"Karkat," Dave said, and the sound of his name made him wince. "I can see your nubby horns sticking out of the blanket. I know you don't want to, but we really should talk. It feels like there's a lot to say that we haven't talked about. And maybe we should have sooner, but better late than never, right?"

God, Karkat hated how rational Dave could be sometimes. How levelheaded and dependable and cool under pressure he was. It wasn't _fair_. Why was Dave so perfectly considerate, no matter how unreasonable Karkat was being? For once, he wished Dave would yell at him. Shout and throw a punch and insult him, so Karkat had an excuse to hit back. It was fun to play fight and spar, but that wasn't enough.

Nothing was ever _enough_ for Karkat — that was his entire problem.

With a frustrated huff, Karkat threw the blankets off of him and met Dave's shades with a glare. Noticing that Dave wasn't wearing the translator, he quickly adjusted and began throwing his tantrum in English. "What is there to talk about?" Karkat snapped, knowing damn well that there was _plenty _to discuss between them. "Sollux said enough! So now you know, okay? I'm not keeping it a secret anymore, although I highly fucking doubt this comes as a surprise to you because I'm about as subtle and tactful as a prized hoofbeast stallion during mating season! Which is to say, not fucking very. You heard it all from him, how disgusting I am. How I feel about you, four different ways, all at once—! Dave, you have no idea how _disgusting _what I'm doing is. I don't know how you can stand to be around me and, frankly, my other friends are right to view this as the comedic dumpster fire that it is. I've got to be the biggest joke in the universe! The galaxy, at least. I mean, what I'm doing is so unfair to you, and I'm—" Karkat struggled for the right words but, while he was paused, Dave finally seemed to regain his voice.

"Okay! Karkat, just— just stop talking. Please." He held his hands up placatingly. Karkat flushed red, mortified, but kept his mouth shut as he sank back into the blankets. He wished the pile would swallow him and he could suffocate in that darkness. It had to be better than whatever Dave was about to say. "I feel like there's a massive cultural miscommunication here," Dave said finally. "Look, before you got there, I talked to Sollux a little bit about the, uh, quadrants and he explained them, sort of. He gave me the SparkNotes version." His expression creased with disappointment and Karkat felt a hole open up in the pit of his stomach. "Is it true that you pity me? That you hate me?"

Fuck. Dave couldn't have asked a more complicated question if he tried. The easy answer was _"yes," _but not only was it an oversimplified response, Karkat could tell by the look on Dave's face that getting that answer would crush him. He didn't know why, though. Dave had consoled him, then he had kissed Karkat back. Didn't Dave pity him, too?

Frustrated, Karkat stood up. "Dave, I can't talk about this right now. Why don't you stay here and I'll fuck off? I just need to be alone right now. I promise we can talk later." Or never. Never would also be good.

"How complicated can it be?" Dave asked, visibly frustrated. And considering how hard it was to ruffle him, usually, Karkat knew he was either stressed or just that upset. His chest clenched with guilt. "We kissed and you seemed to enjoy it. You know we can still be friends if we're dating, right? It's in the name: boy_friends_. Why does this have to change anything, Karkat? It's just, like, adding layers to what we've already got." He faltered. "I mean, um… your troll romances. Right. I'm not sure if you even like me like that. I'm sort of starting to wonder if you respect me at all."

Karkat's eyes widened. It was like he was watching a bridge collapse in slow motion. Had he really messed up _that _badly? Dave was doubting whether or not Karkat even _respected _him — something that had been the foundation of their friendship. He never should have kissed Dave. He had ruined everything by pushing for more when, in reality, what Karkat had before was absolutely perfect.

He stood up, kicking the blankets aside in a flurry, and grabbed Dave just above the elbows. "No, Dave, that's not it at all," he managed. How was Karkat supposed to say everything? He wanted to tell Dave how much he valued their relationship, how amazingly supportive Dave had been, how Karkat would never be able to do it without him… But the words were stuck in his throat.

The mental block was still there. Karkat was torn between comforting Dave and kissing his frown away. The idea that he could _still _be vacillating during such an emotionally charged moment made his stomach churn. He was disgusted with himself. Could he really not put his selfishness aside to focus on Dave for _five minutes_?

A touch to his arm surprised him and Karkat looked up, blinking to clear the blurriness in his vision as he met Dave's stare. "It's okay," he said, even though it was obvious that it wasn't. "You need a minute. It's alright. I get it." Dave managed a smile, then turned serious again. "But we do need to talk at some point, Karkat, even if it's just because we're sharing a room. I mean, unless you want me to go?"

"No!" Karkat clutched Dave tighter, then winced and loosened his hold anxiously. It didn't look like he had managed to break the skin, but Dave's shirt was dark so he wouldn't have seen the injury, anyway. When he didn't smell any trace of blood, Karkat relaxed slightly. "No. No, you're right, Dave. We need to talk. You're… one of the most important people in my life," he assured Dave. "But I do need to think, first. I don't quite know how to say what I need to say and I don't want this to become a huge issue of miscommunication that only upsets you more."

Dave sighed, then nodded. His smile was still a little strained but, also, relieved. That was going to have to be enough. "Alright. Go crouch in a closet somewhere and think your heart out, babe. I'll be right here when you get back." And then he leaned in and gave Karkat a kiss on the forehead.

His face turned red even as Karkat shrank back, embarrassed and confused. He had seen in human movies that parents sometimes did that, but also lovers would on occasion. No wonder Dave was always sending mixed signals — his society was full of them!

Noticing his discomfort (fuck, Dave was way too perceptive), Dave's smile fell. "Sorry. Did I do a cultural thing that's upsetting for you?"

They had never been very physically affectionate, cuddling aside. Karkat was never forward enough to press up against Dave when he was awake. All of this kissing was completely uncharted territory. Still, Karkat reached up and touched the spot that Dave had kissed, his face creasing into a frown. "No," he settled on finally. "It's not upsetting. Weird, but… in a good way."

"Oh. Good." Dave shifted and looked away awkwardly. "So, uh, are you gonna let go of me any time soon, or…?"

Karkat released the hold that he still had on Dave's arms as though burned, taking several steps back. "Right. Sorry, I— about that. I mean, I don't…" He snapped his jaw shut painfully before he could continue talking and make the situation any worse on himself. Strained, Karkat said, "I should probably go. Thank you. Sorry." He absolutely refused to acknowledge how many octaves his voice had risen. He did _not _just squeak and wheeze in front of Dave. He didn't.

Before he could make an even bigger fool of himself, Karkat turned to leave. "Oh, hey, hold on just a sec, Karkat," Dave called after him.

And, like an idiot, he stopped with his hand hovering over the touchpad and waited. All he had to do was keep his mouth shit, right? Curious, Karkat turned to look over his shoulder and see what Dave was doing.

He had gone over to the corner, where the religious offerings were kept, and rooted through the pile before finding what he was looking for. Dave came back over with a brand new, impressively carved sickle, and Karkat's eyes widened with interest.

"Here." Dave took him by the wrist and pressed the handle into Karkat's palm. "I just figure… you're probably going to want to protect yourself. I have my sword, y'know. And you're pretty good with one of these. It's just…" He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "It's safer. I don't know if it's a cultural thing or what, but I don't trust pretty much anyone on this ship except for you. No offense to aliens or anything, but…" Dave's eyes trailed down, to Karkat's injured hand from the day before, where Sollux had dug his claws in. "You've already gotten hurt once. That's more than enough."

Automatically, Karkat curled his fingers around the hilt of the weapon. His face was dusted a faint red and his expression softened. "Thank you," he said, faint. He stared into Dave's eyes for a moment, trying to communicate without words that he wasn't just thanking Dave for the sickle. It was a thanks for everything: all the patience, kindness, the consideration. All things that Karkat didn't deserve, yet Dave gave them to him anyway.

A smile was his answer and Dave nodded. Maybe he had nothing to say or maybe he didn't trust himself to say it. Karkat swallowed the lump in his throat, choking down the urge to kiss Dave right alongside it. He switched the sickle to his other hand, gave Dave's hand a quick squeeze, and slid out the door before he could convince himself to stay.

Once in the hallway, though, Karkat paused. Where was he supposed to go? He wanted to be alone, but other than a vague idea of which rooms ought to be where, he had no fucking clue where anything on the ship was. The last thing that he needed was to open a door and find hundreds of working trolls staring back at him. The thought made Karkat's entire body seize up, a physical rejection that he whole-heartedly agreed with.

It seemed like no one was out and about at the moment, though, so Karkat started walking. He went straight, to cut down on the possibility of getting lost. The palmhusk still in his back pocket felt like it was burning a hole through his pants. Karkat managed to ignore the weight for about thirteen seconds before he gave in and slid the device into his hand. The sickle Dave had given him was tucked into Karkat's belt loop so he had both hands free for texting. Not that he was _planning _to text anyone, but…

Karkat knew what his hang-up with contacting his friends was. He was scared. Big fucking shocker, Karkat Vantas was a coward. Who could have guessed? He scowled at the black screen and, mostly to spite himself, turned the palmhusk on. The Trollian app glared back at him like a challenge. Against his better judgement, Karkat opened it.

It prompted him to login, which should have been where Karkat closed the app and tried again tomorrow. He almost did, lips pursed, but then sighed. What would be the harm in looking? There was an option to make his online status invisible. No one would have to know.

When he tapped to enter his username, the keyboard popped up, and Karkat stopped walking. He blinked back a sudden rush of tears. It was a stupid thing to get emotional about but even though he had gotten accustomed to typing with an English keyboard, there was no beating the rush of relief and fondness that Karkat felt when he looked at those tiny Alternian characters. Other than the writing that he had done on his own, he had been convinced that he was never going to see that again. Typing in his old handle, seeing it in neat Alternian, brought a smile to Karkat's face. He quickly typed in his password beneath it and started walking again, lest someone come along the hallway behind him.

To Karkat's surprise, it actually let him login for the first time in nearly two sweeps. Seeing his friends' old handles and their chat history made Karkat stop again. He leaned against the wall and sank down to the ground, running a hand through his hair. He let out a shaky breath and absolutely did not cry.

Most of them were offline, which wasn't surprising. From what Karkat had gathered, they were leading busy lives. Society wasn't going to fix itself. Eridan and Aradia were online, though. Karkat hesitated. Should he really try to talk to them? What if it was too soon? What if they wanted nothing to do with him anymore? Or worse, if they started talking and they realized that he hadn't been worth overthrowing the Condesce for?

Well, that much should have been obvious from the beginning, but still.

As Karkat stared at the screen, lost in thought, Aradia's status blinked to offline. That just left Eridan, then. It had reminded Karkat to change his status, at least, but before he could open the settings menu a received message pinged and Karkat froze.

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] started messaging carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--  
CA: holy shit  
CA: is that really you kar?  
CA: karkat?

It seemed that Karkat had reached an impasse. He almost closed out of Trollian. _Coward_, he thought, snarling at himself. Eridan hadn't wanted him to leave Alternia at all. Karkat wasn't sure how talking to him would go, but he tapped the chat option anyway. His fingers found the keyboard without his permission and it was like breaking a dam.

CG: YEAH  
CG: YEAH, IT'S ME, ERIDAN.  
CA: oh my god  
CA: wwould it ruin the moment if i told ya i wwas cryin  
CG: HA  
CG: ONLY IF IT'S WEIRD THAT I MISSED YOUR STUPID ACCENT AND TERRIBLE GRAMMAR AND LACK OF PROPER PUNCTUATION.  
CG: I MISSED ALL OF YOU SO MUCH.  
CA: it hasnt been the same wwithout ya around here karkat  
CA: yknoww fef wwanted to wwait a feww more swweeps to go n pick you up cause she wwanted alternia to be completely reformed before wwe brought ya home  
CA: i talked her outta it  
CG: YOU DID?  
CA: yeah  
CA: does that upset you?  
CG: I  
CG: NO.  
CG: NO, I'M ACTUALLY GLAD THAT YOU GUYS CAME AS QUICKLY AS YOU DID, RELATIVELY SPEAKING.  
CG: I KNOW THAT THINGS ON ALTERNIA AREN'T IDEAL FOR MUTANTS AND LOWBLOODS RIGHT NOW (WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE) BUT IT'S REALLY GOOD TO SEE KANAYA AND SOLLUX AND TEREZI AND… TALK TO YOU AND THE OTHERS.  
CG: TO BE HONEST, I WAS STARTING TO THINK THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE COMING. OR THAT YOU HAD ALL BEEN DISCOVERED AND EXECUTED FOR HARBORING A MUTANT.  
CA: kar holy fuckin shit  
CG: WHAT?  
CA: after all wwe did to get ya outta here the first time did you actually manage to convvince yourself that wed just leavve ya stranded?  
CG: SHUT UP. YOU'RE NOT MY MOIRAIL.  
CA: no but you fuckin need one badly  
CA: and i thought i wwas pathetic  
CG: HEY, DIPSHIT. I ALREADY SAID I WASN'T INTERESTED.  
CA: im not talkin about me  
CA: besides, im pretty sure youvve already got plenty of options to choose from anywway huh?  
CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT CONVERSATION.  
CG: OF ALL THE WAYS I IMAGINED OUR REUNION GOING, THIS  
CG: THIS ACTUALLY ISN'T THE WORST POSSIBLITY. GOSSIPING ABOUT OUR FRIENDS' LOVE LIVES IS PRACTICALLY THE ONLY TOPIC THAT WE MUTUALLY FIND INTERESTING.  
CA: ah but you admit that theres a lovve life to talk about  
CG: REMEMBER EARLIER, WHEN I SAID THAT I MISSED YOU? I RETRACT THAT STATEMENT.  
CG: LET THE COURT STRIKE IT FROM THE RECORD. IT WAS LITTERED WITH DISHONESTY AND COULD NO LONGER BE CONSIDERED VIABLE INFORMATION BY ANY SELF-RESPECTING LEGISLACERATOR.  
CA: good luck findin one a those in our friend group  
CA: i did miss you though  
CA: im cryin and smilin at my husktop like a goddamn idiot  
CG: I'D SAY THAT I AM TOO, SO YOU FEEL LESS RIDICULOUS COMPARATIVELY, BUT I THINK I'M ALL CRIED OUT. AND IT'S ONLY BEEN A DAY.  
CG: I FORGOT HOW EXHAUSTING YOU ALL ARE.  
CA: did the reunions wwith the others really go that bad  
CA: or are wwe talkin happy tears?  
CG: UH  
CG: SOME OF BOTH, I GUESS.  
CG: TEREZI HASN'T CHANGED AT ALL, BUT KANAYA AND SOLLUX ARE… UGH, NOT BAD, JUST BEING DIFFICULT. I'M REALLY HAPPY THEY'RE HERE, BUT I COULD DO WITHOUT THE DRAMA.  
CA: haha yeah  
CA: theyvve both got it pretty bad for ya  
CG: WHATEVER. I'M OVER IT.  
CG: THE MOST RIDICULOUS PART OF THIS WHOLE THING IS THE CREW ON BOARD! THEY LEFT ME A HUGE PILE OF RELIGIOUS OFFERINGS ON MY FIRST NIGHT. A GROUP OF THEM WANTED ME TO CUT MYSELF SO THEY COULD SEE MY BLOOD.  
CG: WHO'S BRIGHT FUCKING IDEA WAS IT TO MAKE ME THE FIGUREHEAD OF YOUR RELIGIOUS MOVEMENT?  
CA: uh  
CG: BECAUSE WHOEVER IT WAS, I AM GOING TO YANK THEIR SPINE OUT THROUGH THEIR WASTECHUTE AND USE IT TO BEAT THEM TO DEATH.  
CA: wwoah kar calm dowwn  
CA: it cant be that bad  
CG: WELL, OF COURSE YOU WOULD SAY THAT! YOU *LIKE* HAVING PEOPLE FAWN ALL OVER YOUR BULGE LIKE YOUR HATCHING IS THE SINGLE BEST THING SINCE THE INVENTION OF SLICED GRUBLOAF.  
CG: IT IS UNBEARABLE. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? THE FASTER THAN LIGHT TRIP OVER HERE MUST HAVE EMULSIFIED THEIR THINK PANS AND NOW ALL OF WHAT USED TO BE A FUNCTIONING TROLL IS JUST SLOSHING AROUND IN THEIR SKULLS IN A FILTHY SLURRY.  
CG: I JUST WANT THEM TO STOP. WHOEVER DECIDED THAT I'M THE NEW PATRON SAINT OF BASIC FUCKING RESPECT IS EQUALLY AS PANROTTED AS THE PEOPLE THROWING THEMSELVES AT MY FEET.  
CA: wwoww i had no idea you wwould hate this so much  
CA: askin them to stop might be a bit much to expect though  
CA: wwhy dont ya try just talkin to em  
CG: TALKING TO THEM?  
CA: wwhat do you havve to lose?  
CA: if you dont like the crowwd of wworshippers then just try gettin a feww on their owwn awway from the mob and ask wwhy they adore you so much  
CA: then you can politely tell them wwhy theyre wrrong if you wwant to  
CG: I GUESS I COULD TRY THAT. THAT PROBABLY HAS A BETTER CHANCE OF LONG-TERM SUCCESS THAN JUST RUNNING AWAY SCREAMING.  
CA: haha did you really?  
CG: OH, FUCK, WAIT. SOMEONE'S COMING  
CG: I HEAR FOOTSTEPS  
CA: wwhat? wwhos coming?  
CG: I HAVE TO GO  
CA: wwe can keep talkin some other time though right?  
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] \--  
CA: fuck

As nice — and surprisingly easy — as it was to talk to Eridan again, their conversation was the last thing on Karkat's mind. He hadn't been lying about hearing someone coming.

Karkat scrambled to his feet, turning in the opposite direction, but froze when his sickle slipped from his belt loop with a clatter. He was torn, conflicted for just a second before bending over and scooping it back up. That moment of indecision was what got him.

The footsteps stopped as whispers broke out and Karkat froze. Slowly (very slowly), he turned around. Luckily, it was only a group of four trolls, two females and two males, each of them staring at him with wide eyes and gaping mouths. As much as Karkat wanted to run, he thought of what Eridan had said and tried to control himself. He could have a conversation with four people, right? Right.

He slipped his palmhusk back into his pocket and the movement attracted the attention of all of them. One of them, an oliveblooded female with Karkat's sign clipped to her collar, noticed his sickle and an odd expression came to her face. Before Karkat could put it away or insist that he wasn't looking to start a fight, she stepped forward.

"That sickle…" She began, pointing at it. "...Do you like it?"

Confused, Karkat relaxed, dropping his running stance. "This?" He turned it over in his hand, soaking it in.

He hadn't gotten a good look at it when Dave handed it to him back in the block but, looking again, it was certainly very nice. The blade was paper-thin, so sharp that Karkat knew it would cut troll skin and bones with ease. It had a wide curve that was detailed with faint Alternian lettering that read,_ "...and by his wounds we are healed."_ The handle was dark wood and carved with comfort in mind, Karkat's sign embedded into the bottom of it. It was definitely hand-made.

Glancing up at the oliveblood again, Karkat noticed the eagerness on her face and something clicked. "It's beautiful," he said honestly, at a loss for something wordier as well as a snappy retort. "Did you make this?"

The woman nodded furiously, beaming. "Yes! It took many perigees of trial and error, but I wanted to gift you something that you would be proud to wield. The Signless was known to carry twin sickles, so it seemed appropriate."

The mention of Karkat's ancestor made his stomach churn, but he tapped down on his disgust. "The Signless didn't fight," he said, although it sounded like a question. Karkat didn't know many details about his ancestor, really. How embarrassing would it be to admit to one of his "followers" that he had no fucking clue what she was talking about?

"Right," she agreed hastily. "He only raised them in battle once, against the Condesce's army. They were mostly to symbolize that he would fight for his beliefs and the trolls he cared about if forced to." The woman suddenly bowed at the waist, making a near-perfect ninety-degree angle. "I apologize if I offended you or came off as condescending. Obviously, you would know better than me."

"That's enough bowing. Straighten up. Please." Karkat couldn't keep the discomfort off of his face, taking a step back and clutching his sickle tighter. He noticed the confused looks that all four of them gave him, but the woman had gone back to standing correctly and that was what he cared about. Karkat took a deep breath and tried to force himself to relax. "I want to know how all of you got involved in this. And… me," he said carefully. "You're all wearing my sign. I want you to tell me why."

The four trolls looked between each other for a moment, quiet, and Karkat was worried that he had said something wrong. Then one of the males stepped forward to stand next to the oliveblood. He had dark blue eyes and impressively tall horns, his skin much darker than young trolls and riddled with clear scars. Seeing a battle-hardened, molted adult made Karkat unconsciously shrink back before he remembered that he was pretending to be confident and forced himself to stay right where he was.

"I went off-world when I reached adulthood," the blueblood said. "I went with my moirail, a yellowblood who hatched from the same Brooding Cavern as me. We were from the same clutch. We enlisted in the Condesce's army, like everyone else. I became a ruffiannihilator and, since he had no useful abilities, he was assigned to the front lines. They were used as a distraction on an alien world. By the time my squad got there, having successfully taken over the base, not one of them was left alive." He paused to take a deep breath. "I defected. I stayed in hiding for sweeps until I heard of your rebellion and, by then, my choice was obvious. The day the Condesce was killed was an incredible victory. And I am honored and humbled to be in your presence." He started to bow, then caught himself at the last second and gave Karkat a sheepish smile instead.

Karkat blinked, unable to formulate a response. He had to remind himself to breathe when his vision started blackening at the edges. "That's…" He worked his jaw uselessly a few times. What was the right word? Horrible? Miserable? _Heavy_? Eventually, what Karkat settled on was, "I'm sorry."

Before the blueblood could reply — probably to insist that Karkat had done nothing to apologize for and, if anything, the apology should be the other way around — another one of the group pushed her way forward. She was a bronzeblood much younger than the male, maintaining her ashy skin and a certain softness to her features that adults lacked.

"_That's_ why I followed your teachings," she said excitedly, frantically brushing back the hair hanging in front of her eyes. "I grew up like anyone else in the umber caste and I was so impressed by your— what's the word?" She tapped her chin in thought. "Your _empathy_. Yes. I've never heard of anyone caring so much about complete strangers. I found it inspiring and wanted a whole world filled with people like you. A world where being kind isn't a crime."

The oliveblood chuckled and nudged the younger girl in the side. "There's such a thing as being _too _nice," she teased. "That's why I have to handle our finances so you don't give out every paycheck to the first person who asks for it."

"If they're asking, they need it more than I do," the bronzeblood insisted. "I have everything I need right here. I have _hope_," she said, giving Karkat a knowing look. "And I want everyone else to have that, too."

It was getting to be too much. Karkat opened his mouth to ask them to stop, but couldn't quite find the words. He hesitated for too long and more words were coming before he could figure out how to ask them to leave.

The male who had still been holding back, a ceruleanblood it looked like, came to stand forward nervously. He kept looking at Karkat in a completely unsubtle way and he _really _hoped that this troll wasn't one of the ones who had a crush on Karkat. He was young, though. Maybe a sweep older than Karkat, at the most.

"I had to buy my lowblood friend out of slavery," he admitted, right to the point. Karkat felt like he had been slapped. That hit a little too close to home. "She was fine, eventually, but the things I saw and what she had to go through…" The ceruleanblood hung his head in shame. "I knew it wasn't right, but it wasn't until your message started being spread around that I realized there might be an opportunity to do something about it."

Karkat looked between each of them in turn, processing slowly. He felt like he was going to be sick. _His _message? All of the hope that these people had for a better world… None of that had anything to do with Karkat. His friends had been the ones pulling together a battered rebellion and plotting an insurrection against a woman who destroyed worlds for fun. He hadn't done those things, yet these people heaped mountains of praise and adoration and worship onto him, as if—

As if he deserved it.

That was the real problem, he thought. He was a coward who had left his planet to rot and leached off of someone else's kindness like a parasite to stay hidden and live a few measly years longer. He didn't deserve any of it: not Dave's kindness, not his friends coming to get him, not the dubious status of martyrdom that gave hope to so many people.

It all should have gone to someone else. _Anyone _else.

Slowly coming back to himself, Karkat looked from the lovingly crafted sickle still clutched, white-knuckled, in his shaking grip and back to the oliveblood who had carved it. He almost wanted to insist that she take it back, but such a thing would be more insulting than if he destroyed it in front of her. And Karkat couldn't bring himself to do that, either, so he stared at her instead, a little confused and very lost. "What about you?" He asked, not sure that he really wanted to know the answer. "What's your story?"

The oliveblood gave him a soft little smile. "Nothing so dramatic or life-changing," she assured him. "I just wanted to do the right thing. Being a midblood growing up was easier than being a lowblood, but that doesn't mean I was pampered."

Right. She was still considered low enough to be sold into slavery. Everything below cerulean was free game.

It made Karkat want to scream. Mutants weren't even good enough to be slaves. The only honor in seeing one was how quickly one could get their weapon wet with putrid, sickly red blood. And now they were treating him like some sort of king.

He couldn't see the difference. Two sides of a coin, maybe, but in the end, they were still treating him exclusively based on his blood color. None of these people knew anything about him. None of them had even asked. Not once had someone stopped and considered asking Karkat what he actually _wanted_.

Well, that wasn't true. Dave asked all the time. And then he cared enough to commit to whatever answer Karkat gave him, even if he didn't personally like it.

He swayed on his feet, there in the middle of the hallway with devoted worshippers staring at him like he was about to start preaching. Maybe he was, but Karkat knew that none of them would like what he had to say. He felt like he was on the edge of something, gripping the edge, seconds from slipping. It wasn't a panic attack, exactly. It felt different. But it was similar. He would only need a few more words to _snap_.

Would that be enough? If he screamed himself hoarse, attacked them, maybe, or declared that their false god was dead and Karkat wanted nothing to do with them regardless— would they throw him off of the ship? He didn't want to die. As unbelievable as it was, Dave cared about him, and Karkat didn't want to hurt him with his death.

But he wanted a way out. They had to give it to him. He couldn't just keep standing there, pretending and lying to these people, telling him that he was the beacon of light that they had been hoping for when he was barely an adult and couldn't even keep his relationship drama in the right quadrants.

How was he supposed to fix a planet as broken as theirs?

Karkat took a deep breath that didn't help and muttered, "I need to leave," pushing past the four of them to head back down the hall where he had come from. He intended to be alone for at least another few hours, but…

He lingered outside the door of his block and hesitated. He was being a coward. Again. Dave deserved so much better than that. Karkat was sick of himself. Knowing that Dave deserved better and then actually _being _better were two very different things. And he needed to commit. Commit to what, he wasn't sure. But that was what talking about cultural differences was for, wasn't it?

His palmhusk sat heavy in his back pocket and Karkat thought of his conversation with Eridan again. Fighting the Condesce had really mellowed him out. He almost had pretty good advice. True, Eridan hadn't been talking about Karkat's love life when he suggested just talking, like a normal person, but maybe if Karkat could stop running away every five minutes then that might actually work.

He just really didn't want to push Dave away.

It would probably be polite to knock, but it was technically Karkat's block anyway, and he didn't want to prolong the inevitable awkwardness by standing in the doorway and fumbling for something to say while he waited for Dave to invite him in. So it was easier to just open it.

Luckily, opening the door was as easy as mashing his hand over the buttons on the digital display pad next to it. Otherwise, Karkat would have kept himself busy with indecisive thoughts for the next perigee. He stepped into the block, hesitant. Not long after, though, his hesitation was replaced with confusion. Karkat surveyed the block twice more, but it wasn't as if there were a lot of places to hide. He pressed his lips into a thin line. Once again, while his back was turned, Dave had slipped out of the block.

Of course. When was anything ever easy?

Instead of being reactionary, as he had the first time, Karkat scowled at the floor and cupped his chin as he thought about it. Okay. Dave had a translator now, so hopefully, if he wandered off and offended someone on accident, the peace-loving trolls onboard one of the Condesce's warships would be understanding.

Wandering sounded like the best bet, though, because… who the fuck was Dave going to go to? Karkat doubted that he knew where anything was, so finding one of Karkat's friends was out. Sollux wouldn't want to deal with Dave, and Kanaya likely wanted to be alone at the moment. Actually, Terezi might want to hang out with Dave more since she had decided that she liked his smell, but that didn't help Karkat narrow down a location. Terezi liked to explore as if she was a feral lusus prowling through a forest instead of an adult troll near molt with serious responsibilities on a ship that could travel faster than light.

And all of that meant that Dave could basically be anywhere on the ship. Great. He hadn't narrowed it down _at all_.

Maybe once he made up with Sollux, Karkat would ask him to make a tracking device that he could attach to Dave discretely somehow. He did plan to talk to Sollux, eventually, but…

It was all such bad timing. There was so much going on in Karkat's head. He knew that Sollux had already grasped that Karkat didn't return his pale feelings, and it wouldn't work out between the two of them even if he had, which was at least better than dealing with Kanaya. Still, Karkat had no idea why Sollux was so angry, lashing out at anyone and everyone at the slightest provocation. It was like his mood swings were gone. Maybe he was finally taking medication for his bipolar disorder? Normally, lowbloods weren't allowed medicinal treatment, but things on Alternian had been changing, so it was possible that Sollux had managed to get his hands on some.

But medication didn't explain why Sollux was even more irritable than normal or why he was so mad at Karkat, specifically. When they did get around to talking, Karkat knew already that it was going to be long and awkward. His head was aching just thinking about it.

Those were things to stress out about later. Karkat smacked himself on the face twice, lightly, and forced himself to pay attention resolutely. No ship of the Condesce's would be complete without cameras. So all he had to do was find the block housing the security system and then track down Dave.

He started to go find Kanaya, intent on asking her where such a room might be located, only to pause when the opened the door again. Karkat blinked, unsure if he should be amused or annoyed.

As luck would have it, Kanaya was already there, an unhappy Sollux in tow. Although, saying that Sollux was unhappy was rather like saying that water was wet.

"I can see that you're going somewhere," Kanaya said at last. There was a bit of an anxious edge to her voice, a forced detachment that had never been there before, but she had handled worse with her quadrants. Karkat could handle a few wipes of awkwardness between them. "We won't hold you up then, Karkat. Sollux and I were wondering if you had seen Terezi around. She was supposed to ask Dave a few questions and then return, but it's been much longer than that—" Briefly, Kanaya's gaze flickered over Karkat's shoulder, double-checking that the block was empty, "—and I can see that she's not with you, which still leaves a lot of options."

So Terezi was missing too, huh? What were the chances that she and Dave were together? At least Karkat trusted Terezi not to hurt Dave, although they were both equally as likely to do something stupid and hurt themselves anyway.

"I was actually going to ask if you knew where I could view the security camera footage. Dave is missing, too," Karkat said.

Kanaya started to answer when, at her side, Sollux snorted. "Great, so since you two are wriggler wrangling, why the fuck am I even here? I have better things to do than clean up after whatever those two idiots have gotten themselves into."

"Oh, would you grow the fuck up?" Snapped Karkat, all semblance of being nice swept to the side. "Terezi has been your friend for sweeps and Dave hasn't done anything wrong. If you want to be angry with me, then fine, but don't take it out by being a blubbering jackass toward everyone else!"

"Well, isn't someone full of himself?" Sollux shot back. "Not everything is about you, Karkat. I don't have to answer to your fucking holier-than-thou attitude."

The word choice made Karkat bristle, a genuine _snarl _ripping out of his throat as he lunged forward. He was stopped from tearing his claws into Sollux's corneas when Kanaya shoved her palm into his collarbone. She pushed Sollux back too, standing between the two of them with her hands outstretched and a scowl on her face. She had no right to intervene, not as an auspistice, but Karkat got the feeling that telling Kanaya that wouldn't go over well so he swallowed his instincts' protests and dealt with it.

"Are you two done flirting?" Kanaya demanded, looking between the both of them. "I don't think I need to remind you both how much is depending on us remaining peaceful while on an alien world. Everyone needs to be accounted for at all times."

Karkat had stopped listening. His gaze flickered between Sollux and Kanaya as something clicked sharply into place. He pointed an accusing finger at Sollux. "_That's _why you've been so bitchy! You're ashamed of your pale crush on me and you're trying to goad me into a black relationship so you can pretend like nothing between us has changed."

Had Kanaya not been there to shield Karkat with her body, Sollux probably would have ripped Karkat's still-beating bloodpusher from the fragments of his smashed rib cage. As it was, all he did was throw himself against Kanaya with his fangs and his feelings barred. "Shut the fuck up!" He exploded. "Stop talking, Karkat, you have no shitting idea what you're saying! You don't know _anything_!"

For once, Karkat didn't rise to the bait. He frowned sadly, feeling something like pity swell in his chest. It wasn't a crush, just a distant sort of empathy. Karkat knew what it was like to be so ashamed of his feelings that he hated himself for having them at all. He had no idea that it looked so ugly from the outside.

It didn't take long for Sollux to calm down when his initial anger passed, breathing heavily with a humiliated golden blush across his face. He looked away from Karkat and seemed content with silence.

A break would have been nice, with how exhausted Karkat suddenly felt, but he mustered up his energy and thought of Dave. He let out a sigh. "Let's just— Go look at the goddamn security cameras," Karkat muttered, rubbing his temples. "I mean, how many places could Terezi and Dave really be? It's not like they can leave the ship, right?" Discomfort squirmed in Karat's stomach as Sollux and Kanaya looked between each other knowingly. Karkat felt something heavy drop in his chest. "Right?"

* * *

As soon as Karkat was gone, Dave was overcome with the desire to hit something. On one hand, he was proud of himself for being honest with Karkat about how fucking exhausting this whole uncertainty with their relationship had been, but on the other, _holy shit Dave was a fucking idiot_.

The whole conversation could have gone a thousand times better. Dave paced the length of the bedroom, muttering under his breath and cringing every few seconds.

"_How complicated can it be?"_ He had asked, as if he wasn't being hugely disrespectful of Karkat's cultural differences.

"_I'm sort of starting to wonder if you respect me at all." _He wanted to die as soon as he said that. It was such a selfish thing to think, but relationships were supposed to be about two people, Dave was pretty sure. But still, had he gone too far with it?

"_I'm not sure if you even like me like that."_ He hated what a child he was. Dave wanted a relationship and he still couldn't even say "love," like a person who had their shit together.

Boyfriends were supposed to be understanding, weren't they? And relationships were about compromise, Dave was pretty sure. Fuck. Bro had given him "the talk" when he was younger, keeping it brief to spare both of them, but knowing how to make babies didn't fucking help him woo an alien boy. Why did no one ever cover anything _useful _in health class?

He could only hope that when Karkat came back, he could look at Dave without vomiting. And then they were supposed to talk even more, which was obviously going to be a disaster. Maybe Dave wasn't ready for a relationship like an adult.

Maybe he was only setting himself up to fail by trying to have a relationship with an alien who didn't know what the word "love" even meant.

But that didn't change how happy Karkat made him, or how easy it was to be around him, or how Dave's lips still tingled from brushing them against Karkat's skin. They could find a way to make it work. Couldn't they? Dave thought that it was at least worth trying. He didn't want to give up on Karkat before they even started.

Why did everything have to be so _complicated_?

There wasn't a knock at the door so, when it swung open completely unannounced, Dave automatically reached for his katana. It was propped up against the wall, which Bro would have lectured him for, but at least it left the thing in easy reach. Dave fell back into a defensive pose and could hear Bro making note of his terrible posture and weak grip, but he doubted that whoever had shown up unannounced was going to get on Dave for his improper form.

Of course, then Terezi ambled into the room and Dave automatically dropped his sword, feeling ridiculous. God, when had he gotten so paranoid?

She chittered something at him in alien bug talk and Dave realized that he should probably be listening. He scrambled to put the translator back on without stabbing himself in the process. It wasn't that difficult, so props to Sollux for good design, Dave supposed. He was still thinking about the venom that Karkat and Sollux had spat at each other and it left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Sorry about that," he said once everything was situated correctly. "Uh, can you repeat what you just said? I wasn't listening."

It was sort of creepy, knowing that Terezi was blind when she didn't fucking act like it. She grinned with sharp teeth and her sightless eyes were locked on him as if she could see into his soul. Did she have to actively _try _to be that creepy?

"I was asking if you were busy," Terezi said, still "staring" at Dave. "Although, it was more of a needless pleasantry than an honest question. I was supposed to come down here and ask you a bunch of shit, but…" She flicked her hand dismissively and stepped closer, approaching Dave and sniffing the air. He didn't flinch away, but it was a close thing. She tapped her walking stick against the floor as she went, as if she needed it and it wasn't just a cover for the sword that she could whip out in an instant.

So Dave thought Terezi was a little freaky. Big deal. At least she wasn't as scary as Kanaya but, then again, Terezi didn't fix her makeup seconds after putting away a goddamn chainsaw. Dave wondered if either of them knew how intimidating they were or if they got some sort of kick out of it.

"Uh, can I help you?" Dave watched with a raised brow as Terezi started sniffing his sword, grabbing his wrist to bring it closer to her face. If she ran her tongue over it, he wasn't going to get a medic. That was natural selection. "Don't you have your own sword to fondle? Don't start fingering mine."

Terezi snorted. "If you treat everyone you just met to your tactless innuendos, then it's no wonder that you're best friends with Karkat." She traced the hilt of the blade with two fingers, feeling how Dave held it and looking over his shoulder at nothing in particular as she thought. "You seem like you know what you're doing, cool kid. We should spar sometime. It's so hard to find anyone who uses a sword."

The offer surprised Dave, but he didn't think long about refusing. Karkat would like if Dave was making efforts with his friends, right? Right. And, either way, Terezi seemed pretty cool. "Sure." He pulled his sword back, resting it over his shoulder casually. "I usually don't spar with real swords, though. My Bro has these useless, dull ones that we use." But those were back at the house. "Actually, now that I'm thinking about shit I left at home, I was meaning to ask you guys if it was possible for me to make a quick stop there without the mothership taking off. I need to get some different clothes, and Karkat left a few of his things, and I'd really like my toothbrush and some apple juice." He ran his tongue along his teeth and grimaced. Yeah. Kissing Karkat would be a lot better without permanent morning breath.

There was quiet as Terezi blinked sort of slowly at him and Dave wondered if he had used too many human words for her to follow. But then her sharp grin returned and she clapped him on the shoulder far harder than necessary. "You say a lot of unnecessary words, but I think I got the gist of it. If you want to stop by your hive or whatever, sure. No problem. I'll even go with you," she offered.

Dave wasn't sure what bees had to do with anything, but he was mostly certain that he was getting what he wanted, which could only be a good thing. "You want to go with me? Why?"

A shrug was his answer as Terezi picked at her fangs, bored. "Like there's anything else to do around here. Besides, I've always wanted to sniff around an alien planet," she said. "And I figure that maybe Karkat won't have an aneurysm as long as he knows that someone is with you. My friends might ditch you, but they won't be leaving me behind."

He opened his mouth to protest… and then paused. Why was Dave refusing? It was actually a good idea. Terezi couldn't be a hindrance. Actually, having an extra set of hands to carry shit could be pretty useful. Dave wasn't sure how many bags it would take to carry all of Karkat's ridiculous bike horns.

"Uh, sure. I don't exactly know where the exit is, anyway." Dave rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, nervously fingering the hilt of his sword. "Thanks. I guess."

"You can pay me back later." Terezi pushed up her red-tinted glasses to wink at him with crimson eyes. He could see that it was an injury, the trauma and scar tissue more clear to see, and Dave couldn't help but wince. That must have been _painful_. "I wouldn't want you to get lost. You might trip and fall and bleed out." Terezi made a spilling motion with her hands, giggling. "I can smell your blood from here. Are you sure that your species is the apex predator of your planet? Your skin is so thin and your bones are on the _inside_. That's such a fragile design."

Well. That was certainly an odd conversation starter.

Not waiting for a response, Terezi turned to the door and left the room. Dave hurried after her, fumbling for his knowledge on taxidermy so that he could pretend that he wasn't creeped out in the slightest about how she could apparently _smell his blood_. Seriously. What the fuck was with these aliens?

"I know, but no one asked me how _I _wanted humans to be designed," Dave said with a suffering sigh. "Personally, I think an exoskeleton would've been so much cooler. Or eyes that can see in the dark. Evolution fucked us over. The human spine is an architectural nightmare. Our teeth need constant maintenance or they fall out and don't grow back, and we've only had the technology to take care of them properly for the last hundred years or so. And don't even get me _started _on all the things wrong with reproduction." He shuddered, just to really sell it.

Terezi's face scrunched up in disgust. "Yeah, _Please _don't." She shook her head. A group of trolls passed them, nodding respectfully to Terezi (and avoiding direct eye contact with Dave), and she shot them a grin and a wave. Once they passed, she continued brightly, "You could try what our last Empress did: Selective breeding! Force evolution to do what you want by only allowing the most favorable traits to survive. You can set up fake environments to gradually force more extreme evolutionary advantages."

The smile fell off of Dave's face. He remembered what Sollux had said about their last Empress's cruelty and wasn't all that surprised. He was a little worried to hear how casually Terezi talked about it, as if that was an okay thing to do to people. Dave wasn't sure how to tell Terezi that her culture was barbaric and inhumane, so he didn't. "I, um…" He cleared his throat. "I don't think that would work. Humans evolve really, _really _slowly."

He must not have been as tactful as he meant to be, because Terezi shot him a look and nodded. "That's unfortunate," was all she said.

After that, neither of them was interested in conversation so they walked in silence. Terezi only perked back up once they neared the entrance. At the very least, Dave recognized the huge metal doors that would open to let a platform reach the ground and allow them down.

Terezi walked over to a touchpad and framed it with her hands, frowning in concentration as she sniffed it. She ran her tongue over the screen, causing Dave to grimace, but must have found what she wanted because she started punching things in. All germs aside, Dave supposed that it was kind of a cool way to make up for her lack of sight. It seemed faster than Braille, at any rate.

Once she was done, Terezi stepped back as the mechanisms beneath them began to shift. The doors slid open, revealing a metal slope that reached to the ground. Dave could see the ground colored a dusty red from the rising sun. Or was it setting? He had no idea.

"Weaker species first," Terezi sing-songed, gesturing for Dave to go on ahead.

He raised an eyebrow, amused, the tension between them gone. "Oh. Well, then, by all means, since you want to go first." Dave threw in a bow for good measure and hoped that Terezi could smell him rolling his eyes.

She muffled a laugh and reached out to flick Dave on the nose. Regardless, Terezi went first, leading the way down the platform and back to Earth. Eager, Dave followed her.

It was sort of interesting to see the aftermath with the sun still up. Dave surveyed what was in front of them, taking in their surroundings. All of the houses nearby were still standing, but Dave could tell that they were empty. None of his neighbors would be there to answer if he knocked.

In the distance, on a short and flat hill that overlooked the valley, Dave could see what he assumed to be cars kicking up dust. He squinted, seeing the tops of tents and glints of metal. If he had to guess, he would say that that was a military outpost. The press had been cleared out. The only people allowed within fifty miles would have been limited to military personnel. Dave thought of the way he hung up on Jane Crocker and hoped that they didn't take it too personally.

"C'mon. I don't think this'll take long." Dave took Terezi by the wrist for a moment, giving a tug to signal for her to follow before letting go.

They walked forward, not having to go far since the ship had landed nearly on top of Dave's house. He was glad to see it unchanged, a part of him having been worried that the military would have seized and searched his house since he was gone. Although, it was probably hard to do that when it was at the feet of an enormous alien warship.

Dave pushed the front door open, trying to ignore Terezi insistently sniffing at everything over his shoulder. She must have been too busy reuniting with Karkat the first time that he visited to bother with rubbing her tongue and nose over everything. He did his best to ignore her. He was making a mental checklist of things that he wanted to take with him.

His computer would have been nice, but it was way too big and Dave doubted that he had an adaptor cable for alien plugs. He would take his phone charger, though. Just in case Sollux could work something out. Some of the alien food was edible for Dave, so he wouldn't worry about that. But he needed clothes and some way to get all of Karkat's things together. If they had some space in their arms when they were done, maybe Dave could grab some blankets to add to their blanket pile on the ship.

Assuming that Karkat still wanted to share a blanket pile when they finished their "talk."

"Uh, okay." Dave stopped in the middle of the living room and looked around. The place looked untouched, like Bro would be coming home from the store any minute, bitching about how much money he has to waste on eggs, just for Karkat to pop them into his mouth one after the other like candy. "I need to get some clothes together. Can you get all of Karkat's shit into a bag if I show you where he made his nest?"

And one other thing. Dave needed to check Bro's room for clues about where he had gone. It was like the dude had vanished off the face of the Earth.

Terezi nodded, head tilted to the side as she continued sniffing. "Sure. Knowing how sentimental he is, he kept all of it, didn't he? Even the bike horns."

Dave swallowed a laugh, smiling despite his best efforts. "That may or may not be true," he teased. "I tried to buy him some new horns once, but he only wanted the ones that he's already got. I think he's attached to you guys."

There was an emotion on Terezi's face that caused her expression to soften. Dave couldn't place it, but it made his insides squirm with discomfort. It felt like he was looking at something intimate, meant to be kept private. He averted his gaze and heard Terezi say, softly, "Maybe. And we might really like him, too."

He walked deeper into the house, clearing his throat to get Terezi's attention. "Wait here a minute," Dave said. He ducked into his room, still a mess from where he'd woken up in a hazy panic to the house shaking and lights outside brighter than the sun.

The sheath for his katana was where Dave had left it. He set the sword next to it and made a mental note to switch out the sheath for one with a strap that he could carry around his shoulders. That would be a lot more convenient.

Kicking the shit on his floor to the side, Dave knelt down and reached under his bed to grab a bag. It was mostly used for vacations or, as Bro often vaguely put it, "emergencies," but it was also pretty damn big and all of those horns had to go _somewhere_. He pulled out the small suitcase that he kept under there, too. That, Dave left on his bed. He didn't need a lot of clothes, just enough to cycle until he figured out if aliens had laundry rooms or if he was going to have to chuck dirty clothes into the shower.

"Here." Dave left his room and pressed the duffel bag into Terezi's hand. "You can load all of Karkat's clown paraphernalia into this. He's also got that gnarly skull and some Pokémon cards. And some other shit, I don't know. You'll probably know what's his better than I would."

"Well, you're right about that," Terezi agreed. "I'm not lugging back his giant fucking magic eight ball, though. It served its purpose."

What purpose a magic eight ball could possibly have, Dave wasn't sure, but he shrugged anyway. "As long as you don't think it's something he'll miss. I am _not _coming back out here." Unless Karkat kicked him off of the ship. Otherwise, Dave didn't want to be apart for too long. He knew that Karkat could fight and his friends looked like they had killed people before, but that wasn't as reassuring as being able to see that Karkat was safe with his own eyes.

He led the way down the hall, stopping beneath the hatch that led up into the attic. Dave grabbed the rope pulley and yanked it down, unfolding the ladder. Karkat had taken to sleeping in Dave's bed most nights, but they had put his stuff up there about two years ago and never felt the need to bring it back down. The only thing that Karkat really wanted nearby was his cute dragon plushie.

"Hey, uh, you can climb ladders, right?" Dave asked, glancing over at Terezi. He didn't want her to fall or some shit and end up with a concussion.

Unconcerned, Terezi grinned. "As long as I can smell," she replied. The duffel bag was placed over Terezi's shoulder, leaving her hands free as she climbed the ladder with ease.

"Have fun," Dave called after her. "If you can't smell in the dark, just wander around until you step on something loud and obnoxious. That's how you'll know you're getting close."

The response from Terezi was the honk of a horn, loud enough that Dave nearly jumped out of his skin. _Fuck_, he was never going to get used to those things. He left her cackling away and went back to his room to finish up there.

It was eerily quiet by himself. Terezi hadn't talked much, but it was as though her mere presence had made the space feel fuller and louder. Every creak of the floorboards made Dave tense. He was glad that his bedroom was carpeted, otherwise, he would have been strung-up and tense just dumping clothes into a suitcase.

Dave never had been good at packing. The hair on the back of his neck was standing on edge. He ignored it, scooping out half of the contents in his dresser drawers and shoving them into the suitcase indiscriminately. The faster he got done, the sooner he could leave. It was clear to him that the sun was setting. His shadow was getting longer and fainter. It wouldn't be long until it was gone completely and the house was pitch-black. The ship outside was rumbling softly, left on standby, and Dave was grateful. At least he could focus on _that _white noise, and not the common noises of the house that kept sending Dave's hand twitching for his sword.

A creaking noise drew his attention when his suitcase was about half-full. Dave tensed and turned, slowly, brows knitting in confusion when he noticed that his bedroom door was shut. He knew that he hadn't done that and the light thumping sounds from above him told him that Terezi wasn't even on the ground floor.

He inched forward, as careful and hesitant as he could manage with his heart thudding in his throat. Dave told himself that he was being ridiculous, that his door had probably just swung shut by itself because the hinges were loose or something, but paranoia clung to his thoughts. If there was someone in his house, he was going to have to fight them. He grabbed his katana from where he'd left it and leveled it at the crack in the door as he reached for the knob and—

With a flourish, Dave yanked it open, sending the door banging against his wall with the force he used. Panting, he scanned the hallway outside, but there was nothing. There were no shadows that weren't supposed to be there and no one was waiting to make Dave regret leaving the relative safety of the ship.

He chastised himself for overreacting and being ridiculous but, still, Dave couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He was afraid to turn his back to the door for a long moment until he eventually forced himself to turn away and continue packing. Terrified or not, Dave was only off of the alien ship for as long as it took to gather what he came for. Dave didn't want to overstay his welcome.

He couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched.

Packing the rest of his clothes went without a hitch, only for Dave to nearly forget his phone charger and toothbrush until he already had the suitcase half-way zipped shut. He was eager to leave, and he could hear Terezi creaking her way down the attic ladder, so she must have been done, too.

He tried to put thoughts of someone's gaze burning through the back of his head to the side so that he could focus on his job. Dave walked down the hall to meet up with Terezi, letting her get to the ground with her swollen duffel bag before shutting the ladder hatch.

"Did you get everything?" Dave asked, wondering how Terezi had managed to cram that enormous pile into a bag barely bigger than her torso. "Anything you wanna sniff before we head back?"

Terezi chuckled. "So kind of you to offer, Dave. Really, what a gentletroll." She patted the duffel bag and it let loose a barrage of ungodly honks. Dave wasn't sure how it didn't split open after that. "I've got everything. We can leave as long as you aren't forgetting something." She sniffed the air and her face crinkled up in distaste. "It smells like we're not alone."

Great. Dave could have continued living his life thinking that he was being paranoid but, if Terezi was validating his concerns, then it couldn't be something that only existed in his head.

"So you noticed, too?" He asked quietly, just in case their uninvited guest was a good listener. Terezi nodded, having caught on, and Dave's scowl deepened. He thought for a moment, then said, "I'm gonna check something out really quick. You can get this shit outside." He kicked the duffel back to indicate what he was talking about and was rewarded with another round of honking.

The bag looked heavy, but Terezi just nodded, grabbing the strap. "Don't be long," she warned him. "I don't know how much I like you yet, so I can't promise how long I'll be willing to wait." The seriousness of her tone was ruined when she grinned, stepping around Dave to lug her bag toward the exit.

He wasn't sure how honest of a threat that had been, but Dave had been planning on being fast, anyway. He didn't want to stick around either. "I'll be quick," he promised. Skirting around Terezi, Dave was at his destination in only a few strides: Bro's room.

It wasn't that Dave was worried about his Bro, exactly. Bro was an adult and pretty badass. Wherever he had scurried off to when shit hit the fan, Dave knew he was exactly where he wanted to be and knew what he was doing. Still, Dave had no idea where that was. What if something happened and they needed each other? Bro had deactivated his Pesterchum and, even if he hadn't, Dave's phone was compromised.

And, he told himself, Bro was likely to have a sword sheath with a strap like Dave wanted tucked somewhere in his room. So really, there wasn't a reason for Dave to _not _at least check it out.

Dave ducked into the room, leaving the door partially open behind him. Absently, he removed the translator piece from his mouth, letting it dangle from his ear. Bro's room had changed since the last time he was in it, about a few months ago, but it didn't look like anything was missing or damaged. Well, _almost_.

He tried to turn Bro's computer monitor on, to no avail, and only realized the problem when he knelt down to glance under Bro's desk. The computer tower had been torn open, all of the hardware ripped out. Knowing Bro, he had probably crushed it all and scattered the fragments in the desert beyond their house.

Seeing it, Dave grimaced. What was Bro trying to hide from?

There were no papers left out, let alone something that might have been code for Bro's creepy desert bunker, so Dave moved on. He opened Bro's closet and found what at least one thing he was looking for: a better sword sheath.

Just as Dave reached for it, the floorboard behind him creaked. Without thinking, Dave whirled around into a defensive stance, bringing his katana up just in time to block the blade that had been swinging down toward his face. They made the horrible sound of metal-grating-against-metal but Dave held his position.

Bro stared at him from behind his shades, mouth pressed into a thin, displeased line. "What have I always said, Dave? Trust your instincts. If I wanted you dead, your head would be rolling over your bedroom carpet right now."

Of course it had been him. Dave scowled, rolling his eyes. "Is that why you're here? Just to jump me and give me terrible advice before you slither your way back into the shadows until the lizard overlord relays his next command to you?"

The corner of Bro's lips twitched down and he lowered his sword, taking on a casual stance with it. "It's not terrible advice. It might save your life. Case in point…" He gestured between the two of them. "If you hadn't turned around when you did, I would have sliced down the middle of your torso. Believe it or not, Dave, but I do have a point to all of the sword training over the years. I'm trying to keep you alive."

Dave almost asked what Bro thought he needed protection from, but decided that he didn't want to know. He rested his sword against his shoulder well and, instead, said, "Okay, fine. So then what _are _you doing here? You disabled your Pesterchum. I was trying to contact you while I was on the mothership." There was a joke about probing on Dave's lips, but considering his dubious relationship status with Karkat and the suffocating atmosphere lingering in Bro's room, it didn't seem appropriate.

"What else? I saw you and the troll girl coming and figured I might as well deliver a message before I crawl back under my desert rock." Bro walked over to his bedroom window, prying the blinds open and squinting at something in the distance. He glanced over at Dave, a flicker of movement behind his glossy shades. "You've been in contact with Jane Crocker, haven't you?"

That… wasn't where Dave was expecting the conversation to go. He blinked. "Yeah. Wait, how do you know the Director of National Intelligence?"

Bro scoffed. "She's a public figure, Dave. I know how to use Wikipedia."

"Oh. Right," Dave muttered. That didn't explain how Bro knew that Jane had been the one assigned to head the issue, but the answer to that question was probably long and broke several laws.

"I guess you need some context." Bro dropped the window shade to walk back over to Dave. There was a moment's pause as he thought, tapping the blunt of his katana rhythmically against his shoulder. "Okay, firstly, I was in the U.S. Army when I was younger. Not long, just to pay for college. I got to go overseas a few times, but, well…" He shrugged. "I've always been more of a sword guy than a gun guy and they weren't in the market for a ninja."

Somehow, that was both surprising and completely predictable. Dave snorted. "Is that how you met Jake? Your overseas buddy that you fought in Vietnam with?"

There was a soft hum as Bro looked to the side, lost in thought for a moment. "Something like that. It's also where I met your mom. Anyway," he continued right along, as if Dave wasn't suddenly _incredibly _interested in those two pieces of information, "the important part of that story is that, while I was overseas, I had the _pleasure _of being introduced to Jane Crocker." The way that Bro said "pleasure" made Dave think that it had been anything but. "Her family history has a lot of cheating and stealing and lying, but as far as it relates to her, all you need to know is that she's the heiress to a fortune most people can only dream about and her family's influence stretches across continents."

When Bro didn't immediately continue, Dave took the hint. "Okay, great. So she's powerful and rich. That describes just about everyone with a government job. What's your point?" He asked, exasperated. Dave wondered if he had managed to reach Terezi's threshold for patience yet.

"The _point_," Bro started, jabbing Dave in the chest with his finger, "is that Little Miss Sugar-and-Spice has killed and bribed and fucked to get to where she is. She's barely older than me and she's got a job that requires a direct nomination from the President. So you know what she's going for next: her boss' position, right at the top of the dogpile. Now, think like a politician for a minute, Dave. What do you think Jane's going to want to do about the huge potential threat to national security parked in our backyard?" Bro gestured to the side of the house where the alien ship was parked, the intensity on his face intimidating even from behind his shades.

Despite that, Dave did his best to listen and really _thought _about it. He wanted to say that Jane would try to make peace with the aliens, because it seemed to him like a lot of people found aliens fascinating and wanted to initiate friendly contact, but even as he thought it Dave realized how idealistic that was.

The problem was that it was too risky. No one had any idea if these aliens were hostile or not, or what might set them off, or what they even wanted. If Jane made the decision to trust them and people got hurt or killed, her entire career would blow up in her face.

So the safe option was to _not _trust the aliens. Fabricate a story that made herself look good, then kill the "alien invaders."

Dave felt something twist in his stomach. "She's going to kill us, isn't she?"

But Bro shook his head. "No, not you. She still needs a good story and a reason to press the big red button. Doesn't matter if it's a good reason or not. If she makes your alien boyfriend and his pals look like the aggressors, then all she has to do is get you out of there and she can blow them all up and run a story about how she successfully prevented an alien takeover — and an achievement like that is going to get her into the President's seat no problem."

Personally, Dave didn't care about Jane's political aspirations. He was much more worried about Karkat and a bunch of innocent people potentially being killed just to make this woman look good. Not to mention, if it succeeded, then by the time Feferi arrived with the rest of Karkat's friends and potentially an entire fleet of ships, several of her friends would be dead. And Dave got the feeling that Feferi wasn't going to be very understanding. As nice as she was, she wouldn't just forgive them for it.

"What do we do, then?" Dave asked Bro. Because if anyone knew the answer, it had to be him. Dave hadn't looked to Bro for guidance since he was still toddling, but there was panic rising in his throat and, overwhelmed, Dave didn't know where to even start.

"Right now?" Bro raised an eyebrow. "Well, I need to get back into hiding before Jane mounts my head on a spike. You might want to get back into that bullet-proof ship." He gestured at the window. "That government camp in the distance is setting up snippers. Unless you want to participate in target practice, I'd get a move on."

"_What_?" Dave lurched into motion, shoving Bro out of the way to push his shades up and squint desperately through the blinds. He could see the military camp set up on the hill overlooking them, but there was no indication as to what they were doing. "How can you even tell from here? Bro?"

When Dave turned around, he wasn't surprised to find himself alone. He rolled his eyes. Right, of course. Bro just _had _to be dramatic about it.

Still, even if Dave couldn't see any snipers pointing his way, he didn't want to stick around and find out if someone had a finger on a trigger or not. He swung around to the door, taking a step before pausing. Dave lingered, a frown on his face. Before he could change his mind, he turned back to Bro's closet and grabbed the sheath that he had wanted. Dave shoved his sword into it, slung the strap over his shoulder, and ran out the door.

He barely remembered to stop by his bedroom to grab his packed suitcase. The tapping of his translator against his jaw with every step reminded Dave to put the mouthpiece back in place, which he managed after several fumbling attempts.

He found Terezi standing just outside the front door, picking at her shirt disinterestedly as Karkat's things sat in the bag at her feet. Apparently, Dave hadn't reached the threshold of her patience just yet.

"We need to go," he said, grabbing the stuffed duffel bag with one hand and attempting to lug it behind him. "Don't panic, but there's a higher than zero chance that we're about to be fired on. And I don't know about you, but I like my body when all of the blood is inside, where it should be."

Terezi, for all of her cackling and pointy grins, was self-aware enough to look alarmed. "Holy shit, seriously?" She bent over to help Dave, lifting the bag with him and doubling their speed back to the ship. "I'm surprised it took you guys this long. Any unidentified life forms attempting to enter Alternia airspace would have been immediately blown out of the sky, no questions asked."

Dave made a face. "Save the jokes about what spineless pussies we are for later. I'll probably find them funnier when we're not—"

It wasn't a noise that split the air, like most gunshots Dave had heard in his life, although he wasn't sure if that was because the snipers were so far away or if the army had outfitted their guns with silencers. Both were very possible. There was no noise, just the crumbling of plaster as a bullet grazed past Dave's arm, missing him by inches, and embedded itself into the wall of his house.

_Fuck_. Of all the times for Bro to disappear. Dave could imagine Bro swinging his sword and cutting through bullets, knocking them out of the way as harmlessly as flies. Maybe that was unrealistic, but Bro had always defied reality, always seemed larger than life to Dave. His fingers twitched for the handle of his own blade, but Dave knew as soon as the thought crossed his mind that drawing it was useless. It wouldn't keep him or Terezi alive. Dave wasn't a warrior. He was a stupid kid in over his head.

Another bullet pinged off of a rock a few feet away from where Terezi was standing. Neither of them wanted to move. "We should get back inside the house," Dave suggested, his voice dropping into a careful whisper. "At least they won't be able to aim at us. We can wait them out."

"As if they won't have more soldiers waiting to fill the spot as soon as these ones get tired?" Terezi shot back, incredulous. "Unless you want to die of dehydration or starve, we need to get back to the ship. _Now_!" She dropped her end of the duffel bag and knocked Dave's suitcase out of his hands, shoving him toward the ship. "Get up the ramp! I know the code to unlock it, but first, we have to get there."

There were two shots in a row. Dave didn't see where they landed and he wasn't sure that he wanted to know, either. He forgot about his shit and, following Terezi's direction, started running. A spray of bullets kicked up dirt next to him and Dave winced. There was a shout and it took him a moment to realize that it hadn't come from himself.

Horrified, Dave turned sharply. "_Terezi_!" Maybe it was the lack of red blood, but the sight wasn't as gruesome as he had been expecting it to be. Watery, teal blood ran down her side as Terezi gasped in pain, pressing a hand to her abdomen and falling to her knees. Her walking cane hit the ground before she did with a dull thud.

Dave rushed forward automatically, dropping to the dirt and sticking his arms out just in time to catch her against his chest as she toppled over. He ignored the way his knees ached from the maneuver and the spots where Terezi's claws dug into Dave's shoulders, drawing blood. Terezi groaned in pain, barely holding in a scream, her face tucked against his shirt as she took deep breaths through her mouth in a desperate bid to keep her breathing regular. Or maybe she just couldn't stand the smell of her own blood.

"Shit," Dave hissed under his breath. He did his best to accommodate Terezi, trying to carry her, but every time he so much as shifted she would start growling and groaning, agonized beyond the ability to move. "_Shit_, fucking hell. What are we supposed to do now?"

Terezi clenched and unclenched her jaw a few times, sending Dave a weak glare over the top of her glasses. "Carry me," she demanded, her voice trembling. "I can take it."

It was obvious that Terezi couldn't take it, no matter what she said, but Dave swallowed his argument. The longer he refused to help, the longer she was a target, bleeding out. She would still bleed if Dave carried her, but at least she wouldn't have the risk of being shot again.

He clumsily hooked an arm under Terezi's legs and his other supported her back. Another shot was fired and Dave felt dirt speckle his face from where the bullet had barely missed his hand. Dave stood up with a jolt that made Terezi cry out and he did his best to mutter an apology as he turned and ran.

Running with someone bleeding out in his arms was not as easy as it looked in movies. Dave was just thankful that he had decent upper body strength and that Bro had drilled him on his stamina for years. Terezi had a hand over her mouth and her other arm was wrapped so tightly around her midsection that she was trembling. Her eyes were wide open and Dave pretended not to notice the tears there, or the cold blood dripping onto his stomach that chilled him in more ways than one.

Dave almost face-planted several times, each time getting a sharp gasp and a groan from Terezi, but he stumbled onto the ramp that led up to the ship and almost wanted to cry with relief. The firing had stopped once they were no longer in view.

"Alright, Terezi, I need you to work with me here," Dave prompted, unable to keep the panic out of his voice. He stared at the touchpad, the only thing between them and the medical bay inside of the ship, incomprehensible to Dave with its squiggly lettering and insect-like design. "How do I get the pod bay doors open? Terezi? Hey!" Dave jolted and gave her a shake when he noticed Terezi's eyes were shut. They fluttered, but she didn't stir.

He had to bite down a curse. Dave's arms were trembling with exhaustion and he felt like he was going to collapse and hyperventilate his way into a panic attack. Terezi was bleeding out in his arms. She was going to die because Dave didn't know what the fuck he was supposed to do.

Then the huge doors began to creak open. Surprised, Dave took a step back and almost fell over, He righted himself at the last second and felt his anxiety spike as Terezi failed to so much as whimper. At least if she was unconscious, she wasn't thrashing and lodging the bullet in deeper, right?

Hopefully, it was just unconsciousness. Dave didn't know what he would do with himself if it was _worse_.

Seeing Karkat's face, framed by the lights inside the ship as the doors pried themselves open, was only comparable to seeing the face of God. Maybe Dave was being overdramatic because of his desperation, but Karkat looked fucking _holy _and Dave had never been so glad to see him. He didn't even think to ask why Karkat was there in the first place.

The relief lasted about as long as it took for Karkat, flanked by Kanaya and Sollux, to spot the problem — which was only about a second. His eyes widened and Karkat locked up, staring at the hole in Terezi's side as though he had no idea what it was.

Kanaya skipped being shocked entirely. In a flurry of movement, she had Terezi in her arms instead and was muttering something about the medical ward. A lot of the words came too quickly for Dave's translator to catch and he couldn't ask Kanaya to repeat herself because, as soon as Terezi was situated correctly, Kanaya turned and ran with her down the hall.

"Dave, what—?" Karkat started, soaking in the teal blood coating Dave's shirt, but he was cut off.

No one moved, but suddenly, Dave's throat closed up and he felt his body being thrown to the side like a ragdoll. He hit the wall just inside the ship, at least safe from the snipers outside, but as his vision started to go black and Dave instinctively flailed for purchase, he thought that being shot would be preferable.

The _thing _latched around his neck, tight enough to bruise, was sparking and burnt horribly. The stench of burning skin reached Dave's nose as Sollux stepped forward. He had removed his 3D-glasses, starting at Dave with mismatched eyes that were glowing. He didn't look angry. Dave couldn't remember ever seeing Sollux so calm.

The sound of Dave choking finally knocked Karkat to his senses because he grabbed Sollux by the arm, trying to yank him back. "What are you doing?" Karkat demanded. "Humans are _fragile_! You're going to kill him like that!"

The pressure around Dave's throat only seemed to grow more intense as oxygen deprivation finally made Dave go limp. Electricity crackled against his fingers where he clawed pointlessly at nothing, digging his fingers in to try and soothe the burns around his neck, to no avail. Sollux didn't even try to push Karkat away, not budging an inch.

Finally, when Dave thought he was going to pass out, Sollux spoke. "When Terezi wakes up, I'm going to ask her what happened. If she says that you had _anything _to do with this, I'll kill you right then and there." The grip around Dave's neck released all at once and he fell to the ground, vision swimming as he coughed and tried to catch his breath at the same time. He noticed Karkat try to come forward, but Sollux grabbed him by the wrist, holding him back. Pushing Karkat behind him, Sollux stopped in front of Dave and knelt down at his level. "And if Terezi doesn't make it," he hissed, anger flaring behind his eyes as a faint crackle of electricity looped around Dave's neck, "I'll make you _wish _that I would kill you."

As soon as Sollux pulled back, hurrying presumably toward the infirmary, Karkat was at his side. He looped an arm around Dave's stomach to support him as Karkat rubbed circles down Dave's spine with his other hand. It didn't do much to help Dave breathe, but having Karkat's presence there was reassuring enough to help him calm down.

"Don't listen to Sollux," Karkat said softly, firmly. He had switched to English and Dave felt a rush of fondness. "I'm not going to let him hurt you."

Dave didn't point out that Sollux could easily kill them both, and that Karkat throwing himself in the way didn't matter when Sollux didn't fight with physical weapons. The logic behind Karkat's promise wasn't the point, because Dave could tell that he meant it. Every word.

He smiled instead, hiding the upward tilt of his lips in Karkat's hair. "I know."

The words came out strained and wheezed, but Karkat managed a chuckle, anyway. He pulled back a little, adjusting their position to get an arm around Dave's waist, using his free hand to put Dave's arm around his shoulders. "Come on. We should probably get you to the medical bay," he said.

It hurt to get to his feet, the burns around his neck throbbing, but Dave managed. He let himself lean on Karkat and they made their way slowly to the infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote on Karkat's sickle comes from Isaiah 53:5 of the Bible. Just figured that if I was going to do religious themes, I might as well keep it authentic. And besides, it seemed fitting. It's going to be relevant later. (Yes, there is a plot for this fic.)
> 
> _Chapter title and summary from “The Thoughts That Give Me The Creeps” by Hellogoodbye._


	8. Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I watched us as we changed._   
_The feelings in my headspace rearranged._   
_I want you more than I've wanted anyone._   
_Isn't that dangerous?_

There was something boiling under Karkat's skin as he made his way to the infirmary with Dave in his arms. It was hard to identify what it was, but Dave's normal scent being overpowered by the stench of his burns was making the feeling worse. All he could think about was Dave hitting the wall, Dave covered in someone else's blood, Dave looking at him like he wasn't upset in the slightest. And the feeling got stronger and louder until blood was rushing in Karkat's ears and he felt like he was going to vomit. It had locked in under his rib cage and he was _consumed _with it.

It wasn't until Karkat arrived in the infirmary — empty, save Sollux and Kanaya waiting near the surgery bay doors — that he finally identified the emotion.

Rage. It was rage.

Karkat was _furious_.

He helped Dave over to the nearest medical examination platform, metallic and not at all cushioned. He made a mental note, in a detached sort of way, to get Dave a blanket. And a pillow. And a hug.

"Sorry, it's probably not that comfortable," he said. His voice came out clipped. Karkat was trying very hard to ignore Kanaya and Sollux in the block.

Dave propped himself up against the wall, running his fingers along the burn on his neck. The touch made him wince and the rage that had settled in Karkat's chest lurched so violently that he couldn't breathe. "It's fine. I just need, like, a salve." Dave frowned. "Uh, Karkat, are you okay?"

Choking down his indignation, Karkat shook his head and reached over, setting a firm hand over Dave's mouth. "No," he said and it was practically a hiss. Biting down a rant, he yanked open a drawer beneath the platform, shuffling around for burn cream. "You don't get to fucking sit there after being shot at and flung like a ragdoll and burned and have the _nerve _to ask if _I'm _alright. So here's what's going to happen, Dave. You're going to stay right here, shut the fuck up for five minutes, and let me take care of you." When it didn't look like Dave was going to try talking, staring at Karkat with shades that were as emotionless as ever, Karkat took that as agreement. Straightening up, Karkat handed Dave the thin container of cream that would help with the worst of the burns. He wished he had human medical equipment, but it would serve. His eyes narrowed. "There's something I need to do. It should only take a minute."

That got no verbal response from Dave, but he nodded. Satisfied, Karkat straightened up and walked away. He didn't go far, though. Without thinking about it, Karkat had formed his hand into a fist. And then he slammed that fist directly into Sollux's fucking jawline.

Sollux stumbled back, cursing, and Karkat watched him with anger that was nothing more than the brightest, most burning platonic rage he had ever felt. Kanaya started forward and Karkat sent his glare at her. "Stay the fuck out of this!" He snapped. "You wanted us to talk? Well, we're talking!" Ignoring Kanaya, Karkat turned back to Sollux as he was straightening up, snarling. "You want to fight me so badly, fuckface? Do it! Punch me back!"

Sollux looked sorely tempted, psionics crackling around his head and between his horns. "I'm not going to hit you!" He shouted, clenched fists shaking at his side. "Fuck off, Karkat, don't you have more _important _things to be doing?" His gaze strayed over to Dave and Karkat was _incensed_.

He was suddenly glad that Dave had insisted on giving Karkat a sickle. His hand pulled it free from his belt loop and Karkat settled in an offensive stance. "No," he hissed. "I think _this _is a long time coming."

It wasn't going to be much of a fight, Karkat knew that immediately. Maybe if they both had weapons, then _maybe _Karkat had a chance of winning, but Sollux's eyes were glowing red and blue and Karkat knew it was over before it even began.

To his surprise, all Sollux did was rip the sickle from Karkat's hands with a flick of his wrist. It hit the floor with a clatter, far out of reach, and Sollux practically choked on a deep, calming breath. "I'm not going to fight you, Karkat," he said as if that was the end of it.

It wasn't fucking good enough. Karkat rushed forward again and, inches from slamming his fist into Sollux's stomach, a hand wrapped around his wrist. Sollux's hand. Struggling and clawing at each other, Karkat's feet were knocked out from under him and he dragged Sollux down with him, landing on top of him. It had turned into trying to pin each other more than throwing any punches.

"What's your problem?" Karkat shouted. "Isn't this what you wanted? You want me to _hate _you, you want to pretend we have any goddamn quadrant chemistry at all? I'm giving you what you want, so _fucking fight back_! Hurt me as much as you want, Sollux, it's not like you could ever hate yourself more than you already do!"

Sollux's legs wrapped around his waist and Karkat found himself being flipped over with a grunt. He tried to punch Sollux's mouth and met a wall of electricity instead, wrapping around his wrist almost carefully, never digging in hard enough to burn. "I don't want to hurt you!" Sollux practically screamed.

Headless, Karkat struggled. He managed to knee Sollux in the groin, but that didn't get more than a groan of discomfort. "Yes, you do! You _have _been hurting me!" Karkat felt tears in his eyes and there was a stab of self-loathing so potent that he gagged on it. "You put the person I care about most in the fucking _galaxy _in a medical bay! You don't think this bitch fit you've been throwing since I got here has hurt me? You're selfish, Sollux, you're a self-absorbed fucking waste of space!" He battered his free fist against Sollux's chest until that one was similarly snared by psionics, both hands pinned next to Karkat's head. He thrashed. "Get off! _Let go of me_!"

"You don't mean that." Sollux set both of his hands next to Karkat's, leaning over to make eye contact. Panting and caught off guard, Karkat stilled. "You can't seriously care about _him _more than anyone else. Not after all we've been through, all we've done for you?"

It sounded like Sollux really needed to hear Karkat insist otherwise, but he had never been much of a liar. Karkat bared his teeth, leaning up as much as he could with the awkward angle. "And what about everything _Dave _has done for me?" He asked, his voice low — a far cry from the way he had been screaming a moment ago. "He took me in even after I clawed and bit him, he gave me food and a place to stay and offered me _friendship _that I didn't fucking deserve. He saved my life. I wouldn't be here if he hadn't dragged me back to his hive after he found me unconscious from the ship's crash landing. And he's kept me hidden to protect me, he's tolerated all of the hostility you fuckers give him because he wants to be here to support me, he carried Terezi through bullet fire and saved her life too, and you _still _hate him!" Karkat dropped his head, body going limp as he began to laugh. At some point, he had started crying. The fury drained out of him bit by bit with every word, leaving nothing but exhaustion in its wake. "So fucking _kill me_ if you want to, Sollux. This hoofbeastshit about you being pale for me is probably the funniest thing I've heard since I hatched. Because if you were really pale for me, you'd be singing Dave's praises and worshipping the ground he walks on. Either you're lying to yourself—" Karkat said, knowing full well that wasn't the answer, "—or you're selfish. And I want to hear you admit it."

For a second, it seemed like Sollux really was just going to kill him. It wouldn't even be difficult. Kanaya was watching, sure, but she couldn't help if Sollux shot a bolt of electricity through Karkat's windpipe and left him to choke and drown in his own blood. But then the pressure holding Karkat's wrists back fell away and Sollux sat back, staring at him with an odd mix of sorrow and anger.

"Fine," Sollux spat. "So maybe I'm being selfish. I didn't get to see the past two sweeps of your life, Karkat. I built up this image in my head of what our reunion was going to be like and this is as far from the ideal as possible." He got off of Karkat, sitting with his legs crossed on the ground next to Karkat's hip. He touched a hand to his jaw and sighed. "I deserved that punch."

Pushing himself up, Karkat hummed softly. "You deserve more than that," he muttered. "Don't fucking lay on hand on Dave again. Quadrant drama aside, humans — as I keep telling you — are _fragile_. And they don't understand that our species is more violent than theirs."

Karkat could tell that Sollux found the request tedious, but he held his hands up in surrender and said, "Fine, alright, whatever. I won't lay a single mildly threatening finger on your... quadrantmate." He snorted. "God, this is fucking funny, KK. The Signless could never keep it in one quadrant, either. Maybe you can quit the church with early retirement and be a relationship counselor."

As much as Karkat normally hated to be compared to his ancestor, _that _piqued his interest. "The Signless blurred quadrants?" He asked, feeling faint.

Sollux looked a tad uncomfortable but nodded. "Yeah. It was kind of his thing." He sucked in a hard breath. "He was in every quadrant at once with one of his disciples. Just her. The journals we managed to find described their relationship as "transcending quadrants." I think they had a special word for it, too. What was it?"

There were soft footsteps as Kanaya finally approached. Karkat didn't miss her putting her tube of lipstick away and felt a surge of fondness. "The word is _love_," she answered gently. Kanaya knelt down between them both, exasperated. "And you two are idiots."

Yeah, she had a point. Karkat wiped away the tears on his face. "You're both self-centered jackoffs who need to learn to get over yourselves."

But he couldn't stay mad at them, he knew that. Trolls were selfish by nature: their species killed and maimed and lied and cheated and stole. It took Karkat almost two sweeps to grow out of it and sometimes he still didn't do a very good job.

Of course, Sollux didn't look pleased, but he nodded. He wasn't the type to push for something that wasn't going to happen. "This whole thing _has _gotten pretty ridiculous," he agreed. "And, uh… KK, I know I shouldn't have pushed all of this onto you, I just…" He dragged a hand down his face with a weary sort of sigh. "...I just missed you so much and I didn't know what to do with myself when I finally saw you again. A part of me was convinced that you were dead and we were going to end up dragging home a corpse. But you're not my moirail," he admitted, "and you never will be. That's my problem, not yours."

So Karkat did the only thing that seemed right in the moment: he hugged Sollux. Wrapping his arms around his friend's neck, Karkat pressed closer until he was practically in Sollux's lap. "Well, if I'm the head of the fruity rumpus asshole church, then I declare that quadrants are fucking stupid," he announced. "And also, that you're my friend, you goddamn imbecile. I don't need quadrants as an excuse to care about you."

It was supposed to be a joke, but Karkat realized after he'd said it that he meant it. Quadrants were fucking asinine. It felt almost liberating to say that. How much sleep had he lost, agonizing over how to fit Dave into one quadrant? How much time had he wasted chasing himself in circles and pushing Dave away over the arbitrary social structures that had been pounded into his head by a society that wanted him dead? He felt so _stupid_.

He felt Sollux's arms come up to hug Karkat back, squeezing maybe just a little tighter than necessary. Karkat couldn't help but smile. "Although, if you hurt Dave again, I _will _be shoving my sickle in places that you'll need a team of surgeons to get it out of."

The laugh that Sollux let out was a little sad and a little painful, but still a laugh. That was progress. "I get it, you don't need to drone on and on." He glanced over at Kanaya and held a hand out to her, wordless.

There was a moment of hesitation, but then Sollux was pulling her closer and Karkat found himself settling into a hug with two of his closest friends. He knew why they were being so difficult: as far as they knew, he had been dead for two sweeps. If he hadn't had Dave to keep the ache away, Karkat was sure that he would be acting just as annoying and unreasonable as they were.

After a minute, he pulled back. Karkat climbed to his feet and offered them both one hand, pulling them up. Dusting himself off, Karkat went and retrieved his sickle, setting it back in place. "Alright," he muttered, partly to them but mostly to himself. "That's one difficult conversation out of the way. I can do this."

Thankfully, Dave had applied some of the cream to his neck while Karkat had been busy. Walking over, Karkat plucked the container from his hands and sat on the platform next to Dave's knee. Dave looked at him and said nothing, brows furrowed like he wasn't sure what to think.

Karkat glanced at the translator in Dave's ear and mouth as he worked on rubbing cream into the spots that Dave had missed. He tried not to think too hard about the implications of Dave letting Karkat touch his throat without any hesitation, but his blood-pusher was doing pale flips in his chest. "I'm guessing you heard that?" He asked gently in English, unbothered. It was probably good that Dave had been listening in.

Rather than saying yes or no, Dave left the translator as it was and replied with, "You don't have to start a fight for my sake, Karkat." Which might as well have been a _yes_.

He rolled his eyes fondly. "It wasn't just about you," Karkat admonished. Although, it had been _mostly _about Dave. "Look, I… love my friends, but they haven't had the time off-world that I have. They're a product of troll society. And our society is very self-centered and violent. There's a reason we had to break romance into quadrants, Dave. Drawing lines like that allowed everyone to know where they stand. And even that doesn't always help. Do you have any idea how _common _quadrant vacillation is? Not to mention the fighting. There's a reason why it's so common for kismesises to have a shared quadrantmate." He paused and turned faintly red. "Sorry. You probably have no fucking idea what I'm talking about."

"Not a bit," Dave agreed. And good on him, for being so honest. "But I want to understand. I want you to teach me everything that I need to know about troll romance."

They were finished with the burn cream, so Karkat stood up and put it back. From a different container, he fished out a roll of gauze. It was designed for troll skin, which was much thicker and more durable than human skin, but Karkat was hoping that Dave didn't have an adverse reaction to this one. It wasn't like they had many options.

He sat down on the platform at Dave's side, facing the opposite way. It put Karkat in the rather unique position where he was inches from Dave's face. The temptation to close the distance between them was unfairly strong, but Karkat forced himself to focus on the first-aid. Dave's health came first.

"Burns should be wrapped, but it looks like you might start bruising, too. If the bruises start to swell, you should let me know so I can loosen the bandages. I don't want you to die doing something as fucking stupid as strangling yourself," Karkat rambled. He didn't want Dave to die _at all_, ideally. He couldn't tell the difference between the beginnings of burns and faint bruises on Dave's neck and looking at them only succeeded in making him angrier. Even the bandages, though hiding the damage, reminded Karkat that there had been _damage_ to begin with. And he had allowed Dave to be hurt, by his friends no less. He avoided making eye contact with Dave. "Do you want me to get some ice? You should have some water to keep yourself hydrated, regardless."

Finished with the gauze, Karkat moved to pull back, only for Dave to suddenly reach up and grab his wrists. "Karkat." His tone was imploring and, helpless, Karkat tilted his head up to make eye contact through Dave's ridiculous shades. Even with them in the way, it was clear that Dave was upset. "I don't want to talk about this any more than you do. I'd keep avoiding it for as long as I could if it wasn't for… everything that's happened recently. I know you're struggling with a lot, but I think this really needs to be said. No matter what we decide on, I want to be done with the uncertainty."

He didn't have to specify what he was talking about. Karkat knew perfectly and had been dreading it for perigees, even before everything that had happened.

But Dave had opened the floor to him and Karkat wasn't cruel enough to just walk away. His mouth twisted into a grimace and he said, "You asked me if I hated you and if I pitied you." Dave nodded, expression unreadable. Karkat had to look away from him to continue. "It's… more of a mix of those things. I think you're absolutely pathetic and it makes me want to protect you. I want to roll you up in a blanket pile and keep you there. Sometimes it's platonic, like I want to listen to all of your sob stories and cuddle you for hours. And other times it's like I want to kiss you until you don't remember how to be sad." Karkat's face was absolutely on fire, but he was only halfway done. He clenched his jaw and forced himself not to stutter as he continued. "Hatred is a simple word for it, but I don't _hate _you. If I did, I would be incapable of feeling those other things. I see how pitiful you are, and I want to make you better than that. Then we spar together and I think you already _are _better than that, and it's so confusing that I begin to wonder why I thought you needed my protection to begin with. You're a contradiction, Dave. As much as you infuriate me sometimes, mostly when we first met, you are such a genuinely wonderful person that it makes me angrier and more fond at the same time. And the more fond I am, the angrier I get, but the angrier I am, the more fond I am of your good qualities. This is the most frustrating crush I have ever had, Dave. This feels like it's killing me."

When he finished, Karkat had to take a deep breath to calm his racing heart. Dave stared back at him, impassive. "So, that's a yes?" He asked.

Boiling down everything Karkat had said into a yes or no was such a gross oversimplification that Karkat had to fight back a groan as the desire to push Dave off the platform and kiss him rose in his chest. They were having a pale moment and his black feelings still _refused _to go away. "Not in the way that humans understand the feelings," he settled on eventually. That much was true.

Dave nodded, thoughtful. "I guess I shouldn't be upset. It's not like it's your fault that our species have very different ideas of what romance is." He looked away. "I want to take care of you and kiss you, too, but I don't hate you. I don't like when we fight."

And Karkat knew that he shouldn't push it, but there was an itch in the back of his mind, so he prompted, "You never want to kiss when we fight? Angry kisses that make us forget what we were talking about." A sparring match that turned into struggling on the floor for the upperhand, pushing each other down, tearing angrily at clothes… The thought made Karkat flush all over again and he would have regretted asking if it wasn't for the pretty pink dusting along Dave's face. He was adorable when he was flustered.

Plus, there was a sort of satisfaction to seeing him break his calm, aloof demeanor. It wasn't like Dave to be so unreadable. Of anyone, the one person he had never closed himself off to was Karkat.

Then again, Karkat probably shouldn't have brought up the topic of hate sex. Because all that did was embarrass them both, and he couldn't let himself crawl into a hole and avoid this conversation for another seven perigees.

"...Sometimes I think about it," Dave muttered, looking at his hands twisted in his lap. "But I don't… I mean, "hate" is a really strong word, Karkat. You don't piss me off. You never really did, even when I didn't understand you. It's more like—" He pulled a face, grimacing as he attempted to flounder his way through an awkward situation. "—like, we fight more than we used to, but friends argue, it's not weird. And it's sort of nice to know that I can always smooth things out with you, even if we both end up screaming. At the same time, there's these _moments _when we fight where I really am honestly furious with you. Then everything I like about you makes me angrier. Confidence comes across as arrogance, standing up for yourself suddenly makes you stubborn, speaking your mind makes you a bad listener..." He gestured helplessly, face creasing in anger just thinking about it. "It's like the more I lo… care about you, the easier it is for you to get under my skin. They just keep cycling and building on top of each other and it makes every fight worse and all the moments after that better." He looked up at Karkat, so lost and confused that the red and black flickering rapidly in Karkat's chest were consumed by unconditional, _burning _platonic pity. "Does that make any sense? At all?"

Karkat forgot how to speak. He kept using words like "hate" and "pity," and Dave had just gone and inelegantly shoved together every thought Karkat had been unable (or unwilling) to articulate. And it had made _perfect sense_. It was like Dave had just cracked open Karkat's skull on the side of the platform and spilled out all of his deepest thoughts and desires for anyone to see.

Or maybe a metaphor that was less morbid.

His jaw worked up and down for a moment and he let out an embarrassing little wheeze. "Dave… I feel the exact same way." Karkat wished he knew how to express just how much that meant to him.

They rarely fought. But when they did, it nearly brought the hive down. And the lack of fights made Karkat crave it more. He loved being flushed for Dave, being pale for Dave, but there was something _unfulfilled _and _hungry _and _impatient _that gnawed in his gut for _more_. Red and pale were both well and good, but they just weren't enough. Not until Karkat had everything that Dave could offer him.

He had told Dave that trolls were a selfish species. It seemed that Karkat hadn't outgrown the instinct as well as he thought.

"I love when we fight," Karkat confessed. "I love doing anything with you. It's just another part of our relationship. And if we didn't fight, I would probably go crazy." Because he needed the stimulation, even if humans didn't. "I love making you angry. I love fighting you, physically and verbally. I love sparing with heat behind it, but even without getting physical, I find you intellectually stimulating and fun to argue with. I love making it up to you afterward."

There was something traitorous in his gut that was telling Karkat to be silent. It was the familiar urge that had tormented him since his first tentative relationship with Terezi and through the start of any potential matchup afterward. He was being _greedy_. It wasn't fair to expect Dave to be able to give him everything, assuming that he even wanted to. Quadrants were kept separate for a reason. Their species was too selfish to be given everything because they always tore each other apart to keep it.

Dave looked surprised and a little hesitant, but he wasn't disgusted or angry or horrified, so that was alright. "I don't know. I don't really _want _to fight." He must have seen Karkat's expression crumble because Dave hurried to add, "Y'know, you've watched plenty of soap operas. They amp things up for drama, but it's the same basic concept. Fights usually mean that a relationship isn't working. At least, if they happen too often. And if the fighting gets worse or more frequent, usually it means that a couple is going to split up. Or they just aren't happy together anymore. I don't want that to happen to us," he admitted.

And, for once, Karkat understood. He didn't want to risk it, either. It was better to be content with what he had than to just keep pushing and pushing and _pushing_, until Dave couldn't even stand to be in the same room as him, let alone be his friend or his quadrantmate.

"Oh." Karkat blinked. He almost said that, for trolls, the fighting was, in of itself, a relationship. So even if that became all they knew how to do, it was just another version of being together. But he could tell that that wasn't Dave's worry. He had never been worried about the labels and Karkat suddenly felt stupid for losing so much sleep over words as simple and arbitrary as _red _and _black_. He shifted. "Okay. What if we… forget the quadrants entirely." He didn't look at Dave as he spoke because, if he did, he was going to lose his nerve. "Human couples fight sometimes and trolls vacillate all the time. We don't have to worry about what it's called if you don't want to. It can just be what we usually do. But sometimes we let ourselves be angry instead of talking it out. And… kiss. If you want. Maybe."

Fuck. Karkat could talk to Sollux about choking on bulges without hesitation and he couldn't even say the word _kiss _to someone that he wanted to be in a relationship with. Holy shit. Goddamn it, he was a mess.

He couldn't help but find it funny. Hadn't this literally been what Dave suggested the last time that Karkat ran out on him? Just friends that kissed sometimes. And maybe held hands. Or cuddled in ways with straying, less-than-platonic touches.

Was this what his blind, helpless "disciples" felt when they submitted themselves to Karkat, a prophet who didn't even know what he was meant to preach? If Karkat had known that there was a standard for it sooner, that the _Signless_, of all people, had been as selfish and ugly and twisted inside as Karkat was, then he might not have dragged it out as long as he did. A fire had been lit in his chest and it reeked suspiciously of hope.

Dave must have reached the same realization because he was stunned. He blinked behind his shades, opened his mouth, and closed it again. "Are you… serious?" There was a note in his voice that Karkat couldn't identify.

Hesitant, more cautious, Karkat replied, "Yes. I've never been more serious. Does that upset you?"

Being upset wasn't necessarily bad. Karkat wanted Dave to be comfortable fighting and disagreeing with him. A shouting match wasn't going to bring their relationship crashing down. He wanted Dave to trust him with the all-encompassing sort of affection that allowed them to expose themselves to each other — every last piece of each other, even the ugly and broken ones. Especially those.

Still, a fight wasn't the best way to kick off the relationship. Assuming that Dave even still wanted to go that way. Karkat couldn't blame him for being pissed.

He took a slow breath. "A little," Dave admitted. "I feel like I should be angrier than I am. Not at you, just…" His face twisted, like he didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry. "It was _this _easy? The whole time? That's all we had to say?"

It did sort of feel like wasted time, Karkat had to admit. There was a sense of acceptance stirring in his chest, though. He had spent so much of his life being angry that he wore it like a second skin. And it was gone. Karkat was too tired to keep being angry. Their situation was still bleak and difficult in a lot of ways, but… Dave wanted him. His friends came back for him. His planet was changing for the better and no one was going to put a hand on him without facing retribution.

And Karkat… wasn't sure what to do with all of that. He was beginning to think that maybe he didn't need to be angry or defensive anymore. There was nothing to protect himself against, now. Somehow, everything had worked out for him. He had barely even had to do anything.

Dave was right. It seemed too easy. He didn't deserve it.

That being said, Karkat wasn't nearly stupid or delusional enough to reject it. At least for the sake of everyone else, who had fought to give him these things. It wouldn't be fair to throw it back in their faces.

"I think we had to… realize some things first," Karkat settled on finally. "I know I'm a goddamn idiot and denser than a bag of rocks. I never wanted to face how you made me feel because I was so fucking _convinced _that it was wrong. That it couldn't be that easy because nothing has _ever _been easy for me." He huffed on a laugh, one without humor. "And when there's not a damn thing in my way, I make myself the obstacle. I'm sorry, Dave. That wasn't fair to you."

"No," Dave agreed, expression scrunched up like he wanted to disagree but he also didn't want to lie. "But that's okay. Everything can't be perfect all the time. You're in a really "unique" situation here. I'm sorry for rushing you." His lips quirked into a tired smirk. "I mean, you're trying to figure out what to do with a ship full of worshippers and a planet where half of the people still want you dead. And I've been getting upset over relationship drama. It's kind of really fucking ridiculous."

Karkat smiled as well as he could manage, stomach twisted in knots. He was almost afraid to ask but, at this point, what did he have to lose? "Does this mean that we're…?" Gesturing between them, he trailed off with heat in his cheeks. If they were doing it without labels, Karkat didn't really know what to call them. And he wasn't so forward as to ask Dave if he wanted to kiss again. It seemed sort of inappropriate, given the situation.

Thankfully, the question only seemed to amuse Dave. He arched an eyebrow and, as a second thought, pushed his shades up to red on top of his head. He had very pretty eyes, which made Karkat both upset and glad that he wore shades like they were glued to his face. Upset, because Karkat saw less of them as a result. Glad, because it was special when Dave trusted someone enough to unmask himself. It made something possessive inside of Karkat preen at the idea that he was one of the few people that Dave trusted anywhere close to this much.

"Boyfriends?" Dave suggested. "We can use the human word for it if trolls don't have one that you like."

He rolled the word around in his head, thoughtful. "Boyfriends" was merely two words crammed together. It barely felt any different from the word "friends." Just a three-letter difference. It was simple, almost overly so.

But, then, that was fitting, wasn't it?

"Okay." Karkat took a breath to calm himself. He reached over and grasped Dave's hand, giving a squeeze that was far more reassuring than it should have been. "Okay. Yes. We can do that."

Dave gave him a searching look. His eyes were crinkled in the corners, betraying the smile that he was fighting off. Frankly, Karkat wasn't sure how he managed it. Even though he felt on the verge of crying, Karkat's face was starting to ache from smiling.

"Great. Glad to hear it." Dave paused. It was almost awkward. "Can I kiss you?"

Karkat didn't open his mouth, but he made an affirming noise that sounded suspiciously like "_please_." He shuffled closer, not letting go of Dave's hand. Headless, Dave brought his other hand up and brushed it along Karkat's jaw. He was squinting, as though confused. As if he was dreaming and everything was going to dissolve into smoke if he pushed too hard. Dave hesitated, but Karkat was tired of waiting.

It was just like when they were in the closet, in that Karkat had to be the one to bridge the gap and press their lips together. Ironic, he thought, that Dave could open their emotional barriers and Karkat was the one who had to drag him into physical affection. Or maybe it wasn't ironic so much as it was poetic. They complemented each other, two halves of a whole.

The kiss was tentative because Karkat hadn't forgotten their audience or the surgeons working on Terezi in the other room. They didn't have the privacy to get lost in each other, but this was a long-time coming, and Karkat was at least determined to enjoy it.

He set one hand on Dave's shoulder, their hands still locked together and pinned between their thighs. The way they were sitting made it difficult to press against each other, but that was probably for the best. Dave had his other arm draped around Karkat's neck. His lips parted to let out a sigh that felt more like a shudder. It felt like yearning and wanting and some mix of relief and disbelief. It really didn't feel real, Karkat thought, dizzy. He curled his fingers harder into Dave's arm (mindful of his claws) and was dimly surprised when Dave didn't crumble under his touch. That he was still there.

It hadn't even been much of a kiss. It felt like they were both too stiff to do more than press their lips together. Karkat was achingly aware of Dave's bruises and cuts and burns. He could feel Dave's bloodpusher hammering away beneath his skin and wondered if it was due to their proximity or because some part of Dave was still locked outside the ship and being shot at.

So Karkat pulled away because he felt like Dave was going to suffocate if he wasn't given space and some time to stop thinking and just relax. Their hands didn't leave each other. When Karkat leaned in again, it was to press their foreheads together. He closed his eyes, so Dave didn't have to see the emotion there, and breathed. Just breathed. He felt Dave subconsciously begin to match Karkat's breath, though his eyes remained open. Eyelashes fluttered against Karkat's skin as Dave blinked. If they were damp, then neither of them ruined the moment by mentioning it.

"I love you." It looked like it took a monumental effort from Dave to force the words out. And it still came in a rush — syllables crammed together in his haste, Dave's face practically purple as his hands twisted into fists. Yet he didn't pull away, and that was what mattered.

Karkat didn't know what love meant. But he wanted to learn more than he had ever wanted anything. So he nodded and smiled. "I know."

* * *

The best thing about the translator was being able to, well, understand another language. Which was kind of what translators had been designed for, but Dave was continuously grateful that Sollux was a fucking genius. He was also a fucking asshole, but there were probably some cultural reasons for that and a huge lack of communication, so Dave didn't hold it against the guy. Karkat hadn't been very friendly when they first met, so he could give it some time.

Maybe about a week. If Karkat's friends still weren't feeling chummy by then, Dave was going to have to resort to the old-school methods of locking them in a room together one-on-one until they learned to like each other.

Okay, well, to be fair, Terezi sort of liked him, but Dave wasn't sure if that would continue once she was out of surgery. Because he had sort of gotten her shot over something stupid that they didn't need.

Anyway. The point was, Dave was really glad to have a translator. Because a lot of the bullshit that Karkat and his friends kept saying about quadrants was starting to make sense. To be honest, he didn't quite follow when Karkat went over, punched Sollux, and proceeded to cry and scream a bunch of nonsense words at him until they somehow made up (fuck, were all troll friendships so weird?) but the keywords were all there. With context and definitions, it made some strange sort of sense.

And also, Dave might have been subtly pleased to hear Karkat defend him and praise him like that. It was usually _so_ difficult to get Karkat to admit to how he was feeling, but nothing made the guy more passionate than anger.

He was still thinking about that display when Karkat pulled away from their kiss. And the main take away from that was that they had kissed for a second time at all. Dave had been beginning to think that it wasn't going to happen. Not when Karkat flung around words like "pity" and "hate" like they were supposed to be flattering. It was becoming increasingly obvious, though, that those words meant something entirely different in Karkat's culture.

Pity meant that Karkat wanted to protect and comfort him. Hate meant that Karkat thought he was capable of handling himself and occasionally infuriating about it. They were paradoxes, to be sure. Dave wondered how confusing it must have felt for Karkat to go through that, contrary and conflicting emotions twisting up in his chest until he couldn't breathe through the intensity of it.

Of course, Dave didn't have to "imagine" it for very long. Another realization he was gradually coming into was that his feelings for Karkat were incredibly similar to Karkat's feelings for him. They just had different words for it.

Karkat had words like "pity" and "hate" and "platonic" and "concupiscent." And Dave's species only had one word.

Their foreheads were pressed together and their hands were joined between them. Karkat was exhaling softly against his cheek and Dave probably shouldn't have found it as comforting as it was. He matched Karkat's breaths, hoping it would calm his thumping pulse. His heart was in his throat and he was choking on it. The emotions rising in his chest were threatening to overwhelm him, but Dave didn't know what would happen when they reached the limit or if there even was a limit. They just kept growing and growing, filling him to the point of bursting and then further.

"I love you," Dave said. He'd never said it before, not even to himself, but Karkat had gone out of his comfort zone to explain all of those funny words that used to make Dave feel so small and unwanted, So it was only fair that Dave gave Karkat a word to describe it too. They were already using "boyfriends."

And just the thought made his face flush all over again, which Dave found insipid and stupid while also being too smitten to really care that he was acting like a thirteen-year-old girl crushing on a guy for the first time. It had just been such a long time coming. They were dating. Officially and everything.

Dave made a mental note to get Karkat a promise ring. He wouldn't get the joke, but Dave thought it would be hilarious. And it would be really funny to show up to a peace meeting between their species with rings and just let everyone try to puzzle out exactly what the fuck that meant.

Karkat quirked a brow at him and nodded slowly, as though Dave had already said it a dozen different times before. "I know," he answered. It might as well have been an "_I love you, too," _with how fond and adoring his expression was.

That was another thing Dave was going to have to get used to. He'd noticed Karkat staring at him before but sort of just assumed that he was getting his hopes up and imagining things. And now they could stare at each other without having to look away as soon as the other person noticed it. Wow. For all the sneaking around the subject they'd done with their friends, there was no one they hid affection from more than each other.

"We're idiots," Dave sighed. "Or at least, I am. I mean, you—"

"Nope. I'm cutting you off right there." Karkat pressed a finger to Dave's lips, quieting him. He was trying to look serious, but it was hard to be anything except happy at the moment. But Karkat tried, eyebrows drawn down in an attempt to scowl that fell flat within two seconds. "I've tolerated this sort of hoofbeastshit from you for as long as I've been able to understand your primitively simple language. There will be no more self-depreciation in my presence. Actually, you know what? No more self-depreciation anywhere. If you whisper a quick aside, an inside-joke to a friend, I will hear from the other side of the planet. If you text even a vague agreement to something negative, I will smash your palmhusk. You've run out of excuses to avoid my pestering, Dave. There is no longer any sense of decorum or boundaries to hold me back. And you agreed to this, so I will hear no complaints."

Amused, Dave opened his mouth and bit Karkat's finger. Not hard, just enough for Karkat to yank his hand away. With his mouth free, Dave said, "I'll accept these terms and agreements without twenty-four pages of buttering me up, Karkat. But only if you stop the self-deprecating shit, too. You know I think you're great."

Karkat made a face like he wanted to disagree, nose scrunched up and brows furrowed. The hypocrisy must have struck him because he struggled for a moment and then sighed. "Fine," he groused, though his pouting was difficult to take seriously when he was still hanging onto Dave and sitting as close as possible. "I accept. A sacrifice for a worthy cause, then. Even if you just stripped me of half of my vocabulary and snappy one-liners."

"Eh." Dave shrugged, unconcerned and unable to stop smiling. "You're a pretty smart guy. I think you'll be able to come up with some new material."

There was a pleasant flush to Karkat's cheeks as he struggled with how to respond to that. He eventually just reached over and flicked Dave's shades down, pushing them back into place on the bridge of his nose. "My friends are going to shit themselves when they see us behaving like the smitten wigglers that we are. I'm so glad that they don't speak English."

"Then maybe you should stop speaking Alternian." Kanaya's voice cut through the atmosphere like a chainsaw. Which is to say: completely lacking subtlety or gentleness. She was, however, plenty smug as she looked down at the two of them sitting so close. "Honestly." She sighed. "Next time, I suggest turning off the translator, Dave, to spare yourself the confusion. I managed to scrounge together enough control and self-respect to not listen in, but I dare say that not everyone else on this ship will be as considerate."

Karkat went from "pleasantly flushed" to "absolutely flaming red" in about five seconds. Instead of pulling away from Dave, though, he only hung on tighter. Dave tried and failed to not think too much about that. "How much, exactly, did you overhear?" He demanded. "This isn't fun workplace gossip, dammit! This is serious, this is our personal and _very _private lives!"

There was a funny little twitch of Kanaya's hand, like she wanted to set it on Karkat's shoulder or stroke his hair or something. Her lips thinned for a moment, but then she swallowed a long-suffering sigh and rolled her eyes. "I only listened closely enough to be sure that you were finished with the important part of your talk. We have a few things that we need to discuss sooner rather than later."

Without waiting for an invitation, Kanaya sat down, squeezing herself in at the foot of the platform next to Karkat. Glancing around, Dave noticed that Sollux was nowhere to be found. He wondered if the dude was doing anything important or if he was taking a moment to collect himself. Sollux hadn't looked very happy after that conversation with Karkat earlier. It was so hard to get a read on Sollux, he really could have been doing anything and Dave would have accepted that without a second thought.

"Are you going to drill me about what happened with Terezi?" Dave crossed his arms across his chest and sat back, wishing that he had a pillow to serve as a buffer between himself and the cold wall. "Okay, look, I know it was stupid, but I left the ship to see if I could grab some stuff that I forgot in my house. Terezi offered to come with, I guess because she was bored." He decided not to mention that Bro had been there. It would have taken too long to explain to Kanaya and Dave was starting to feel more tired by the second. "Then we got shot at by the government outpost. Guess they've already got snipers stationed. They move fast."

Dave couldn't help but be offended, even though he knew that it was all perfectly logical from their point of view. An alien race was a huge unknown. Thinking back on what he had discussed with Bro, Dave's stomach sank. He already knew that Jane was going to shoot first and ask questions never, so they would just have to beat her to the punch. The non-violent punch, so to speak.

"That's going to be a problem." Kanaya looked less than pleased. "We can't very well have our Empress land on a hostile planet. That would be rather irresponsible."

"Our species should be used to it," Karkat groused. He crossed his arms over his chest and turned around to face Kanaya better, leaning against Dave for support. "We don't _exactly _have a stellar track record with making friends on new planets. Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't start shooting at us sooner."

Kanaya glanced between the two of them and her expression shifted, eyes lighting up as an idea came to mind. Dave already hated it.

"No, we're not," she agreed slowly, "but you managed it, Karkat. The two of you make an ideal example of what our collective species should try to be."

Dave made a face. He could tell that Karkat was grimacing too just by the set of his shoulders. "No one has ever used me as a positive example for anything and that's for good reason." Of course, the self-depreciation got him a little jab in the side from Karkat's bony elbow, but Dave ignored it. "I swear to God, if the peace talks descend into sloppy interspecies make outs, I'm stealing this fucking ship myself and leaving the planet. I'm not staying around to watch that dumpster fire."

Come to think of it, Dave probably should have warned Karkat at some point that humans would fuck anything that moves. And even things that didn't move. Something didn't even have to _exist _for humans to want to fuck it. He hoped that trolls were similarly unquenchably horny, because he knew there were people online who saw an alien arrival as their greatest fantasies about to come true.

That was going to be a fucking weird conversation. But a necessary one. Bros didn't let a bro go into the public eye without fair warning that some people were going to fetishize the absolute fuck out of him. Dave supposed that it was a good thing, then, that Karkat was adept with his sickles. And that Dave knew how to implement a child filter.

Apparently choosing to ignore him, Kanaya continued with, "It would be ideal to reach out, somehow. We need to gain the favor of Earth's government, and—"

"We don't have a collective government," Dave chimed in before Kanaya could get ahead of herself. "From what I can tell, your guy's whole planet is pretty much one culture with one language, but we've got, like, two-hundred countries and there's so much distinction even among those. I think the closest thing we have to a collective is, like, the EU. Maybe. I don't know shit about politics."

Kanaya frowned, pursing her lips. "That is… less than ideal," she allowed. "Why does everything have to be difficult?"

"Oh, who cares if they're global or not?" Karkat waved a hand dismissively, agitated. "Let's just focus on the country with their primitive, non-laser guns fucking pointing at us. This is such a big story for them, I'm sure that any news we release in English is going to be translated for years to come. Uh." He blinked and looked over at Dave. "Which country is… the ruler? You guys at least have someone who's in charge, right?"

Dave laughed nervously. "Damn, going right for the politically insensitive questions, huh? You know what, let's not worry about who's in charge. Focusing on this one country at a time is probably easiest."

From that respect, it was probably a good thing they were in America. Dave knew the leaders of other countries wouldn't hesitate to demand answers which would put pressure on the President to get those answers which would probably result in some sort of boring EU meeting where Empress Feferi made use of Sollux's translating technology to magically smooth over everyone's ruffles. Nice and simple.

Sure.

Karkat didn't look convinced, but he shrugged. "Whatever. Since this is your country, you would know the best way to convince them we're not a threat. What do you think?"

It took Dave a moment to catch up with that. "Dude." He shook his head. "If you're expecting me to give us some positive PR, you might as well just give up and say a little prayer for all the good that it's going to do."

"Are you sure?" Kanaya pressed, insistent. "You can't think of a single thing to calm everyone's worries?"

Much as he wanted to refuse, Dave hesitated. And that was a mistake, because when he hesitated, he started talking just to fill the silence. "Well, I was posting about us online a little bit before the government hijacked my phone. The public seemed really excited and accepting, mostly. And in this country, public opinion is everything," Dave assured her. Because public opinion translated into votes and votes became power. Simple cause and effect. Keep the people happy and you got to stay on top of the world.

It was the basic idea behind democracy. Dave just hoped that Jane remembered that. And that she hadn't been given the authority to push the big red button.

"Phone?" Kanaya repeated the word and it came out sounding clicky and throaty. "May I see it? Sollux may be able to help if you're having problems with hackers."

Dave reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone and the battery, still left out and the back of his phone hanging open without the cover over it. He handed the objects over to Kanaya, who took them uncertainly. "I, uh, popped the battery out just to make sure that they couldn't turn my phone on and listen in or record anything. It just slides right back in." He mimed the motion with his hands and then said, "I had the charger in my bag that I dropped when Terezi got… hurt. I don't think you guys have any wall outlets, though, so it probably doesn't matter." Growing uncomfortable, Dave switched the subject back. "How is Sollux going to do anything to keep hackers out? I don't think programming works the same way between languages and planets and, um, species."

"He does have a translator," Kanaya reminded him. Still, her face creased with worry. "He will enjoy the challenge it presents, but you're right, there's no telling how long it might take or if he will even be successful." She blinked, then a sly sort of smile came to her face. "Would the two of you be opposed to recording a video in English? Speaking of peace and about your relationship, it would be far simpler to attach the message onto existing broadcast waves and spread it whether the government gives us permission to or not."

Suddenly, being stuck on PR duty was sounding a _lot _more interesting. Dave felt a grin come to his face and couldn't be bothered to hide it. "You want to hack into live television and snatch the people's favor right out from under that bitch?" Wow, gay alien boyfriends on public TV? Dave wondered how other countries were going to try and censor it. They were technically going to be breaking a law, but he was too caught up in how fucking funny it was going to be to really care about the illegal aspect. It was time to cut the middleman and just work on getting the message of "we don't want to kill you or start a war or conqueror your planet" out there. "Kanaya, you're my favorite of Karkat's friends. I'm in."

"Seriously?" There was a surprisingly defensive edge to Karkat's voice as he looked up at Dave with bafflement. "You don't have any problem with this? We've been "official" for all of five minutes and you already want to go broadcasting it for your entire planet to see? Fuck me, Dave, tell me how it took us _this long_ to get together when you lack even a rudimentary understanding of timing or subtlety." His ears were burning with embarrassment and he wouldn't hold eye contact and his insults lacked heat.

Dave shifted, uncomfortable. "Sorry. You're right." He needed to work on that. Dave's whole idea of relationships came from TV and the romance movies that Karkat liked weren't exactly _high quality_. When Karkat put it like that, it did seem to be moving too quickly. "Then we can just do the video as friends," Dave assured him. "That's part of your quadrants, right? Just friends? We don't have to make out on camera or profess our undying love for each other if you don't want to."

Although, something told Dave that it wasn't going to matter. He wondered if they were going to end up being shipped on Twitter. He hoped that their fanart was good.

That took some of the wind from Karkat's sails and he deflated. There was a funny look on his face, like he had been looking for a fight but was also relieved that there wasn't one. Dave tensed. Oh, shit, had he missed one of their cultural cues? Should he have punched Karkat instead of placating him? Damn, the whole thing was so confusing. He was going to have to find something to fight Karkat about later.

Karkat nodded slowly, losing that weird, almost-longing on his face as he relaxed. "Alright, so let's assume that, hypothetically, we do this. What the fuck would we even say? I'm not a diplomat, Dave."

Yeah, that was a good point. Dave thought that Karkat rather fit the role of an ambassador better. Although, that probably wasn't going to stop Karkat's cult following from climaxing if Karkat managed to work out a peace agreement with Earth before Feferi even got there. That seemed like the sort of thing they would be into.

"Fuck. Okay, uh…" Dave glanced at Kanaya and then looked back at Karkat, running a hand through his hair and struggling not to look _too _out of his element. "Well, we can tell them how we met. You speak English pretty well so people will probably want to know how that happened. Um, obviously we want to let them know that we mean no harm, and… prove you're an actual alien, I guess?"

Remembering how just showing a picture of Karkat to John had gone, Dave needed to make sure that everyone knew they weren't playing dress-up. Thinking about John made him tense. It had been so long since he heard from his friends now. Sure, maybe Dave's phone was off, but he had the funny feeling that there weren't going to be any messages from them waiting when he got his phone back. What the fuck was keeping all three of them so busy?

"I can help with that," Kanaya offered. "Karkat bleeds the same color as you, but it will be hard for your Earth scientists to refute someone who bleeds jade." Her eyes crinkled in the corners when she smiled and Dave couldn't help but stare, wondering what the color looked like when it dripped from split skin. He had seen ochre from Sollux and teal from Terezi and it was still difficult to imagine.

"Or I could just say a sentence or two in our language," Karkat said tensely. "There's no need for you to make yourself into a prop, Kanaya."

She gave Karkat a funny look. "It's just a nick with a knife. People may argue that our language is nothing more than syllables and noises jammed together and, this way, they have no room to refute our claims."

Dave laughed. "I don't know about that. Your guys' language is so weird. It uses sounds that humans aren't even capable of making. That'd be pretty hard to argue with." He paused, mouth suddenly feeling dry. He had found himself caught between both of them. As the third person, that made Dave the tiebreaker. And he thought that Kanaya had a good point, but was it bad luck to side against Karkat within the first hour of being a couple? Or was it a good thing because it might piss Karkat off and invite that fight he was looking for? Struggling for a moment, Dave eventually settled on, "We can just have Kanaya cut her finger or something. Besides, having you both on camera will be more, uh, believable evidence."

Although Karkat looked annoyed (annoyed in a good way, maybe?), Kanaya nodded. With Dave's phone in hand, she stood up. "In that case, I'll take this to Sollux and relay our plans to him before acquiring a camera for our message. He's gone off to pester the poor medics keeping tabs on Terezi." She must have seen something on Karkat's face that Dave didn't, because Kanaya softened and reached over to set a hand on his knee. Just the tips of three fingers, as though unsure how familiar she was allowed to be. "It's not a life-risking injury. It's just… been several centuries since our species had to worry about weapons like this. Luckily, we at least know how to handle arrow wounds. The concept is similar."

It didn't look like that comforted Karkat much, but he managed a thin smile that Kanaya returned before pulling back and taking her leave. She swept out of a side door that, presumably, led toward the surgery section of the ward, and Dave and Karkat were left alone.

Had it really been less than an hour since they were alone back in Karkat's room? That seemed like a lifetime ago.

There was a moment where neither of them moved, unsure, but then Dave sighed and shifted. He let his legs dangle off either side of the platform and wrapped his arms around Karkat's abdomen, pulling him back to rest against Dave's chest. Karkat wasn't short enough for Dave to rest his chin on his shoulder, and he wasn't tall enough for Dave to prop his chin on his shoulder without having to hunch over, so he eventually just settled for burying his face in the back of Karkat's head. His hair didn't have a smell and it was thicker and coarser than human hair ever could be. Both of those things were unique to trolls, Dave assumed.

Once settled, Dave mumbled, "You're not upset, are you? I know this whole situation is really… tense."

Karkat squirmed for a moment, then forced himself to relax. "A little," he admitted. "Not with you. I just wish I didn't have to be doing this. And that Kanaya didn't have to bleed for the satisfaction of a bunch of mouthbreathers who are only going to stand and gawk like she's an object and not a person."

The tone his voice took was personal and uncomfortable. There must have been a story there, but Dave wasn't going to push for it.

"She's offering to do it, dude. Don't worry so much," Dave soothed. "Sollux did it for me. I know that you're… sensitive about blood, but they're fine with it." He took Karkat's hand — the one that had been cut open the first time they entered the ship to make a statement to a hungry crowd — and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Speaking of, though, we should probably start figuring out what we're going to say."

The sigh that Karkat let out was purposefully drawn to take as long as possible, overdramatic and full of suffering. He slumped further into Dave's arms, so his head was in the right position for Dave to set his chin on Karkat's head: right between his tiny horns. "That depends on the sort of message you want to get across. I'm assuming that your people will begin to panic, so we should try to abate those worries."

"Yeah…" Dave couldn't argue with that. He knew people were probably rioting and looting, convinced that it was the end of humanity. There were probably religious nuts committing group suicide to avoid the Reckoning and the entire world was going to be fucking bankrupt because Dave knew that the economy was probably having a seizure at the moment. "Okay, yeah, that's true. Let's try to say something about how you guys want peace. And really emphasize the "peaceful" shit. Maybe you could bring up wanting to share technology? Earth isn't super advanced compared to you guys, but we might have something useful, or maybe resources that your planet doesn't have." He hummed, absentmindedly brushing Karkat's hair away from his forehead and smoothing it back. "It's really fucking good that you're already fluent in English. It would have been a disaster if you guys had landed without anyone knowing how to communicate with each other."

Karkat snorted. "If our records of past meetings with lifeforms on other planets are any indication, it would have been less of a cultural miscommunication and more of a brutally efficient genocide. You're lucky our former Empress was dethroned, otherwise, the only reason you would be on this ship would be if you were in chains and awaiting transport to one of our barely-survivable colonies to work on mining raw resources with little sleep or food or water until you dropped dead and the other workers uncaringly pushed your body rotting to the side and moved on."

How the fuck was he supposed to respond to _that_?

It took Dave a moment to find his words but, even when he did, all that he could manage was, "I think I would rather be dead than live like that."

Surprised, Karkat turned to look at him out of the corner of his eye. "Really?" He blinked. "I always thought it would have been preferable to execution. But, then again…" Karkat trailed off and looked away. "...well, I always was terrified of dying. I know it's fucking cowardly of me, but— suffering is temporary. Death is permanent. After that, it's over. Forever. And forever is… a really, really long time."

Dave really didn't know anything about the way that Karkat had grown up. He thought about what Sollux had alluded to, how Karkat had been wanted dead just for the crime of being born. He couldn't imagine the loneliness of that self-inflicted isolation or the depression that came with his hopelessness or the gnawing fear that followed him everywhere and every day like a shadow. It must have been a miserable existence. And Karkat would still prefer that, would prefer to exist at all, than to die.

Of course he would. No one wanted to die.

He blinked hard, thankful for his shades, and took a soft breath so that Karkat couldn't hear his voice hitch. "I don't think it's cowardly." Dave brushed Karkat's hair back again, pressing a kiss to his forehead. It didn't quite mesh with Karkat's culture, but he seemed pleased anyway, turning a faint pink. "I'm glad that you're not suffering or dead. You don't deserve that."

Their conversation was interrupted from going any further when the side doors in the room swung open. Sollux walked out with Dave's phone in hand, staring at it like he was equal parts fascinated, amused, and frustrated. He spared a glance at Dave and Karkat as he hurried toward the exit, but didn't even stop long enough to snap out something witty or insulting or joking. Apparently eager to get to his workshop, he was squeezing out the door before it had even fully opened and was gone.

Karkat shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips. "I don't think you'll have to wait for long. Once he gets absorbed in a project, we don't see him for days or weeks at a time. Not until he's completely finished it."

"I guess that's good for me. He's gonna need my phone charger, though." Dave unwrapped his arms from Karkat and straightened up, touching a hand to his throat. He frowned. "Do you think I need a scarf or a jacket or something? I don't want people to know that I'm injured. That would look… really bad."

The reminder of his injury made Karkat wince. It didn't hurt so much as it throbbed, pulsing in discomfort. Dave had been burned before, though the strangling hadn't fucking helped. He was just hoping that his throat didn't begin to swell. Other than that, the burns didn't feel severe and Karkat had treated and wrapped them quickly, so they probably wouldn't scar.

"I'm sorry about that," Karkat said, turning to face him. He touched a gentle hand to Dave's neck, fingers curling into a loose fist that he rested on Dave's shoulder. "Sollux probably won't apologize." He only sounded a little bitter about it. "Trolls don't really apologize. It's considered a weakness to prostrate yourself for someone else's mercy like that. You might as well hand them a knife and expose your throat." He smiled without joy, an upward tilt of the lips that didn't reach his eyes. "He'll show that he's sorry through his actions, though. I don't think Sollux is going to treat you like shit anymore."

Dave reached up and took Karkat's hand, wrapping their fingers together. Karkat was trembling, but Dave wasn't sure why. They were alone and safe. What was there to be scared of? "He was nice enough before. We sort of bonded talking about you." And because Dave didn't want to ruin their friendship, he added, 'Sollux really cares about you."

"Obviously." Karkat rolled his eyes fondly. "He also has the communicational abilities of a chair and zero idea how to show that he cares about me without being aggressive or otherwise socially inept. But it's not like I'm much better. That's why we get along: we're both incomparable fuckups," he said.

Reaching up, Dave gave Karkat's cheek a little pinch. "What did we say about self-depreciation?" He asked, voice sing-songy and teasing.

Karkat smacked his hand away, shaking his head. "Fuck you," he muttered, in a voice suggesting that he had meant to say "_I love you."_

"We've only been dating for ten minutes," Dave said with mock disappointment, throwing in a sigh for good measure. "Damn, Karkat, at least take a girl to dinner first. Are you only dating me for my body? I mean, I know I'm the sexiest thing you've ever laid eyes on, so I can't really blame you for being unable to control your bodily urges and sordid desires, but—"

He had a whole monologue planned specifically for when he would finally be able to make that joke, but Karkat cut Dave off by setting a hand over his mouth. "Oh my God," he said flatly. "Stop talking about that right this shitting instant and I'll kiss you. Is that an agreeable compromise for you?"

God, it felt so good to exchange flirty banter with Karkat without having to pretend that it was ironic. Dave couldn't help the grin inching its way onto his face. "How is that supposed to disprove that you only want me for my smoking hot bod?" But he set his hands on Karkat's waist anyway, leaning in.

In response, Karkat leaned back. "Asking questions counts as talking, Dave. Try again."

That time, Dave kept his mouth shut, but he wiggled his eyebrows above his shades and he was sure that his face-splitting grin said plenty enough without his words. Karkat snorted, shoving at his shoulder playfully. His arms snaked around Dave's neck and he tilted his head up, the shaky breath he let out betraying his hidden nervousness.

The side door in the room opened then, startling them both enough to add a few inches of space between their faces, but not enough to let go of each other. Kanaya entered and raised an eyebrow at their position, though chose not to comment. Unlike Sollux, who couldn't have gotten out of the med-bay fast enough, Kanaya walked over to them.

"I think giving Sollux something to focus on helped him take his mind off of pacing and worrying," Kanaya said, stopping at the base of the medical platform. "He was much the same when he found out that you were a mutant, Karkat. He will probably only come up for air once news of Terezi's status reaches him, then return back to his work. At least he isn't harassing the doctors anymore." She sighed. "I'll have to go elsewhere to get a camera. For now, both of you can wait here."

"Do you think you can get me a scarf?" Dave asked. He gestured at the bandages around his neck. "Or, like, a high-collared jacket. I don't have a preference."

Kanaya eyed him, still dressed in bigger pieces from Karkat's black-and-grey wardrobe, and nodded slowly. "I'll find you both more suitable outfits," she assured him. "Give me a few minutes and I will be back."

Even though he clearly had something that he wanted to say, Karkat waited until Kanaya had left to speak. The second that they were alone, he turned to Dave and said, "Are you sure that hiding it is a good idea? If you do, and people find out later that you were hurt while on board an alien vessel, the entire planet is going to do a collective shit-flipping competition."

That was true. And Dave's plans always had a way of blowing up in his face, but he shrugged. "The way I see it, they're going to freak out if they see me injured, regardless. At least this way, I can buy some time for the bruises and burns to fade. Two or three weeks should be fine."

Karkat still seemed displeased, staring at the bandages distastefully, but Dave suspected that that had more to do with the injury itself than how Dave was choosing to handle it. "I suppose so…" He conceded. There was a pause. "You do, of course, realize that this is going to end badly." It wasn't a question.

Whether he meant the video or the diplomacy situation in general, Dave wasn't sure, but it didn't matter. He grinned. "Oh, ye of little faith. Trust me, Kar-babe."

That made Karkat shudder even as he bit back a smile. "God, no, shut up. You are absolutely not calling me that. I'd rather thread my spine through my eyeholes than listen to that even one more time."

Headless of Karkat's complaints, Dave pulled him closer. There was no comfortable way to sit on the medical platform, so he found himself on his knees, hands bunched in the fabric of the sides of Karkat's shirt. "C'mon, don't be like that. Where's your sense of romance? Pet names are a tradition and a rite of passage for human relationships, Karkat, you don't wanna be culturally insensitive." Dave pretended to think for a moment. "How about we come up with something you do like, then?" He nosed the side of Karkat's face, lips brushing along his cheek and jaw. Dave was being an ass, yes, but he also loved the look of fond exasperation on Karkat's face and he wanted to be physically intimate in the ways they'd never allowed themselves to be before. "Hm… Sweetie. Baby. Muffin. Honey. Love. Darling. Princess. Shmoopie. Pudding. Cutie Patootie. Baby Cakes. Snuggluffagus. Tubba Wubba. Do you want something more personalized? I'm thinking maybe Kitten, or Bed Bug. Or—"

With every word, Karkat's face seemed to reach a new shade of red that Dave hadn't thought possible. He was practically glowing by the time that Karkat finally cut Dave off with a groan. "Please, Dave, please just drop the farce of wanting to be in a relationship with me and kill me now. Clearly, your word vomit was only meant to prolong my suffering before the merciful plunge of a knife into my gut, so _please _get it over with."

Dave wasn't sure how he kept from laughing. For all of his complaints, Karkat wasn't pulling away. He put on a show of squirming, sure, but they both knew that he could get up if he really wanted to. Dave leaned in and pressed a kiss to Karkat's jaw, against the corner of his mouth. "If you want to shut me up, you could skip the dramatics and just go back to the deal we made before we were so rudely interrupted."

That gave Karkat pause. He glanced down at Dave's lips thoughtfully before dragging his gaze back up to make eye contact. "Really?" He inched a little closer. "That's all I have to do? It seems a little too simple and straight-forward for you."

"Well, no one's ever kissed me to shut me up before. I guess you'll have to figure out the effectiveness of it yourself." Then Dave wiggled his eyebrows, completely undercutting whatever sexiness might have existed before.

Karkat snorted, but he didn't comment. He leaned up, closing the distance between them, and pressed their lips together. And just for that one moment, everything was perfect. It wasn't going to last, but Dave cupped his boyfriend's cheek and enjoyed it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make this a slow burn… but then I said, "no, that's pussy shit," and here we are. This was where it was always going to end up.
> 
> Plus, now that Dave and Karkat are an item (officially), we have more time for politics! (And that other plot line I've been planning and neglecting.) Hooray!


	9. Intermission: The Less You Know, The Better

"Anything?" Jane asked, hiding her weariness with impatience.

The officer seated in front of her shook his head, gesture to the monitor in front of him. It had been split into four, showing four camera feeds in real-time. The one in the bottom left was off, but the other three were on, uneventful though they were.

"Nothing," he reported, as he had every time Jane had asked. Had it only been three days since it all started? "We haven't heard any change from those overseeing the interrogations, either. It seems everything they've been willing to say has already been said."

And that was unfortunate because what they had to go off of so far was incredibly unhelpful. Jane frowned. By far, the most knowledgeable one had been the boy, John Egbert, but he didn't know anything useful. He mostly just went on and on about the alien's excellent taste in movies and his weird eating habits and quick reflexes. None of that told anything about their species: all of those things could be unique to an individual. Jane wanted to know more about the aliens' culture and beliefs, their technological capabilities, _why _they were even here.

The girls, Rose Lalonde and Jade Harley, had been somehow even less informative. Jade had talked fairly early into her detainment, but the only time that Rose ever spoke was to repeat that she wouldn't tell them anything without a lawyer. Technically, arresting the three of them for questioning was illegal. Jane hadn't gotten a warrant or even really just cause. But considering the extenuating circumstances, she had felt it best to separate those three from their phones and each other as soon as possible.

It had also been "technically" illegal to have Dave Strider's phone tapped in order to track down his friends — and anyone else he'd been in contact with — in the first place, but Jane didn't particularly care. In the interests of preventing alien annihilation, a few dismissals of protocol could be ignored.

She almost wished that she had the three there to interview herself, but they were being held in the confines of their own state. Except for Harley, only because her remote island hadn't left them with many choices otherwise. It wasn't really a prison. There were a few comforts, even if none of them were allowed to leave. Jane supposed it was best that she wasn't there, actually. In the slim chance that this blew up in her face, it would make a better alibi to say that she hadn't known what was happening.

Jane sighed. "Right. Well, tell me if anything changes," she told the officer, as she always did. She walked off without waiting for his response, her expression drawn into a thoughtful scowl.

Thus far, Egbert had been the only one to relinquish something even mildly helpful. The alien that Strider had been harboring for years (_years!_) was an interesting case. Egbert described him fondly, almost like a friend, even as he went on to note the sharp teeth and claws and the time that it had killed a snake in front of them by _biting it_ like a _wild animal_.

It was quite a puzzling species that had found its way to their doorstep. Or maybe just one of them was weird and violent. Egbert had also let it slip that the alien had clawed and bitten Strider before, mostly when they first met, and Jane couldn't imagine that a repeat event at some sort of diplomacy meeting would go over well. The more information she managed to squeeze out, the more frustrated and worried Jane became.

She stepped out of the tent that had been set up on an outcrop overlooking the ship, about two miles away. It was still horribly too close in her opinion, though not nearly as close as the snipers she had waiting only a quarter-of-a-mile away. Apparently, they'd managed to hit one of the aliens that left the ship for some stupid reason. Jane had authorized the attack, but she had been hoping to gain more information out of it. The alien's body had been dragged back to the ship and the blood had been too dry by the time they sent a drone to collect a dirt sample for them to be able to tell anything other than it had an odd color.

Jane walked a little closer to the overlook, ignoring the officers and soldiers around her to glare into the distance. It was somewhat ironic, she had to admit. She had been hoping that she would never see Dirk Strider again, and yet here she was, trying to coax his brain-dead offspring out of an alien ship so she could blow it sky-high without repercussions.

Well, maybe not blow them up immediately. But at least leave the option available to her. If she left him to die, Jane knew it would make her look bad and be lorded above her head for potentially decades to come, or however long her career in politics lasted. If they attacked first, then sacrificing one human life would be understandable but, frustratingly, the ship hadn't moved since it landed. It was like an enormous rock against the desert backdrop. What were they waiting for? Their Empress? Surely, they could do something to signal peace without her there, couldn't they?

The idea of making allies with these aliens was… interesting. Jane didn't think it would work. These ones hadn't shown to be terribly cooperative, and she couldn't imagine that humans had anything very valuable to offer to creatures that had apparently already mastered faster-than-light travel. And if negotiations broke down and it came to war, she had no doubt that Earth would be gone or enslaved before any counterstrike of their own even mattered.

She swallowed and felt herself shudder against the weight resting on her shoulders. Being in charge of the defense of her own country was bad enough. Jane felt a world weighing down on her and it was terrifying.

Her phone chimed in her pocket, which instantly had her attention. Jane had several phones to her name, and the only one she carried with her at all times was private and secured. Only a select view had access to it. She reached for it and raised an eyebrow at the waiting notification. It wasn't a text. There was a pending pester request waiting for her in a chat client, which was noteworthy and unusual because Jane hadn't had a chat client downloaded onto her phone in years. Not since…

A humorless smile came to her face and she opened it anyway. Somehow, she wasn't surprised. A part of her was faintly impressed but, then, he had always been better at this sort of thing than he wanted to let on. Getting the phone number of a high-ranking FBI agent and getting past her firewalls to remotely install an unauthorized app was no small feat.

His interjection wouldn't change anything, but Jane decided to humor him. As long as their connection was uninterrupted, it would be possible to track the signal, at least.

\-- INVALID USER [ERROR] started messaging janeCrocker [JC] at 12:03 am --

JC: Ah, Dirk! I was wondering when you would manage to get a hold of me.  
JC: I see you couldn't resist your signature color.  
ERROR: Stuff it, Jane.  
JC: There's no need to be rude! I can spare a few minutes to chat with an old chum if you'll agree to be polite.  
ERROR: A few minutes? Is that how long it's going to take you to trace my location?  
ERROR: Go ahead and try, Crocker. I've prepared for this contingency.  
JC: Hoo hoo! Is that so? It seems rather silly and counterproductive for you to reach out to me then, Dirk, when you've gone and done such a marvelous job of hiding yourself.  
JC: I know you're not anywhere in the immediate area, even if your home is currently unadvisable to raid.  
ERROR: Don't condescend to me. I'm a genius, not a wizard. There are only so many viable locations for me to be.  
ERROR: Frankly, I encourage you to find me. Go ahead, dispatch all the troops you have the authority for. I'll just continue to embarrass you like I always do.  
ERROR: I'm only sparing my valuable time speaking to you in order to deliver a message.  
JC: Oh, a message? Surely you wouldn't be thinking of threatening a federal agent, Dirk.  
ERROR: Sure, add that one to my rap sheet. Like it means jackshit.  
ERROR: All this alien fuckery aside, Dave didn't do anything wrong. I know how you operate, Crocker. Leave him alone.  
ERROR: If you hurt him, I will kill you.  
ERROR: And, in case this transcript shows up in court one day, that's not a threat. That's a fucking promise.  
JC: Really? Do you think you can lay a finger on me, Dirk? You can't do anything, especially not from some secret bunker in…  
JC: The middle of the Indian Ocean? How did you finagle that?  
JC: Wait.  
JC: This is your chatbot, isn't it?  
ERROR: Get fucked, cunt.  
JC: GODDAMNIT.

\-- INVALID USER [ERROR] ceased messaging janeCrocker [JC] at 12:07 am --

Any trace of smugness was gone. Jane clenched her jaw as she glared down at her phone, wishing that it would shatter in her hand. She took a carefully measured breath and put the phone back in her pocket with extreme self-control. Even if she deleted the app, Dirk would probably put it back just to fuck with her. It was better left ignored. Like him.

She understood the protectiveness, somewhat. Jane had never had children herself, but she imagined that the love one felt for their child was strong. Even so, Dirk was out of bounds. However, she handled the situation was completely at her own discretion. Of course, she didn't _want _Dave to die but, well, if it came to it…

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. She wouldn't mourn him for very long, and neither would the majority of the population.

Not that Dirk would ever understand that. He had always played at being so calm and collected, always knowing best and lording logic above everyone's heads… But Jane had always thought him too soft for all of his bravado and it seemed that having a child had only exacerbated the issue.

She told herself that it didn't bother her and Jane focused on deep breaths. She wasn't sure how much longer she could have stayed out there before her pressing duties inevitably dragged her back into one of the many tents, but she was interrupted before the decision to move her feet could be made.

A soldier that she didn't bother remembering the name of came running up on her left, standing at rigid attention. He was speaking before Jane bothered to acknowledge him. "Ma'am, I'm afraid we have a problem." She fought not to roll her eyes. What else was new? "There's an unauthorized signal being broadcasted from the alien craft. Somehow, they've managed to override our satellites and are streaming their own message across the planet."

Jane felt a headache coming on. The fact that they had somehow figured out how to spread a message planet-wide at the same time was alarming enough, but actively doing it was even worse. It didn't matter that not everyone's televisions had satellite, or that most of the world didn't, either. A message that important would spread even if they'd only shown it on one screen. And it was currently being shown to hundreds of millions of people at once.

Barely choking down a cry of frustration, Jane whirled on her heel and stalked past the soldier. She found the tent she needed and was barking orders before the flap had even closed behind her. "I want that stream blocked, _now_," she snapped at whoever was there to hear her. People were already scrambling to get out of her way, hurrying off in one direction or the other to make her demands happen. "Someone get me a live broadcast of their message on the main monitor. I want it cut off before they can finish."

She stopped in front of the biggest screen toward the back of the tent, which dominated a good portion of the hastily-raised wall. Jane folded her arms behind her back and pursed her lips, looking every bit the epitome of calm as her soldiers floundered around her. Her perfectly-composed façade didn't last once the screen flickered to life. Because there was a video of Dave Strider and his secret alien friend, sitting there and talking to the camera seemingly without a care in the world.

They were already mid-conversation by the time Jane had bothered to tune in and she was so thrown that it took her another moment to catch up with what was actually being said. She had been expecting professional diplomats to reach out to world leaders first, not… _this_. Not two people who were barely adults laughing and chatting as though having a regular conversation and the whole world just _happened _to be tuned in.

"—_so because of that, Karkat's gotten really good at speaking English. Not so much at pop culture but, hey, he'll learn to appreciate "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" before long." _That earned him an elbow to the side from the alien, "Karkat" Jane had to remind herself dimly.

"_It's not a complicated language," _Karkat offered, apparently just to be contrary. He did have a bit of an accent, although it was nothing like Jane had ever heard from a human. She couldn't describe it at all. It was just different enough from Dave's pronunciations to feel off. "_I think humans are physically incapable of speaking our language naturally. Yours is filled with very simple noises and has a loose structure."_

There was a fond look on Dave's face as he leaned in closer to the camera. "_Don't tell anyone, guys, but Karkat's a huge bookworm. He loves romance novels. I watched him cry while reading 'Pride and Prejudice'."_

Karkat looked affronted and made a bizarre noise that Jane could only describe as a squawk. "_I'm sorry, don't we have a message of peace to be spreading? Or would you like to belittle me some more for getting soft and mushy over what can only be described as _art_?"_

Jane couldn't keep the confusion off of her face. What were they talking about? Why were they wasting so much time discussing everything except the _main point_?

Oblivious to her frustration, Dave laughed. "_You're right, I can do that at any other time. I guess, first things first…" _He gestured behind and around him, at what was clearly an alien spaceship. Jane didn't know enough about technology to know just how advanced it all was from only a look at a control panel, but it was enough that she wasn't sure were to even begin. "_Clearly, we're on an alien ship. But you don't have to take my word for it. I've got Karkat's good friend, Kanaya, working the camera and she's going to demonstrate irrefutable proof of aliens among us. That way no one can argue that these are just people painted grey or some shit."_

That seemed to ruffle Karkat's feathers, so to speak. "_Anyone arguing that would have to be either blind or brain dead. We look nothing like humans. Our skin is harder, our facial structure is vastly different, our eyes are—"_

"_Yeah, but still." _Dave waved off-screen, ignoring Karkat's weak glare. "_Kanaya, if you would, please?"_

The camera was jostled as the alien holding it — Kanaya, apparently — set it down. She walked around to the other side but, because Karkat and Dave were sitting and she was standing, her face remained unseen. Jane did take notice of what she was wearing. Some sort of uniform, it looked like. It had strange lettering and markings across the right side of the chest, maybe to signify rank or name.

Regardless, Kanaya rolled up one sleeve and retrieved a dagger from a small sheathe strapped to her thigh. She pressed the blade in a little below her wrist. It was fascinating because Jane could have sworn that it didn't give like human skin, and her mind flickered back to what Karkat had said about having harder skin. Then she stopped thinking about it because the knife had dug in and blood ran down Kanaya's hand, following the curve of her wrist and dripping down the tip of one finger. And her blood was green. Jane was attempting to fathom anyway that a person could argue against the validity of _that_, but she was stuck, mind catching over and over again on the jade blood.

Then Kanaya moved away from the camera and Dave was speaking again while Karkat continued to sulk. Jane forced herself to pay attention. "_So, yeah, trolls — that's their species, by the way — have blood all colors of the rainbow. And, you know, you guys can all see that they have horns." _Dave reached up to tweak one of Karkat's short horns, earning himself another indignant noise and his hands getting slapped away. "_I know all you folks watching at home probably couldn't see, but Kanaya's horns are a lot taller and pointer than Karkat's. I think they all have different horns."_

Karkat made a face. "_Of course we do. Do you have any idea how similar two trolls would have to be, genetically, for their horns to look anything alike?"_

There was an unimpressed little noise from Dave. "_Not a clue, babe."_ Jane watched Karkat flush red and look away, lips pursed silently. She raised an eyebrow. Nothing to say? Interesting… "_Anyway, uh, now that we've proven that these are the real aliens and not a joke, Karkat has a message to extend from their Empress."_

Upon being prompted, Karkat made a show out of clearing his throat. Jane got the feeling that he had no idea how to talk to people diplomatically. "_Alright. I'm only going to say this once, so quit rioting, stop praying, sit down, and shut the fuck up for a moment. And listen to the righteous sermon I am about to gently and patiently shove down your talk blasters." _A pause. "_Our Empress is a good personal friend of mine and has been since my first molt. All her life, she's talked about peace and love and creating a world where no one has to be persecuted or hurt. The last thing that she wants is an intergalactic war or a planet-wide genocide or enslavement. She will be arriving in a relatively short amount of time to discuss the finer points with your many, many leaders, but what she mostly wants is to establish trade and the sharing of technology. She wants to forge powerful allies. She wants to introduce your species to the rest of the universe, in person." _The ghost of a smile came to Karkat's face. "_All of those ridiculous sci-fi movies that Dave has made me watch don't even begin to scratch the surface of what's out there."_

The moment of silence that followed was heavy, almost tender. Jane heard movement stop around her as those still within hearing range stopped to listen. She clenched her jaw in frustration. They were pretty words, but just that: _words_. She felt like she was going to pop a vein. Why hadn't the video stream been interrupted yet?

There was a stupidly fond little smile on Dave's face and, despite his shades, the way he looked at Karkat was completely unguarded. It felt like witnessing a car crash in slow-motion. "_Karkat's the only troll who can speak English, but they're already working on translators. Should be ready for whenever Her Empress-ness arrives," _Dave added in cheerily. "_Until then, uh… see you all at the negotiations table. Follow me on Twitter. Um, you may now return to your regularly scheduled programming." _Then he made a little gesture at Kanaya behind the camera and the video cut off. Just like that.

Had Jane been even an iota less patient than she was, she would have screamed. As it were, she only turned her back to the television and faced the rest of the room, taking a measured breath. "I assume that none of you actually managed to cut the feed and it ended on its own?" She asked carefully, eyes shut. No one answered her. They didn't need to. The hurried footsteps and shuffling papers as everyone anxiously lurched back into motion said more than enough.

Dimly, she was glad that she wasn't tasked with public relations duty. But that only kept her from having to deal with the people's reaction to this directly, it didn't save her from the eventual fallout. For once, Jane had no idea what to think. Most of the time, people were like sheep, especially when they were outraged. It was easy to calm them, to redirect their anger, to fuel it. Jane had mastered what words she needed to use and when a long time ago.

But this… This was so unlike anything that Jane had ever dealt with before. She could feel her carefully laid plans unraveling like smoke, decades of hard work and public service and shady dealings that she wasn't proud of, about to be ruined because these two imbeciles decided to speak directly to the people instead of letting the government temper things.

Jane swallowed a burst of rage. This was a setback, to be sure, but she had never been very good at taking "no" for an answer. And she wasn't about to back down now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a lot of thinking about how I wanted this intermission. I had to cut out two other drafts for it, but I think I really like this idea and it sets up what I want the best. Next chapter, we finally get some face-to-face action with the other trolls.
> 
> The idea for Jane to be an FBI agent came from this great DaveKat fic I was reading a while back (that I can't remember the name of), and her bid for Presidential power as well as her dislike of/bias against trolls comes from the Epilogues. I hate the Epilogues with every fiber of myself that still gives a shit about Homestuck, but I thought the idea was interesting nonetheless and wanted to do something of my own with it. So Jane isn't going to be a main character by any means, but I've got a little side plot for her cooking in the background that will sort of crest when everything else does.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a Ko-fi account **[HERE](https://www.ko-fi.com/missnihilist)** if you guys want to support my writing!


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